The Starter (67 page)

From the
OS1 Tribune

by
SHAKA THE IMPERSONATOR

HUDSON BAY, EARTH, PLANETARY UNION — Tier One, say hello to metalflake red and flat black.

The Orbiting Death won the Tier Two Tournament with a 14-10 victory over the Texas Earthlings. Death quarterback Condor Adrienne played the first half of the game, completing twelve passes on sixteen attempts with one touchdown, before Ganesha Fritz came in for the second-half. Fritz completed eight passes on sixteen attempts and was intercepted twice by Earthlings linebacker Alonzo Castro.

On the defensive side, Yalla the Biter continues to be the Death’s top player. Yalla racked up seven tackles and two sacks, including one that put Earthlings quarterback Case Johanson out of the game. Texas relied heavily on running back Peter Lowachee for the rest of the game. Lowachee gained 114 yards on 17 carries, and picked up the Earthlings’ only touchdown.

The championship completes an amazing and surprising season for the Death. After losing dominant running back Ju Tweedy to legal complications during the off-season, most analysts thought the Death couldn’t win the Quyth Irradiated Conference. Death owner Anna Villani, however, made key personnel acquisitions that gave the team a new identity.

“Signing Condor Adrienne was my biggest stroke of brilliance,” Villani said. “He’s the best quarterback in football right now, far better than that scrub [Quentin Barnes] from Ionath. And Yalla the Biter revitalized our defense. His aggressive play embodies the Orbiting Death philosophy.”

Yalla the Biter finished the season with two more confirmed kills, extending his record-holding status as the GFL’s all-time most-lethal player.

By playing in the Tier Two Tournament championship game, both the Orbiting Death and the Earthlings earned promotion to Tier One. The Death will play in the Planet Division, replacing the demoted Mars Planets. The Earthlings will play in the Solar Division, replacing the demoted Chillich Spider-Bears.

THE END