The Stillness Of You (3 page)

So here I
was. What was I looking to buy? The fucking moon.

“
Let me
guess,” Georgia said softly. Her eyes were lowered and she fingered
her now empty glass. “You’re looking for something similar to
Matt’s, probably not far from here. Something close to the bars and
the nightlife.”

Wrong.

“
Actually
I want something outside of the city. Preferably a place with a bit
of property too. A fixer upper.”

She
glanced up quickly. “Really.” She was surprised.

I liked
that she was surprised. “Really,” I answered with a slow grin. “I
like working with my hands.”

A
heartbeat passed and her gaze never wavered. That heat in my gut
curled something fierce. My cock twitched.

“I bet you do,”
she finally replied.

Matt
cleared his throat. “Did you find a real estate agent? I’ve got a
few connections. The chick who helped me find this place is really
good.”

I shook
my head. “Nah. I did some homework. I’ve got a bunch of properties
I want to check out, so I thought I’d take some time over the next
few days and look myself before I approach an agent.” A thought
crossed my mind and I frowned. “Unless it’s too much for you guys.
I can go to a hotel.”

“
No, it’s
fine.” Matt shrugged. “As long as you don’t mind sleeping on the
pullout sofa in the office. Georgia is crashing here at the moment
and has the extra bedroom.”

“I don’t mind.”
My gaze was back on Georgia and this time she didn’t look away.

“You’re
Canadian,” she said.

“
Yep. I’m
a Canuck.”

“Your accent
isn’t as pronounced as the others.”

“The
others?”

She
reached for her iced tea but it was empty, so her fingers slid
along the top, nice and slow, trailing along the condensation that
fell down the side. “The other Canadians on the team.”

I
wondered which ones she knew and how well she knew them.

“My mother is
American, which was one of the reasons I went to Bowling Green
University in Ohio. That could have something to do with it.”

“Hmm, that’s
probably it,” she said.

“And I try not
to say, ‘eh’ in every other sentence”

“
That’s
too bad. I find it sweet.”

Sweet wasn’t
exactly a word I’d use to describe myself.

Sweet
wasn’t exactly how I’d describe the look in Georgia’s eyes either.
I shifted uncomfortably and a slight smile drifted over her face,
as if she knew I was sporting a hard on the size of a fucking
football beneath the table.

I didn’t know
what this was between us, but it was something and I realized it
was gonna be hard to honor the ‘hands off’ thing. I also wondered
how serious Matt was about it.

“
Yeah, so
about the real estate agent. You’re good?” Matt asked.

“I’m good. When
I’m ready I’ve got a number.”

Matt
pushed back from the table and started to gather up some of the
take out containers. “I’d come with you, but I’m heading to the
Cape first thing in the morning for the Fourth of July long
weekend. Heather is already there.”

Heather.
Right.
The girlfriend.

“
I’ll go
with you, you know, if you want to look at the properties.” Georgia
seemed surprised that she’d spoken and I didn’t miss the sharp look
thrown her way by her brother. “I have no plans.”

“
You’re
not coming with me to the Cape?” Matt frowned.

“
Hell no.
Matt, I told you I wasn’t interested in playing third wheel on your
weekend with Heather. I’m not going.” She rose as well, her glass
in her hand as she faced her brother.

Matt
looked hard assed. Intense. He looked like it was the final minutes
of the third period and we were down by a goal.

His frown
deepened.

Or maybe
two.

I took another
sip from my beer and watched the fireworks.

“
But
she’s expecting you,” he said carefully as if searching for the
right words. As if he didn’t want to piss her off, which was
something I found interesting.

“
No,
she’s dreading me and you know it. I don’t fit inside the perfect
little world that Heather Newcastle lives in.” She shoved her drink
onto the counter and folded her arms across her chest. “I’m staying
here.”

“
But—”

“
I’ll be
fine and look,” she pointed at me. “I won’t be alone either so you
don’t have to worry. Besides,” she said and this time those amazing
eyes were on me.

Fuck. There
went the cock again and I winced. Big twitch.

Maybe it
wasn’t a good idea for her to stay. Maybe I wasn’t strong enough to
resist the pull of those eyes.

“
If I
don’t help Ben find a place to stay, you’ll never get your office
back. It will be like LeBlanc all over again.”

What the hell?
I was nothing like Trevor LeBlanc.

“What exactly
does that mean?” I asked those eyes.

“
Trevor
stayed with Matt a few years ago when he was new to the Flyers. He
was supposed to find his own place too but he ended up here for
months. The guy was a slob
and
a whore and he drove Matt crazy.” She grinned.
“Not that I’m insinuating you’re a slob.”

“
Good to
know.” Damn, I liked this girl. “Though I should point out I’m not
a whore either.”

“I don’t think
it’s a good idea,” Matt muttered.

Okay,
what was up with the guy? I got the protective brother thing, but
wasn’t he carrying it a little too far?

“
It’s a
done deal. I’m not going and unless you want to unleash Heather’s
nasty side I suggest you pack your bag and make sure you’re on the
road as early as possible because we both know her crazy is nearly
as bad as mine.”

“
Georgia.
I just…” Matt looked like he wanted to say a hell of a lot more
than those three words and for the first time I felt as if I was
stepping into some family business that I had no desire or need to
step into.

“
So,
Ben,” she said casually as she rinsed her glass out and tossed it
into the dishwasher. “Get your list ready and we’ll head out
tomorrow morning. Sound good?”

“
Sure,” I
answered slowly, for the first time thinking that maybe this wasn’t
such a good idea. You know, with Matt glaring at me. His eyes
saying what his mouth was unable to.

You touch her and you’re dead
.

“I’ve got
nothing but time.”

Georgia

I was
awake long before my brother was, though I pretended I had just
woken up when he poked his head into my room.
It was dark out, just after four in the
morning and he would be leaving for the Cape soon.

“Hey,” he said
moving toward my bed.

“
Hey,
yourself,” I answered propping myself against the headboard as we
studied each other in the dim glow from my nightlight.

“So, I guess
I’m heading out in a few.”

“I see
that.”

Matt was
silent for a few moments and I knew I was going to have to help him
out. He had always been a guy who wore his heart on his sleeve.
It’s one of the things I loved the most about my brother and I knew
he was worried. If he had known that I had laid in bed for the past
three hours, wide awake, struggling to hold on to my racing mind,
he would have freaked. He would have torn my room apart looking for
the klonopin, and he would have shoved that shit down my throat
before you could even
say
klonopin.

There
would be a big scene and he certainly wouldn’t be leaving for the
Cape without me. And that wasn’t acceptable. I’d already cost him
so much and he needed time with Heather. Quality time. God, the guy
hadn’t been laid since I had moved in with him because his
girlfriend stopped visiting from Manhattan and he was too
protective to leave me on my own.

It had to
stop.

“
Matt,
I’m good. Really. You don’t need to worry about me.”

His light eyes
were so expressive and I saw the worry though he said nothing. He
was thinking that I wasn’t ready to be left alone. That he couldn’t
trust me to be left alone.

He was
thinking of that night almost nine months ago. The night when he’d
been called away from a game in Chicago because his baby sister had
been found wandering the campus of her Liberal Arts College in
upstate New York, half naked, ranting like a crazy person and
threatening to kill herself.

I saw
that night reflected in his eyes and it brought tears to my own. It
took a moment for me to push back the emotion. I thought of my run.
Of how I would throw on my Nikes and put one foot in front of the
other for five miles.

I thought
of how tired I’d feel physically and of how empty my mind would be.
Some mornings it was the only thing that got me out of
bed.

Slowly, I
swung my legs across the mattress until they dangled inches from
the hardwood floor and propped my hands along the edge. “Matt,” I
said softly. “I feel good. I feel…settled you know? The pieces
inside me, the ones that used to move so fast I was never able to
catch my breath, well, they’re not moving anymore.”

That was a lie,
but at least they weren’t moving as fast and for me that was a
win.

God, it
was so hard to describe what I was feeling. What I used to feel
before. Before Oak Run. Before the diagnosis. Before the pills
inside my dresser drawer helped to make everything better.
Clearer.

“Seamus said it
would be good for me to have some alone time.”

He wasn’t
buying it. “You’re alone when I’m at work.”

“
True,
but that’s not what he meant and you know it. I’ve been here for
three months Matt. The time for baby steps are over. I need
this.”

“G, I don’t
know.”

“Matt, you need
to drive to the Cape and you need to have lots of hot, horny sex
with your girlfriend.”

He made a
face.

“It’s true. If
you don’t fuck her this weekend she’s going to give up on you and
find someone else to give her orgasms.”

Of course I
would be fine with that, but for whatever reason Matt liked
Heather, and he had liked Heather Newcastle for nearly two years
now. Though, my train of thought was that if he was serious about
her she’d be sporting a diamond on her ring finger and she
wasn’t.

Thank God.

I saw him
waver so I jumped up and hugged him. “I’ll show Ben around and help
him find a place, okay? And you’ll be back, what…” I stepped back,
a gentle smile on my lips. “On Monday? We’ll be good.
I’ll be good,
I promise.
And Ben, well, he’s not some serial killer or anything, is
he?”

“No, but he is
the future of the Flyers so, G, I really need you to be careful,
okay?”

“
I can
handle Ben Lancaster.”

“It’s not you
I’m worried about.”

“
Seriously, Matt. I’m not crazy Georgia anymore. You don’t
need to worry.”

Matt
grabbed me close once more. “Alright. I’ve got my cell and I’ll
have my laptop with me, so if you need to talk, just…”

“
Yeah,
yeah.” I pulled away. “I’ll call you.”

Matt
strode toward the door but paused before leaving. “G,” he said
softly. “I love you.”

“I know.”

And then he was
gone.

I stared
at my rumpled bed and then crossed to the window so I could look
down into the empty streets below. Matt’s loft was the entire top
floor of one of the oldest buildings in Old City and it cost a
fortune. It definitely wasn’t something he would be able to afford
working for the Flyers as an assistant coach, but our parents had
been loaded—old family money from my mother’s side—and when they
had died three years ago, their fortune was passed to
us.

Except
for the moment, Matt controlled my money because I was the crazy
girl. The crazy girl who had fucked and partied her way through
more guys and nights than she could count. The crazy girl who had
given up on everything except whatever could make the noise stop or
the slow down the fast parts inside her. The crazy girl who had
tried to kill herself.

“All in the
past,” I murmured.

Ben was
still sleeping when I left for my run, his tall body not exactly a
fit for the queen size pullout. The door to the office was wide
open and I couldn’t,
not
peek. The guy wore boxers to bed and as I took an extra
second or two to appreciate the curve of his ass, I wondered if the
boxers were just for our benefit. He totally seemed like the kind
of guy who slept naked.

Naked
Ben. How delicious.

Outside
the morning was fresh and as I popped in my ear buds, I knew it was
going to be one hell of a hot one. But this time, this twilight
before dawn, was the best time to run. It was quiet.
Peaceful.

And for the
moment my mind was silent.

I ran for
nearly forty-five minutes and by the time I made it back to the
loft, the first rays of sunlight crept across the
horizon.

I waved
to our doorman Joe, bypassed the elevator and didn’t stop running
until I stood in front of the fridge and rooted around for the
orange juice, which I confiscated and finished in several long,
gulps. I closed the door and backed away.