The Sheriff's Son (14 page)

“And Charlie? How is he?”

He couldn't know how much his question crushed her. She loved Charlie so much. For years now, she'd wanted him to have a father. And after seeing Roy again, she'd let herself hope that her son might get to have his real father in his life. But now that would never be.

“Charlie is fine.”

“He—Has he asked about me?” He couldn't admit to himself, much less to Justine how much he'd missed Charlie. And her.

She gripped her purse as though it were a lifeline. “He wants to know why we can't go see you. I told him you're busy.”

“Not that busy.”

Her throat began to ache. She swallowed and forced herself to look at him. “I don't want you to see him anymore.”

“Why?”

“I don't want him hurt.”

He frowned. “Who says I'd hurt him? I'd never do anything to make that boy unhappy.”

“I'm not saying you would. Deliberately. But I don't want to take the chance.”

His face hardened. “You think I'm heartless.”

She shook her head. “No. I
know
you are.”

He muttered a curse.

Justine bit down on her lip as tears blurred her eyes. “I wasn't asking anything from you the other night, Roy. But you…It made you angry to hear me say I love you.”

His head whipped around, and his blue eyes glittered as they pinned hers. “You're damn right it made me angry. I don't want you to love me. I don't want to love you.”

Rather than let him see her tears, she closed her eyes. “Well, you certainly don't have to worry about that.”

Suddenly his hands were on her shoulders, jerking her forward. Her eyes flew open, and she discovered that his face was only inches away from hers.

“How can you be so blind, Justine?”

“I don't know,” she mumbled miserably. “I should have realized six years ago that you could never love anyone.”

He gave her shoulders a little shake. “I loved you then and I love you now.”

She shook her head in disbelief. “Don't lie to me, Roy. I can take anything but that.”

His face softened, and his hand gently touched her face. “I wish I was lying. But I'm not. I think of you, I look at you, and my legs turn to two pieces of licorice.”

“That's not love. That's lust.”

His fingers threaded through her fiery red hair. “I know the difference, Justine.”

Her teary eyes filled with sadness. “You love me, but you don't want to. Is that what you're trying to tell me?”

His big hand closed around her chin. “I'm trying like
hell not to love you,” he murmured, but his trying was in vain. Every time he touched her his heart melted all over again.

“Why?”

His brows arched, as though he found her question ludicrous. “Why? Well, Marla manipulated and deceived me. You—”

“Roy—”

“I don't blame you for her faults,” he said, interrupting her. “You can't help what she tried to do. But you left me without a word, turned your back on me and ran straight to another man's arms and into his bed. I can't forget that, Justine. And even if I could, I'm not so sure I should. I've been in law enforcement a long time, and the job has taught me a lot about human behavior. People rarely change. Once a criminal, always a criminal.”

He was ripping her heart to shreds, and there was nothing she could do about it. He believed she'd loved another man after him. Yet she couldn't tell him any different. He would simply count back the years and months and realize that Charlie was his son.

Would it be so terrible if he did know? Would it make things better? Dear Lord, she desperately needed some answers, she silently prayed.

“I see,” she said flatly. “I'm the criminal and you're the innocent victim. I think you'd better open your eyes, Roy. Otherwise, you're going to keep living in a fog.”

Anger flared his nostrils and tightened his fingers on her shoulder. “I guess you think you were right to leave me all those years ago.”

She pulled away from him and reached for the door latch. “It shouldn't matter to you who was right or wrong anymore. That's all in the past. We can't change it. Instead of looking back, you should be thinking about the future. But I see that you can't.”

He didn't try to stop her as she opened the door and
climbed out of the cab. For a moment, Justine stood in the drizzle, looking back at him. There was so much she wanted to say. But she had to keep it all inside. She had to stop and think, to decide what was best for Charlie, who was the real innocent victim in all this.

“You hurt me, Justine. Really hurt me.”

“And you hurt me, Roy. But we could make it up to each other. Have you ever thought about that?”

Without waiting for a reply, Justine shut the door, climbed into her own vehicle and drove away.

Roy watched her go, then started the Bronco's engine. But then he sat there for several more minutes. He didn't want to go back to work. He didn't want to go home. Without Justine, none of it mattered. It had taken him a long time to realize that. Now he had to figure out what to do to get himself over her. Or could he ever be over Justine?

“J
ustine? Can you come to the study for a moment? I've found something that—well, it seems rather odd.”

Justine turned away from the cabinet counter where she'd been helping Kitty fill bottles with baby formula.

“Sure, Rose.” She joined her sister, and the two of them walked down the hallway to the study. Since their father's death, Rose had given up her teaching job at a junior high school in Ruidoso and taken on the responsibility of taking care of the cattle, plus the ranch's bookkeeping. Justine knew her sister worked too hard, and at times she tried to help her with some of the paperwork. “Is one of my entries in the checkbook illegible?”

Rose sighed softly. “No, it's not any of your doing. It's something our father did.”

Inside the study, Rose motioned Justine to the big oak desk where the records for the ranch were kept.

“I was looking back through some of the older checks, searching for any that might be tax-deductible for the next quarterly, when I found this.”

Rose handed Justine the canceled check. It was written
for several hundred dollars. The space marked Pay to the Order of was empty. When Justine flipped the document over, the endorsement was simply stamped For Deposit Only.

“Well, this isn't so strange,” Justine said after a moment. “Daddy probably bought something for the ranch and didn't take the time to fill in the name. You know how he was about paperwork. He didn't like to do it. But he didn't want us messing with it, either.”

Rose shook her head. “That's what I thought at first. But something didn't feel quite right about it, so I decided to drag out a box of canceled checks that went even farther back.” She picked up a stack of checks from the desk and handed them to Justine. “These are all exactly the same as the one you're holding. No name, no endorsement, and deposited into a bank in Las Cruces.”

Justine flipped through the checks, and a sense of foreboding began to come over her. “And they're all made out monthly. As if he were making a payment to someone. It doesn't make sense.”

“That's the idea I was getting,” Rose said. She sank down into the desk chair and looked worriedly at Justine. “What do you think was going on with our father? Do you think he was paying off a gambling debt and didn't want us know about it?”

Justine continued to study the checks. “I know Daddy liked to gamble on the horses. But he always did that at the track in Ruidoso Downs. I don't think he would have been making outside bets. Especially not this size. These checks add up to several thousand dollars.”

“Tell me about it,” Rose wearily agreed. “It's no wonder we found the ranch account so low. For some reason, Daddy had been draining it.” Her eyes suddenly widened. “You don't think—Could it be possible the money has something to do with the twins?”

Justine rubbed her fingers across the furrows in her forehead. “How could it?”

Rose shrugged her slender shoulders. “I don't know. But it seems odd that the twins appeared here on the ranch, just out of the blue. And now we find these checks—”

As Rose's suspicions trailed away, Justine went around the desk and pulled a plain envelope from a drawer. Stuffing the checks inside, she started toward the door. “There may not be any connection at all between the twins and the money. But we do need to find out who these checks were written to and for what.”

“What are you going to do?” Rose asked.

“I'm going to take these to Roy. He'll know what to do with them.”

Surprise lifted Rose from her seat. “You're going over to the Pardee Ranch tonight? I thought you and the sheriff were on the outs?”

Justine shook her head. “Does Aunt Kitty tell you and Chloe everything she thinks?”

“Then you're not on the outs with the sheriff?”

Justine sighed. Nearly a week had passed since she talked to Roy in the clinic parking lot. He hadn't tried to contact her since, and Justine figured he'd probably come to some sort of decision. He'd decided that even though he loved her, he could live without her.

“We're not on the outs, Rose. Roy and I—Well, I guess you could say we understand each other.”

“You love him.”

Justine was no longer going to deny her feelings for Roy. What point would it serve, she thought dismally. Nodding, she said, “Yes.”

“Does he know how you feel about him?”

Her heart aching, Justine gave her older sister a wry smile. “Take my advice, Rose, some men just don't want to be loved.”

*   *   *

After changing into a denim skirt and a sage-green T-shirt, Justine called the sheriff's department in Carrizozo. A dispatcher quickly informed her that Sheriff Pardee had already gone home for the evening.

Justine thanked the woman, then headed to the kitchen, where she found her aunt Kitty and Chloe feeding the twins a bowl of applesauce. Charlie had a chair wedged close to the pair of high chairs, and was happily overseeing the whole event.

“Going somewhere?” Chloe asked, noting the clutch purse in Justine's hand.

Her face grim, Justine said, “I'm going to the Pardee Ranch to see Roy.”

Hearing Roy's name mentioned, Charlie quickly jumped down from his chair and ran to his mother. “Can I go, Mommy?”

Justine shook her head. “I'm afraid not, son. It's nearly your bedtime now.”

“But I want to see Roy,” he complained. “I haven't seen him in a long time.”

Justine bent down and hugged his shoulders. It was all she could do to keep from bursting into tears in front of Charlie and the rest of her family. “I know it's been a long time since you've seen Roy. But tonight wouldn't be a very good time. I'll ask him when you might come over for a visit. Okay?”

“You promise you'll ask him?” Charlie insisted.

Justine hugged him tighter. “Of course I will. And I'll tell him hello for you.”

Seemingly satisfied, Charlie slipped out of his mother's embrace and went back to the shrieking, gooing twins.

“What are you going to see Roy about?” Kitty asked, glancing from Charlie to Justine.

“Not what you're thinking,” Justine answered, knowing her aunt was thinking about Charlie and whether she'd decided to tell Roy that he was his son. “Rose and I have
found a peculiarity with the ranch finances, and we've both decided Roy needs to know about it.”

“Finances?” Chloe repeated sharply. “Roy Pardee doesn't need to know we're nearly broke! That has nothing to do with the twins.”

“What finances are you talking about?” Kitty demanded.

“Rose will fill you both in while I'm gone.”

Justine went on out the door, and was nearly to her pickup truck when Kitty caught up to her.

“Justine, are you sure you know what you're doing?”

“What do you mean?”

The older woman made a helpless gesture with her hands. “I mean about seeing Roy. Why not let Rose go talk to him?”

“Surprisingly, Rose does seem to trust Roy. But she doesn't know him like I do. I think—It would be better if I talked to him about this.”

Kitty made a snorting noise. “A person doesn't have to know a sheriff personally to give him evidence, or whatever it is you think you've found.”

“You believe I shouldn't see him. Is that it?”

Kitty placed a hand on Justine's arm. “I'm afraid you're going to keep on seeing him until the truth about Charlie finally slips out.”

Justine opened the truck door and slid behind the wheel. “When I first told you that Roy was Charlie's father, you thought the man ought to know. Now you're worried he's going to somehow learn the truth. I don't understand you, Aunt Kitty.”

“Well, I do think Roy ought to know about his son,” Kitty reasoned. “But after you told me about him not wanting to…well, have a relationship with you, I guess I did get worried. Roy is a powerful man. He's bosom buddies with the district judge. He might just get it in his head to take Charlie away from you.”

“No!” Justine shook her head emphatically. “Roy might be a hard man in many ways, but he'd never do that.”

“Can you be so sure?”

“Roy told me he'd never do anything to hurt Charlie. And I think he knows what it would do to any child to tear it away from its mother.”

Kitty's face remained puckered with worry. “I hope you're right, honey. Otherwise, you might find yourself in a fight with Roy that would make the Lincoln County range wars look like mild squabbles in comparison.”

Justine reached for the ignition, then paused as she looked out at the falling dusk. “I've been thinking, Aunt Kitty. About Charlie and Roy and myself.”

Kitty edged closer to the open door of the truck. “I know you've been in some sort of mental agony all this week, and I figured it had to be Roy. Nothing but a man can put such a look of torment on a woman's face.”

Justine turned compassionate eyes on her aunt. It was no secret to any of the family that Kitty had once loved a married man. When he decided to stay with his wife, her aunt had blamed herself and sworn off men forever. That had been thirty years ago, and she was still living without a partner.

“I know you never got over the affair you had with Jim. But you didn't have a child to consider, Aunt Kitty.”

“Thank God I didn't,” the older woman said, then added in a wistful voice, “but sometimes, when a streak of lone-liness hits me and I get to feeling a little selfish, I wish I had become pregnant back then. At least I would have had a child, something of my very own.”

Justine could understand her aunt's feelings. As for herself, she wouldn't have been able to stand these past six years if Charlie hadn't given her a meaning and purpose in life.

Aunt and niece were silent for long moments. Finally
Justine said, “I'm beginning to think I have no choice but to tell Roy about Charlie.”

Kitty gasped. “Tell him! Just like that?”

“Yes. He may not want me in his life, but I can't punish him or Charlie for that. I think Roy would love our son. And there's no doubt that Charlie needs him.”

“But if Roy doesn't want to marry you—you might find another man. Someone who will want to make a family with you. And then what? It would be better if Roy wasn't in the picture.”

Justine sighed. “But Roy is in the picture, Aunt Kitty. He's the father of my child. That will never change. Besides, if I can't have Roy, I don't want any man in my life.”

“You're talking crazy now,” Kitty said with a snort.

“Am I? You've lived thirty years without a man. I can, too.” She started the engine and closed the door.

Kitty stepped back from the truck, but continued to study Justine through the open window. “I don't want you to be like me, honey. I want you to have someone to love you.”

“My son loves me. But even that might change when he grows up and discovers I kept him from his father.” She pulled the truck into gear. “I've got to go. Please put Charlie to bed for me. I'll try not to be gone long.”

Justine drove away before Kitty could say more, but the older woman's words kept going around in her head as she drove the several miles to the Pardee Ranch.

Could she trust Roy not to take Charlie away from her? Or would he be so angry at her for keeping the fact of their son's conception from him that he'd use his law connections to spite her?

Dear God, she didn't know anymore. She only knew she had to come to some sort of decision or she was going to have a mental breakdown.

This past week at work, she'd simply gone through the motions of her job. At home, she was quiet and lethargic.
The only things that gave her any sort of enjoyment were Charlie and the twins. But she didn't know what to do about her state of mind.

She loved Roy. She desperately wanted to be with him. Yet he didn't want her, and nothing had ever hurt her so badly. Even six years ago, when he married Marla, her heart had somehow understood that he'd done it out of responsibility and not out of love. But this wall standing between them now was of his own choosing. He didn't want her company or her love. He simply didn't trust her.

The sky had grown nearly dark by the time Justine pulled up in front of Roy's house. Levi was quick to greet her as she stepped down from the truck, but Roy was nowhere in sight..

Seeing no lights on in the house, she waited for only a few moments, then started walking in the direction of the barn. More than likely he was still doing the evening chores.

Halfway there, she saw him riding the bay gelding up from the pasture. He lifted a hand to let her know he'd spotted her. Justine waved back and continued on to the barn to meet him.

Standing in the big doorway of the building, she waited for him to dismount from the horse.

“There's a light switch just to your left,” he said. “Would you mind flipping it on?”

She reached to her left and found a switch attached to a two-by-four stud. She pushed it up, and a single dim bulb hanging from a rafter flared to life.

Roy led the gelding over to the tack room. Justine followed more slowly.

“Been checking on the cattle?” she asked.

Without glancing her way, he unbuckled the back cinch on the saddle. “I hadn't checked on the water tank since you and Charlie rode with me. I decided I'd better take a look this evening.”

Just thinking about the day she and Charlie had spent with him was like a lance in her heart. She'd been filled with such hope that day. Now that hope was all but gone.

“We've had several showers since then,” Justine said. “Rose and Chloe say our pastures are really green right now.”

“Yeah,” he said bluntly. “The ranches and orchards have been lucky so far this summer.”

Justine unconsciously smoothed her hands down her hips. “I guess you're wondering why I'm here.”