The Stars That Tremble (23 page)

Gio held up his hand. “Thirty-one students auditioned for six slots, and Amelia was middle of the pack. There’s no way she could have made it. The other singers were just far more talented.”

“Gio, just tell me what happened.”

Gio began to pace. “Even though the list of admitted students has not been released, Tracy Quinlan found out about the results somehow, probably through her husband’s friendship with the department chair, and now she’s livid. I think I already mentioned that she donates a lot of money to the school, to arts all over this city, and she thinks that should get her some special dispensation. It doesn’t matter that sixteen other kids gave better auditions than Amelia.”

Mike still wasn’t able to follow. “What—”

“Tracy Quinlan is causing trouble. She told my boss that she had scandalous news that would change the outcome of the auditions. She knows about us, Mike, and she’s been holding that over my head for weeks, threatening to go to the school with evidence that I’m helping Emma in exchange for sexual favors from you.”

Then Mike got it. He sat on the couch. “But that’s not true.” He turned over what Gio had said in his head. “You think she went to your boss about it?”

“I’m not certain, but it seems that way. She spent an hour in his office this afternoon. I asked him about it afterward, and he told me he had some things to think about but he’d speak with me on Monday.” Gio pressed his fist to his mouth for a brief moment and then said, “I’m so, so sorry.”

Mike looked up at Gio, who had such a frantic expression on his face it was all Mike could do to stay seated and not try to touch Gio or make it go away. He felt, though, that there was something he was still missing. “Why are you apologizing?”

“I don’t care about me. If I get fired, well, there are other schools. Dating the parent of a student is not technically against the rules, but I don’t always have the best understanding of employment rules in America. It’s not illegal, but perhaps it is frowned upon, and if Tracy throws her money around and makes enough noise, maybe there will be tangible consequences for me. Maybe I become persona non grata. Maybe I never get a job in this city again. That’s fine, there are other opportunities. I can go to LA, I can go back to Italy. It is not me I’m worried about. But she could cause real problems for Emma.”

That made Mike’s heart stop. So much ran through him at once, like there were wild horses running across his chest. First Gio had implied that leaving New York was an option, but that was a terrible option in Mike’s estimation, because it would take him away. And then Gio had said Tracy Quinlan could do something to Emma. Both possibilities took Mike’s breath away.

“What could she do?”

“Get Emma kicked out of the program, for one. I didn’t think that was a possibility, because even Howell—my boss—heard her audition, and her talent is undeniable. I mean, you were there, you saw him listening. But Dacia implied money might overcome talent in this case, and if Tracy makes a big enough
imbroglio….” Gio sighed and dropped his arms to his sides. “The school does not want any appearance of impropriety, especially if it means losing one of its biggest donors.”

A wave of panic went through Mike, making bile rise up his esophagus. He swallowed and said, “What can we do?”

“Nothing.” Gio walked over and sat next to Mike on the couch. “There’s nothing to be done. I suppose we could lie and say there’s no affair. I am tired of lurking around, though.”

“I would lie for Emma’s sake.”

“And stay away from me for a while too, I’d wager.” There was a tinge of bitterness in Gio’s voice.

“Emma’s my daughter. She is my priority.”

“And what of me,
caro
? Would you leave me if it meant your daughter would get what she wanted?”

Mike was struck by the unfairness of the question. “You can’t ask me to choose.”

Gio nodded. “You would choose Emma, as is right. You do not have to try to appease my feelings.”

“I’m sorry.” God, this was an awful situation. He didn’t want to choose between his daughter and Gio. He didn’t want to lie, and he was tired of sneaking around as well, not that they’d even been that sneaky lately. He shouldn’t have to do any of those things. He hadn’t done anything wrong. Had he?

He didn’t have a lot of money, that was true. But Emma deserved a shot.

“It may be moot,” said Gio. “Maybe we lie, maybe we separate for a while. Maybe we wait a few weeks for the scandal to blow over and then resume our relationship, although we saw how well that worked out last time. Maybe nothing will come of this. I can’t imagine what evidence Tracy thinks she has.”

“But if she pays the school enough money, her daughter will get into the program and Emma will get kicked out.”

“That is a worst-case scenario, but it is possible.” Gio frowned. “I’ll tell you this. It’s breaking my heart, do you know that? I keep thinking, if I had resisted temptation, if I had just stayed away, none of this would matter and Emma would get into the program with no controversy. She really is the best singer anyone has seen in a long time. She deserves that spot.”

Mike grunted. He didn’t blame Gio for this mess. “I asked you out, as I recall.”

“Jeopardizing Emma was never my aim.”

“I know.”

“I want her to be successful.
Dio
. I want to continue to work with her. She is
la mia stella
, and she will soon be a star for everyone. She should be. I hate to think I might have done something to put that at risk.”

Panic morphed into anger. Mike looked at Gio and seethed a little, both at the position he’d been put in by Gio, whom Mike understood was now forcing him into a decision of some sort, and by Tracy Quinlan and her fucking money, because money could always elevate the mediocre over the talented but poor. Wasn’t that the story of Mike’s life?

He and Emma shared this tiny apartment on the far East Side of Manhattan, and he’d been working tirelessly for eleven years to build his business up to the point where he could squirrel away enough money to pay for private voice lessons. Now that Emma had, hopefully, gotten into this program, he would have to save more money to keep her there. He was willing to put his own life on hold to make her happy, to work harder and make sacrifices, and it had never occurred to him to live any other way.

But now there was also Gio, who had come into Mike’s life and made him see that his own happiness was within his grasp, who had filled up the empty places in him, who made him want even more. When Mike was with Gio, he felt like more things were possible. He had always prioritized Emma over everything else in his life, but giving up the man who had come to mean so much to him was not a sacrifice he was willing to make.

Mike rubbed his face and mulled it over. Perhaps all of it was for naught. Everything Mike had done, every sacrifice he had made, every penny he had saved, every goddamned thing he had done or chosen for a decade could have meant nothing. All because some woman had more money.

He stood up with a groan. He felt Gio’s gaze on him as he paced in front of the TV. “Is this what the delay was about? Emma and I both thought they were going to announce who got in the same day as the audition.”

“I imagine so. I don’t really know, though. Usually Dacia is my main information source, but she won’t talk to me about this. Said it’s better if I don’t know too much.”

It was an enormously frustrating situation. “I can’t just sit here and wait for the call from the school telling me that Emma didn’t get in after all. When Dacia called me yesterday, she all but assured me Emma was in.”

“She called you?” There was a serious amount of distress in Gio’s voice.

“Yeah, she… she said there was some kind of delay with the decision while they waited for everyone who auditioned to get all the right paperwork in. But she told me that Emma was pretty much in. Now you say she might not get in because of this Quinlan woman. So that’s it, right? That’s the delay.”

Gio put his head in his hands. “It is my fault. I got cocky. And now I’ve fucked things up for you. I will never forgive myself if Emma doesn’t get into the program.”

Mike was pretty steamed, but it was clear Gio was agonizing over this. Mike took a deep breath and tried to calm down. This situation wasn’t Gio’s fault. It was too late to change it. Because even if they broke up right this moment, it wouldn’t stop Tracy Quinlan. And, besides, Mike didn’t want to end this relationship, not now. He couldn’t do it.

He sat back down on the couch.

“
Mi dispiace
,” Gio said.

“What does that mean?”

“I’m sorry.”

Mike reached over and ran his hand over Gio’s head. He gently moved Gio’s hands away from his face. Then he caressed Gio’s face with his thumbs. “It is not your fault.”

Gio looked at Mike for a long moment and then pulled away abruptly. “Bah,” he said. “Stage parents. I have had to deal with them from the moment I started teaching. Tracy Quinlan is not unique. But this… this hurts me. This problem, it is getting to me like no stage parent has before. Why do you think that is?”

“Because of me.” What other explanation was there?

“Because of Emma. I do genuinely care for her. I want her to succeed. I have had protégés before, but none like this, none I felt this way about.”

It was like Gio had wrapped his hand around Mike’s heart and squeezed. “Gio, I—”

“
Ti amo
, Mike. I love you so much, and Emma too. It rips me up inside that something bad could happen to her because of something I did.”

Mike’s eyes stung. His heart pounded. His insides churned. He put his palm on Gio’s cheek and then leaned forward and kissed Gio gently. Against Gio’s mouth, he said, “I love you too. I….” He wanted to say more, but there was nothing more to say. So he kissed Gio again. And again.

It should have been a joyous moment, but it was bittersweet, tinged with anger and frustration over the situation they’d found themselves in.

“So what do we do?” asked Mike.

“I’ll talk to Howell. I’ll figure this out. I’ll quit if I must in order to keep Emma in the program.”

Mike pulled Gio close. “And then would you leave New York? Would you leave me?”

“No. I don’t know what I’d… but, no. Not like this,
caro
. That is, if another opportunity came up in another city, perhaps I would consider… ack, I don’t know.” Gio took a deep breath and clung to Mike. “Sometimes, when I’m lying alone in bed, I imagine what it would be like to have you as my family. Both of you. I like that vision. I want it so much. It’s a lot to ask of someone, to let me into his life that way, but you have. How could I give that up?”

Mike closed his eyes and pictured that. He could imagine the three of them eating dinner together, traveling together, spending lazy weekend afternoons at home together. It was so easy to picture that Mike could practically reach out and touch the image. He wanted to. He wanted that badly. He held Gio and knew his anger was not for Gio, but for the people who would dare try to take this rare, precious thing away from him.

Gio put his arms around Mike, and they held each other for a long moment. Then Mike, feeling inspired, said, “We should go dancing.”

Gio laughed. “What?”

Mike pulled away slightly and looked at Gio, really looked. What he saw were lines etched into his face from stress and fatigue, red around his eyes, flushed cheeks, ruffled hair. He looked beautiful and he looked tired, and that went a long way toward convincing Mike of Gio’s sincerity. And, truly, how could Mike give up this man who loved him, and whom he loved? Mike hadn’t thought he’d ever love anyone as much as he had Evan, but this was something akin to that. Gio could never replace Evan, and that had been a different kind of love, one borne of stolen moments and desperate youth. This was more mature, but no less intense. Mike hadn’t realized how lonely he’d been without someone until having to face the prospect of giving up Gio.

“Let’s go dancing,” Mike repeated. “Sitting around here is just going to make us worry. Let’s get rid of some of this nervous energy.”

Gio laughed. “That first night we went out, Sandy said that dancing was how you let off steam.”

“It is.” Mike smiled. “And I really loved dancing with you.”

Gio kissed him. “Then let’s go.”

T
HEY
took the subway down to the East Village and found a gay club Mike knew. It was playing tremendously loud music. Gio didn’t quite understand the appeal of the throb of bass and the pounding of drums—the sort of music that made one’s chest vibrate—but Mike seemed to be in his element. He’d dressed for it too; he’d changed into a sleeveless T-shirt that displayed his amazing arms before they left. He’d lent Gio a T-shirt that fit well enough that Gio wondered how tight it was on Mike.

He was struck by how different their bodies were. Gio had been starting to feel his age lately, particularly as Mike took his hand and pulled him past all of the young men in the club. Gio’s hair was graying, his body wasn’t as firm and strong as he would have liked, and he was starting to notice crow’s feet near his eyes. Mike, who was the same age, looked five or more years younger, his hair still dark, his skin still smooth, and his body strong and muscular. It was a body hard fought for, and Gio knew that; Mike’s fingers were calloused, his skin rough to the touch in places, and he had scars and the tiny tattoo of a star on his bicep to commemorate his time in the army. To Gio, the flaws made Mike better, made him a more complete person. An incredibly sexy complete person.

And so they danced. Mike’s movements had a fluidity to them that no man his size should have had. Gio was reminded of the way Mike expressed the music within him, that the dancing, the movement—the slide of his feet, the wave of his hands, the undulations of his body—were manifestations of the music trying to break out. Mike could say things with his body that he couldn’t say in normal speech. It was a marvel, a miracle, and Gio struggled to keep up.

Mike didn’t seem to mind. He danced with Gio, steered him through dances, touched him everywhere. They danced closely and ground their bodies together. Mike ran his hands over Gio, so Gio ran his hands over Mike, savoring his slick skin and his strong body. They kissed during a particularly sexy song, and that was thrilling, with an energy behind it that Gio had never experienced.