The Shadow of Arms (34 page)

“All right. Join the air force. I'll take the proper steps. And I'll have a military ID made for you. You just stay put next to Mother and before you know it you'll be discharged as a medic.”

“Thank you.”

Minh thought of bringing up the subject of getting a job, but he decided not to. Too many requests all at once would be likely to arouse suspicion in the meticulous Quyen. Minh changed the subject.

“Brother, I was told about your marriage. I heard from Lei. It seems to have hurt Mother's feelings, and Lei's, too.”

“What do you think?”

“Think of what?”

“Of she and I living together?”

“Well, if she's what Mother and Lei say she is, then I agree with them. You, my big brother, being married to a foreign bar hostess?”

“Shut up, Mimi's not that kind of woman. She was working as an office clerk in the PX. And I . . . I'm sorry to say, our relation is not like a typical Vietnamese marriage. We're living together now, but we may part, you never know. She's planning to go abroad, too, to Singapore or Bangkok, with our family. That's why we got married on paper. That's all.”

“But . . . if she doesn't love you and you're only a means for her to get out of Vietnam, then . . .”

Quyen did not feel like arguing about his private life with his brother. He glanced at his watch. Minh spoke again: “I wonder whether you'd let me . . .”

“What?”

“I'd like to meet her today. What do you say?”

“I don't especially like the idea.”

“Don't worry. I won't babble. Who knows? I might get a good impression and help to change Mother's mind about her.”

“When it comes to Mother . . . I've given up. Later, when we all go abroad and if she lives happily among us, then she'll understand it all. I have a goal.”

“I know. You're planning to make money with the help of General Liam, right?”

Quyen whirled about to check Minh's expression in order to make sure he wasn't being sarcastic, but Minh wore a serious look. It was, after all, the expression of a man who had learned something about the world.

“Right,” Quyen replied, “and you remember how you used to attack and insult me because of that? Now you seem to have had a taste of real life in this world. This war, I'm afraid, will not end in our generation. It's gone on for over sixty years already. In the Diem period I saw countless cases of rich and influential families slipping out of the country one after another, after first sending children to study abroad. We'll leave here, too. And to do that we need money. From the time I graduated from college and entered the officer candidate school I've had my heart set on getting a connection of this kind. It's an opportunity a field officer couldn't dream of. Now, up where I am with General Liam, we can fold and unfold everything in Quang Nam Province. It is a rare chance. Our family needs dollars.”

“How much?”

“A million dollars, at least, I figure.”

Minh was not in the least surprised at the amount. A thousand discharge certificates would do. He had heard a rumor of a police superintendent's wife who had staked several soldiers as a bet in a poker game. Or, a hundred passports to Europe would bring in a million dollars.

“How long will it take?”

“Well . . . I'll have to manage it before my boss gets promoted to a Cabinet position. Two more years, maybe.”

“I'll help too. After all, it's for our family.”

Minh's voice was flat, and Quyen raised his hands and grasped Minh by the shoulders.

“You, you rotten one. You worried me so much . . . if I'd known they'd make a man out of you like this I'd have sent you off to them a long time ago.”

Feeling a bit awkward at what he had said, Quyen looked at his watch once again.

“I have to get back. There's an important document that has to be approved this afternoon. Anyway, it's all turned out fine. Don't worry too much, I'll take care of everything. I'll drop in again in the evening.”

Quyen unlatched the door. He was about to leave but stopped and took out his wallet from the pocket of his jacket.

“Here, have some spending money. And don't stay out late.”

Quyen handed five ten-dollar notes to Minh.

“If you take these to Le Loi market you can get at least fifteen hundred piasters. Why don't you get some little gifts for Lei and Mi?”

Minh quietly accepted the military currency. Quyen then left without a word to the other members of the family. Out through the window over the hedge Minh could see him getting into the Jeep. He murmured to himself, “Brother, I'm sorry.”

There was a sound of the engine turning and the Jeep took off.

“Is he gone?” asked Mi with a look of concern on her face. “Did you argue?”

“No.”

“Is it really going to be all right?”

“Big Brother will take care of it. You can forget about it now.”

“You must be hungry, eh? Lei will be home any minute. You can eat with her.”

“Sister, by any chance do you know where Big Brother lives?”

“Why should I trouble myself about such a thing? Lei may know, though. Once when Mother fainted she went there with Lieutenant Kiem to show the way.”

“Mother fainted?”

“Yes, on the day Big Brother packed up and moved out. You know, like she did with Father in the old days.”

The two of them went back out to the living room. Seeing the flowers in the front yard getting limp from the blazing sun, Mi headed outside with a sprinkling can to water the plants. Minh was stalking and swatting flies that had slipped inside the house.

“Are you really back home for good?”

“I said I am . . .”

“I thought you'd never return, like my husband.”

“You're not pleased to see me back, are you?”

“No, it's not that. It's just you seem changed somehow.”

“I'm still the same old me.”

Mi gave Minh a searching look and whispered, “I'm proud of my husband. When the children grow up I'll tell them about their father. He was on the district committee in Quang Nai Province. He came back from the jungle from time to time. That's how she was born,” Mi said, pointing over at the three-year-old girl sleeping in a hammock. “Most Vietnamese women think the way I do—they'd rather see their husbands off in the jungle instead of staying home living in disgrace. I hate Quyen.”

Minh understood how his older sister felt, but he went on killing flies without revealing his own feelings.

“Quyen has contempt for me because my husband was on the other side.”

“That's not true, Mi.”

“Then what is it? Mother's asking for him every day and he goes and shacks up with a Korean bar girl. He thinks he owes us nothing because he throws us thirty thousand piasters a month. I thought you'd never come back.”

Minh felt an urge welling up inside to grab his sister and shake her, to scream that he was working in a cell of the Liberation Front. But he had to stifle such arrogance. Had he not been taught that at times one has to wear a disguise that brings snickers and scorn from one's own countrymen? Minh tossed the fly swatter aside.

“Sister, I barely made it back alive. I suppose you wouldn't be satisfied unless one of those yellow slips arrived notifying the family I'd been killed in action out in the jungle?”

“No, dear. I'm glad you're back. You shouldn't die. I just can't stomach Quyen, that's all.”

Mi rushed over to Minh with tears streaming down her face and grabbed his hands. She was feeling dejected at the fate that left her no choice but to live off her family. From outside could be heard the bell of a bicycle and the rattle of its chain.

“Lei's back.”

Mi wiped her eyes with the back of her hand and hurried off to the kitchen. Lei pushed her bicycle into the yard, then took off her big hat and fanned her face with it. The heat had cooked a tinge of red onto her face.

“I called Big Brother earlier, did he show up?”

“Yes, thanks.”

“So, what did he say?”

“He said he'd take care of things.”

“Ah, I'm starving. You haven't eaten yet, have you?”

“No, I was waiting for you.”

Mi hurried out. “Lei's home. Hungry? I'll make some fried rice, it'll only take a minute.”

“No need to hurry, Sister. No more class after siesta today. It's a Red Cross service day.”

“What's that?”

“Well, the senior girls go to the hospitals on Friday afternoons to look after the patients, refugees mostly.”

“Why didn't you go, then?”

“I decided to skip.”

Lei went around to the backyard to take a bath and soon the sound of the pump was heard. After a while she reappeared in shorts and a T-shirt, looking cooler with her hair wet. Mi brought out lunch. The three of them sat down together in the living room and ate fried rice.

“A friend of mine told me that front line units penetrated deep into Dong Dao yesterday. They planted their flag, too. Six were killed and the bodies were displayed along the road. Everybody is talking about it.”

“Lei, just eat your rice,” Mi warned.

Lei dropped her spoon and haltingly said, “Brother, well, eh, . . . I made one mistake . . .”

Minh and Mi both stopped eating and looked at Lei.

“I'll tell you if you promise to forgive me.”

Minh nodded. Lei went on, her eyes downcast.

“On the way from school I bumped into Shoan. She said she was going to Dong Dao to check . . . she was in tears because she thought you might be among the dead fighters laid out there.”

“So you told her I came back home.”

“Yes, I told her you came home last night. She was really planning to go to Dong Dao, you know. I had no choice. So, she might come by here.”

“You weren't thinking,” Mi said reproachfully. “You were told not to tell anyone until Minh gets everything settled. What if word gets out? Then not even Quyen can do much and Minh would be bound to be sent to the prison camp.”

Sometimes when deserters from the NLF came home they were denounced by neighborhood informants and sent straight to prison camps. In such cases they were treated differently from defectors. There was a six-month investigation period. If you came up with enough money you could be released and find a way to enlist in the ARVN, otherwise you might disappear without a trace. The same was true of civilians caught in the combat zones, and there was no way out at all for those confirmed to be NLF volunteers. But Minh was not too concerned about it. It was just too painful and too intimidating for him to have to put on an act to persuade Shoan of the change in his situation. He finished his meal in a rush and gulped down the cold green tea. Then he asked Lei, “You know where the house in Son Tinh is, don't you? Where Big Brother lives with that woman?”

“Why . . . you said he was already here.”

“I have to see that Dai Han woman.”

“No, Mi and I don't like to be harassed by Big Brother.”

“He said it was all right with him. Where in Son Tinh is it? Here, draw a map.”

“Shoan said she'd be coming by.”

“I have no time to see her. That sour face . . . really, I don't care to see it.”

Lei peered over at Mi. “Sister . . .”

“Go ahead, show him how to get there,” Mi spat out, lifting her chin as if uninterested. As she gathered up the dishes she added, “Minh is getting to be just like Quyen.”

Lei picked up a pencil and began sketching a map. “Well, at this tennis court turn right and then it's the fourth house as you go up the hill. The steps are steep. It's cement, painted white. Got it?”

“Yeah, thanks.”

Minh took the map and got to his feet.

“Why do you want to see her?” Lei asked.

“To get a job, all right? She should be able to persuade Big Brother, that's why.”

“To get a job?”

“Yes, a job. I've got to make money. I mean to get out of this country. I'm planning to go abroad and become a surgeon.”

The two sisters exchanged looks.

“Brother . . . do you really mean it?”

“I'm borrowing your bike for a little while.”

Minh hurried off. Lei looked at Mi with a vacant face. “Brother Minh is like a different person.”

“Yes, and he's not on our side anymore.”

“Well, I think I can understand. I've seen many boys go through a change just like this.”

“He's much meaner than before he went off to the jungle. Minh in the end will turn out even viler than Quyen, that's what saddens me the most. The kind of man a Vietnamese woman can love has either lost his life or is off somewhere far away.”

Lei shook her head. “Little Brother isn't like that. There must be some reason.”

“You've seen him for yourself. I heard him arguing with Quyen, I heard every word he said. He was begging Quyen, saying he didn't want to die. In spite of myself I couldn't help crying . . . and I never felt so lonely.”

“Sister . . . it's all right to think your husband is the finest man alive. I still like Minh the most of any man in the world. I'm going to comfort him.”

Nevertheless, Lei, too, could not help but feel an emptiness in the heart that had overflowed with pride in the midst of hushed whisperings back on the night of Minh's departure. From then on, when the nights were punctuated by gunfire and flames, Lei would feel humiliated just as Minh himself could only feel self-reproach. Her own brother had turned out to be a deserter from the Liberation Front.

As he rode slowly up toward Doc Lap Boulevard, Pham Minh caught sight of Shoan coming from the far side of the street. She wore a white
ahozai
with her long hair pulled neatly back and was walking with her head down as if peering at her own sandals as they popped out in turn from under her long skirt. Minh almost called out to her, but then quickly turned the handlebar, slipped into an alley, and pedaled off at top speed. Then he slowed down and looked back, but Shoan already had crossed the intersection. He pushed the pedals at a leisurely pace and headed down toward the shore. Barely three days had passed, but he found the silence and the city routine insufferable and felt a terrible temptation to run from all responsibility.