The Space In Between (20 page)

“She’s on her phone, talking to her friend Ladasha.” Her
lips frowned when she said Dasha’s name and Walter shook his head.

“Betty, don’t start.”

“What is it?” I asked. I couldn’t stop wondering what it was
they were exactly saying without saying. That must be exactly what Walter had
been talking about for a successful relationship—listen to what she’s not
saying. But I wasn’t trained that well. I needed it to be spelled out for me.

“I don’t feel comfortable with Anders being out in New York
with this friend we’ve never actually met until yesterday. And she seems like a
nice girl but…” Betty paused and placed her hands in her lap. “I’m not racist.”

“Of course not,” I said.

“And Ladasha seems like a fine girl. But it appears like she
has a dark past.”

“Don’t we all?”

“Yes. It’s true. But some people don’t come out of it. And I
want Andrea to be able to come out of the dark past and have a future. And I
wish I could feel as if Ladasha was a good influence.”

I lowered my brows and rested the tip of my thumb between my
teeth. “With all due respect, Mrs. Evans, I had the opportunity to sit down and
speak with Ladasha. And her path was carved into shape before she had a chance
to inhale her first breath. The odds were stacked against her, but she keeps
smiling. She doesn’t live in self-pity and she doesn’t blame the world. She
strives to be her best. She keeps pushing to be better, and if I had to choose
a best friend for my daughter, if I had one, there would be no doubt in my mind
that I would choose Ladasha.”

She rubbed her bottom lip and bit it. I saw where Andrea
picked up a few of her traits. “I’ve embarrassed myself,” she said. She had, it
was bullshit the way she judged Ladasha. But, I told her she shouldn’t feel
that way. Her cheeks became red and she picked up a glass of water to sip.
“It’s just, I worry, that’s all.”

“I would, too. About a lot of things. But if I could go
ahead and ease some of your worries right now…Ladasha is not something you should
worry about.” I grinned and watched her sigh with relief.

“Okay.”

“Okay.” I stood up to step away for a moment. “Now, if you
would excuse me please. I must use your bathroom.”

Or, well, go find Andrea.

Same difference.

I’D NEVER BEEN so frozen in place.
It was all the same. I didn’t know why I’d thought my mom would had changed
anything around, or taken anything away. She didn’t handle change well—I guess
it ran in the family.

The photos were still taped to my mirror and the walls. And
looking at Derrick and me smiling made me realize that the photos were still,
attached to my heart. But that wasn’t what made me freeze.

My eyes shifted to my open closet. There it was—my wedding
dress hanging in the closet, zipped up and sealed in the plastic bag for
protection from any harm. I aggressively cleared my throat and murmured to
myself. “Don’t be stupid.”

I wanted Order, and I knew if I kept letting myself feel
weak and falling into these moments of weakness I would never get to it. I had
to face my demons instead of letting them trample over me. It was time to face
it.

One step closer.

My heart started to pound in my chest. The blood flow to my
brain must have slowed down because a dizzy spell took me over.

Two steps closer.

My tongue pressed against the roof of my mouth as I wrapped
my arms around my body. It felt as if the windows were opened. My eyes shifted
towards the window frame, but I was shocked to find it sealed shut. How could
that be? I was freezing.

Three steps.

There was no going back. The closet was before me and the
white bag was peacefully resting on the hanger. It hadn’t been bothered in
months. Did I truly have the right to open it? What if it didn’t give me any
comfort by looking at it? It would only remind me of him. It would only push me
back into the house and away from the porch I was desperate to step off in
order to follow Cooper to a new beginning.

One step back.

“Don’t you dare.”

My head swirled around and landed on Cooper leaning against
the doorframe. He was calm, and I wondered how long he had been there. I
nervously patted my fingers against my lips and glanced back towards the white
bag.

“But what if…” I whispered turning back to the handsome man
who had found it his job to make sure I was all right.

“No what ifs. Keep moving forward.” He nodded at the dress
and I let out a short sigh. A few more steps I took. The sound of the zipper
lowering was the only noise heard, but I was almost certain Coop could hear the
beating of my heart.

And there it was. Still perfect. Still white. Pure.
Everything I wasn’t anymore.

And I laughed.

I cracked up. It was so beautiful and I was so not the
person who would have worn that dress. I laughed so hard my stomach started to
cramp up. This was such a funny situation I had found myself in and I couldn’t
control myself. I looked to Cooper to join in with my laughter and was
surprised when he didn’t.

He slipped his hands into his pockets, stern look on his
face, and he continued leaning. “Look again, Andrea.”

My chuckles vanished as my eyes traveled over the satin
dress. I allowed myself to run my fingers across the beaded waistline. I
caressed the sweetheart neckline. And I allowed myself to remember.

The tears followed. I turned to Cooper and wondered why he
had asked me to face the truth, the loss the dress stood for. He walked over to
me and wiped my tears as I shook my head back and forth. “I feel like such a
baby.”

“There’s nothing wrong with that,” he promised.

“What do you mean? Coop, since we met up you have seen me
cry more than anyone. There is something wrong with that.”

“Why do babies cry?” I didn’t say anything. I stood there as
he placed his hands on my shoulders. His green eyes stared into my blues.
“Babies come out crying for a reason. It’s not a sign of weakness— it’s a sign
of strength. It’s a battle cry, saying to the universe, ‘I am here and I am
fucking alive.’ So if you were quiet and empty after the horrific accident you
experienced, I would be terrified. But tears…tears mean you can feel. Tears are
a sign of life. And I’m so happy you are alive, Andrea. Because I’m almost
certain for most of the past six months you have been dead.”

He was right.

After awhile of talking, I informed him that Ladasha said we
should meet her and the others at the bar. He agreed, saying it sounded like a
decent plan and it would be good to get me around some of my past so I could
start moving towards my future. If I didn’t face the people, the places, and
the feelings Derrick’s and my hometown, I would never be able to move on.

A FRIDAY NIGHT in a small town bar
was always like a high school party. You knew everyone, and they were all
drunk, loud, and dancing. When Cooper and I walked in, I smirked at seeing
Michelle dancing on top of the bar with Ladasha. Michelle kept dancing closer
and closer to Ladasha, and Dasha giggled. They were both wasted out of their
minds and looked to be having a grand time. I needed a drink.

Walking to the bar with Cooper, I smiled to the familiar
face behind the counter. “Well, well, well. Look what the cat dragged in!
Andrea Evans, as I live and breathe!” Colin Gates hollered over the loud music
as he leaned forward and kissed my forehead. Out of the corner of my eye I saw
Cooper’s eyes narrow and watched as his jaw tightened up.

Oh…look who was jealous now.

“Colin! I thought you moved down to Florida!” I yelled.

“Yeah, well, I came back to help my dad out with the bar.
You know this town— it has a way of pulling you back in.” I knew exactly what
he meant. Colin and I went to school together, and he was the sweetest guy next
to Derrick. He moved to Florida right after high school and I hadn’t seen him
since.

Colin lowered his eyebrows and leaned in even closer, taking
my hands in his. “Hey, I’m sorry about…”

I grinned and nodded. “I know.” Colin pulled my hand up to his
lips and placed another kiss on them. Cooper cleared his throat loudly and I
spun around to glance in his direction. “Colin, this is my…” I paused and bit
my lip. “This is Cooper. He’s Michelle’s cousin.”

Cooper gave Colin the manly nod and held his hand out for a
shake. I laughed lightly as I watched the lion try to mark his territory. “Hey
man, nice to meet you.” His southern accent was thick—thicker than normal. So
sexy.

Colin grinned and accepted Cooper’s handshake. Cooper’s
tight handshake. “Nice to meet you. I’ve seen you all over television. My
girlfriend loves your show. Not to sound gay, but you’re a bad-ass
photographer, man, and I would love for you to photograph my wedding. So! I’m
guessing you two aren’t here to talk but to join your friends in their
drunkenness. What can I get you?”

Cooper eased up; I guessed the mention of a girlfriend
brought him comfort. “I’ll have a cola.”

Pointing towards Michelle and Ladasha, who were sitting on
the bar counter giggling into each other’s shoulders, I said, “I’ll have what
they’re having.”

Five tequila shots later, I was hammered. I hadn’t been
drunk since…crap. I didn’t even know. But I did know it was time to dance. I
tried to pull Cooper out onto the dance floor with me, but he refused, saying
he would join me soon enough. I didn’t have time to care; I dashed to the dance
floor with Ladasha and Michelle.

These girls were a freaking good time. The fact that my best
friend and soon-to-be sister-in-law got along together was excellent. Eric
joined the dance floor with his socially awkward dancing and we all couldn’t
stop laughing. My eyes shifted to Cooper, who was talking to Steve. It looked
like they were in a deep conversation, but I couldn’t tell what about.

Oh well.

Time to dance.

STEVE WAS HAMMERED. My mind slipped
into parental mode as I thought about who was going to drive all these
drunk-ass people home. Clearly Andrea and Ladasha were driving home with me.
And Michelle was too, if Eric didn’t sober up any time soon.

Steve stared out towards the dance floor with me and shook
his head in Andrea’s direction. “It’s fucking sad, man. Derrick, he was my best
friend, ya know?” He sipped on his drink as some spilled down his shirt. He
didn’t even notice. “And Andie was a best friend to me, too. So how do you
allow yourself to hold on to a secret for so long?”

I had no clue what Mr. Drunk was talking about, but when I
heard the word secret and knew Andrea was involved, I piped up.

“What do you mean by secret?”

Steve’s eyes wandered across the room and landed on Rachel.
Rachel waved towards me and winked. Steve made a gagging face towards her.
“Fucking slut. You know, when two people love each other, fuck other people.
Right? I mean, shit. Yeah he made a mistake but as his best friend I was
suppose to overlook that shit. Andie deserved better though.”

Better? Better than what?

“And now she’s sitting here mourning over someone who didn’t
even love her enough to be faithful.” Steve’s eyes shifted to the ground as he
sipped on his drink. “But man…he was my best fucking friend.”

Holy shit.

Derrick had cheated on Andrea. And from the way Steve hissed
towards Rachel, I was pretty sure it was with her.

Andrea, the drunken beauty that she was, stumbled over to me
and patted the sides of my face. After me, she moved on to Steve’s face. I
could smell the alcohol on her breath as she puckered up her lips and hissed at
us in her best Joker voice. “Whyyyyyyy sooooo serious?!” She giggled. I offered
her my seat, knowing she couldn’t stand much longer.

Colin walked over to us, looking towards Andrea, “Hey hun,
what can I get you?”

Andrea stared at me; her eyes looked as if she were
undressing me from my head to my toes. If I wasn’t still trying to process the
information just presented to me, I would have fucking loved for her to undress
me with more than those eyes. She turned to Colin, bent forward, and whispered
loud enough for me to hear her. “I’ll have a soda pop, Colin. I really, really
want a soda pop.” As she swiveled around in her seat, she stared into my eyes.
Her hyper, drunk self seemed to disappear as she stared at me. Her look was
stern and hopeful.

“Cooper. Would you like a soda pop?” Her long eyelashes
blinked once and her beautiful blues resurfaced. I was still in a stage of
shock from what Steve had told me. Andrea had spent the past few months
mourning over someone who had cheated on her repeatedly. She’d spent the past
few months living in her mind about how she and Derrick were destined to be
together. And he’d spent the last few days of his life sleeping with Rachel.

I didn’t understand. Cheating. If you are so unhappy with
someone, why not just leave? Why make a situation so messy? Iris could have
told me she wasn’t happy. She could have come to me and expressed herself in
another way instead of screwing a groom in a broom closet.

Giving her a short smile, I shook my head. “I’m not too
thirsty right now. But I’m going to run to the restroom and after that maybe we
should all head out.” I turned away from her before I could watch her face
drop. I was certain there was a look of disappointment because as I walked away
I heard Andrea say to Colin, “Screw the soda pop. Two more shots of tequila.”

After I went to the bathroom I knew I had to get drunk girl
out of the bar. My eyes shifted to the dance floor where Ladasha and Eric were
dancing
very
close to each other. I couldn’t even see a gap between the
two of their bodies. Their eyes were locked together as if they were in some
kind of deep connection. Zombie-fucking-dancing. Damn alcohol.

Where was Michelle?

“Bobby, stop it…” I heard hissed from a young girl’s mouth.
The voice sounded afraid of the situation before her, and as I turned towards
the bathrooms, I saw Michelle pinned against the bathroom wall with Eric’s best
friend standing over her.

It looked like he was begging her for something. Asking her
for something. It looked shady as hell and I forcefully ripped him away from
her.

“Is everything okay, Chelle?” I looked at my cousin, who was
so wasted with her mascara smeared under her bloodshot eyes. I wasn’t sure if
that was due to the tears, the alcohol, or a mix of both.

She nodded towards me as I watched Bobby run his hands
through his hair. “Hey, man, I’m not sure if we actually met during dance
rehearsal. I’m Bobby.” He held his hand out towards me. I denied it.

“Yeah, Eric’s best friend, right?” I pulled Michelle towards
me and whispered, “You’re drunk. Go sit next to Andie at the bar and get some
water. I’ll be right over and then we are going home, all right?” Her doe eyes
stared at me, but she nodded in understanding and wandered over towards Andrea
with the best drunk-zombie walk I’d ever witnessed. I gave Bobby a short look
before heading towards the restroom.

This was one fucked up town.