The Spinster Sisters (31 page)

“You look awesome, Butthead.”

“Thank you for my princess dress, Moose Face. And it isn’t periwinkle!”

A door opens, and Aunt Shirley walks out. Her Chanel-styled suit is in a perfect deep pewter, setting off her silver hair and blue eyes to perfection. She is smiling as wide as Jill.

“Oh, honey, it’s the most amazing thing I’ve ever had.” She comes over to kiss Jill. “And aren’t you gorgeous in that green! Oh, Jodi, you’re beautiful, sweetheart.” She claps her hands delightedly.

“And what am I, chopped liver?” Ruth says behind us. She’s in a sheath of deep eggplant purple with a duster of lighter purple chiffon over it. She looks like a queen.

“Oh hush, Ruthie, you’re gorgeous, too, all right?” Aunt Shirley says.

We all admire ourselves and each other, as the tailor makes his adjustments on us as well. When we are done, we get back into our street clothes and head home, Jill riding with me, and Ruth driving Shirley.

“One helluva day, huh?” I ask Jill in the car.

“I know. Especially with all the muckraking around the office.”

“Muckraking?”

“You know perfectly well that everyone is talking about us caving in to Malcontent and your ex-idiot. Little Paige is even devising payment plans, the sneak.”

“Jill, people are worried about the business. They’re entitled to be concerned.”

“Concerned yes, unprincipled, no.”

“That’s a little harsh.”

“I don’t think so. I mean, we explained to them all what was going on. I can’t believe they want to cave to extortion! Just to prevent a little negative publicity.”

“Jill, look at it from their perspective. They want to protect us and protect the company. There is a lot at stake right now, and we are already open to plenty of public scrutiny as it is.”

“What do you mean?”

I take a deep breath. I’ve already had one difficult conversation this week; time for another. “I mean that with you getting married, people obviously have an opportunity to speculate that the company may not be as viable as it once was, as we have seen these past weeks. Maybe they’re not wrong to question us.”

Jill looks over at me as I drive. “Are you still on about that crap? Not enough spinsters at Spinster Inc.?”

“I’m not on about anything. But you have to admit, it will change the dynamic, and if our detractors continue to latch on to it, it will be something of an ongoing challenge. Adding this crap with Brant and Mallory on top of it just might not be the smartest thing right now, that’s all.”

“I see,” Jill says curtly. “And this isn’t about you at all.”

“What does that mean?”

“Nothing.”

I stop at a stoplight and turn to look at her. Her jaw is clenching and unclenching. “What does that mean?” I ask again.

“It means that it seems very interesting that in a time of crisis brought on by
your
ex, and in the middle of your own existential angst about relationships,
suddenly
my
marriage
is the thing mucking up the works. I can’t stay single for you. I won’t stay single for you or anyone else. Not for the aunts, not for our fans, not for anyone. I can’t be your playmate twenty-four hours a day. You’re thirty-five years old, and you need to figure out your own shit.”

This makes tears sting my eyes. “You think I would want you to stay single to keep me company? You really believe that?”

“I don’t know what I believe, except that we weren’t raised to walk away from something because it was hard. And just because you won’t face the things that are hard about relationships in your personal life doesn’t mean I’m going to let you do that in our business.”

“And why should I let you throw our business under the bus so that you can retain your sense of moral superiority? We have people counting on us!”

“I count on us,” Jill says quietly.

“Well, I do, too.”

We ride in silence all the way back home.

Before Jill can get out of the car, I reach over and grab her arm. “I love you, Moose Face.”

She looks at me with deep disappointment. “I love you, too, Butthead. But you’re really making me angry right now. Let’s talk about it later when we both cool off.”

“Okay. Should we get the aunts in on it?” Frequently we force them to moderate our disagreements.

“I think this time, it had better be just us.”

“Fine. Let me know when you’re ready.”

We walk into the house, and I hope the foundation is strong enough for the storm that’s approaching.

Business relationships are in many ways very similar to familial relationships. And they should be handled with the same care, thoughtfulness, and sensitivity. If you manage other people in your line of work, it is important that they see you as an authority figure but also as someone who is aware of their own professional practice and willing to admit to mistakes and be a team player. Making the people who work for you feel as if they work
with
you is the surest way to have success in business. And while we can’t please everybody, we can ensure that everybody respects the fact that we have listened to all possible ideas and made decisions that we feel are best for our business.

 
 
 
Jill looks up at me from her desk. “You ready?”

I smile over at her. “You bet.”

“Well, then. Let’s go get ’em.”

We both rise from our desks and cross the room. I hold the office door open for Jill. “After you, Moose Face.”

“Thank you, Butthead.”

We head down the hall to the conference room, where our team is assembled, looking nervous and whispering anxiously among themselves. When we walk in, they all look up guiltily. Jill begins.

“Okay, guys. Here is the deal. We wanted to have this meeting to talk about the situation with Mallory and Brant. But we also want to use this as an opportunity to really explore some other issues that people might be concerned about regarding the business. Jodi and I are both aware of how hard you all work to make this company what it is, and how much you each have at stake personally in the success of this business. We would not be where we are without all of you, and so we do not want to make any decisions about the future of this company without hearing from you. We want to hear your open and honest opinions about what is best for us as a team. We all know this is not a democracy, but Jodi and I like to think of ourselves as benevolent dictators, and we hope that we have shown you in our years together that we respect each and every one of you and truly do listen to your counsel. I’m going to let Jodi say a few words, and then we’re going to open things up for discussion. What’s most important about this meeting is that, first and foremost, everything that is said in this room today is one hundred percent confidential. But more than that, everything that is said in this room today can be said without any fear of repercussions. If you disagree with any of the suggestions that we are going to make, we want you to voice that opinion. We can’t promise that we will act on it, but we can promise that we will hear you. Jodi, why don’t you start.”

“Thanks, Jill. I don’t have very many memories of our father. But one memory that does stick out for me happened just a few months before he passed away. Our dad, for those of you who don’t know, worked in manufacturing. He was the vice president of a company that built office furniture. He took me to work with him one afternoon and gave me a tour of the plant. And one of the things that I noticed was that as we were leaving, he went up to an older gentleman who was sweeping the floors, introduced me, and asked about the man’s wife and children. As we were leaving the plant, he looked at me and said, ‘You know that man that I just spoke to who was sweeping the floor? That whole company couldn’t work without that one man.’ I remember giggling as if my dad had made a joke. How silly it was to imagine that the man sweeping the floor was what made the company work. But my dad stopped me and said very seriously that he had not made a joke, that it was always important to remember that any company was only as good as its lowest-paid employee, and that he would not be a good manager unless he remembered every single day that the work that he does is only made possible by the work of that old man with the broom. Jill and I have always run this company on that principle. She and I don’t ever forget that this organization is only as successful as all of you make it. The only reason that she and I are free to talk on the radio and write books and make appearances and think of weird merchandising ideas is because all of you make the company run day to day. And we are as grateful for that as we have ever been for anything. Your loyalty and commitment is a daily gift to us. And we both hope that we are reasonably diligent about making that clear to you on a regular basis. For the first time in this young company’s life, we are faced with a serious dilemma, a problem, and we know that the decision we make about how to deal with this problem affects each and every one of you. We also know that you all are hesitant to hurt our feelings or disagree with us. But we need to put something on the table today and really hear from you what you think and feel about what lies ahead. I want to start by apologizing to all of you for having married a man who would remotely align himself with the kind of woman that Mallory has turned out to be.”

The assembly laughs.

“I’m not entirely kidding,” I say. Obviously, I could not have foreseen when I got married to Brant that someday I would divorce him, and several years later, he would meet the devil incarnate, and move her into his apartment. However, it is technically my fault that we are all in the pickle that we are in. And for that, I am genuinely sorry and horribly guilty.

“We all know that negative publicity, even when manipulated or half-true or outright false, can significantly damage the health of a company,” I continue. “We are in no position to know at this point in time how serious Mallory is. We do not know if Brant is aware of what she has threatened. And we don’t know how good her contacts are. We have to make a decision, and on both sides that decision is a risk. If we make the decision that no matter what happens we are going to stand firm and fight whatever comes, it is entirely possible that it may be a serious fight, and that it may take years to bounce back from the damage that could be done. There is no shame in making a financial settlement with someone in order to prevent that kind of damage to a company. It is done all the time, far more often than any of us even know or can imagine, and frequently board members and directors of companies make those decisions in order to make problems go away. One of the things that Jill and I did very early on in starting this business was to align ourselves with an incredibly talented insurance agent. And if it comes down to the need for a financial settlement, we are insured against that sort of damage. In other words, the actual settlement itself would be covered by our insurance, and while our premiums would go up, it would not materially damage the fiscal health of the organization. Paige has also done some research and has figured out an alternative to a cash settlement in the form of profit sharing, which is another option that we could consider if we decide to essentially throw some money at this problem to make it go away. There’s no shame in making this payoff, and there’s no shame for any of you in asking us to make this payoff if it is what we all believe is best for the company.”

Jill jumps in. “Look, guys. It’s my turn to apologize. I know that I can get a little overzealous when my principles are challenged, and I know that I came in here last week and gave a very impassioned speech about our integrity, about our intelligence, about the need to stand up and fight the good fight. And I realize that by making that speech, particularly by making it before asking you all for your initial thoughts and opinions, I was in no small way influencing the nature of the communication that followed. I still believe very strongly that this company can withstand any attempt by the likes of Mallory and Brant to damage our credibility. I genuinely believe that we are in a position to fight this openly and honestly, to stand our ground and to not just survive but thrive. But I also know that it isn’t a risk I can take on my own. And ultimately, I’m not so interested in being responsible for making that decision without you all. I won’t be angry with anyone if, after today, you change your vote to making a settlement. As Jodi said, there is no shame in that personally or professionally. If we go in that direction, it is because we honestly believe that it is the best thing for the company, and we will move on and continue to grow together. I also want to acknowledge that some of you may be having some concerns over the impact that my impending nuptials may ultimately have on the business. I know this is a crazy time. And I know that in most businesses, the marital status of the CEO is completely irrelevant. But it has been brought to my attention recently that when the name of your company is Spinster Inc. and the mission of your company is to empower single women to live their best lives, marital status suddenly gets put on the table for business discussion.”