The Shore of Women (10 page)

If the Lady had truly loved him, I thought, She would never have sent him out in the first place but would have kept him at Her side. My mind was leading me astray once more. It was man’s nature to sin and to be a prisoner of this world for a time.

Ulred sighed again, and I uttered a few words of comfort. Tal had often said that it was useless to love a boy until he had grown tall and his guardian knew that he would live to manhood. Observing Ulred’s sorrow, I saw the truth of those words.

We left the woods, and I guided them north. Once we came upon horse tracks, and I grew fearful before seeing that they led west, away from us. At night, we sheltered ourselves in a windbreak of sticks and Hare’s hides, and I fell asleep to the moans and sighs of the men as they sought to reproduce the blessings of the Lady with their own hands. Hare offered to aid me in such pleasures, but I refused, knowing that he could not give me the joy I had known in the shrine.

As we traveled, Ulred often spoke of those in his band who had died at the hands of the horsemen, while Hare nodded sorrowfully, interrupting his friend from time to time to murmur, “The Lady’s will be done.” I said little, sensing that Ulred gained some comfort from his memories, which were all he had left of his friends, and which also served to remind him that he still lived. I too had felt the odd, triumphant joy that follows sorrow, that comes from knowing one lives while others lie in the ground.

We came to wooded lands again, although the trees were not thick and there were spaces of empty land to cross. We met no other bands and saw few signs of their presence. Within four days, we were near the shrine where I was planning to pray and purify myself before approaching the enclave. I was not thinking of the scavengers I would have to evade on my way to the Lady, for dangerous as they were, I could not believe that She would let me fail. Once again, my spirits were high. I had a new band, I would see my guardian again, the Lady would visit me.

I did not know how soon my faith was to be tested.

My destination, a shrine to the Wise One, was near the shore of a small lake where I had often hunted geese and ducks. The birds had flown south, but the ice in the lake had melted, and they would return before long. Forays to the lake in warmer weather were risky, for other bands sometimes hunted birds there and fished as well, and although we had been able to make truces with some for a season, others would try to kill or drive off weaker bands. We had once been forced to take shelter in the shrine, chased there by two bands, and had escaped only when the two bands began to fight each other.

During winter, this part of the lake was usually abandoned by men as well as by birds. We crept through the wooded land bordering the shrine cautiously, but I expected to see no one by the lake. I was thinking of the times I had waited there with Tal, and also with Geab, Cor, Eagle Eyes, Hawk, and Arrow—all dead now.

Ulred grabbed my arm suddenly. “Look.”

I had already seen where he was pointing. We had a closer look as we emerged from the trees. A body lay on its side near a leafless shrub, its back to us. The feet were covered with a kind of boot I had seen only on boys newly out of enclaves, dark leather boots with heavy soles. The garments were more cause for wonderment, for the pants were of a green cloth, as was the hooded coat.

“A dead man,” Ulred whispered.

Hare looked around uneasily, in case the attackers were still nearby. “Why didn’t they strip the body?”

“Maybe he is only hurt,” Ulred said.

“Look at those boots and the clothes,” Hare muttered. “I have seen such garb only on small boys. Do men wear such things here, Arvil?”

“No.” I approached the body. There was no sign of life. Footprints marked the ground around the body, and the ground had hardened a bit. I saw what had happened. Three men had set upon this lone traveler, and the struggle had been brief. But the attackers had fled without taking the clothes, and that puzzled me; I would not have let such garments out of my hands.

I leaned over and lifted one gloved hand. The wrist was small, the skin cold, the arm stiff, and I felt no pulse.

Ulred and Hare came up to me as I heaved the body onto its back. It had been lying on top of a metal receptacle. I picked that object up, shook it, and heard the sound of liquid. I dropped it and studied the body. The throat was bloody where a knife had slashed it, and the blood had dried.

“We can take the garments,” Ulred said. “That coat is too small for you or for me, but Hare might find a use for it.”

The victim’s beardless face stared up at me with unseeing blue eyes. The curly dark hair was matted with blood. That face frightened me, for there was something strange about it. The shirt, also stained with blood, had been pierced by a knife. I ripped it open and saw round breasts and a body no man could have.

My thoughts tumbled inside me. I remembered the story of the man who had sworn aspects of the Lady had appeared to him.

Hare let out a shriek. Ulred caught me as I staggered, for terror had made me faint. “Unholiness!” Ulred said, and we both shook so violently that we collapsed to the ground.

Hare sprinted toward the shrine. He tripped, fell, and rolled in the dirt, as if possessed. We stumbled up and ran to him, then dragged him to his feet.

Ulred slapped him. “The Lady!” Hare cried. “The Lady!” Ulred slapped him again.

“Stop gibbering!” I shouted, though I was as frightened as Hare. “We didn’t harm Her. That was another’s doing.”

Hare began to grow calmer. “What world is this,” Ulred said, “where one of the Lady’s aspects lies dead so close to a shrine? How is this possible?” I now knew why those who had killed Her had left the body, and wondered how they had been judged, for I was sure they had been punished. They might even have taken their own lives.

“Listen,” I said, trying to control my own fear, “we cannot leave Her there. We must take Her inside the shrine and pray. The Lady is powerful. The Lady may restore this part of Herself and bless us for bringing Her there.”

“The Lady,” Hare responded, “may think us guilty and condemn us.”

I shook my head. “The Lady knows everything. She will know we aren’t guilty.” I wished that Wanderer were with us; he had traveled so far, and knew so many strange tales that I was sure he would know what to do.

We went back to the body and lifted it, holding it as gently as possible as we carried it toward the shrine. I almost expected Her to come to life in our arms. Bowed forward under the weight, I saw another set of tracks leading to the door. Someone in the same kind of boot had fled into the shrine. I shuddered and nearly dropped my share of our burden.

Hare moaned. “Oh, Lady, have mercy.” The door slid open and we stumbled inside, then set the body on the floor.

Someone else was in the shrine, lying on a couch. This stranger wore boots and pants of gray cloth; a gray coat lay on the floor. The stranger moved and sat up. I had only to see the face, the long, flowing, dark brown hair, the shape of breasts under the gray shirt, and the rounded hips, and I knew.

Ulred and Hare threw themselves on the floor and groveled; I stood gaping until Ulred pulled at my leg. “Bow, you fool,” he whispered. I knelt and hit my forehead against the floor several times.

She walked toward us. I was afraid to look up and heard the sound of weeping, as though She were crying for all the sins of men. At last I lifted my head.

She was near the body; She gave a cry and turned away. “What have you done?” She spoke in the holy speech. “Why did you bring her here? You didn’t have to kill her.” She was not using the words a man would use to speak of an aspect, but only those we would use to talk of Earth’s female creatures. “She’s dead. I might as well be dead, too. Why don’t you kill me and be done with it?”

I gasped as I straightened and sat back on my heels. “We cannot commit such a deed,” I said in the holy tongue. “We did not kill Her. We were passing and saw Her outside. She was already dead… that crime was the deed of other men. Have mercy.”

Her mouth twitched. “Yes, I see that now.” Her voice was faint. “You don’t look like the ones who…” She covered Her eyes.

“We could not leave Her out there,” I said, “and brought Her here, so that the Lady can restore this aspect of Herself to life.”

She let Her hands drop. She seemed tired and weak. It was odd to see an aspect of the Lady that way, for in my imaginings and in the visions the Lady had granted to me, She had always been strong. Her blue eyes were large and Her lashes thick and long, but there were shadows under Her eyes and hollows in Her cheeks. She swayed. I leaped to my feet and caught Her as She fell.

“Forgive me for putting hands upon You,” I murmured.

“Help me to the couch.”

I led Her there, struck by how frail She seemed, how small She was—Her head reached no higher than my shoulder. I could see no sign of Her magic, of Her power. As She reclined, Hare and Ulred crept up to the couch and settled themselves on the floor. I knelt at Her side and covered Her with the gray coat.

She sobbed, choking as She wept, while we waited, unable to offer comfort and afraid to speak. I felt that I was in another place, outside the familiar world I knew.

She sat up and pulled a receptacle from the coat, then dropped it. “I need more water,” She said, “and some food.”

“You may have ours,” Ulred said as he pulled out his waterskin. Hare offered Her our remaining cold meat. She drank some water and gnawed at a small piece of meat, making a face as She did so, then rested on Her elbow as She gazed at us. Her blue eyes were cold.

“Please tell us what to do,” I said. “Tell us if we can help You restore Your fellow aspect.”

“She’s dead. She can’t be restored.” She was silent for a while. “Her soul is somewhere else now… that body is only where it lived for a time. She has shed that body to return to the Lady’s realm. She should be buried.”

I wondered then why the aspect seemed so unhappy. If Her fellow aspect were with the Lady again, if a body, to the Lady, were no more than a garment to be cast aside, why did this aspect not show joy? Men could not see beyond death, could only hope that the next world would bring them blessings and not punishment. Death could hold no sorrow for the Lady, Who was eternal. Perhaps it was the sins of men that caused Her to weep, the evil of those who had raised their hands against an aspect.

“Her body will lie outside this shrine, Holy One,” I said.

“Bury her, then.”

We hastened outside to do Her bidding. We dug on our knees with flat rocks until the hole was large enough. The sun was setting by then. We carried the body to the grave and laid it in the ground.

She came to the grave as we began to fill it in, and watched us at our work. When we were done, we set stones around the grave, and Ulred rolled a large rock onto it.

“Farewell,” She said softly as tears trickled down Her face.

When we went back inside the shrine, we lingered near Her as She sat down on Her couch. Her face was filled with grief, and I cursed my kind silently for our wickedness.

I had no ritual to guide me; the old one would have to do. “We must pray,” I said at last, “and then put on the circlets.”

Her eyes widened. I thought I saw fear on Her face. But what would an aspect have to fear from us? “Listen to Me.” Her voice was low, but commanding. “Pray if you wish, but don’t put on the circlets. I am with you now, so you need not put them on.”

“No circlets?” Ulred said. He had clearly been hoping that the Lady would give him Her joyous blessing.

She shot an angry glance at Ulred, and he cowered a little. “No circlets,” She replied. “The Lady sorrows now. There will be only a curse for you if you put them on.”

I nodded, not wondering at Her remark, thinking only of obedience.

We went to the altar, where the Wise One stood in a long white robe amid Her beakers and tubes. I fought to keep my mind on my prayers, although it seemed strange to be kneeling before a representation of the Lady when a living aspect was with us.

I tried to sort out my thoughts, certain that Hare and Ulred were doing the same. The aspect was holy, more powerful than we, yet She was weak and had needed our food and water. She was fair, but Her face did not have the blinding beauty of the aspects Who had blessed me before. Her form was the Lady’s, but if it had not been for Her belt, which made the swell of Her hips and breasts more evident, I might have taken Her body for a boy’s. I had touched Her body briefly, and had seen the lifeless one of another aspect, and was sure that both were only flesh and bone and blood. It had to be a test of some kind. The Lady had come among us to see how we would act. If we aided Her, we would be blessed.

I said more prayers and asked the Lady to guide me safely to Her enclave. As I stood up and turned toward the couches, I noticed that the aspect was watching me. “You have blessed me, Lady,” I said. “May You protect me as I journey to Your enclave.”

She started. “What do you mean?”

I was surprised at Her question; surely She knew. But perhaps not. She had needed food; she still seemed weak. She had not prevented the death of Her fellow aspect. She walked among us in a frail body and might have forgotten what She once had known. Long ago, Tal had heard an old story about the Lady appearing in flesh in order to die and be reborn, taking upon Herself the sins of men, and although Tal had considered the story blasphemous, I saw now that it might have been true. “I have been called,” I said.

“Called!” She raised Her hand to Her mouth. “But you seem young.”

“I have been called. It is no stranger than finding You among men, Lady. I came here to purify myself, but I do not have much time to do so. The Lady wants me with Her soon.” I bowed my head, remembering to show respect. “I thought… forgive me for thinking so highly of myself… that You might have come to guide me to Her enclave.”

“No, I did not come to guide you.”

“You must advise me. Now that You are here, does that mean I do not have to go?”

She stood up and came to the altar, then turned to look at us. Hare flinched as She glanced at him. “Holy One, we are Your servants,” Ulred said. “We shall do what You ask.”