The Stage (Phoenix Rising #1) (20 page)

The door opens and he takes a deep breath, closing it behind him. “Come here,” he says. I walk toward him and he puts his hand at the small of my back, pulling me into his chest.

“Kolton?”

“You chose me. Again.” He’s holding me, his body shaking a little as he keeps me close. “I’ve missed you.”

“Me, too,” I say, tilting my chin so my lips brush the underside of his jawline.

“I can’t,” he says, and I start to pull away. “That’s not what I meant.” He holds tight to the small of my back, his fingers pushing into the spot just before my curves. He’s staring into my eyes. It hurts and feels good in the same moment. “I think we should see each other in secret.”

Relief. It’s like we have this tiny blossom growing in the dark with no one to tend to it. We should do it together. I nod my head and that’s all it takes.

He picks me up off my feet and kisses me. Wrapping his arms around the underside of my leg, he leans me into the little closet door and presses himself into my aching core. “I’m hard like this. All. The. Time,” he says in between kissing each lip and circling my tongue with his. “Do you know why?” he asks. He’s breathless and so am I.

“No.”

“Because you’re all I think about. All I want. And you just
chose
me.” He rubs up against me and bites my upper lip, then licks the pain away. His jeans are rubbing against mine. “You didn’t leave me,” he says, drawing his tongue up my neck to just behind my ear. It’s achingly sad to me that he’s so afraid of being abandoned. And why wouldn’t he? He’s lost the only people who loved him.

Knock, knock
. Two hard pounds on the metal door. We both jump and turn toward the sound.

“Go in the room and shut the door,” he whispers. I untangle my leg from his hip, touch my wet lips, and stumble into the little room and close the door, clicking it in place. I move away, just in case it opens. There’s nowhere to hide, but I stand to the side near the corner.

I hear the door open and the trailer rocks a little as someone steps in. They are whispering; it’s a woman’s voice. I don’t move or they’ll know I’m here.

“You’d better keep your distance from that girl.” It’s Joyce McKim, the producer. “We can’t afford any more stories about you playing favorites. I’m talking lawsuit, Kolton. I’m talking you, not just us, losing
a lot
of money. This show is going to survive this season and get renewed for another, or so help me God.”

“I understand,” Kolton says. “I haven’t seen her since last week.”

“We’ve had to put a gag order on our entire staff. All this speculation about who she is, it could ruin the validity of this show.”

“I did the interview. No one’s talking about her anymore.”

“Let me put it this way: if you keep seeing her, we’re going to sue you for breach of contract. We’ll have to cover it up, say you had to go to rehab. We’ll bring in that other guy, the one from Distant Star. He could come right in and replace you. But she will go, too. We’ll make up something about her needing to take some time away for her sister. You’d better believe, if we do that, someone’s going to make the connection between you two. Our hands will be clean. How about yours?”

“How long?” he asks.

“Until the end of the season. Then do as you please.”

“Fuck this.” Silence. More Silence. Joyce is good at the silent stand-off. “Fine,” Kolton breathes.

“This has caused enough problems as it is. They cut shows from our schedule when we couldn’t make up the time after we tried to switch her to another team. Now this. None of you did as you were told.
None
of you. She’s still right where she started.”

“I won’t see her outside of our shoots. You have my word.”

“What is it about
this
girl?” she asks.

“I’ve already told you,” he answers.

“Well, I hope she’s worth it.”

“You have no fucking idea how ‘worth it’ she is,” he says. I realize my hand is over my heart. And, God help me, I think I’ve fallen for him. In fact, I know I have, just like someone who’s tripped over the edge of the cliff. The bottom is near, but there’s nothing that can be done to stop the fall.

“If this show does well, she could be a big star. I get it—but you’re standing in her way.”

“Got it, Joyce. Okay?” he says before she slams the door behind her.

I hear his footsteps coming toward the door. When he opens it, his hand is up in his hair. “I’m sorry you had to hear that.”

“Kole, this is so much worse than I thought.” We’re doomed. And is it even worth it? How do I know I can really trust him and that this isn’t just lust?

“I love it when you call me that,” he says, with the light from the window behind me shining into his eyes just before they close.

“I swear. She just threatened you and—”

“I’m doing this for you,” he says, sitting on the bed. “Fuck them. They can sue me. I don’t give a fuck. I have more money than I can spend in this lifetime. I
won’t
stand in your way. I want to give you the chance to make it on your own.”

“I’d better go.” I stand up, but he doesn’t move out of my way.

“Not yet,” he says, his voice stern. When I don’t move, he leans into me and whispers, “I’ve been waiting for you all my life.” My heart drops heavily into my stomach. I want to believe him. He’s saying all the right things.

“We’re going to get in trouble.”

“I won’t even touch you,” he says. “I just miss feeling you next to me. Let me steal a moment with you.” His voice breaks my heart. I do as he says and lie back on the stiff bed. He climbs up next to me, lying on his side; he doesn’t touch me with anything but his eyes.

“You’re telling the truth,” I say, because I know right in this moment that it’s true.

“Everything I say to you from now on, yes. I won’t lie to you anymore.”

“I believe you.” I know he really wants me to say the word ‘trust.’ It’s his favorite word. I can’t say it, yet. He could touch me, if he wanted to, but, there’s something honest in the space between us. When he reaches up and moves my hair away from my face, I know I’m meant to be his. There is no doubt, but I don’t speak the words. He might get scared when I say it. So, I busy myself with my mouth in other ways.

Steps Ahead

“W
hat’s wrong this time?” I ask, as Kolton gets up, adjusting himself in his pants and zipping himself back up.

“I’m saving you from yourself,” he says, putting distance between us. “We can’t, not yet, and definitely not here.”

“You tease my body. Kiss me. Touch me. You tell me I have the control in this relationship and then as soon as I do something, you’re calling the shots again?”

“I don’t want a blow job, Mia. When we’re together, it’s going to be all about you.”

“You treat me like a child.”

“Like the saint you are,” he says, and chuckles.

“Well, I’m not. I’m not so innocent, you know.” He laughs, which grates on my nerves like nothing before. “What’s so fucking funny?”

“Oh, I like you mad. You’re adorable.” That does me in. I want away from him. I was just trying to do something for him. It’s embarrassing it’s not enough. As I try to push past him to get out of the little room, he blocks the door.

“Just let me go.”

“Mia.” I ignore him, feeling the scowl on my face. “Mia, you want me?” he asks, and I feel like I turn to butter in front of him.

“Yes,” I admit, I feel heated that he’s making me say it out loud.

“Then you need to start taking birth control.”

“What?”

“I’ve just gotten a clean bill of health. Do you know why I’ve done that? Why I made sure?” I shake my head ‘no.’ “Because I’m going to take you, over and over. And, when I do, there will be nothing between us.” He takes me by my hair and tilts my mouth up to his, claiming me like I’m his, like he owns me, and pushes me backward until I fall on the bed.

He opens my legs and kneels between them. I start to wiggle when he moves over me, hovering on his elbows. “Hold still,” he says, before pressing into me, circling his hips against me, rubbing up against my core once, twice, again, until I’m shaking with need.

“I’m going to empty myself inside you over and over. I’m going to fill you, claim you again and again.” He grasps my hips, pinning me in place, and keeps moving until I feel like I can’t take it anymore. His voice, the look of pain and pleasure in his face, the way he’s moving, it’s like he owns me. I’m grinding myself against him, jeans against jeans. I’m going to break open.

“That’s what you want?” My face is hot; I’m frantic, and unashamed.

“Yes,” I say, as he brings his mouth to mine, taking my gasps into his mouth like food for the soul.

“Oh, I like that, Mia. If you could see what I see,” he says and I lose it. My legs stiffen, my hips pressing into him. “Say my name,” he whispers into my mouth.

“Kole,” I whisper. He presses into me as I shiver and writhe. “Kole,” I moan as quiet as possible. He kisses me as I squeeze my legs around his back. The long skinny heels of my boots cross one another as I’m shaking, letting him kiss my cheeks, my lips, my neck.

“That’s how it should be. That was mine. The first of many with my name on your lips.” I’m in a daze and my ears are pounding with my own heartbeat. I’m trying to catch my breath. A knot forms in my stomach. All at once, I regret just doing what we’ve done. I mean, what was that? Was that foreplay? I’ve never had foreplay like that before.

He rolls to his side and adjusts himself in his pants, his obvious arousal still present. For some reason, that pisses me off. Is this some type of atonement where he makes amends for all the women he’s used? “Mia?” he asks, his voice holding a tiny bit of panic behind his normal bravado.

“I can’t.” I get up to walk out and he grabs my arm.

“No,” he says. “Talk to me.”

“I—umm.”

“What’s wrong? Did I hurt you?” he questions, his eyebrows furrowed.

“No. It’s just—that’s never happened before.” My eyes find a spot on my boot to inspect while I feel a blush come onto my cheeks.

“What?” and then his expression changes from frustration to one of knowing.

“Never, ever? Or just never with a guy before?” he clarifies.

“Never with a guy before.”

“I see.” His finger plays with the inside of my palm. “That’s how it should be. Me, only me.” His proximity is like a drug. His voice is soft but buzzing with energy, his eyes afire with need. He licks his bottom lip and then bites into it gently.

He’s too much. It’s not his fault, this time, but I’m way out of my league. Out of embarrassment, I kiss his cheek and pull my hand away from his so I can walk away. “I just need a minute alone,” I explain.

He says my name as I close the door. I cross my arms as I walk toward the studio. Knowing I can’t go in there, I take off toward another door. I mean, there has to be somewhere to hide until I have to go home. As I walk, looking for somewhere to gather my thoughts, I wonder how that changed us. We’ve crossed a line we can’t uncross.

It’s not like he took. He gave; he
only
gave. Like a gift without asking for anything in return—like everything else he’s done for me. I want to call a truce. With the end of the round upon us and the taped rounds starting next week, we’re about to head into our long break between the taped and live rounds. Riley and I have to go back to Sacramento, get back to our regular lives for a little while. I wonder what Kolton’s going to do about us leaving.

I find a restroom inside to clean up. My make-up is smeared and the back of my hair looks rumpled and sexed. I smooth it and get rid of the smears of gunk under my eyes. My panties are, well, soaked, so I go in the stall and take them off. After I put myself back together, I hide them in the front pocket of my little blazer. When I go back toward the stage, Kolton’s sitting at the coaches table. When he sees me, at first there’s relief, then his jaw tightens and he looks away. He’s mad at me for running off again.

Tarise, the Whitney Houston wannabe, is battling Blaire, my old roomy. I sit down where they let the contestants watch the rounds. All the while, Kolton is keeping his eye on me. I clap when Blaire wins. As they’re gearing up for the next battle, Brianna comes over and sits next to me.

“Hey,” I say.

“Congrats,” she squeals and hugs me.

“Thanks! When’s your turn?” I ask.

“I went already,” she says, but her body language says it all.

“Who’d you go against?”

“That Goth guy, Leo. He did awesome.” She always was so low key about this whole thing. “I mean. I’m a little sad not to make it on the live shows, but that’s how it goes.” She shrugs her shoulders.

“I’m so sorry.”

“But, hey, you promised me a night out. A whole bunch of us are going tonight since it’s our last chance.”

“Oh, that’s right. I did.” I don’t really want to go but it beats going home and pining away over Kolton again.

“So, we’re chipping in for a limo. It’s picking us up at the hotel. Can you meet me there at, like, nine-thirty?”

“Okay. I can do that.” When I look up, Kolton is staring at me. He’d better knock it off or people are going to start to notice. Joyce, standing up in the corner, is talking into her headset. Then the PA, Amy, comes and stands so she’s blocking Kolton’s view of me.