The Silk Vendetta (41 page)

”Lonely! With you and Katie and the Countess and Cassie?”

“I mean missing your husband.”

“I miss him, of course.”

“And this Gaston de la Tour … he seems to have made an impression on you.”

“He is quite an impressive person.”

“You are bemused by his title and his possessions … his power. …”

”I suppose they are very much a part of him.”

”You saw a great deal of him?”

”We were together every day in Paris. He took me to so many places and he is so knowledgeable about art, history and architecture that he made me see things differently.”

“Oh, Lenore … don’t you see … ?”

“Look, Grand’mere, you are worrying unnecessarily. I came back to London, didn’t I? I could have stayed in Paris. He was there.”

“I know that he is attractive and that he has a way with women. His attitude towards them is quite lighthearted. He is not good for you, Lenore. I know the family well. They have lorded it over the neighbourhood for generations. They thought they had rights to any woman they fancied. That was how they lived in the old days and Carsonne has not moved with the times.”

“I understand that, Grand’mere. I was aware of it all the time, but I did enjoy meeting him. He was so … alive … so amusing … and different from any man I have ever known. As you say, I have been a little dull perhaps since Philip died. I enjoyed our meetings but I never lost sight of what our friendship meant to him and what his ultimate aim was. I was as determined that he should not reach it as he was determined to. It needs two people to come to a decision like that, Grand’mere, and we were not in agreement on it. I know what is in your mind so I will assure you that I am still a chaste widow.”

“There would be heartbreak with that one. I am sorry you met him.”

“Don’t be, Grand’mere. It was an experience … and I am none the worse for it.”

She sighed with relief. “Thank God you are home.”

”Katie admired him,” I told her.’ ‘He was charming to her.”

“But of course he would be. He saw his way through her to you. Mon Dieu, I should have been worried if I had known it had gone so far.”

“I was always aware of the sort of man he is.”

“But I can see that you were not unaffected.”

“Well frankly, it would have been difficult not to be. When I was there I heard about Rene’s daughter, Heloise. She killed herself because of an unfaithful lover. It is generally believed that the Comte was the man in the case. He would take a delight in seducing a St. Allengere. That feud has been going on for a long time. That sort of thing is so senseless. I believe my grandfather is not the saint he makes himself out to be.”

“You are right. A bigger hypocrite was never born.”

“So I gathered. Passions run high in your native land, Grand’mere. Knowing all this I am not likely to want to get involved, am I?”

“That’s true enough. I often think of how pleased I was when you and Philip were married. Such a good man he was. I thought you were settled for life. I was so content.”

”But one never knows what is going to happen, Grand’mere.”

“Alas, that is true. To think that it went wrong … Then I wanted you and that Drake Aldringham … Now there was a man one could trust. I never cease to regret that went wrong.”

“You can’t make life work out just as you want it to.” She nodded. I asked her about the business and what had been happening during my absence; and I began to think of Drake. His image had dimmed considerably since my meeting with Gaston de la Tour.

Cassie was delighted to see us back. She told me how much she had missed Katie and me.

“Sometimes I wish we were all together as we were in the beginning,” she said. “The Paris salon has split us up.”

“You should go over to Paris, Cassie. You would enjoy it.”

She shook her head. ”I’m better here.”

It was true she was invaluable to the London salon. She had become an excellent business woman; she was determined to make the best of life, to forget her disabilities and concentrate on her assets. She and Grand’mere had become very close and worked well together.

After she had shown me what was going on in the workroom—her special domain for she had an aversion to dealing with clients—she told me how worried she was about Julia.

“She is drinking more heavily than ever. People are talking about it. They are saying that Drake made the biggest mistake of his life. He married her to further his career and she is turning out to be an impediment. I visit her. Drake isn’t there much. Julia is unhappy. I think she cares for him quite a lot … but he can’t return her affection. He stays away and is in that country place most of the time. I don’t think it is helping his career. I have seen them together now and then … and I think he has come near to hating her.”

“How very sad.”

“You must come and see her sometimes. She probably knows that you are back and will be hurt if you don’t.”

“But I don’t think she wants to see me.”

“She does. She is always talking about you.”

“I’ll come one day then.”

So I went with Cassie to Julia’s house which was now Drake’s London headquarters.

When we were ushered into the drawing room I was amazed to see the change in Julia. She had grown very fat; her colour was deeper and tinged with purple; her eyes were a little glazed.

I was greeted effusively.

“Lenore… recently come from Paris! You look it, my dear, doesn’t she, Cassie? So elegant! How do you keep so thin”? I’m overflowing everywhere… even my maid sees that it is useless to force myself into my corsets. There comes a time when you give up trying to look what you are not. Have some sherry. Cassie, ring the bell. Tell them to bring some of those wine biscuits.”

Cassie obeyed and Julia poured out the sherry—an ample one for herself, I noticed.

“Well, this is fun!” she said, lifting her glass. “Like old times. Do you remember … at The Silk House. Quite a lot has happened since then. Poor Philip gone… and you a widow, Lenore. Did you ever think of marrying again?” Was there something sour in her look? Was she implying that she remembered how it was once between Drake and me?

“I’ve remained a widow,” I said.

“Poor Lenore! It must be from choice.”

I did not answer. She refilled her glass and drank quickly.

“Being a political wife is not all that much fun, you know,” she said. “I sometimes think I should have been like you, Lenore, and remained a widow.” She shrugged her shoulders. “Well, as long as one knows how to enjoy oneself.”

Cassie looked uneasy and I was wondering how soon we could take our leave when Drake came in.

Julia was suddenly alert; she set down her glass; and I wondered whether she had arranged our meeting for a time when he would be there. She was watching Drake intently. He could not hide his surprise … and pleasure … at seeing me.

“Why, Lenore,” he said, advancing and taking my hands.

“It is nice to see you, Drake,” I said.

“I heard you were in Paris.”

“I have not been back so very long.”

”Have a glass of sherry, darling,” said Julia.

“No thank you.”

She pouted. “I suppose you think I have had too much.”

“I did not mention the fact.”

“No, but you looked it. When you marry, Lenore, make sure you don’t get a critical husband. They are such a bore.”

Drake did not answer. He turned to me. “I hope all is going well with the Paris branch.”

“Very well indeed. The Countess is a wonderful business woman.”

“I suppose you all are. Cassie tells us things are working out well.”

There was silence.

“You should have gone in for that line of business, Drake, instead of politics,” said Julia. ”It might not have kept you away from home so much … if that is what keeps you away.”

The colour in her face had deepened. I wondered how much she had drunk before we arrived. She turned to us. “He is so rarely at home … only flying visits when it is essential for him to be in Town. He longs to be back in the country, don’t you, Drake? All that nursing of the silly old constituency. It’s not very grateful, is it? Last time he scraped in with a minute majority.”

Drake tried to infuse a note of conventionality into the conversation.

“That is how elections go,” he said.

“Of course he was hoping for a government post. But you never know where you are in politics. The party is out and you are out. No one with any sense goes into it.”

Drake laughed apologetically. “I daresay you are right,” he said.

”I think it is an exciting profession,” I said. ”Of course there is a great deal of luck needed, and so much depends on what party is in power, but guiding the way the country goes must be fascinating.”

“More sherry?” asked Julia.

Cassie and I declined and she helped herself to another glassful.

Drake frowned and said: “Julia, do you think you ought?”

She laughed. “Do I think I ought, he says! That’s because you two are here. He doesn’t care how much I drink. He’s hoping I’ll drink myself to death.”

Suddenly she began to cry. It was most embarrassing. I knew she was intoxicated. Drake went to her and laid a hand on her shoulder. “Julia is not very well,” he said. He took out a handkerchief and wiped her eyes and then gently took the glass from her.

She clung to him passionately.

Cassie rose and said, “Well, we’ll be going. We’ll see you soon, Julia.”

Julia nodded.

Drake came with us to the door. He took my hand and said: “Lenore, I must see you. Could we meet in the park … where we used to … near the ducks?”

I nodded.

As we left the house Cassie said: “That was most unfortunate. She is in a sad way. You can see how she is drinking. She is very unhappy really. She loves Drake passionately … and he doesn’t love her. He is very good really. He tries to pretend but it shows, doesn’t it? She’s not usually as bad as that. I think it was because you were there. She’s always been jealous of you, Lenore. I often feel that if Drake could fall in love with her, it might save her.”

“He is her husband.”

“That doesn’t make any difference. He has never really loved her. He married her to help his career, people say.”

“I don’t think that was quite the case.”

“At one time we thought he was in love with you.”

I did not answer.

“But he married Julia. I think it was because she was rich. It is a mistake to marry for that reason. He soon found that out.”

“I think perhaps you misjudge him. One can never really know why people do certain things.”

”You’re right, of course, and I am so desperately sorry for them both. He must have thought it was going to be so different when he married her… and so did she. It’s all gone wrong for them.”

I was certainly depressed by what I had seen that morning.

I was uneasy as I prepared for my rendez-vous with Drake. It seemed so strange to be meeting him in the park where we had met so many times in the past. He was waiting for me on the seat where we used to sit.

When I reached him he took both my hands and looked searchingly into my face.

“It is so good of you to come, Lenore,” he said.

“It is like old times,” I replied.

He sighed. “How I wish I could go back. I’d do it all so differently.”

“That’s what we all feel at some time.”

“I had to talk to you. I had to tell you what was really happening. Life is quite intolerable at times … and when I think how it might have been … Lenore, I wonder how I can go on.”

“You have your career,” I said.

“Thank God. I am kept busy, but working here is difficult. I am in Swaddingham as much as I can be, but I am baulked at every turn.”

“Poor Drake! I am so sorry.”

“It is wonderful that you are back in London. I’ve missed you so much. Lenore, if only things had gone differently. Please don’t go away again.”

I said: “I daresay I shall be here for a while.”

”You understand… about Julia. I realized very quickly that there was not to be a child. She tricked me. God forgive me, I hate her for it. I try not to. She is pathetic sometimes. You saw something of what she was like when you were with her, but you have no idea how violent she can be. And partly it is my fault. She has an obsession for me. If I could only return her feeling… if only I could convince her… but I can’t, Lenore. It’s all so false. I can’t pretend to that extent. She knows I never loved her. She knows I married her because I was tricked. She hates herself for tricking me. Poor Julia, I want to help her. I want to cure her of this drinking … but it is beyond me and sometimes I show the repulsion I feel. I think of you constantly. Always I say, If only … I must see you sometimes, Lenore. Please, let us meet.”

“In the circumstances, Drake, I think it would be unwise for us to meet,” I said.

“I was sure you felt something for me. I wanted to ask you to marry me. I hesitated. I thought a great deal about your first husband. I know you cared for him. I was always saying to myself, I must wait… wait until the time is ripe … wait until she has completely broken away from the past. But I waited too long … and this has happened.”

I felt numb. It was a fact that had he asked me I should have said Yes. I was sure that I loved him then; he was a part of my past: the gallant man who had rescued me from the mausoleum, who had come again into my life to take me away from that lost past with Philip, just as he had from the fear of that dark place. I would have gone to him gratefully. I believed that I should have been happy with him … in a quiet, safe way … the way Grand’mere wished for me. We would have raised a family in that delightful country house; there would have been visits to London. I should have kept my interest in the salon. Yes, I could see that it could have been a happy way of life.

But I had been disturbed. Should I have been completely happy? I kept seeing the ironic, amused and sardonic eyes of the Comte—the daik, rather saturnine good looks, the magnetic charm, the exciting personality. I could never now settle into the quiet way of life without thinking of him and what my conventional upbringing had forced me to miss.

His coming into my life had changed everything. I was foolish to think of him. He was as forbidden to me as Drake was.