The Soldier's Bride (11 page)

Her heart pounded with fear even though she knew it was only a nightmare and Harlan couldn’t hurt her. She tried to calm herself but sleep wouldn’t come again. Evelyn dragged a quilt across the floor, wrapped it tightly around her, and sat by the window, watching the moonlight cast shadows through the trees.

“Oh, Jim. Why couldn’t you have lived?” she whispered. Her husband seemed like a distant memory at times, but in the quiet of the night, Evelyn felt closer to him. Her heart slowed to its natural rhythm as she remembered the happy times with Jim, the way she always felt safe with him. Sterling’s face came to mind, and she knew that he was also a man who could bring her joy if she would let him. If only she could rid herself of the painful memories, the horrible feeling of filth where Harlan had touched her.

She wrapped the quilt tighter around her shoulders, wincing at the recollection of Denise’s visit earlier that week. Her friend from high school had come with a plate of cookies and, what Evelyn learned five minutes later, an insatiable need for gossip.

“I can’t believe it was Harlan,” Denise had said. “I mean, why didn’t you just go out with him? He could’ve provided for you and Danny. You could have had anything you wanted with the money that family is rolling in.”

Evelyn had stared at Denise, trying to swallow back tears and replied, “He tried to rape me, not take me on a date.”

Marie had happened to come into the front room right then and heard the comments. Denise was gone two minutes later, and Evelyn only had her mother’s worn blouse to cry on as she held her close. One more friend lost to a horrible circumstance where Evelyn was the victim.

She shook her head and stared out the window until her eyelids grew heavy and she succumbed to the torment of her dreams.

The next day, Sterling knelt by Evelyn’s chair and took her hand. “I want you to come for a walk with me every day, and I’m not going to take no for an answer.”

Her eyes shifted from the wall to his face.

“C’mon.” He pulled her to her feet and propelled her out the door. Marie had Danny ready in his stroller. Harold was there when Evelyn turned from the doorway, and he hugged his daughter.

“Evelyn, it’s time to live again.” He turned her gently toward the front door. “Have a nice walk.”

For a moment she was confused. Then Sterling took her hand and placed it on Danny’s stroller. She had to walk to follow the momentum of the wheels spinning against the sidewalk.

The warm air kissed her cheeks, and she sucked in a breath as if she’d been underwater for days. Her chest expanded, and she focused on Sterling’s smile. She could see the worry behind his eyes and felt a guilty pang for what he had been through.

“Don’t worry about me, Evelyn. I’m not done saving you yet,” Sterling said.

She jerked her head up wondering how he could read her thoughts. He patted her hand. “One step at a time. That’s how I ventured out of my shell every time I came to see you at the Silver Lining.”

She shuddered and turned her face away. She thought about running away and hiding in the grove of trees growing on the hillside, about curling into a ball and never opening her eyes again. Her mind was awash with pain and sorrow and even though the sun shone down upon her face, she couldn’t feel its warmth.

They rounded a corner and her steps remained sluggish, the stroller forcing her to keep walking. Danny jabbered in the background, pointing and smiling at grasses turning green and tulips blooming.

Evelyn’s eyes filled with tears and soon her face was wet from the silent sobs coursing through her body. Sterling stopped walking and pulled her into his arms. She moved her hands against him as if to push away.

“Evelyn, stop.” Sterling said.

She froze and looked at him with terror in her eyes. He held her steady and lowered his voice. “I will not let you do this to yourself, to Danny, to your parents. We’re worried sick about you. Your parents are wondering if they should take you to a doctor.”

Her eyes widened and she shook her head, fresh tears falling down her cheeks.

“Please,” Sterling locked eyes with her. “It’s like you’ve died.”

Evelyn started as if she’d been slapped. She stepped back from Sterling’s grasp. She wrapped her arms around herself, looked up and down the street, and then closed her eyes.

It was there. He’d said the words that sparked a memory, and Evelyn listened as the wind chanted the message—a melody moving through the trees covered in new life and vibrant green leaves.

“You haven’t gone out since it happened. I want to drive you over to Newbold, away from here, for a nice dinner. I’ve been saving my gas stamps for this. Will you let me help you make a new memory tonight?”

Sterling lifted her face to look into her eyes. Evelyn met his gaze and he smiled. She knew that he was trying to imbue her with courage. The hallway mirror showed that she looked alive again after three weeks of talking and walking through the streets near her home. Still fragile, but alive.

Sterling squeezed her hand. “I talked to your parents—they think it would be good for you, too.”

Evelyn hesitated and smiled. “Okay, I’ll go.”

“I’ll be back to pick you up at six.” Sterling gave her a quick peck on the cheek and stood. His movement sent the swing into a gentle rock, and she cuddled Danny and waved her fingers at Sterling as he walked away.

~*~

She wore a black skirt with a blouse the color of wild orchids. When her mother had checked in on her and saw her wearing a simple black dress, Marie insisted that Evelyn wear something other than black.

Evelyn’s forehead puckered as she frowned, but she conceded to her mother’s wishes. Marie still made a clucking noise when she saw her black skirt. “I guess if that’s the best you can do, we’ll just take one step at a time.”

“Thanks for understanding, Mom, and for watching Danny,” Evelyn said. Ever since the day she walked with Sterling and heard the wind speak to her, she had made an effort to push away her fears and live. She had read through Jim’s letter again and cried, but then resolved to fight. She thought of Jim’s message every day, gripped the locket she still wore, and promised herself that today would be better than yesterday.

Evelyn hugged her mother and gave Danny a kiss on his chubby cheek. “You be a good boy now.” He squealed and clapped his hands when he heard Sterling’s knock at the door. Evelyn couldn’t help but laugh as she went to meet her date.

Sterling deserved credit for steering the conversation into lighthearted chatter. He told her about some of the work he’d been busy with at his shop and how the town of Aspen Falls seemed to be growing.

As they drove along the highway, she noticed how the new homes of Aspen Falls stretched much closer to Newbold and Callaway Grove than she remembered. Soon they would merge together, and she hoped her secluded town wouldn’t lose its cozy aura to the more bustling city of Newbold.

At the restaurant, Evelyn didn’t see anyone she knew and allowed herself to relax and enjoy Sterling’s company. “I remember when I was a little girl, being so excited to visit Colorado Springs and thinking that one day I’d live there.” She paused and cut her meat into smaller pieces realizing that every memory seemed to come back to Jim no matter how hard she tried to avoid it. “Jim and I moved to Colorado Springs right after we were married.”

Sterling concentrated on his food, chewing carefully as if he also recognized the precarious turn the conversation was taking. “Really? I didn’t know that, but I’ve only lived in Aspen Falls for four years.” He swallowed and took a drink. “My brother and I set up shop out here not long after my dad passed on.”

“See, it’s proof our town is growing,” Evelyn responded. “We moved because I’d found a good job as a secretary and wanted to see more than our city square. Of course, Jim was in the air force.”

They both concentrated on eating for a time as memories filled their minds. Evelyn pulled apart the steaming dinner roll and slathered oleo on it. Missing real butter, she watched the golden pat sink into the thick bread. “Thank you for bringing me here tonight. You were right, I needed to get out.”

Sterling winked at her. “They have dancing in the next room, and I wondered if you’d mind a few slow dances with a cripple like me?”

She smiled. “That’d be fine.” She folded her hands in her lap to hide the tremors in her fingers.

“You look so alive tonight, Evelyn.” He reached for her hand under the table. “I was worried I’d lost you.”

When they danced, she tried to block the memory of Jim holding her in their kitchen and humming to the tune of the music box. Fortunately, Sterling led her away from the dance floor after only one song, and they watched the couples moving gracefully through a waltz.

“I used to be a great dancer,” he said.

“Don’t worry about it, Sterling.” Evelyn squeezed his hand and then leaned her head on his shoulder.

On the way home, she sat closer to Sterling and he put his arm around her. The temperature dropped as night drew on, and he motioned to the blanket he brought to cover her legs. She pulled the blue-and-white plaid blanket up to her waist and nearly dozed in the warmth and motion of the car.

When Sterling drove up to her house, he switched off the ignition but hesitated before opening his door. He leaned toward Evelyn, and she focused on the depths of his jade-colored eyes and held very still. He smiled and she felt the warmth of his breath caress her cheek as he kissed her lightly on the lips.

Evelyn closed her eyes and she felt him pause as if gauging her reaction. Her lips responded to his next kiss. A tiny thrill traveled through her, and she could feel the flush of heat in her cheeks. Sterling put his arms around her and kissed her again, drawing her body close to his.

The kisses were tender and his hold on her wasn’t forceful, but the only man who had kissed her since Jim had been Harlan, and now her lips felt tainted. She wanted to enjoy the soft caresses of Sterling’s mouth against hers, but instead she shivered under his touch. She choked on her tears and leaned back, but Sterling pulled her close to him.

“I’m sorry,” he whispered. His touch gentle, yet firm. “But I’m not. Please Evelyn, look at me, keep your eyes open and kiss me just once.”

“I can’t.” She pulled away, looked at him, then rested her head on his shoulder.

“I know what you’re thinking and that’s why I want you to kiss me. Don’t let Harlan infect your heart. Don’t let him win.” He rubbed her back in a circular motion and let several seconds pass before he spoke again. “I know you won’t believe me, but I’m just as scared as you.”

The streetlamp cast a soft glow on his face, and she could see from his eyes he spoke the truth. “You mean the flashbacks?”

He nodded. “I haven’t let myself get close to anyone because I never know when I’ll be overcome by the memories.” His fingers traced the line of her jaw. “But now you’ve helped me. I know they might never leave completely, but when I’m with you I feel like I can keep waking up every day and try to face the world.”

“But I feel the same way,” she whispered. “If it weren’t for you, Sterling, I don’t know . . .”

He bent his head toward her and she felt his lips, soft and moist, brush against hers. Evelyn almost pulled back again, but the part of her that hated Harlan didn’t want to let him ruin this.

She parted her lips and kissed him, feeling the warmth of his breath against her mouth. Her trembling fingers sifted through the dark curls at the nape of his neck. His kisses grew longer, and when his lips trailed along her jawline and onto her neck, she sighed and brought his mouth back to hers. Then with a ragged breath she clung to him and buried her face in his chest.

“I love you, Evelyn,” Sterling whispered.

She clutched his shoulders and pressed her cheek against his beating heart and wondered if she would ever be able to say those words to him.

Evelyn wiped the perspiration from the back of her neck and pinned up her hair, almost ready for another date with Sterling. She placed her fingers on her lips and thought about the kiss they’d shared over a month ago. She hadn’t let him kiss her like that since that night, and her heart quickened as she thought about how he held her close each time they were together, his breath warm against her cheek. The fear welled up inside again, and Harlan’s face flashed before her. She shuddered and tucked another strand of hair in the ivory clip.

She heard a car door close and knew Sterling had arrived. A knock at the door caused her stomach to flip, and she listened as her father greeted Sterling with a hearty chuckle.

Evelyn stared at herself in the mirror. Her face had lost its soft innocence, and the lines of her jaw were more defined. The brown of her eyes held no glimmer of excitement the way they used to when she was preparing to meet Jim. She covered her face with her hands and took a deep breath.

Sterling was trying his best to hold onto her, but Evelyn had lost her spark. Harlan’s terrifying attack had awakened something in Sterling, given him a boldness that had been lost before. But while it had aroused something in Sterling, it had equally dampened Evelyn’s venturing spirit. How could she go on when the jagged pieces of her broken heart seemed to pierce her soul with each breath she took? Danny’s giggle echoed through the hallway, and she knew Sterling was probably tickling him and singing some funny song to make him smile. Danny adored Sterling—he had even started calling him Stir.

Every time Evelyn had tried to push Sterling away and hide under the consuming tower of her fears, he had reached for her, pulling her from the gloom. She couldn’t help but see what a good man he was, how much he wanted to be a father someday.

She glanced in the mirror again and rolled her shoulders back her thoughts wandering to the promise she’d made to Jim. It was difficult, but she was living again, trying to piece her life back together. She would try to make a better effort to open her heart to Sterling.

The stairs creaked as Evelyn descended holding tight to the banister. Sterling looked up and her body trembled when she recognized the adoration in his eyes. He loved her, and she felt guilty for not giving him her whole heart, but it wasn’t possible—at least not yet.