The Summer Games: Out of Bounds (28 page)

“It’s not important, really. Get some sleep. I’ll see you in the morning.”

She stepped closer, looking as if she wanted to say more. Her gaze dropped to my lips and then back up. Her shallow inhales were masked by laughter from the group of athletes spilling out of a cab behind us. I watched her hand reach out for mine, but I shoved my hands into my jeans and rocked back on my heels.

“Get some sleep,” I repeated to myself as much as to her.

Before she could respond, I turned and headed for the coaches’ complex.

It was a ten-minute walk back in the dark. I shoved my hands into my pockets and tried to focus on the sound of the ocean in the distance, lapping up against the shore. It was no use; I hadn’t thought about that night in a long time. It was easier to keep the past in the past, and talking about it with Brie had brought up all that residual emotion. Just before I’d made it back up to my condo, I paused on the sidewalk, pulled my phone out of my pocket, and dialed my mom’s number.

She answered on the second ring and my chest tightened with the excitement in her voice.

“Erik!”

“Hey Mom.”

“I’m surprised to hear from you. I’d assumed you wouldn’t return my calls until you got back home.”

I kicked the curb, loosening up gravel with the toe of my shoe.

When I didn’t answer, she continued. “Your father and I watched qualifications yesterday. The girls all performed so well, Erik—”

I cut her off. “Do you think he regrets it?”

Silence.

She knew what I was talking about. The night my father kicked me out of our house had tainted the air surrounding our family for the last ten years. There wasn’t a phone call that passed with my mom or my grandfather without some mention of my father’s mistakes.

“Every day,” she answered simply. “He felt embarrassed, and he took it out on you. I know he regrets it every single day.”

Silence.

I kicked at the asphalt harder.

“Sometimes perpetual regret is exactly what someone deserves,” I said, feeling the anger growing inside me.

She sighed, long and heavy. “You’re right. I can’t force you to forgive him. You never have to forgive him for what he did to you.”

“And what about what he’s
still
doing? I read his quote in the newspaper before I left for Rio—I know he doesn’t think I deserve to coach this team.”

“What are you talking about? Your father hasn’t talked to the press in years. He’s been in the hospital, trying to get well.” She sighed. “Whatever you read must have been taken from an old interview or something. He’s proud of you, Erik. So proud of you.”

I hated that she wouldn’t force me to talk to him. It’d be one thing if everyone were pushing us together, if they demanded I see his side, but no one did that. They understood my feelings, and for ten years, they’d given me all the space I wanted, which in some way only made it worse because then the decision was all on me.

“I’m not trying to convince you of anything, Erik,” she continued. “You asked me if he regrets the last ten years and the answer is yes. He lives with the guilt of what he put you through every single day. We all carry it with us.”

I could hear the fatigue in her voice. Years of playing mediator, years of lost family gatherings, missed milestones, and deferred emotion had worn her down, but I wouldn’t pretend to love my father just to smooth everything over for her.

He didn’t deserve it, and for that reason, we would all suffer.

Chapter Thirty-Two

Brie

The realization that
I loved Erik wrapped around my thoughts with a vice-like grip and never let up. Once the idea had settled in, I knew I could never pretend otherwise. I couldn’t continue to act like what we were doing wasn’t affecting me. He’d opened up to me, bared his soul for me, and now I couldn’t go up against him toe to toe without him seeing the truth in my eyes.

He and I weren’t supposed to fall in love. We’d been at war, fighting and pushing each other because it was a fun distraction, because I liked to get a reaction out of him, and because I just couldn’t help myself. It was the most shocking kind of love I’d ever experienced, the sort that hid itself behind the other edge of the blade—hate. I’d focused so much of my energy on hating Erik that when love appeared out of nowhere, it stole my breath.

I loved Erik.

I loved him and it was possibly the most impractical realization to have the night before competing in the Olympics.

Suddenly, the very idea of being near him, of having to stand in his presence seemed too intimate. Surely everyone around us could tell how far I’d fallen. Surely it would be evident to anyone who was around us that I was in way over my head.

“You awake yet, Watson?”

Molly’s head poked past the door of my bedroom and I smiled.

She was still wearing her pajamas, but I’d already been awake for an hour. I was sitting on my bed in my team leotard, putting the finishing touches on my makeup. I’d pulled my hair up into a bun and pinned it down. I just had to slip into my warm-ups and I’d be ready to head down to breakfast.

“Jeez. When did you wake up?”

I shrugged. “I couldn’t really sleep.”

Fortunately, she didn’t force me to elaborate, but I knew I wouldn’t be so lucky with the rest of the team. As the five of us headed down to the food court for breakfast in our matching warm-ups and competition makeup, I slid into a spot in the far corner of the elevator, trying to stay under everyone’s radar.

It’s like I assumed they’d glance over to me and see I LOVE COACH WINTER scrawled across my forehead. I reached up to touch the skin just over my brow before realizing how insane I was being.
No one knows
. And I wanted to keep it that way.

Once we strolled into the cafeteria and put our stuff down on the table, I followed Rosie over to the food line.

“Oh my god, there he is,” Rosie said, gripping my hand.

“Who?” I said, trying to follow her line of sight.

“Hudson Green. He’s on the U.S. men’s soccer team.”

I saw a group of guys at a table a few yards away from us. One of them had his eyes locked on Rosie and when she noticed, she smiled and waved gently before turning away with cherry-stained cheeks.

“Rosie, he’s still watching you.”

She groaned. “Please don’t do anything embarrassing. Let’s just go get food.”

“Do you know him?”

She shrugged. “We met in the trainer’s office two days ago. He’s a year older than me and obviously way out of my league.”

I turned over my shoulder to glance back at the group and Hudson was still watching Rosie. When he saw me catch him, he turned quickly, trying to focus on his food.

“Rosie! He’s definitely interested,” I assured her as we stepped up in line.

“Don’t say that! I really don’t want to get my hopes up with him.”

I promised her I’d drop it and once we had our food, we settled into a corner of the food court not yet overtaken by rowdy groups of athletes. I attacked my egg white omelet with a vengeance, knowing I’d need every bit of strength for the competition later.

“We don’t have to be at the arena for another hour,” Lexi assured me with a laugh.

“Yeah, yeah. Whatever. I want to make sure I’m not hungry during competition.”

Just as I got the words out, movement near our table caught my attention. Hudson and a few of his teammates were making their way over to us.

“Rosie,” I said, trying to get her attention before she put another bite of food in her mouth. Unfortunately, Hudson was too quick.

“Umm…hi,” she stammered, holding her hand in front of her mouth while she chewed.

“Give her a second, she’s busy
swallowing
,” Lexi said with a teasing smile. “Who do we have here?”

Rosie blushed. “Guys, this is Hudson. Hudson, these are my teammates.”

We exchanged pleasant greetings, and then I watched as Hudson turned to Rosie as if she was the center of his universe.

“Do you compete today?” he asked, nodding to our matching getups.

She smiled. “Yeah. Team finals.”

His brows arched. “That’s awesome. Our next game isn’t for a few days.”

“Cool.”

“I like your uniforms,” he said, grasping on to something, anything to continue the conversation.

Lexi groaned against my shoulder. “This is actually painful.”

I squeezed her thigh under the table to make her shut up.

Rosie beamed. “Oh thanks. They’re actually pretty comfy.”

“Dude.” One of his teammates stepped up and nudged his shoulder. “If you don’t just ask her,
I will
.”

Hudson blushed and then reached out to elbow his friend out of the way.

“Just ignore them.” He laughed. “I came over here to invite you and your teammates to a party we’re having tonight.”

Lexi perked up. “What kind of party are we talking about? Kegger? Rave? Pool party? Pants-off-dance-off?”

Hudson looked like a deer caught in headlights. “Oh, uhh…it’ll just be us and a few of the U.S. swimmers. They have a big condo on the fourteenth floor and I think they’re inviting some other athletes, so it should be a fun group.”

What about coaches,
I thought before I could help myself.

Lexi nodded before Rosie could even get a word in. “We’ll be there.”

“Uh, not me,” June corrected with a finger pointed in the air.

“Right.” Lexi rolled her eyes. “Everyone but Miss Priss will be there.”

I nearly raised my hand to join June. I didn’t really feel up for a party, especially if Erik wasn’t going to be there. I needed some time to process the last twenty-four hours, and heading to a party with a bunch of rowdy athletes wasn’t really going to help with that. I kept quiet though; I could always bow out after Hudson and his teammates left.

Hudson smiled down at Rosie. “Okay, awesome. Good luck today. I can’t wait to hear about the competition later.”

“Oh-h. Yeah. Okay,” Rosie stuttered, too infatuated to think of a real response.

Hudson and his teammates waved and walked away, leaving Rosie to revel in excitement.

“Oh my god. Oh my god. YOU GUYS.”

Molly and I exchanged a smile.

“I won’t even be able to concentrate today!”

June scoffed. “You better be able to.”

Molly rolled her eyes at June’s bluntness and then reached forward for Rosie’s hand. “I’m excited for you.”

“What should I wear?” she said, turning her spoon through her oatmeal, though I knew she probably wouldn’t eat much more of it. Even I had butterflies in my stomach after that exchange…or maybe they were fluttering around because, oh yeah,
I’M IN LOVE WITH MY COACH.

Lexi smirked. “I have something perfect for you to wear.”

At once, Molly and I leaned forward. “No!”

“What?! I was just going to give her a dress.”

“How short is it?” I asked with a hard stare.

She shrugged. “It’s not
that
short.”

My eyes narrowed.

She hesitated. “Fine…it’s technically a tube top.”

“Don’t worry, you can borrow something from me or Molly,” I said to Rosie with a wink.

“Fine.
I’ll
wear the dress then,” Lexi said. “But grab a banana before we leave. We really should show her how to give a proper blowjob before tonight.”

“LEXI!”

“I was kidding.” She laughed, waving us away before eyeballing the fruit stand. “
Mostly
.”

As we rode
the shuttle from the village to the arena, I let thoughts of Erik settle into the front of my mind. It truly was an inconvenient time to fall in love. I was about to compete in team finals and I couldn’t tell if the butterflies in my stomach were from the competition or from the fact that I was about to see Erik.

The stands inside the arena were completely full, but it was the television cameras set up around the room that gave me real pause. As we walked out of the tunnel onto the main floor, I swallowed past the lump in my throat. I’d competed with cameras on me before, but this was on a whole other level. NBC had set up a large announcer desk on the arena floor with multiple cameras angled around it.

“Is that Erik?” Lexi asked, pointing over to the desk.

I nodded. He was perched behind the desk with Valerie, Great Britain’s team coach, and an NBC anchor. It looked like they were in the middle of an interview, smiling at one another like they were old friends.

Even as I tried to resist, I scanned over him from afar. The Rio sun had given him a slight tan since we’d arrived, making it nearly impossible to ignore his chiseled features. The announcer asked him another question and I watched him smile, a slow, rolling grin that showed off his straight teeth and one isolated dimple.

He replied and Valerie laughed, leaning over to touch his shoulder. My stomach rolled.

“Relax,” Lexi said, forcing me to loosen my fists. I hadn’t realized I’d been clenching them until her fingers laced through mine. “They won’t make us do any interviews.”

Of course she assumed I was stressed about the cameras, not the man sitting in front of them.

“Right. Whatever. It doesn’t matter.”

Still, I turned to watch him finish the interview, telling myself it didn’t matter if he liked Valerie. Erik was free to do whatever he wanted. We had never set up any rules. We weren’t in a relationship and we weren’t friends with benefits. Hell, we weren’t even friends. If he wanted to laugh with Valerie on television, he could be my fucking guest.

I shook my head and turned away, following the team over to where we had set up shop two days before during qualifications. We dropped our bags and started pulling out things we’d need for competition: water, grips, tape, and pre-wrap. I forced myself to focus on the little things: taking sips of water and rolling out my muscles. I mentally rehashed my practice from the day before and tried to ignore the crowd around me.

For the opening ceremonies, they lined up all the gymnasts by country and the announcers droned on about competition and international ties. I zoned out as they led us through introductions. One by one, they announced each country. As a group, the gymnasts stepped forward, waved, and then fell back in line.

I tried to keep my nerves at bay, telling myself I still had a while before competition would start, but after they introduced the United States, time started speeding by. They wrapped up the introductions and ushered us to our first event. The butterflies in my stomach were rioting. I pressed a palm against my abs, trying to calm the tension, but it didn’t help.

Our first rotation was beam, so after we went through the opening ceremonies, we stripped off our warm-ups and started practicing for the event. I watched Molly hop up first, starting with easy skills before she worked up to her tumbling passes. She nailed each of them, so lost in her own world; I envied her. I turned back to my warm-up area and smoothed the sole of my foot over the white strip on the ground that was the same length and width of the beam. I started on one end of the tape and practiced my skills on the floor, happy when I finished and found my feet still centered on the white tape.

“Looking good, B-dub,” Lexi called with a wink.

I shot her a small smile and then it was my turn to take the beam. Erik was there, standing a few feet away and watching me with crossed arms.
God, he is good-looking up close.

“Hop up,” he said when I hadn’t made a move to take the beam.

I shook away my thoughts, trying to pretend his presence no longer had an effect on me. It was no use though; the last time I’d been on a beam he’d been making love to me.

Oh my god.
I blushed from head to toe as if everyone around me could hear my thoughts.

“Focus on the beam,” he said with a commanding tone. “Nothing else.”

Right.

Easier said than done.