The Shooting (18 page)

The very thought of it sickened Brady. His stomach twisted up in knots. He squeezed his eyes so tightly together, lights spun behind his eyelids. He pushed his face even further into the pillow until he found it hard to breathe. He’d failed. He was a failure. A dickhead and a failure.

His mom could barely bring herself to look at him. Yesterday, she’d spoken to his lawyer on the phone. She’d come to tell him about the conversation and couldn’t even lift her gaze from off the floor. Her eyes were always red and puffy, like she cried every minute of the day. He didn’t know how much longer he could stand it. Surely, it would be better if he simply went away?

The thought took hold and gained strength in his mind until he knew what had to be done. A sense of righteousness and power flooded through him.
Yes, he knew what had to be done.

* * *

Tom stared at his parents across the dinner table and waited for his words to sink in. His mother was the first to recover.

“How long have you known?”

“I went to the doctor today. She did a biopsy. I waited a couple of hours for the results.” He shrugged. “She wants to operate tomorrow.”

His father shook his head in disbelief, but managed a tight nod of acceptance. “At least you found out before it was too late. We can be grateful for that.”

“How long have you known?” his mom repeated, her voice quiet, but firm.

Tom stared at her, knowing what she meant. “About the lump?” he asked, in an effort to buy time.

“Yes, son. About the lump. How long have you known?”

Tom dropped his gaze and his shoulders slumped. They were his parents. He owed them the truth. “A bit over a year.”

Renewed shock turned both of them speechless and then anger flooded his mom’s face.

“A
year
? You’ve known about a lump in your breast for a year and you’ve only now done something about it? How could you ignore something like that? After what I went through? I don’t believe it. I simply don’t believe it.”

She pushed away from the table and stalked toward the kitchen. Tom felt her anger, but he accepted that her outburst was only because she cared. She’d gone through her own terrible battle with breast cancer. To discover her son had ignored a lump in his breast for more than twelve months was more than she could bear. He was just grateful the prognosis was so positive. He didn’t know what he would have done if he’d been given news it was terminal.

“Your mother’s just worried about you. She doesn’t mean anything by it.”

Tom shot his father a thankful smile, but it barely lifted his lips. Still, he appreciated his dad’s attempt to smooth things over.

“Thanks, Dad. It wasn’t my intention to upset her. I guess… After what happened to her, I was scared to find out what my lump meant. It was stupid, but…” He shrugged, helpless to explain any further.

“It’s okay, son. You don’t need to explain your actions to me. Go and talk to your mother. She needs you.”

Tom compressed his lips and nodded. He stood and left his father alone at the table. Cassie and Joe had disappeared long ago—Joe to watch television in his room and Cassie begged off, talking about needing to study for exams.

He let both of them go without objection. Earlier, he’d made the decision not to tell his kids about his upcoming surgery. If all went to plan, he’d call them tomorrow from the hospital. They didn’t need any extra stress in their lives. Tomorrow would be early enough, after he could give them the good news that he was in the clear. He found his mother in the kitchen, stacking the dishwasher.

“Hey, Mom.”

She acknowledged his greeting with the briefest of nods and then rinsed a pile of utensils.

“I’m sorry I didn’t tell you sooner, Mom and I’m sorry I didn’t go to the doctor months ago.”

“Does Lily know about it?”

“No. It’s only small and I never said anything about it to anyone, apart from Dad.”

She spun around, her hands still dripping. “Your father knew?”

“Yes, well, no. Not really. I talked to him when he was unconscious in the ICU last Christmas. I-I told him about the lump. It was the first time I’d mentioned it to anyone. I don’t know if he remembered or if he even heard me.”

His mom turned back to the sink without comment and continued to stack the dishwasher. Tom collected pots and pans off the stove and began scraping them off into the scrap bowl. He’d give them to the neighbor’s dog after dinner.

In silence, his mom finished what she was doing and then dried her hands. With a soft sigh, she turned to face him. “I’m sorry for going off at you like that, Tom. It wasn’t fair.”

Tom set the pan he was holding on the side of the sink and went to her and hugged her hard. He towered over her and weighed more than double. It had been a long time since she’d seen the top of his head.

“Don’t be sorry, Mom. You have nothing to be sorry about. I was an idiot to sit on it for so long. I should have taken myself off to the doctor the first time I found it. If I hadn’t been such a coward, I would have.”

Marguerite stared at him, her eyes full of love and understanding. “I know what you mean, son. I’ve been there, too. I wish I could tell you I went to the doctor the very next day after I found my lump, but the truth is, I didn’t. I pretended for at least three or four weeks that it was nothing more than a cyst and it would go away all on its own.”

Tom raised his eyebrows in surprise. He hadn’t known that.

“See, I was scared, too. I thought I was better off living in hope there was nothing to worry about than knowing for certain there was. I didn’t want to think of the possibilities if I was wrong.”

She drew in a ragged breath and Tom suddenly realized that, even though the cancer scare had happened years earlier, the memory of it still had the power to affect her. He tightened his arms about her and pressed a kiss against her hair. She shuddered and then drew in a deep breath.

“Of course, when I finally told your father, he had me in the doctor’s surgery the very next day. You know how things went from there.”

She pulled away from Tom and offered him a shaky smile. “I waited longer than I should have. If I’d come in sooner, they could have caught it before it spread. I went through hell and back before I was done with it. I guess I was upset that, after seeing what I went through, you could have taken the same risk.”

“I’m sorry, Mom. It was stupid. Like I said, I was an idiot to ignore it.”

“Yes, well, let’s be thankful it hasn’t turned out like mine. They’ve caught yours in time and I’m glad.” She swiped at her eyes with the back of her hand and then spoke to him again, her voice soft.

“What time is your surgery tomorrow?”

“I have to be at the hospital by six. I’m on the morning list. I don’t know exactly what time.”

“They’ll keep you in overnight?”

“Yes, at least, the doctor said they would. If all goes well, I’ll be discharged the day after.”

“I’ll get Dad to drive you to the hospital. Don’t worry about the kids. I’m sure we can manage.”

“Thanks, Mom. I-I haven’t told the kids about the operation. I didn’t think they needed to hear any more bad news right now.”

“I think you’ve made the right decision, son. They can find out when everything is over and done with. When they ask about you in the morning, I’ll tell them you’re at the hospital.”

Tom hugged his mom again and then set her gently aside. “I really appreciate you and Dad being here. I don’t know what I would have done without you.”

Marguerite stood on tiptoe and grazed his cheek with her lips. “You’re very welcome, son. We both love you very much.”

“I love you, too. I just want Lily to open her eyes and smile at me, Mom. Is that too much to ask?”

Tears sparkled in his mother’s eyes and a lump lodged in Tom’s throat. He missed his wife like he’d miss a limb. Losing her would be like losing a piece of himself. The very thought of it was unbearable. He missed her smile, he missed her laughter, he missed her soft body pressed up against him, holding him close, protecting him, loving him all through the night.

Sleeping in their bed alone had been hard enough, the emptiness shrouding him as he tried to fall asleep. He’d only done it for three nights so far, but already it felt like an eternity. He’d slept beside her for the best part of sixteen years. To suddenly be in their bed without her was the loneliest thing in the world.

“She’s going to be all right, Tom. I know she is,” his mom whispered.

He nodded, thankful for her attempt to reassure him, despite the fact that they both knew she wasn’t in a position to make such a declaration. It was enough that she cared enough to want to.

“I-I think I might call it a night, Mom. I have to be up early in the morning.”

Marguerite stood up on tiptoes and kissed him gently on the cheek. “Good night, son. I’ll set an alarm for your dad and make sure he wakes up in time. When do you want to leave?”

“About five-thirty, I think. That will give us plenty of time to get there. At that time of morning, traffic should be light.”

She nodded. “I hope you get some sleep. I’ll see you in the morning.”

* * *

Despite the fact Tom tossed and turned for most of the night in between dreams of him and Lily, he woke before his alarm. The house was still and quiet. Not even the sun had made an appearance. He glanced at his watch and saw he’d beaten the alarm by fifteen minutes. With a soft sigh, he struggled out of bed and headed to the shower.

Not eating anything, meant he didn’t have to leave time for breakfast and he was just about to head down the hall in search of his dad when there was a soft knock on the front door. Frowning, he changed direction and descended the stairs. He walked into the entryway and opened the door. Brandon stood unsmiling on the other side.

“Bran! What the hell are you doing here this early? It’s still dark out.”

“Mom called me last night. Why the hell didn’t you tell me about the cancer?”

Tom swallowed a groan. He so didn’t feel like getting into this right now. “What do you want me to say, Bran? I’m sorry, all right? I should have told you, but I didn’t. I don’t have time for this. I’m on my way to the hospital.”

“I know. Why do you think I’m here?” Brandon held up a set of car keys.

Tom frowned. “What? You’re my ride? Is that what you’re trying to say?”

Brandon shrugged. “Your ride, your buddy. Who else’s going to laugh at your sad jokes and keep you occupied while you’re waiting to go in? You could be sitting around for hours before your number comes up.”

Tom blew out his breath on a sigh and his irritation melted away. He was only antsy from the thought of the upcoming surgery. He just wanted it over and done with. It had nothing to do with his brother.

In fact, he was secretly pleased to see him. Without Lily around to reassure him, he was at a loss. For all of their married life, they’d made important decisions together and had always had each other’s backs. It felt completely wrong going through something like major surgery without her even knowing about it.

He shot Brandon a look of gratitude. “Thanks, Bran. I’m sorry for biting your head off. I guess I’m a little uptight. I appreciate your offer and I’m glad to have you along.”

Brandon merely nodded and gave him a friendly slap on the back. “That’s what brothers are for, right? I haven’t forgotten how you were there for me when Alex was in the ICU. We’re family. We stick together. That’s just the way it is.”

Emotion welled up in Tom’s eyes and tightened his chest. He blinked away the tears and cleared his throat. “Yeah, well, anyway. Like I said, I appreciate it.”

* * *

It seemed like Tom waited a lifetime and it was more than four hours before the porter and a nurse came to take him down to the operating rooms. Brandon shook his hand and then leaned over and gave him an awkward hug and promised to be there when he woke.

Despite the early hour, upon his arrival at the hospital, Tom had visited the ICU to check on Lily before heading to where he needed to be. He was told by the staff that she’d had a restful night. They were pleased with her progress. Everything looked good. Her vitals were strong and stable.

If only she’d wake up.

Tom kissed her soft cheek and left, hoping they’d both come out of their respective ordeals okay. Now, he was headed down to the operating theaters, situated in the bowels of the hospital. The temperature dropped a few degrees and he couldn’t help but shiver. He was dressed only in a light hospital gown and was covered with a sheet.

“It’s cold down here,” he commented to the nurse who walked by his side. The porter merely smiled and continued to push the gurney.

“We keep it cold on purpose,” the nurse explained with a friendly smile. “Our equipment runs better in the cool air and it also helps to keep the germs at bay. Traditionally, it’s the reason why most operating theaters were built below the ground. It’s cooler and we don’t need any windows. It’s the optimum place to be.”

Tom nodded. Her explanation made sense and he was grateful her chatter had taken his mind off what was to come, if even for a little while.

“I can ask for a blanket when we get there, if you like?” the nurse offered.