The Story of Us (44 page)

His smile was regretful. ‘Now that
truly
would have been amazing, wouldn't it?' He shook his head. ‘I think that kind of thing only happens in books or the movies.'

My fingers were shaking as they reached for the box. Although I was afraid I already knew what it contained, I was unable to resist the lure of the small velvet container. The catch sprung open easily, revealing a diamond ring, which was an almost exact replica of the one I had thrown away.

‘Oh, Richard,' I said on a long sad sigh.

‘I've had this for quite a while now,' he confessed, ‘ever since I realised I wasn't going to find your first one.' Carefully he pulled the ring from its slot in the jeweller's box and held it out to me. ‘You see, I never stopped believing. I never gave up hope. We belong together, you and I.
I
know it, our friends know it, your family know it… and deep down, I think you do too.'

His words whirled around me like a cyclone, filling my head and making it spin in confusion.

‘Richard… I… I don't know what to say.'

‘It's not that hard; you just have to say
yes
, like you did before.'

‘It's not that simple. Not now.'

‘Yes it is.' His voice was suddenly stronger, more confident. ‘Just answer me this, do you still love me?' His eyes were like lasers slicing through my protective armour and reaching the vulnerable inner core of truth. I couldn't lie, however much I wanted to.

‘Yes,' I said quietly, giving the one admission I never thought I'd hear myself make. ‘I
do
still love you, Richard.'

The roads were quiet, but it was early so I hadn't really expected to meet much traffic. I yawned widely, and opened the car window to let in some much needed fresh air. I hadn't slept well the night before; I'd been too tense trying to plan exactly what I was going to say when I saw him.

Two days had passed since Richard's proposal – or re-proposal, if that was even a word – and so far I had told no one about it. Not my parents not Caroline, and definitely not Jack. Not that I had any idea where he'd been or how to get hold of him anyway, because on the few occasions when I'd tried his phone it had gone straight to voicemail. This time I hadn't left a message.

Mum, and the new plans for her ongoing care, had taken up my days. It was a harsh truth, but it had taken the near tragedy of her trip to the ravine to finally get through to my dad that the kind of help she needed was more than he and I could provide alone. And it turned out there was a great deal more assistance available than either of us had realised, and none of it required her being put into residential care. At least not yet.

And there was something else that had been resolved in the last two days too. There was an answer I was now ready to give, and my heart hammered like a caged bird in my chest every time I thought of it. I was still ten minutes away from his home when my mobile phone trilled and vibrated from within the depths of my bag. I switched it on to speakerphone and smiled as Caroline's cheery voice filled my car.

‘Hey, Emma, sorry to call so early, but I wanted to catch you before you left for work.'

I smiled wryly, as I wondered if I even had a job left to go to, but I didn't bother to correct her, because I didn't want her to know where I was heading this early in the day.

‘That's okay. What's up?'

‘Well, I don't know if this is even relevant any more, but I was talking to another estate agency yesterday, who have been handling Jack's rental place.'

My hands tightened on the wheel at the mention of his name, but my tone was neutral as I said, ‘Oh yes?'

‘I asked if the property was available for the next quarter. You know, just in case he wanted to extend his lease for another term.'

‘And was it?'

‘Afraid not, my love. In fact, it's off the letting market completely. Apparently it's been sold.'

A long sigh escaped from my lips, like steam through a valve, it was the final confirming nail to hammer in the coffin of my brief relationship with Jack Monroe. ‘Oh well, it's not important anyway. He's leaving tomorrow.'

There was a long silence from the other end of the phone before Caroline's voice came back, asking carefully, ‘Are you all right, Emma?'

‘Me? Yes, I'm fine.' I was getting really good at lying these days. ‘Why?'

Caroline again paused before answering. ‘I don't know… something in your voice… you sounded kind of
funny.
'

‘It must be the phone line,' I said. ‘Anyway, I've got to go, Caro. Thanks for calling, I'll speak to you soon.'

By the time I reached his place I was feeling physically sick with nerves. My legs were shaking as I walked to his front door, and my stomach was flipping so violently I was really glad I had decided to pass on breakfast. He took a long time answering and when he finally did, there was no disguising the astonishment on his face when he saw me.

‘Emma.' There was a question in the greeting, and I wasn't surprised, for he hadn't been expecting me, and certainly not at this time of day.

I smiled nervously, wanting to reach out to touch him, and knowing I should wait until he heard what I had come to tell him. I cleared my throat nervously.

‘Hi. I'm sorry it's so early. I just wanted to let you know…' I had thought this was going to be hard to say, but suddenly, when I looked into his eyes it was actually the easiest thing in the world. ‘My answer… is yes.'

His face gave nothing away, but he stepped back from the door and held it open.

‘I think you'd better come in.'

I almost wished I had taken Caroline up on her offer to help me get dressed, as I struggled to do up the long zip at my back, but eventually I heard it purr up the length of my spine and into place. I smoothed the fabric down over my hips and turned to check my reflection in the full-length mirror. I gave myself a small nod. It was just how I had wanted to look today.

I was spraying his favourite perfume on to the skin at my wrists when a rumbling sound from the street below drew my attention. The cars were here. I glanced at the clock. Right on time. The pulse below the sprayed fragrance skipped and began to quicken.

I could hear movement and the sound of opening doors drifting up from downstairs, and knew most people had now left to make sure they got to the church before us. I glanced around the room, checking to make sure nothing was forgotten. The thought produced a strange spasm within me. Fortunately at that moment a light knock sounded on the bedroom door.

‘Come in,' I called.

‘Come in,' he repeated. For just a moment I thought I had seen his eyes light up in pleasure at finding me there on his doorstep, but when I looked again there was nothing in them except polite cordiality. He probably greeted the postman with greater warmth. Five seconds in and already this wasn't going the way I had planned.

I followed him into the hallway and then to the lounge. He didn't ask me to sit down.

‘Can I get you something?'

I shook my head, already beginning to feel my nerve slipping away. If he disappeared off to make tea or coffee at this point, I was afraid I would lose it completely. I took a deep breath, desperately trying to remember what had seemed such a wonderful opening line in the middle of the night.

‘I probably should have called first,' I said, hearing the thread in my voice that showed how nervous I was.

‘Perhaps,' Jack conceded.

‘I'm sure you're busy with packing… and everything.' I had to admit, there was very little evidence of it around us, but then it
was
a furnished rental. ‘I didn't want to risk missing you,' I explained. His face was impassive. ‘And as I hadn't heard from you…' I let the accusation hang there in the air, waiting for some sort of explanation or apology. He remained silent.

‘Well, I have something important I have to tell you.'

‘Richard has asked you to marry him. Again,' Jack cut in, his voice bitter.

I gasped. ‘Yes, yes he did. How did you know that?'

‘I always thought that he would.' He looked directly at me, without flinching. ‘So, you've come here today to tell me you said yes.'

He was standing just a metre or so away from me, close enough for me to easily see his face was devoid of all emotion. Something inside me blew as the valve keeping the steam under control couldn't withstand the pressure.

‘No, of course I didn't say yes! Are you insane?'

That certainly caught his attention. He jolted as though he'd touched a live current. But he still didn't come any closer to me. I thought the moment in my parents' kitchen, when I'd had to tell Richard that although I loved him, I wasn't
in love
with him had been bad, but that was nothing compared to this.

I looked directly into Jack's questioning brown eyes and knew he too deserved my honesty. ‘Part of me is always going to have feelings for Richard. He was my first love and he's connected not just to me, but to my whole family. But I can't love him, not the way he wants, or the way he deserves. Not any more.' I could hear the tremor in my voice, and wondered if he could too. ‘And do you know why that is?' I asked, on a note of despair and exasperation. ‘Because I'm in love with
you
.' This was rapidly turning out to be the most unromantic declaration of love
ever
. My voice cracked slightly, as I continued, ‘And just so you know, I'm an old-fashioned sort of girl, and
I'm
not meant to be the one to say that first, the man is.'

There was a long pause, during which Jack spectacularly missed his cue to say that he loved me too. I cleared my throat and smiled nervously as I looked directly into his unreadable face. ‘So, can we please just put the last three days behind us and go back to where we were? You asked me a question on Sunday, and my answer is “yes”. I will come with you to America. I want to give us a chance too.' I thought I saw a subtle change in his expression, but I didn't know what it meant. ‘That's if… if the invitation still stands?' I added nervously.

A silence stretched between us.

‘Well, that's the problem. Because actually, things have changed somewhat.' Even in my very worst-case scenario, I had never thought I would hear him say those words. Was this still about Richard, or what he'd overheard Caroline say, or had he simply realised he'd made a mistake?

‘Oh,' I responded, my voice trembling like a lost child's. I needed to get out of there, fast. I took a step backwards, my eyes fixed on the door and escape.

‘You see, after thinking about it, I realise what I asked doesn't sit comfortably with me.'

Don't cry
, I told myself furiously.
Whatever you do, don't cry
. I'd known all along how difficult it would be for him to commit to anyone. He'd had time to think about it, and was backing off. I should have seen it coming.

‘You see, what we were discussing, well… that's just not going to be enough for me now. I want more.'

My head flew up at his words. ‘More?' I asked, my voice small and uncertain.

‘Much more,' he confirmed, smiling properly for the first time since I'd walked into the house. ‘You see, I want to go to sleep at night with you curled up in my arms, and know that you're going to be there in the morning… for
all
my mornings. And I just don't think I made that clear enough the other day.'

‘But… you don't do long-term relationships… you don't want commitment.'

‘Who said that?'

‘You did.'

He looked a little abashed at my reply, before nodding slightly. ‘You're right, I did. But that was before.'

‘Before what?'

‘Before you.'

There were so many questions I wanted to ask, but the look in his eyes was suddenly making me dizzy and breathless. I felt a smile stretching across my face as Jack took a step towards me and held out his hands. As though this was a fantastic dream that I was frightened would end at any moment, I carefully placed mine in both of his. He pulled me closer until our bodies were almost touching. ‘Since the very first day I met you, you've turned my entire world upside down, Emma. You've made me look closer at the man I am, and got me questioning what I want from the rest of my life and who I want to share it with.'

‘And did you come up with any answers?'

He nodded, his eyes like pools I would willingly have drowned in. ‘Just one. You.
You're
what I want from life,
you're
the one I want to share it with.' He released my hands and slid his arms around me, finally closing the last small distance between us. ‘I love you, Emma,' he said tenderly, ‘and I'm really sorry you had to say it first. I shouldn't have let that happen. But if it's any consolation at all, I
felt
it first. I've felt it for a very, very long time.'

His head lowered and his lips found my mouth and told me wordlessly that all he had said was true. When we finally broke apart I knew there were tears of happiness escaping from my eyes. He saw them and brushed them gently away with his fingertips.

‘I know how much you'd be giving up by leaving with me,' Jack said.

‘I'm gaining more than I'm losing.'

‘Even so, I think we could balance things up a little more fairly. I think we should split our time between the ranch and here. That way we stay together
and
honour both of our family responsibilities.'

It was the perfect compromise, or would have been if it weren't for just one small detail.

‘When you say
here
, do you mean in Trentwell? In this house? Because we can't, it's been sold.' His eyes were patient, waiting for me to catch up. ‘
You?
You
bought it?'