The Starkest Truth (A Breaking Insanity Novel Book 2) (15 page)

Drowsily, he slid up and looked at the time. He mumbled a curse, seemingly upset about oversleeping. The perplexing expression on his face startled me. Eric wasn’t cocksure for a splinter of time. As though he knew I was examining him too closely and drawing conclusions, he quickly stormed up and made his way to the bathroom.
 

In less than five minutes, he was ready. In a simple black T-shirt, faded straight-legged jeans, and weathered baseball cap, he personified a rough-hewn style of perfection.

It took such little time for Eric to look ruggedly gorgeous in the morning. It took me more than an hour of primping and selecting the perfect thing to wear, only to settle on my normal comfortable outfit: skinny jeans, A-line tank tops, and the studded flats that led me through the summer days when I didn’t feel like wearing a skirt or a pair of shorts.

Eric opened the door to the doctor’s office, located in an office park on the four-lane busy Ridge Road, waiting for me to walk through. Through the door, I noticed the waiting room was bursting to capacity with women—some visibly pregnant—with and without their children. I felt a burning rush up the back of my neck and stepped back from the door to remain outside. “Can you check in for me? I can’t.”

He rolled his eyes and let out a heavy breath in perceptible annoyance.

“What did you expect?” I eyed him, put off by his impatience. “I can’t take my medication because of this…” I pointed to my stomach.
 

“You shouldn’t have been taking any medication in the first goddamn place.”

“Eric, after Casper’s wedding—”

“Don’t.” He let go of the door, allowing it to close and stalked toward me. “You’re just going to give me an excuse that serves as a copout because you don’t want to control your reactions. Reactions you
can
control.”

Feeling discomforted by the recent passerby who glanced in our direction, I began to have trouble breathing. “I think I’ve done really well considering,” I panted

“You haven’t done much of shit,” he rebuffed with a jagged edge to his tone.

Startled out of my descent into a proverbial windowless and tight room, I blinked up at him, wondering why he was being so glaringly unpleasant with me. I knew what I’d been told, but I wanted to believe in something else. I had to have faith in my knowledge of the man. I knew enough to determine when something in his life was spiraling out of control. Eric needed control in order to feel any semblance of peace.
 

“Eric, enough already.” I pressed my hands out, halting the invisible wall he threw at me. “What’s going on with you? I can’t keep tip-toeing around you. I don’t like doing it, and I don’t want to do it anymore. Getting it out and talking about it is supposed to help you get over it, correct? Can you tell me about what’s making you project your anger at me?”

His eyes narrowed as he shoved his hands in his pockets. “Thought I did.”

“You’re upset because I’m not picture perfect happy about being pregnant?” My thoughts turned to Estelle, wondering if she really was pregnant with Eric’s child at one point. At once, I thought I couldn’t share any similarities with her. The realization quickly moved to the forefront my mind; we had quite a bit more in common than I thought. “If I were to say, have an abortion or give up the baby for adoption, would that solve all?”

His posture broadened as he nearly walked into me. “Don’t think I heard you correctly”—he leaned down until his lips were mere inches from mine—“but did you just mention something about getting rid of our baby?”

“I never wanted this in the first place!” The pregnancy reminded me of my inadequacies. I would rather die than to fall prey to the same mistakes our parents made with us. The world didn’t need another Nikki or Eric running around.

“I forced you to take my cum inside your pussy, huh? I missed the first dozen times, even before you went back on birth control without telling me. You could’ve easily turned me down and prevented it.”

“There is no such thing as turning you down.”

“You’re damned right there isn’t,” he bellowed.
 

I forgot about everything around us and was thrust fully into lividity.
“Why do you want this so badly?” I flipped my hair up and away from my face, leaving my hand to linger at the crown. “Asking you is useless. I know that. You’ll never tell me anything I want to know. You’ll never tell me anything that paints you as anything other than the strong dark knight you pretend to be.”

Resting his back against the brick exterior of the clinic, he turned solemn. “It should be obvious.”

“We can’t make up for the things your parents did or didn’t do to you—
for
you—by making our own family. Our issues will still be there.”

His posture turned fully rigid as if he’d been shocked by a fast moving electric current. “Did you just compare me to my goddamned parents?”

“That’s not what I said. I-I can’t say anything right.” I threw up my hands and shook my head, before tucking them underneath my arms. “Everything I say, you fly off the handle about. Which is really humorous because I’m not the one standing in the darkest spot. You are.”

He shoved off the brick wall with his stance rigid and intimidating. “You know what, Nikki? You are just as big of a monster—if not worse—than I am.”

“Sit at the appointment without me. Can’t do this.” I turned on my heels.

He caught up with me, standing in front of me to halt my stride toward the car. Gently, he took my hands in his and exhaled a long, wavering breath. Keeping his chin tilted to his chest, his gaze—shielded by his dark, thick lashes—met mine. “I want the family I didn’t have. The family I wanted all my life and never got. I didn’t want it with Estelle. Her pregnancy was a mistake and an attempt to get my attention. When I didn’t react the way she wanted me to, she got an abortion in an attempt to get back at me. I’ve told you about the things she did. You know about the things she tried to do to us. She was a spiteful bitch.”

He sighed, taking a moment to erase the small hint of the sullen emotion shrouding his words. He brushed his hands underneath his baseball cap, irritation taking up its place in his mood again. “I’m tired of having to constantly prove to you how real this is to me. You…fucked up what I knew about my world—the world in general—and created a new one where you and I are the only people who matter. I felt like I could have everything I wanted, and tried to pretend I didn’t want, with you. I feel like I can have everything with you. When you say you don’t want what I want…it fucks me up something brutal, Nik.”

Suddenly thrown from irate to amenable, I faltered. I hated how he could do that so easily. It ranked as second in his two most brutal defenses against me. “I…I can’t help but think I’ll mess him or her up. I could barely take care of myself. You know that. How am I going to do this?”

He shook his head, cupping my face in his hands. “You’re not doing it alone.”

“You work too much. I will have to do the majority of it on my own.”

He chewed on his lip for a moment. His hands slipped down to my jawline as he curved his form to meet my height. “I’ve been thinking about doing this for a long time, and now I have a reason. I’ve been thinking about resigning my position at Strong. I’m not sure if I want to be an E.R. doctor anymore. Maybe I’ll teach if it comes to that. Honestly, when it comes down to it, I don’t have to work. If you needed me all the time, I would quit everything to be there for you and our baby.” He slipped one hand down to touch my stomach. “You’re not doing this alone. You never were, and you never will be. However you need me, I’m completely yours, my twisted angel. I’ve been yours since the moment I saw you.”

Touched deeply by his words, I closed my eyes and sobbed.

He pulled me forward, enveloping me in his arms. “Even sane people are scared they’re going to fuck their children up, and sometimes they do. Don’t think because we didn’t have the best examples, we can’t
be
the best examples. Things will change for you. Just wait and see.”

“What if they don’t?” I choked on my words, struggling with my persistent sadness. “How does a mass murderer and a woman with a major depressive disorder equal a good start to parenting?”

His teeth sank into his bottom lip as he tried to fight a smile. “Being pessimistic about it isn’t going to help.” He held me at arm’s length. “We’re going to be late. Give me your insurance card and ID. I’ll check in for you.”

“I miss this Eric,” I whispered.

Loosening the grip he had on my body, he kissed my forehead.

“Why does he keep going away?”

He closed his eyes and when he opened them again, it was clear I was on the verge of losing the man I yearned for. “We’ll get into it at another time, Nik, okay?”

My gaze was glued to Eric as I lay half naked under a paper sheet on the clinic bed inside the examination room, waiting patiently for the doctor to arrive. Eric continuously fidgeted, his legs vibrated at a steady rhythm. I could scarcely believe what I was seeing. He’d never been one to show any behavior beyond his protective shield considered by someone to be a fault. The impenetrable metal armor was gone; Eric was nervous.

When the doctor arrived, Eric quickly stood to acknowledge her.

“Hello, Eric,” Dr. Savine greeted him warmly. “How are you?”

He rolled his shoulders and cocked his head to the left. “Alicia,” he said simply.

I peered at the doctor who more than likely broke a few laws to disclose things to Eric that she shouldn’t have—things to indirectly put me into the situation I was currently in. If Dr. Savine had been younger and fit more in line with Eric’s type, my concern would’ve doubled.

Dr. Savine felt around my stomach and took out a long alien-like probe, applying lubricant. “Spread your legs just a little bit more, Mrs. Brenton.”
 

I pressed my lips together and did as she asked, feeling slightly violated while doing so. She slipped the probe inside of me.
 

As she shot off a stream of questions, she painfully moved the probe around. I avoided looking at the screen, but Eric seemed glued to it.

“Stop,” he said abruptly, startling Dr. Savine and me. He crouched across my body and pointed to a dark area on the flat screen monitor. It looked like nothing in particular to me. I did catch one small white unsteady mass on the monitor.

Eric and Dr. Savine had a brief conversation through a dramatic eye exchange. The look on Eric’s face didn’t exactly read as contentment; it was concern.

She removed the probe and set it on the metal table. “I’ll get my nurse to take her vitals again,” Dr. Savine nodded to Eric and left us alone.

“Nikki,” Eric drawled out my name, having trouble keeping his voice at a soft level, “have you been spotting?”

“She asked me the question once before. Didn’t you hear my answer?”

His eyes turned cold as he stared at me. “This time I want you to tell me the truth.”

“A little bit…sporadically.”

He furrowed his brow. “How much is a little bit?”

“I don’t know.”

“Think hard, Nikki,” he pressed with impatience.

“Not exactly a conversation I want to have—”

“Can you recall for a moment that I’m actually a doctor? How much have you been spotting?”

“I…soaked a panty liner once, but I didn’t know I was pregnant. I thought I was having a weird period.”

Dropping his chin to his chest, he took a long, noisy exasperated breath and pinched the bridge of his nose. Turning his back on me, he cranked his neck as if preparing for a fight and looked fixedly at the clerestory window. “How long ago?”

“Two and a half weeks ago.”

He turned on his heels with his brows casting a dark shadow over his eyes. “And why did you keep this information from me?”

Using my elbows, I scooted up and tried to sit upright.
 

“Did you want to miscarry?”

Remaining silent, my gaze fell to my lap, but still had a clear view of Eric’s face, full of vexation. “I didn’t know I was pregnant then.”

On the verge of Eric looking as though he wanted to explode, the nurse came in to take my blood pressure again. Eric’s skin-tone turned a little more on the rosy side as he pressed his lips together.

“One-forty over eighty-two,” the nurse said.
 

“From now on, you’re on bed rest,” Eric hissed at me.

“I—”

“Nikki, don’t speak.” He glanced at the nurse. “Is she in her office?”

The nurse nodded. “She’s would like to chat with you.”

“Meet me in the car,” Eric shot over his shoulder as he left.

“Does it matter to anyone that I’m the patient and should know what’s going on?” I asked to the air.

“I’m used to it, Mrs. Brenton,” the nurse in rainbow print scrubs told me. “Doctors. They have this secret little club that no one can get into. They scratch each other’s backs quite a bit. I’ll see what I can find out to tell you.” She gave me a firm smile and disappeared.

She never returned to tell me what was going on. Neither did Eric.