The Solitude of Passion (42 page)

Holy crap. Did Mitch just remotely insinuate that Lee and I were meant to be together? Is this Mitch, the supposed
great love of Lee’s life
admitting defeat? I want to love it, but can’t.

Lee picks up her purse and walks out the door. Looks like I’ll have to catch a ride back with Mitch, or maybe he’ll ditch me for posterity.

“Homework—final assignment.” Dr. Van Guard slaps his hands together. “The both of you. For one solid month—stay the hell away from Lee.”

Lee

I don’t bother going home. Max and Mitch can pick up the kids. They can be the new Townsend-Shepherd couple of Mono. I’m going to hang out with someone far more mature and level headed than those two can ever be—Colt.

I give a hard knock over his door until the wood vibrates beneath my knuckles. It takes several minutes before a string of muffled expletives head in my direction.

The door swings open revealing a very rumpled, very freshly laid, Colton. His hair is sticking straight up, his bare-chest glistens with sweat. His boxers are pulled down to his pubic line. A woman, wearing nothing but his T-shirt, trots down the stairs, pausing a good three feet behind him.

“Sorry.” I make my way over to the couch and fold into it.

“Sure, come in.”

I don’t bother acknowledging Colt’s sarcasm. He mumbles something to the girl, and she scrambles back upstairs. He probably wants me to be quick, but I’m hoping it’s her he’ll evict.

“What’s up?” He plunks down next to me, ripe with body odor.

“You smell funky—move.”

“Any other pressing requests?” he asks, relocating to the recliner. “Have a sudden interest in yet a third husband?”

“I’m quite uncomfortable with just the two. Thanks for the offer.”

“You’re in a mood. You wanna pick up some food, and I’ll get rid of… ” He motions upstairs.

“No. I don’t want to go anywhere, and for sure I’m not hungry.” I want to cry, but the tears won’t come. I’m all out of tears for both Mitch and Max. “What happened between us?” Now that Dr. Van Guard drew back the curtain, I can’t help but feel maybe there’s something more lingering behind the gossamer. Mitch’s bombshell about keeping me away from Max leveled me. It wrung my heart out without warning, and I can’t seem to get my footing.

“Us?” Colton scans the ceiling as though there never were an
us
.

“You were my first boyfriend. You gave me a hickey the size of an apple that warranted a turtleneck in the month of June.”

“You want another?”

“No.”

“Are we about to have an argument?” His head ticks back a notch, amused.

“Maybe.” God knows I’m ripe for one.

“How long ago was this again?”

“Really? So I was just another face—nothing special? You don’t even remember that we dated.”

“I remember.” He rolls his eyes. “Of course, I remember. I teased Mitch the first few years you guys went out. Told ‘em I got the test drive. But you were good for a purchase, not so much a lease, and I wasn’t buying. I handed you off to my little bro because I thought we should keep you in the family.”

“Not funny.” I’m completely unmoved by his allegorical confession.

“Glad you approve.”

“What’s wrong with you anyway?”

“As in wrong with me because I didn’t choose you? I didn’t catch Lee fever, so I must be damaged?” He gives a slight laugh.

“No, because you never settled down. You know—
family
, kids.”

The floorboards creek from above, and he points up. “My version of settling.”

“You like this one?”

“She’s okay. I feel kind of bad I can’t understand her, but that comes in handy sometimes.”

“If it helps, I can’t understand men—mostly Mitch.” I shrug.

“So what happened? What perfect storm has you running for cover in my living room?”

“We went to see the doctor today. Mitch said he saw me with Max.” I dig through my purse for a tissue. “It was high school, right around when you and I stopped seeing each other.”

“You cheated on me?” He looks genuinely pissed.

“
No
. You had already been with like three other people simultaneously.”

“Yeah, but that was expected. This is you we’re talking about, and with Max? Wait, did you cheat on Mitch?”

“No, no—just you. In fact, I was drinking you away, and Max was there.”

“Right place, right time. Best place to be.” He winks. “So you never told Mitch?”

“Nope.”

“He dropped the bomb on you today? He knew all along.”

“All along,” I nod. “And I feel like shit. All those years we were together—I never told him. He knew, and he never pushed me. And do you know why he hated Max?”

“To keep you apart.”

“You knew?”

“He told me from the beginning, although, he omitted the little detail about you sleeping with Max. Makes sense, though. Max was after you, but Mitch wanted you more.”

“You think so?”

“I know so.”

“You’re his brother, you have to say that. Max wanted me plenty. And in the end…” I wag my wedding ring in the air.

“But Mitch is back. This time you have to choose
him
.” The smile melts from Colt’s face. “He’s running scared, Lee.”

“I chose him before.” A part of me wants to say
I’m going to choose him again
. But what if life is rectifying something that was meant to be in the first place?

“How do you really know you’re with the right person, Colt?” I wait for him to answer, garnish it with some sage advice, but nothing.

“Lee.” He lies back and closes his eyes. “I wouldn’t know the right person if she walked up and spit in my face.”

True. Who was Colton to offer advice on anything other than herding females into his bedroom by the dozen? He’s a marathon womanizer, something less than a gigolo who has a woman stashed upstairs and probably ten more penciled in for the night. I’m not even sure he knows how to spell her name, let alone say it.

“I love Mitch.” It comes out bland, so sad.

“And Max?” Colt wants me to say it out loud.

“I love Max.”

“Thought so.”

I take off from Colt’s and sit in my car a good long while before starting the engine. Mitch ended his relationship with Max as some stupid game of keep away. What would have happened if Max
was
around?

My stomach turns with the possibilities.

How different would life be today if Max was in the equation way back when?

Mitch

“You want to hit Black Cove?” I ask as we maneuver onto the highway.

“Sure.” Max flicks his eyes out the window.

Black Cove is technically the bluff above it. We used to hang out there with friends when we first started driving. I took Lee a few times to watch shooting stars.

The sun is still pretty high—summer sun. A slow trail of orange melts over the sky, making it look like someone left out a Popsicle too long. I pull into the lot and park against the overlook. Not a soul to be seen for miles. The fog rolls out over the ocean in sheets, taking the edge off the heat wave we’ve been sweltering in. If Lee were here she’d lose herself in the beauty of the clouds as they cover the shore. She’d rave about it, pull a notebook from her purse and start sketching. Those are the little things I love about her. The way she sees beauty in nature and doesn’t hesitate to share it with others, sketch it out to appreciate later.

I roll down the windows, and the haze seeps in. Max leans back and closes his eyes.

I can’t fucking believe I dug my grave today in front of Lee. That I told her what had really gone through my teenage mind at the time I booted Max out of my life. They say you should never let a girl get between you and a friend. But Lee was no ordinary girl. I needed to make sure what happened at the party never happened again. Didn’t really succeed, though. I wonder what would have happened if I let them run their course. If Lee would have dumped him—hated him. Then years later, when I went missing, she would have stayed single or married Colt. Never mind the fact Colt is allergic to commitment. He would have repelled from matrimony like an air bubble escaping the bottom of the ocean.

“So now what?” Max shifts in his seat. “You going to lure me to the edge and push me off?” He sounds resigned to pretty much anything right about now.

“Nope.” Not that I wouldn’t put it past him to lure
me
to the edge. “Just thought we could hang out for a second. Drink down the doctor’s special brand of advice.”

“Super.” He turns his head toward the water.

“So are you going to do it?” I ask. “You going to keep away from Lee? A month?” I doubt Max could keep away from her for a solid day, let alone thirty.

“Wouldn’t you love it.”

“I’m doing it.” If it only takes one more month before I can have Lee again, I’d stand on my head, douse myself in honey and let fire ants crawl all over me.

“I’ll do it.” It comes out disgruntled. “Lee gave that asshole her blessing to ratchet us however he wants. The sooner this is over, the better.”

“It’s the last assignment,” I offer. Only Max has no idea he gets the boot in the end. No dating Lee, no touching, kissing, or undercover action for one whole lifetime. “I bet you feel like you’re about to suffocate. At least you’re not an entire continent apart. It’s five weeks, not five years.”

“I know, Mitch.” He nods out the window. “Life fed you a shit sandwich, and now the whole world has to suffer because of it. And I damn well better be willing to cough up my wife.”

“Lee gets to decide whose wife she is.”

Max turns in his seat, switches off the radio. “You want her back?”

For a second I think he’s going to give her to me, gift-wrapped—concede and call it a day.

“Stupid question,” I say.

“If you do, you should know the way to get into her good graces is through me.” The hint of a sly smile appears.

“Yes, you.” I run my hand over the steering wheel. “I know.” Lee’s been saying, all along, the way to her heart is through Max. How fucking astute of him to realize. I doubt she clued him in. “I’m all yours, Max.” I hold out my hands. “I want to fix this, make it right—for Stella and Eli. I want Lee, but I know you do, too. Aside from Lee, we need to parent these kids.”

“You don’t need to fake some bond with my son to get on Lee’s good side.”

“You fake some bond with my daughter?”

“I was there the day Stella was born,” he roars. “I watched as she took her first step, her first word was daddy. I
named
her.”

That last point takes the air from my lungs—siphons it out by way of my stomach. “You named her?”

“Yes. Lee wanted to name her Mitch, but I suggested Stella. You know, from the play.”

Yes, I know. It was Lee and me who were in it. I was the one who got the whole school calling her Stella. I just assumed it was Lee who thought of it on her own in some serendipitous moment.

“Thanks. I like Stella.” Still stunned.

“Lee was tired. She was alone and depressed—really scared.”

“Sounds like a prime target.”

“Nobody else was there for her!” His voice echoes through my skull. “Your nitwit brother couldn’t tie his shoe if his life depended on it. Your mother had too damn much on her plate with the Townsend investors leaping off the nearest bridge every time she turned around. And, by the way, we’re up the creek again thanks to your talk show circus. There’s a meeting coming up in a few weeks that dictates whether or not we keep treading water or start inhaling to speed up suffocation. I’ll have to pull the cord and attach it to the slush fund at Shepherd just to keep it afloat.” He pushes his head into his seat. “You take care of that leak yet?”

“I’m talking to the plumber.” Slight exaggeration.

“You can’t wait for him to get back to you, Mitch.” He slaps his hand on the dash. “Get the hoses out tonight, let them run because half the crops are drying out. You’re going to lose everything.”

“I got it under control.” The truth is, Max took better care of the fields. Where’s my head been? I start up the engine. “Thanks for being there for Lee.” I mean it this time. No sarcasm.

“You know”—he locks eyes with me—“deep inside I wanted to believe you would have wanted it that way. I didn’t fight you for her back in the day.” He looks past me at the open sky. “Maybe I should have. But then again, you can’t fight what’s meant to be.”

I hope he remembers that when Lee brands her footprint over his ass.

Something tells me he won’t.

Max

Lee took to the idea right away. It was almost as if she needed a mental vacation, and she agreed to the ground rules set up by Dr. Van Guard. Minimal contact. Avoid being in the same room together with the exception of shared family meals, no going out with either one of us, no extracurricular chit-chat, just hello and goodbye for one solid month. Mitch and I are to leave the house in the evening for a few hours—if possible together. It’s been odd. The first week Mitch and I hung out on the beach teaching Eli and Stella how to throw a football, how to boogie board, and play a lousy game of volleyball.