Authors: David Eddings
‘And spoil your smile, Stragen?’ Melidere objected. ‘Bite your tongue.’
‘I was speaking figuratively, of course.’
‘He’s probably right, your Majesties,’ Caalador agreed, forgoing the dialect. ‘Those original documents would be an absolute gold-mine. I don’t know that I’d give my
teeth,
but I
would
give a lot to browse through them.’
Danae rolled her eyes. ‘Elenes,’ she said under her breath. ‘If it’s all
that
important to you, Caalador,’ she said, ‘go look at them.’
‘We don’t know whur it iz they got ‘em hid, little dorlin’.’
‘
Look
for them, Caalador,’ she said with exaggerated patience. ‘You’ve got all night every night for the next month or two, haven’t you? Talen told me once that he can get into any house in the world in under a quarter of an hour. You two are more experienced at it, so it probably wouldn’t take you nearly as long. You’re not
going to
steal
the papers, all you’re going to do is
read
them. If you’re just a little careful to put them back where you found them after you’re finished, nobody will even know that you’ve seen them.’
Caalador and Stragen looked at each other sheepishly. ‘Why didn’t
we
think of that?’ Stragen asked his friend.
‘It seems to me I’ve already told you why once,’ Melidere said. ‘Shall we go through it again? It’s really a very good idea, Princess. These two might not be much good at
thinking
sometimes, but they’re probably very good burglars. They both have that shifty, unreliable look about them.’
‘They
do
just a bit, don’t they?’ Danae agreed. She set Mmrr down on the floor. ‘There,’ she said, ‘isn’t she adorable?’
The angry lashing of Mmrr’s tail, however, totally spoiled the effect.
‘The tail definitely detracts from the fashion statement, Danae,’ Sarabian laughed indulgently.
‘Oh, I can fix that right up, Sarabian,’ she assured him. ‘I’ll tell you what, Mmrr. How would you like to have me tie a big pink velvet bow right on the end of your tail to sort of set things off? You could wave it around like a parasol if you wanted.’
Mmrr’s tail stopped in mid-swish.
‘I
thought
you might see it that way,’ Danae said.
‘Shall we go down to the dungeon for your fencing lesson, your Majesty?’ Stragen suggested. ‘Caalador and I are going to be busy being burglars tonight, I think.’
‘Not only tonight, I’m afraid,’ Caalador added. ‘I haven’t been on a roof in years.’
‘It’s like swimming, Caalador,’ Stragen said. ‘Once you learn how, you never forget.’
‘I’d really like to forgo the lesson today, Milord Stragen,’ Sarabian said. ‘I’m still sore from yesterday.’
‘Fencing is
not
like swimming, your Majesty,’ Stragen
told him. ‘You have to practice continually. If you’re going to wear that rapier, you’d better know how to use it. In a tight situation, that could be your last line of defense.’
Sarabian sighed. ‘Sometimes I wish I’d never even
heard
of Elenes,’ he mourned.
‘Because Ehlana
told
me to,’ Mirtai said as she, Engessa, Kring and the two thieves crossed the document-littered lawn toward the Interior Ministry. ‘She wants to be sure that nobody interrupts you.’
‘Mirtai,’ Stragen said with a pained look, ‘I love you like a sister, but burglary’s a fine art.’
‘I think my beloved can manage, friend Stragen,’ Kring said. ‘I’ve seen her walk through a pile of dry leaves and not make a sound.’
‘I just don’t like it,’ Stragen complained.
‘You are not required to, Stragen-thief,’ Engessa told him. ‘Ehlana-queen said that Mirtai-daughter will go with you, so she will go.’
Mirtai smiled up at the towering Atan. ‘Thank you, Engessa-father. It’s so hard to make Elenes grasp reality sometimes.’
‘Engessa and I are going to relieve the two knights watching over the documents on the lawn,’ Kring told them. ‘We’ll stay fairly close to the building, and we have other men nearby. Call if anyone surprises you in there, and we’ll come in and rescue you.’
‘I’ve never had a platoon of soldiers standing watch for me while I burglarized a building before,’ Caalador noted. ‘It adds a whole new dimension to the business.’
Stragen grunted sourly. ‘It takes a lot of the fun out of it. A large part of the thrill of burglary comes from the danger of getting caught.’
‘I’ve never tried burglary,’ Kring admitted. ‘It’s not much of a challenge among the Peloi, since we all live
in tents. A sharp knife will get you into the stoutest tent in the world. If we want to ransack someone’s encampment, we usually send in some men to run off his horses. He chases
those
men, and that gives us a free hand.’
‘Burglary’s a crime of stealth, Kring,’ Stragen smiled. ‘You get to sneak around at night and climb over rooftops. It’s a lot of fun – and really quite profitable.’
‘Be careful up there on that roof, Mirtai,’ Kring admonished his betrothed. ‘I went to a great deal of trouble winning you, and I’d hate to lose you at this point. Oh, speaking of that, friend Stragen – and you too, friend Caalador – if anything happens to her, you
do
know that I’ll kill you, don’t you?’
‘We wouldn’t have it any other way, friend Kring,’ Stragen smiled.
Mirtai ran a caressing hand over her beloved’s scalp. Stragen had noticed that she did that quite often. He wondered if the feel of the little fellow’s shaved head might have had some bearing on her decision to marry him. ‘You need a shave,’ the giantess said. ‘Remind me in the morning, and I’ll take care of it.’
Then Stragen, Caalador and Mirtai, all dressed in close-fitting black clothing, slipped through the shadows of a grove of trees near the Ministry of the Interior. ‘You’re really fond of the little fellow, aren’t you, Mirtai?’ Stragen murmured softly, ducking under a tree-limb.
‘Kring? He’s a suitable sort of man.’
‘That’s a rather lukewarm declaration of passion.’
‘Passion’s a private thing. It shouldn’t be displayed in public.’
‘Then you
do
have those feelings for him?’
‘I don’t really see where that’s any of your business, Stragen.’
There was a filmy layer of fog lying on the lawns of
the imperial compound. It was autumn now, and the fog crept in off the Tamul Sea every evening. The moon would not rise for hours yet, and all in all it was a perfect night for a burglary.
Caalador was puffing when they reached the wall surrounding the Ministry of the Interior. ‘Out of condition,’ he muttered.
‘You’re almost as bad as Platime,’ Stragen told him, speaking very softly. Then he squinted upward, swinging a heavy grappling hook in his hand. He stepped back and began to whirl the hook in a wide circle, letting out more rope with each circuit. Then he hurled it upward with the rope trailing behind it. It sailed up over the wall and fell inside, striking the stones with a metallic-sounding clink. He tugged down a couple of times to set the points in place. Then he sat down on the grass.
‘Aren’t we going up?’ Mirtai asked him.
‘Not yet. Somebody might have heard it. We’ll wait until his curiosity’s had time to wear off.’
‘Fellers what’s a-standin’ watch in the middle o’ the night ain’t really all
that
eager t’ go lookin’ fer where it is ez noises is a-comin’ from, dorlin’,’ Caalador explained. ‘It’s been my experience that they usually feel that a quiet watch is a good watch, so they don’t go out of their way to investigate things. As long as nobody sets the building on fire, they’re not overburdened with curiosity. B’sides,’ he added, dipping once again into the dialect, ‘fellers ez gits chose t’ stand gord at night usual turns out t’ be drankin’ min, an’ after a flagon er two, they can’t really hear hordly nuthin’ a-tall.’ He looked at Stragen. ‘Do you want to try the ground floor before we go up on the roof?’ he asked in clipped Elenic.
‘No,’ Stragen decided. ‘Ground-floor windows are always double-checked when people lock up, and
watchmen pass the lonely hours of the night rattling door handles and trying the windows close to the ground. I’ve always preferred attics myself.’
‘What if all the attic windows are locked as well?’ Mirtai asked him.
‘We’ll break one.’ He shrugged. ‘The building’s high enough so that a broken window won’t be all that visible from the ground.’
‘Don’t be
too
obvious, Stragen,’ Caalador cautioned him. ‘I’ve got the feeling that we’ll be going back inside every night for the next week or two. That’s a large building.’
‘Let’s get at it, then,’ Stragen said, rising to his feet. He looked out across the lawn. The fog had grown noticeably thicker. He tugged down on the rope a couple of times to make sure that the hook was secure, and then began to climb up.
‘You go on up next, dorlin’,’ Caalador said quietly to Mirtai.
‘Why do you call me that?’
‘Jist a-bein’ friendly-like. It don’t mean nothin’ personal, so don’t go complainin’ t’ yer bow-legged beau. He’s a likable sort, but he shore is touchy where yer concerned.’
‘Yes,’ Mirtai agreed. She went quickly up the rope and joined Stragen atop the wall. ‘What now?’ she asked.
‘We’ll go across to the roof and start checking attic windows just as soon as Caalador climbs up.’
‘You’ll use the hook again?’
He nodded.
‘Burglars are about half-ape, aren’t they?’
‘We prefer to think of ourselves as agile. Now then, if we run into anybody inside, we’ll try to hide first. If that doesn’t work, we’ll rap him on the head. Caalador’s carrying a wineskin, and he’ll pour wine all over the man. The smell of that should make him less credible
when he wakes up. Try not to kill anybody. It takes all night to clean up, and we’d have to carry the body away when we leave. This isn’t an ordinary burglary, and we don’t want anybody to know we’ve been here.’
‘You’re repeating the obvious, Stragen.’
‘I’ve seen your instincts in operation before, love. If you
do
kill somebody, please try to leave
most
of the blood inside the body. I don’t want to be caught in there with a mop in my hands when the sun comes up.’
‘Why are you both being so affectionate tonight?’
‘I don’t think I quite followed that.’
‘Caalador’s been calling me “darling” ever since we set out, and you just called me “love”. Is there some sort of significance to that?’
He chuckled. ‘A gang of burglars is a very close-knit group, Mirtai. We depend on each other for our very lives. That creates powerful ties of affection – which usually last right up until the point when the time comes to divide up the spoils. That’s when things sometimes turn ugly.’
‘Let’s have it all in place
before
we make any overt moves, Sarabian,’ Ehlana counseled. ‘The Interior Ministry knows that we’re up to
something,
but we’re all pretending that everything’s normal. The customary approach is to have everybody in custody before you start issuing proclamations and disbanding branches of government.’
‘I can see your point, of course,’ he agreed. They were standing atop the battlements again, looking out over the city as the sun rose above the thick ground fog. ‘That’s pretty, isn’t it?’ he observed. ‘The color of the fog almost perfectly matches the mauve on the walls and domes.’
‘You have a beautiful city.’
‘With some not-so-beautiful people living in it. What am I going to do for a police force after I dissolve the Ministry of the Interior?’
‘You’ll probably have to declare martial law.’
He winced. ‘The Atans won’t make me very many friends, I’m afraid. They tend to have a very simplified concept of justice.’
‘We don’t have to stand for re-election, Sarabian. That’s why we can do unpopular things.’
‘Only up to a point,’ he disagreed. ‘I have to live with the great houses of Tamul proper, and I’m still getting letters of protest from many of them about sons and brothers who were killed or maimed while the Atans were putting down the coup.’
‘They were traitors, weren’t they?’
‘No,’ he sighed, ‘probably not. We Tamuls pamper our children, and the noble houses carry that to extremes. Matherion’s a political city, and when young Tamuls enter the university, they’re
expected
to get involved in politics – usually of the most radical sort. The rank and position of their families protect them from the consequences of excessive juvenile enthusiasm. I was an anarchist when I was a student. I even led a few demonstrations against my father’s government.’ He smiled faintly. ‘I used to get arrested on an average of once a week. They never
would
throw me in the dungeon, though, no matter
what
kind of names I called my father. I tried very hard to get thrown into the dungeon, but the police wouldn’t cooperate.’
‘Why on earth did you want to spend time in a dungeon?’ she laughed.
‘Young Tamul noblewomen are
terribly
impressed by political martyrs. I’d have cut a wide track if I could have gotten myself imprisoned for a few days.’
‘I thought you got married when you were a baby,’ she said. ‘Isn’t it sort of inappropriate for a married man
to be thinking about how wide a track he can cut among the ladies?’
‘My first wife and I stopped speaking to each other for about ten years when we were young, and the fact that I was required by tradition to have eight other wives made the notion of fidelity a sort of laughable concept.’ A thought came to him. ‘I wonder if Caalador would consider taking a post in my government,’ he mused.
‘You could do worse. I have a man named Platime in my government, and he’s an even bigger thief than Caalador.’ Ehlana looked on down the battlements and saw Mirtai approaching. ‘Any luck?’ she asked.
‘It’s hard to say,’ the giantess shrugged. ‘We got inside easily enough, but we didn’t find what we were looking for. Stragen and Caalador are going out to the university to talk with some of the scholars there.’
‘Are they suddenly hungering and thirsting after knowledge?’ Sarabian asked her lightly.
‘‘Tain’t hordly likely, dorlin’,’ Mirtai replied.
‘Darling?’ he asked her incredulously.
‘But you
are,
Sarabian,’ the golden giantess replied, gently touching his cheek. ‘I discovered tonight that conspirators and thieves and other scoundrels are supposed to be very affectionate with each other. You’re conspiring with us to overthrow the police, so you’re a member of the family now. Stragen wants to talk with some specialists in architecture. He suspects that there might be some secret rooms in the Interior Ministry. He’s hoping that the original plans for the building might be in some library.’ She gave the Emperor a sly, sidelong glance. ‘That’s what it iz that they’re a-doin’, dorlin’,’ she added.