The Struggle (19 page)

Caroline’s fingers were dipping into the bag as if she just couldn’t wait. “What I’m going to read is about Fell’s Church
today,
not a hundred or two hundred years ago,” she was saying, working herself up into a sort of exultant fever. “It’s important
now,
because it’s about somebody who’s living in town with us. In fact he’s right here in this room.”

Tyler must have written the speech for her, Elena decided. Last month, in the gym, he’d shown quite a gift for that kind of thing. Oh, Stefan, oh, Stefan, I’m scared…. Her thoughts jumbled into incoherence as Caroline plunged her hand into the bag.

“I think you’ll understand what I mean when you hear it,” Caroline said, and with a quick motion she pulled a velvet-covered book from the reticule and held it up dramatically. “I think it will explain a lot of what’s been going on in Fell’s Church recently.” Breathing quickly and lightly, she looked from the spellbound audience to the book in her hand.

Elena had almost lost consciousness when Caroline jerked the diary out. Bright sparkles ran along the edges of her vision. The dizziness
roared up, ready to overwhelm Elena, and then she noticed something.

It must be her eyes. The stage lights and flashbulbs must have dazzled them. She certainly felt ready to faint any minute; it was hardly surprising that she couldn’t see properly.

The book in Caroline’s hands looked
green,
not blue.

I must be going crazy … or this is a dream … or maybe it’s a trick of the lighting. But look at Caroline’s face!

Caroline, mouth working, was staring at the velvet book. She seemed to have forgotten the audience altogether. She turned the diary over and over in her hands, looking at all sides of it. Her movements became frantic. She thrust a hand into the reticule as if she somehow hoped to find something else in it. Then she cast a wild glance around the stage as if what she was looking for might have fallen to the ground.

The audience was murmuring, getting impatient. Mayor Dawley and the high school principal were exchanging tight-lipped frowns.

Having found nothing on the floor, Caroline was staring at the small book again. But now
she was gazing at it as if it were a scorpion. With a sudden gesture, she wrenched it open and looked inside, as if her last hope was that only the cover had changed and the words inside might be Elena’s.

Then she slowly looked up from the book at the packed cafetorium.

Silence had descended again, and the moment drew out, while every eye remained fixed on the girl in the pale green gown. Then, with an inarticulate sound, Caroline whirled and clattered off the stage. She struck at Elena as she went by, her face a mask of rage and hatred.

Gently, with a feeling of floating, Elena stooped to pick up what Caroline had tried to hit her with.

Caroline’s diary.

There was activity behind Elena as people ran after Caroline, and in front of her as the audience exploded into comment, argument, discussion. Elena found Stefan. He looked as if jubilation was sneaking up on him. But he also looked as bewildered as Elena felt. Bonnie and Meredith were the same. As Stefan’s gaze crossed hers, Elena felt a rush of gratitude and
joy, but her predominant emotion was awe.

It was a miracle. Beyond all hope, they had been rescued. They’d been saved.

And then her eyes picked out another dark head among the crowd.

Damon was leaning … no, lounging … against the north wall. His lips were curved into a half smile, and his eyes met Elena’s boldly.

Mayor Dawley was beside her, urging her forward, quieting the crowd, trying to restore order. It was no use. Elena read her selection in a dreamy voice to a babbling group of people who weren’t paying attention in the slightest. She wasn’t paying attention, either; she had no idea what words she was saying. Every so often she looked at Damon.

There was applause, scattered and distracted, when she finished, and the mayor announced the rest of the events for that afternoon. And then it was all over, and Elena was free to go.

She floated offstage without any conscious idea of
where
she was going, but her legs carried her to the north wall. Damon’s dark head moved out the side door and she followed it.

The air in the courtyard seemed deliciously
cool after the crowded room, and the clouds above were silvery and swirling. Damon was waiting for her.

Her steps slowed but did not stop. She moved until she was only a foot or so away from him, her eyes searching his face.

There was a long moment of silence and then she spoke. “Why?”

“I thought you’d be more interested in
how
.” He patted his jacket significantly. “I got invited in for coffee this morning after scraping up an acquaintance last week.”

“But
why
?”

He shrugged, and for just an instant something like consternation flickered across his finely drawn features. It seemed to Elena that he himself didn’t know why—or didn’t want to admit it.

“For my own purposes,” he said.

“I don’t think so.” Something was building between them, something that frightened Elena with its power. “I don’t think that’s the reason at all.”

There was a dangerous glimmer in those dark eyes. “Don’t push me, Elena.”

She moved closer, so that she was almost touching him, and looked at him. “I think,” she said, “that maybe you need to be pushed.”

His face was only inches away from hers, and Elena never knew what might have happened if at that moment a voice hadn’t broken in on them.

“You
did
manage to make it after all! I’m so glad!”

It was Aunt Judith. Elena felt as if she were being whisked from one world to another. She blinked dizzily, stepping back, letting out a breath she hadn’t realized she was holding.

“And so you got to hear Elena read,” Aunt Judith continued happily. “You did a beautiful job, Elena, but I don’t know what was going on with Caroline. The girls in this town are all acting bewitched lately.”

“Nerves,” suggested Damon, his face carefully solemn. Elena felt an urge to giggle and then a wave of irritation. It was all very well to be grateful to Damon for saving them, but if not for Damon there wouldn’t have been a problem in the first place. Damon had committed the crimes Caroline wanted to pin on Stefan.

“And where
is
Stefan?” she said, voicing her next thought aloud. She could see Bonnie and Meredith in the courtyard alone.

Aunt Judith’s face showed her disapproval. “I haven’t seen him,” she said briefly. Then she smiled fondly. “But I have an idea; why don’t you come to dinner with us, Damon? Then afterwards perhaps you and Elena could—”

“Stop it!” said Elena to Damon. He looked politely inquiring.

“What?” said Aunt Judith.

“Stop it!” Elena said to Damon again. “You know what. Just stop it right now!”

“Elena, you’re being rude!” Aunt Judith seldom got angry but she was angry now. “You’re too old for this kind of behavior.”

“It’s not rudeness! You don’t understand—”

“I understand perfectly. You’re acting just the way you did when Damon came to dinner. Don’t you think a guest deserves a little more consideration?”

Frustration flooded over Elena. “You don’t even know what you’re talking about,” she said. This was too much. To hear Damon’s words coming from Aunt Judith’s lips … it was unbearable.

“Elena!” A mottled flush was creeping up Aunt Judith’s cheeks. “I’m
shocked
at you! And I
have
to say that this childish behavior only started since you’ve been going out with that boy.”

“Oh, ‘that boy.’” Elena glared at Damon.

“Yes, that boy!” Aunt Judith answered. “Ever
since you lost your head over him you’ve been a different person. Irresponsible, secretive—and defiant! He’s been a bad influence from the start, and I won’t tolerate it anymore.”

“Oh, really?” Elena felt as if she were talking to Damon and Aunt Judith at once, and she looked back and forth between the two of them. All the emotions she’d been suppressing for the last days—for the last weeks, for the months since Stefan had come into her life—were surging forward. It was like a great tidal wave inside her, over which she had no control.

She realized she was shaking. “Well, that’s too bad because you’re going to have to tolerate it. I am never going to give Stefan up, not for anyone. Certainly not for
you!”
This last was meant for Damon, but Aunt Judith gasped.

“That’s enough!” Robert snapped. He’d appeared with Margaret, and his face was dark. “Young lady, if this is how that boy encourages you to speak to your aunt—”

“He’s not ‘that boy’!” Elena took another step back, so she could face all of them. She was making a spectacle of herself; everyone in the courtyard was looking. But she didn’t care. She
had been keeping a lid on her feelings for so long, shoving down all the anxiety and the fear and the anger where it wouldn’t be seen. All the worry about Stefan, all the terror over Damon, all the shame and humiliation she’d suffered at school, she’d buried it deep. But now it was coming back. All of it, all at once, in a maelstrom of impossible violence. Her heart was pounding crazily; her ears rang. She felt that nothing mattered except to hurt the people who stood in front of her, to show them all.

“He’s not ‘that boy,’” she said again, her voice deadly cold. “He’s Stefan and he’s all I care about. And I happen to be engaged to him.”

“Oh, don’t be ridiculous!” Robert thundered. It was the last straw.

“Is this ridiculous?” She held up her hand, the ring toward them. “We’re going to get married!”

“You are
not
going to get married,” Robert began. Everyone was furious. Damon grabbed her hand and stared at the ring, then turned abruptly and strode away, every step full of barely leashed savagery. Robert was spluttering on in exasperation. Aunt Judith was fuming.

“Elena, I absolutely forbid you—”

“You’re not my mother!”
Elena cried. Tears were trying to force themselves out of her eyes. She needed to get away, to be alone, to be with someone who loved her. “If Stefan asks, tell him I’ll be at the boarding house!” she added, and broke away through the crowd.

She half expected Bonnie or Meredith to follow her, but she was glad they didn’t. The parking lot was full of cars but almost empty of people. Most of the families were staying for the afternoon activities. But a battered Ford sedan was parked nearby, and a familiar figure was unlocking the door.

“Matt! Are you leaving?” She made her decision instantly. It was too cold to walk all the way to the boarding house.

“Huh? No, I’ve got to help Coach Lyman take the tables down. I was just putting this away.” He tossed the Outstanding Athlete placard into the front seat. “Hey, are you okay?” His eyes widened at the sight of her face.

“Yes—no. I will be if I can get out of here. Look, can I take your car? Just for a little while?”

“Well … sure, but … I know, why don’t you
let me drive you? I’ll go tell Coach Lyman.”

“No! I just want to be alone…. Oh, please don’t ask any questions.” She almost snatched the keys out of his hand. “I’ll bring it back soon, I promise. Or Stefan will. If you see Stefan, tell him I’m at the boarding house. And thanks.” She slammed the door on his protests and revved the engine, pulling out with a clash of gears because she wasn’t used to a stick shift. She left him standing there staring after her.

She drove without really seeing or hearing anything outside, crying, locked in her own spinning tornado of emotions. She and Stefan would run away…. They would elope…. They would show everyone. She would never set foot in Fell’s Church again.

And then Aunt Judith would be sorry. Then Robert would see how wrong he’d been. But Elena would never forgive them. Never.

As for Elena herself, she didn’t need anybody. She certainly didn’t need stupid old Robert E. Lee, where you could go from being mega-popular to being a social pariah in one day just for loving the wrong person. She didn’t need any family, or any friends, either….

Slowing down to cruise up the winding driveway of the boarding house, Elena felt her thoughts slow down, too.

Well … she wasn’t mad at all her friends. Bonnie and Meredith hadn’t done anything. Or Matt. Matt was all right. In fact, she might not need him but his car had come in pretty handy.

In spite of herself Elena felt a strangled giggle well up in her throat. Poor Matt. People always borrowing his clunking dinosaur of a car. He must think she and Stefan were nuts.

The giggle let loose a few more tears and she sat and wiped them off, shaking her head. Oh, God, how did things turn out this way? What a day. She should be having a victory celebration because they’d beaten Caroline, and instead she was crying alone in Matt’s car.

Caroline
had
looked pretty damn funny, though. Elena’s body shook gently with slightly hysterical chuckles. Oh, the look on her face. Somebody better have a video of that.

At last the sobs and giggles both abated and Elena felt a wash of tiredness. She leaned against the steering wheel trying not to think of anything for a while, and then she got out of the car.

She’d go and wait for Stefan, and then they’d both go back and deal with the mess she’d made. It would take a lot of cleaning up, she thought wearily. Poor Aunt Judith. Elena had yelled at her in front of half the town.

Why had she let herself get so upset? But her emotions were still close to the surface, as she found when the boarding house door was locked and no one answered the bell.

Oh, wonderful, she thought, her eyes stinging again. Mrs. Flowers had gone off to the Founders’ Day celebration, too. And now Elena had the choice of sitting in the car or standing out here in this windstorm….

It was the first time she’d noticed the weather, but when she did she looked around in alarm. The day had started out cloudy and chilly, but now there was a mist flowing along the ground, as if breathed out from the surrounding fields. The clouds were not just swirling, they were seething. And the wind was getting stronger.

It moaned through the branches of the oak trees, tearing off the remaining leaves and sending them down in showers. The sound was rising steadily now, not just a moan but a howl.