the STRUGGLE (32 page)

He leaned his head against the back of the sofa and closed his eyes, allowing his mind to wander. Things had been better between him and Hannah lately—ever since Allen and Bonnie’s wedding, really. They hadn’t argued even once, and Hannah seemed much sweeter and more patient with him. She hadn’t nagged when he’d left his shoes in the living room the other day or complained because he’d tracked dirt into the house. Timothy didn’t know the reason, but Hannah had definitely changed her attitude and actually seemed more content.

He smiled. Hannah was in the bathroom right now giving Mindy a bath. He’d promised when she was done and had put Mindy to bed that the two of them would share a bowl of popcorn while they relaxed. He looked forward to spending time alone with his wife but wasn’t sure he had the strength to stand in front of the stove and crank the lever on the corn popper. He figured Hannah would probably be awhile, so if he rested a few minutes, he might feel more like popping the corn by the time she was done bathing Mindy.

Timothy was at the point of nodding off when Mindy bounded into the room wearing her long white nightgown and fuzzy slippers. She climbed onto the sofa and put her little hands on both sides of his face. “
Gut nacht
, Daadi.”

“Good night, little one.” Timothy’s heart swelled with love as he kissed her forehead. “Sleep tight.”

Hannah smiled. “I’m taking her up to bed now, and I shouldn’t be too long, so if you want to start the popcorn, I’ll pour the lemonade as soon as I come down.”

“Okay.” How could he say no when Hannah was being so sweet?

As Hannah and Mindy headed up the stairs, Timothy pulled himself off the sofa and ambled into the kitchen. He glanced out the window. It was pitch dark, and the rain pelted the house so viciously it was almost deafening. It was hard to believe a day that had begun so sunny and warm could turn into such a stormy night.

Sure hope it’ll be better by morning
, he thought.
Samuel and I won’t be able to finish the outside of that house we started on today if it’s still raining tomorrow
.

By the time Hannah came downstairs, Timothy had made the popcorn and drizzled it with melted butter.

“That smells wunderbaar,” she said, sniffing the air. “If you’ll take it into the living room, I’ll join you there in a few minutes with some lemonade.”

“Sounds good.”

A short time later, Timothy and Hannah were on the sofa with a large bowl of popcorn between them and glasses of cold lemonade.

“It sure is a stormy night,” Hannah said. “A lot different than today was, that’s for sure.”

“You’re right about that.” Timothy frowned. “I’m afraid if the rain doesn’t quit, I might lose my corn. It’s coming down pretty fierce out there.”

“I know how hard you worked planting that corn,” she said. “I hope you don’t lose it.”

He nodded. “Working with the land reminds me that it’s the Lord’s creation, and it makes me feel at one with nature. We need that corn for our own use, and it would also be nice to have some to sell.”

She gave him an encouraging smile. “My daed once said that disasters often bring a person back to what really matters. And if you have to replant, then there’s no shame in asking your friends and family to help.”

“Your daed’s a wise man.” Timothy’s gaze came to rest on the faint smattering of freckles on Hannah’s nose that had been brought out by the sun. He leaned over and nuzzled her cheek. “And as my daed always says, ‘If we let God guide, He will provide.’ ”

The house was quiet, and the kids had gone to bed some time ago. Samuel removed his reading glasses and rubbed his eyes then put his Bible on the table. He was wide awake and had the house all to himself—a rare opportunity for him these days.

“Guess if I’m gonna be any good tomorrow, I better get some sleep.” he murmured, slowly rising from the chair in the corner of the living room. Quietly, he walked down the hall to his room, so as not to waken anyone. His body was weary from putting in long days, but he was thankful Allen had several jobs lined up for him and Timothy. It was a blessing to have steady work, especially in these hard economic times.

When Samuel entered his bedroom, he didn’t bother to turn on the battery-operated light; he just got undressed and crawled into bed. Outside the wind was blowing so strong it made the window sing. The heavy rain sounded like pebbles being thrown against the side of the house. In an effort to drown out the noise, he grabbed his pillow and put it over head. But it was no use.

Samuel groaned and stretched, trying to get the kinks out of his muscles. It was going to be one of those nights where sleep would not come quickly. True, he was bone tired, but maybe he was just too tired to sleep. Normally the rain would have lulled him to sleep, but for some reason, it had the opposite effect on him tonight. Maybe he ought to go back to the living room and read more from the Bible. Or a glass of warm milk might help him become drowsy enough to fall sleep.

Stepping into the kitchen a short time later, Samuel was surprised to find Marla sitting at the table in the dark.

“What are you doin’ in here, sweet girl?” he asked, turning on the gas lantern overhead.

Marla sighed. “Oh, just thinking is all. I woke up and couldn’t get back to sleep.”

“I couldn’t sleep either. That’s some storm out there, isn’t it?”

She nodded.

“The wind’s blowing so hard it made my windows sound like they were singing.” Samuel smiled, thinking Marla might get a chuckle out of that, but then he noticed tears glistening on her cheeks. “What’s wrong? Are you afraid of the storm?” he asked.

She shook her head. “Daadi, do you think Mama would mind that you’re gonna marry Esther, and that Penny and Jared have already started callin’ her ‘Mamm’?”

Samuel studied Marla’s face and was reminded again how much she was like her mother. The child was kind and always concerned about others—just the way her mother had been. His little girl seemed to have grown up right before his eyes. She seemed more like a young lady than the nine-year-old that she was.

“Is there a reason you’re thinking about this, Marla?” Samuel asked. “I thought you liked Esther.”

“Oh I do, Daadi. In fact, I like Esther a lot. I just hope if Mama’s lookin’ down from heaven that she’s not upset.”

Before Samuel could respond, Marla continued. “I had a dream tonight before I came down, and it got me to thinkin’.”

“Was it a bad dream?” he asked.

She shook her head. “It was kind of a nice dream, but somethin’ strange happened.”

“What was that?”

“I was dreamin’ that we were all back in Pennsylvania, like it used to be before …” Marla looked down as if struggling for the word.

“Before what, Marla?’

“Before Mama died. We were sittin’ by this pond, havin’ a picnic. All of us were eatin’ and laughin’ and havin’ a good time. Then, just like that, we were back in Kentucky, still sittin’ by a pond havin’ a picnic—only Mama’s face disappeared, and it was Esther’s instead.” Marla sniffed. “Then the dream ended, and when I woke up, it made me wonder if Mama would be sad about Esther comin’ into our lives.”

Samuel’s heart almost broke for his daughter’s concern. She was such an innocent child with grown-up feelings. He decided right then and there to be honest with her.

“You know, Marla, I used to ask myself that same question. And before I go on, let me say that it’s important for you to know that Esther is in no way replacing your mamm. No one could ever do that. You also need to know that I was torn about letting Esther into my heart when we started to have feelings for each other. I prayed about it and almost moved us back to Pennsylvania because I thought it was wrong.” Samuel noticed that Marla seemed to be hanging on his every word.

“Then, while I was struggling with what to do, your mamm spoke to me in a very special way,” he continued.

“She did? How’d she do that, Daadi?” Marla questioned.

Samuel didn’t want to reveal just yet about Elsie’s journal, because one day when Marla was an adult, he planned to give her the diary on a special occasion. He would know when the time was right.

“Well, it’s kind of personal to me right now, and one day I’ll share with you how I know.” Samuel smiled and tousled his daughter’s hair. “Believe me when I tell you that your mamm did let me know that it was okay for me to love Esther.”

Marla grinned, and Samuel was glad to see her relax. They sat together in silence awhile, until he noticed that Marla was holding something and kept wrapping it through her fingers.

“What have you got there?” he asked.

“It’s one of Mama’s hankies.” Marla’s voice grew shaky. “I…I hope you don’t mind, Daadi, but last year on my birthday when you gave me Mama’s teacup and it broke, I knew you went out to the barn. So I left my room and was gonna ask Esther if you were okay, but when I walked past your room, I saw a box sittin’ on the floor. I knew it was wrong, but I went into your room to see what was in the box. When I saw Mama’s hankie with the butterfly on it all folded up nice and neat with all the other things, I took it.” Tears gathered in the corners of Marla’s eyes. “I’m real sorry, Daadi. I shouldn’t have done that, but I’ve taken good care of the hankie. Ever since that night, I keep it with me under the sleeve of my dress. Then at night, I put it under my pillow to keep it close. It makes me feel like Mama’s right here with me. When I’m hurtin’, I can just reach my hand into my sleeve and hold the hankie, and it’s like Mama’s holdin’ my hand and makin’ me feel better.”

Samuel was so choked up it took a moment before he could speak. “Ach, Marla,” he whispered, taking her into the comfort of his arms and rocking her as he’d done when she was a baby. “It’s okay; don’t you worry now. Keep your mamm’s hankie close and never let it go, and do whatever you have to so that you won’t forget her.”

Samuel paused a minute, trying to keep his emotions under control. “Your mamm left wonderful memories behind for me, you, and your brothers and sister. They were so young at the time, but someday when Penny and Jared are older, they’ll be coming to you and Leon and wanting to hear all that you remember about their mamm. Never be afraid to talk about her, even to Esther. That’s what keeps her memory alive—remembering our time with her.”

Samuel sat with his arm around Marla a few more minutes, enjoying this tender moment. Then, when she said good night and headed to her room, he remained at the table and bowed his head.
Thank You, Lord, for special moments like this and a memory that will be with me forever
.

C
HAPTER
40

W
hen Timothy came in from doing his chores the following morning, he wore a sorrowful look. “Sometimes I just want to give up.” He flopped into a chair at the table with a groan. “Why is it that a person can feel so good about things one day, and a day later everything just comes tumbling down?”

“What’s wrong?” Hannah asked, feeling concern as she handed him a cup of coffee.

“It’s the corn crop,” he said with a slow shake of his head. “Almost all of it’s ruined, and of course after all that rain we had, it’s hot and muggy now.”

“I’m sorry,” she said. “Did the rain cause the damage, or was it the high winds that came up last night?”

“I think it was mostly the wind, because much of the corn is lying flat. I’ll either have to forget about having a corn crop this year or replant and hope the warm weather stays long enough for all the corn to grow and mature.” Timothy groaned. “It’s a shame, too. The corn was looking so good before the storm blew in and ruined it.”

“What are you going to do now?” Hannah asked, joining him at the table.

“I don’t know. What do you think about all of this?”

Hannah blew on her coffee as she contemplated the situation. She was tempted to tell Timothy that this might be a sign that they shouldn’t have moved to Kentucky but knew that would probably make him all the more determined to stay. Besides, after hearing what the pastor had said during Bonnie and Allen’s wedding, Hannah had resolved to be a more supportive wife. And lately she’d been thinking that living here might not be so bad after all.

“Well,” she said, “since you’re so busy painting right now and really don’t have the time to replant, maybe you ought to forget about trying to grow corn this year. We could plant some in the garden for our own personal use and see how that does. We could always lease some of the land and keep a few acres for our own use. That way it won’t be so much for you to handle.”

He offered her a weak smile and reached for her hand. “I think you might be right about that.”

Hannah smiled, too. It felt good to be making a decision together.