The Shadows (31 page)

“Just pretend I’m there,” he said, barely moving.

“As I did the last time you chaperoned, when you spent the entire time at the drinking booth?”

“It was what Lucy preferred anyway. She only wanted to kiss her stableboy.”

I hit Aidan’s shoulder. “I need you to do better than that
now. I can’t afford talk the way Lucy can. And I must see Patrick.”

“God save me from lovebirds,” my brother said, but he rolled onto his back and blinked in the late-morning light. “Go on. I’ll be out in a moment.”

My stomach felt tied in knots. It seemed forever before Aidan came out of his room, looking crumpled and bleary. I was halfway out the doorway before he made it to the stairs.

The sky was brightly overcast, the air still and heavy, that thunder ominous and hovering, though this morning it seemed louder, closer. Aidan grimaced at the sky, shielding his eyes from the glare. “God, I wish to hell that storm would come in. That thunder—my head is killing me.”

“It couldn’t be the drink,” I noted. “Or whatever else you’re taking.”

“Laudanum,” he admitted. “When I can afford it. Last night was decent. I won a few dollars.”

“You could pay the gas with it, so Mama wouldn’t have to sew in lamplight.”

“There’s not enough for that.”

“You mean there’s not enough to pay it
and
buy your next bottle.”

He gave me a piercing look—one so unhappy I could only gape at him as he said, “You think you know what you’re talking about, Grace, but you don’t. So be quiet.”

I felt the urge to comfort him, which was even more surprising, because the last thing I wanted to do was make Aidan
feel
better
for ruining us. So I said nothing more as we walked to the Devlins’. I found myself looking for the carriage, for Derry, wanting to see him at the same time I didn’t want to lay eyes on him again.
Grace, stop!

We went up to the door, Aidan looking about as if he’d rather be anywhere else and me steadying myself to do what I’d come to do.

The butler showed us to Patrick’s study, and I tried not to think of how I’d watched Derry slip inside that night, nor everything that had happened after. The butler announced, “Mr. Aidan Knox and Miss Knox are here, sir.”

Patrick had been bent over his desk, but he bounded up with an eagerness that made me realize I’d been wrong to be afraid. Just seeing him reassured me and made me feel cherished.
Yes, this is what I want
. This smile instead of another. Gray-green eyes instead of midnight blue. A kiss that made me feel treasured and loved instead of one that felt as if everything inside me struggled to break free.

Patrick smiled at Aidan and shook his hand. “It’s a warm morning. Should we walk in the park?”

“The park’s as good as anywhere,” my brother said. “As long as it’s a short walk.”

I glared at him, and he raised his brows as if saying,
“What?”
and Patrick led us into Madison Square. Aidan drew back, sauntering behind us, my good watchdog, while Patrick took me ahead.

He said, “I missed you at supper last night.”

“I’m sorry. I didn’t return home until late. Had I known of your invitation I would have rushed.”

“It’s no matter. There will be plenty of other suppers.”

“I hope so,” I said.

His eyes lit. “Do you? Grace, I’ve so much to tell you. Things I meant to say before. In only a few days, everything will change, and—”

“I’ve something to tell you as well, Patrick,” I said, wanting to get the words out before he distracted me. “It’s actually why I’ve come. Well, and I wanted to see you, of course. But this . . . it’s about your stableboy.”

“My stableboy? What about him?”

I glanced over my shoulder. Aidan still followed several paces back, looking restless. He wouldn’t last much longer. Patrick took my hand, tucking it into the crook of his arm, covering my fingers with his. Strong, warm fingers, like those on another hand, pressing me against the wall.
But not covered with blood
. “He’s . . . he’s a member of a gang. One of those terrible gangs downtown. Near Bleecker Street.”

Surprise flickered in Patrick’s eyes. “My stableboy. You mean Jerry or Derry?” He smiled slightly. “Ridiculous, isn’t it? Like matched horses.”

“Derry,” I said, embarrassed at how I breathed the name. “It’s Derry.”

“So how do you know this?”

“I just—Aidan told me.” Aidan was a good distance away now, paying almost no attention to us. A safe lie. And my
brother would feign knowledge if asked—Aidan might even believe he
had
told me about the gang and didn’t remember it.

Patrick glanced back, and my heart pounded, thinking he might stop and call Aidan after all.

“Derry’s one of Finn’s Warriors,” I said urgently.

“Finn’s Warriors?” Patrick stiffened.

“Yes. That’s the name of the gang. Have you heard of them?”

“I don’t know. Possibly. But . . . isn’t this who Lucy begged me to hire? I thought it odd at the time—”

I hadn’t wanted to drag her into it. Still . . . “Well, she believes she’s in love with him, I think. You know how Lucy is, and he’s very handsome. It’s only one more reason to dismiss him—before she makes a fool of herself. Not that she has yet,” I amended.

“Finn’s Warriors,” Patrick mused. “And you say Lucy’s in love with him?”

“She says she is. She fell so quickly, though. Overnight, really. And he is . . . he can be charming, I suppose. But I think you could still save her if you sent him away now.”

“She fell for him overnight?” Again that quiet, musing tone.

I frowned. “Patrick?”

“I don’t think I’ve laid eyes on him. What does he look like?”

I didn’t know where Patrick’s questions were going. “Dark hair. Blue eyes.”

“Anything strange about him? Any . . . deformity, I guess it would be?”

“A deformity? No. Nothing like that.”

He turned to look at me intently. “
You
haven’t developed . . . feelings . . . for him, have you?”

The way he’d pressed against me. The burn of his kiss and how I’d kissed him back.
“N-no. Of course not!”

Thankfully, Patrick didn’t seem to notice my discomfort. He looked out over the park. “Finn’s Warriors. I wonder how many of them there are?”

I knew exactly, of course, but there was no way I should.

“And their leader? Let me guess: a man named Finn?”

“Yes.” My relief that he was taking me seriously made me too fast. When I saw Patrick’s puzzled glance, I tried to temper my eagerness. “I mean . . . I suppose that’s why they’re called Finn’s Warriors.”
They’ve named themselves after the Fianna,
I wanted to say, but I could have no way of knowing that either and so I said, “I think Derry stole the ogham stick too.”

Patrick halted abruptly. “Why do you think that?”

“I don’t know it for certain,” I lied. “But I suspect so. Something he said—he asked me if you had other things.”

“What other things?”

“An ogham stick made of rowan. A horn.”

“Why was he asking these questions of you?”

“I think because I’d said something to him about the relics. I’m sorry, Patrick; I didn’t mean to. We were just making conversation, and—”

“Why were you making conversation with a stableboy?”

“We were waiting for Lucy to come back with petits fours.”

Patrick blinked in confusion. “Petits fours?”

“It doesn’t matter,” I said, though I felt as if I were falling deeper and deeper into a well from which I could never climb out. “I swooned, I’m afraid, one day when Lucy and I were together. The heat and”—
Derry glowing—
“and he was there and sent her for some food. We were just talking, Patrick. But he knew about the relics, and he asked me, and that’s why I think he took the ogham stick.”

Patrick led me off the path, out of the way of other promenaders, and turned fully to face me. “It’s all right, Grace. I’m just surprised, that’s all. I’m surprised he thought to ask questions of you.”

“He’s been very familiar,” I said. “It’s not just for Lucy that I ask you to dismiss him, Patrick. It’s for me as well. He makes me nervous. I’ve asked him to leave me alone, but he just won’t. I don’t know what else to do.”

“I see. Well, I’ll have a talk with this Derry. Perhaps it isn’t too late.” He spoke the last as if to himself.

“Too late?” I asked.

He shook his head. “Don’t worry. I’ll make certain he doesn’t trouble you again.”

My relief was almost dizzying. My faith that Patrick would help me with this, that he was the only one who could, overwhelmed me. “Thank you. Thank you so much.”

“I’ll take care of everything. I’ll talk to him, but I won’t tell him where I learned it, if that worries you.”

“I don’t mind if he knows. In fact, I’d rather he did. Perhaps it will help him keep his distance.”

Patrick’s mouth quirked in a smile. “You’ve a vengeful streak. Have I ever told you that?”

“A time or two, I think. Perhaps when you put that frog down my dress—”

“And you repaid me by throwing my tin soldiers into the river.”

“I was baptizing them,” I protested. “They seemed in sore need of redemption. And besides, I wouldn’t have done it if not for the frog.”

“As I said, a vengeful streak. I’ll have to remember that.” Patrick glanced down the path, to where Aidan had slowed his step even further, and then he leaned close and whispered, “I know you think we’re moving too swiftly, and I know I’m too impatient. It’s a terrible flaw, but I . . . I have hopes . . . I hope . . .” He paused, as if gathering his courage.

He was going to propose. Everything I’d waited for, and all I could think was
No, no, not yet.
All I could think was that I must hold him off. I found myself saying, “You mustn’t think of such things now. What’s important is Lucy. And doing something about Derry.” And then the moment I said it I wondered why I had.

“Derry, yes.” He straightened, his gray-green eyes soft with a hurt that I regretted.

I said desperately, “Just now I’m afraid for your sister. All these other things . . . we can speak of them later, can’t we? I want to, just . . . not now.”

The joy on his face was blinding. He took my hands, lifting them, pressing his lips to my gloved fingers. “Yes, of
course. You’re right. Lucy is what’s important now. You’re so good to look after her as you do.”

“You must know I love your family as my own.”

“You’re a better sister to Lucy than I am a brother. It speaks well of”—he broke off with a small smile—“of you.”

It hadn’t been what he was going to say, but I was glad, and I didn’t let myself wonder why. “You’ll look to this soon?”

“Immediately,” he said, and then we both looked down the path to my brother. Aidan leaned against a tree as if he hadn’t the strength to stand on his own, but he wasn’t watching us. He was staring at a group of ragged boys across the park. Gang boys. No one I recognized, but still my heart stopped.

And when Patrick leaned close again and whispered, “I am your servant in all things, Grace. You must know it,” I lifted my face to his. I let him kiss me.

And I didn’t let myself compare it to any other kiss.

TWENTY-THREE

Grace

A
lmost the moment I left Patrick and started back to the house with Aidan, my guilt and fear returned. It wasn’t just that I’d betrayed both Lucy and Derry, it was that I didn’t understand why I’d dissuaded Patrick from proposing. I had agreed with Mama that I’d needed to push him. And yet, when the time had come, what had I said?
“You mustn’t think of such things now.”

I only felt worse when Aidan said, “That was some kiss, Gracie. I hope Patrick proposed before he took such liberties.”

“As if it matters to you.”

I thought Aidan would make some cutting remark, but instead he stopped. “You know it does.”

I wished I could say,
I don’t know what’s wrong with me. I want to love Patrick, yet . . .
But the years when I could speak to Aidan about anything were gone. “Really? Lately, I wonder.”

He winced, and I felt terrible. But before I could apologize,
he said in that devil-may-care tone I’d grown to hate, “It’s only a few blocks home. You can make it on your own, can’t you? I’ve just remembered I have an engagement.”

Whatever apology I might have made was replaced by irritation. “Yes, by all means. Go hurl yourself off a bridge for all I care.”

“Perhaps I will, just to spite you.”

“At least you’ll be too numb to feel the impact.”

He laughed, but it was humorless. He touched the tip of his hat and bowed slightly. “I love you, too, Gracie.”

I watched him walk off. I couldn’t face going home to Mama and Grandma. Not just yet. Then I realized Rose’s house was very close.

I didn’t give myself time to think better of it. I hurried there, forgetting that it was her mother’s calling day until I saw the carriages waiting out front. Rose would be too busy with visitors for me. I knocked on the door anyway and asked to speak to Rose privately, and in a few moments, she came to the door. “What is it, Grace? You know it’s Mama’s calling day.”

“I know, and I’m sorry. But I need to talk to you.”