The Shadow Matrix (35 page)

Then the sea crow alighted on the top of the carriage, settling its great talons into a

bundle of baggage. It moved its feet back and forth, as if seeking a firm purchase,

muttering to itself in crow, lifting a wing. When it had arranged itself to its satisfaction,

it gave Mikhail a serene look from its red eyes.

"I think it likes you,
dom,"
Daryll announced, barely holding back a fit of laughter.

Mikhail sighed a little, then chuckled. "I am afraid you are right, and I hope you will

enjoy cleaning the droppings off the baggage when we halt for the night, Daryll."

The irrepressible Guardsman grinned. "To be sure, my lord. Cleaning off bird dropping

is one of my favorite jobs."

The weather held through the first day of the journey back, and they made decent time,

in spite of conditions on the road and the slowness of the heavily loaded carriage.

Liriel rode inside with the children, and Mikhail and the men accompanied them on

horseback. The crow showed no inclination to abandon them either, but rode on the top

of the carriage or flew ahead, seeming to inform them of various points of interest

along the way.

They stopped for the night at an inn about fifteen miles from Halyn House. It felt

wonderful to get off the horse, to warm hands before a good fireplace, to smell roasting

meat and the slightly yeasty scent of the landlord's brew which floated in the smoky

air. Mikhail was glad of a tankard of the stuff, a dark, rich beer, for there had been

nothing at Halyn House but some .bad wine.

They fell to with good appetite. Mikhail watched with some astonishment as Miralys

disjointed a roasted chicken with her dainty hands, consumed both breasts and one leg,

then belched with satisfaction as she wiped her mouth on her now greasy napkin. Her

pale skin gleamed in the flickering light from the fireplace, and two spots of soft pink

glowed along her slender cheeks. Her sister was no less eager in her eating, and Emun,

who usually picked at his food, consumed a goodly portion. Daryll, as he had done so

often before, fed Alain soup, looking at the boy with sad eyes.

Vincent, normally a hearty trencherman, picked at his food and almost fell asleep in his

chair. He had been quiet during the journey, unlike the blustering youth he had been a

day before. The lad kept rubbing his brow along the left temple, as if he had a

headache. His sudden biddability concerned Mikhail, and he almost wished for the

return of the bragging lad who bellowed at everything. Mikhail hoped that Vincent was

merely quiet from a headache, and not something more serious. If only they had a

proper healer, for though both he and Liriel could do small things, neither of them had

that particular gift. And there was no healer in the neighborhood.

Everyone retired early except Mikhail. Liriel took the girls with her, to her chamber,

and Daryll carried Alain up the narrow stairs, with Emun and Vincent trailing behind

him like ducks. Mathias looked at Mikhail, as he sat before the fireplace, his legs

stretched out, and a tankard in his hand, started to speak, then shrugged. He took up a

position at the door of the common room and settled himself to wait.

Mikhail sat and sipped his beer. He felt alone— alone and dismal. He wished there

:

were someone he could talk to, but his sister was asleep, and she needed her rest. He

did, too. His eyes itched with fatigue. But he could not rest. How was he going to

explain to Regis the mess he had made of things?

The inn grew still, and the fire fluttered around the logs in the fireplace. He could hear

the faint sighing of the wind outside. It might rise during the night and make the rest of

the trip more difficult. He felt mildly blessed that this first day had been so reasonable.

Finding something to feel hopeful about made him feel slightly less terrible, and he

sipped at his beer.

He savored his weariness, letting the beer relax his aching muscles. He was keyed up

still, too restless to sleep yet, though his body yearned for its release. Finally, he drew

his matrix from around his throat, removed the silken coverings, and directed his mind

toward the one person he thought might understand his turmoil.

Marguerida, beloved!

Mik, darling! How lovely! But I can barely make you out. These hangings that Istvana

put in my room are fine for

protecting me from too much matrix energy, but they play

hell with telepathy. I'll go down to the parlor
—
just a

moment.

'

•

She sounded cheerful and happy, as he had not heard her sound in all her time at

Arilinn. Some coil of tension in his chest unwound. He had not even known it existed

until it left his body.

Here I am again! How are things at Halyn House? Are the Elhellions still waking you

up at night?

We left Halyn House this morning,
chiya.
Priscilla Elhalyn is dead, and I am taking

the children back to Thendara.

What happened?

It is a long story, and a sad one.
Mikhail began to tell her everything, not sparing

himself. He could sense her presence, could almost picture her intense concentration as

she listened.
So I failed to protect the children from . . . whatever the Guardian was,

from their mother, or from that wretched Emelda. Alain Elhalyn is as close to witless

as makes no difference, and both Liriel and I are worried about Vincent. I can only

hope he has nothing more dangerous than a mild concussion. I made a complete mess

of everything and
...

Mik, don't be such an ass!

The tart words were like a bucket of icy water poured into his mind, bracing and

chilling at the same time. He was almost too stunned to reply.
What do you mean?

I mean you did the best you could in an impossible situation, and the only thing you

didn 't do was get help sooner. And now, at least, I understand why you seemed so

peculiar.

Peculiar?

Unfocused and sort of evasive. I was starting to imagine all sorts of foolish things.

Such as?

Well, Emelda was a woman.
...

Marguerida, there is no one but you for me.

Good! Now stop blaming yourself. Let my father do that. He does enough to himself

for all of-us, and he has had a lot more practice!

I'll be sure to tell him that when I next encounter him. I am certain he will be

delighted.

I've told him myself a few times, and so has Javanne! Listen, you are tired, and

everything seems worse when you

are exhausted. Get some sleep. You'll have several days on the road, and you need all

your strength for that. You can beat yourself over the head some other time!

How practical you are, my beloved. I suppose you are right.

And it almost kills you to admit it!

I can't fool you for a moment, can I?

Mikhail Hastur, you are a wonderful man, even when you are behaving like a goose.

I haven't told you about the crow.

The what?

He had the satisfaction of surprising her, and it felt delightful.
When I arrived at Halyn

House, there was a large sea crow that kept watching me. Every time I left the house,

there it was
—
watching me like a hawk.

Good trick
—
a crow acting like a falcon.

Hush, or I won't tell you the tale. There were quite a lot of crows at Halyn House of the

ordinary variety. I got used to the sound of their feet on the roof every morning. But

this one was different. It seemed to take a great interest in me, and, when I was tilting

at the quintain, it saved my life, or at least kept the damn thing from knocking me into

the next week. My men think the animal is a fine joke. When we left, the beast just

climbed onto the top of the carriage and came along for the ride. It is the most

peculiar thing.

We had sea crows on Thetis, and they were quite intelligent, Do you think the bird will

go all the way to Thendara with you?

Yes
—
it seems to have adopted me.

Well, then, I will look forward to meeting it.

How are things going at Neskaya?

I think I am making some progress, yet it seems as if I learn something, and then it

wiggles away from me. It is very frustrating, but even more so for Istvana, I suspect,

though she never lets on. But I am glad to be here instead of at Arilinn. The people

with Istvana are friendly, and they don't sneer at me when I make a mistake. . . . Now

get to bed! We can talk another time. I love you, Mik.

I feel better for talking to you, but if you are going to order me about when . . . when

we are wed . . .

I am, so you had better become accustomed to it. I am

not the least impressed by all your titles, and I have a very forceful disposition! Like

your mother!

I know, beloved, I know. Good night.

Mikhail put away his stone, then sat watching the fire, finishing the last of his beer. He

savored the strength of Marguerida Alton as she had been in his mind, the power of

her, and beneath it, the passion she held for him. What, he wondered, would it be like

when he was finally able to feel that passion directly? He imagined her hands running

over his naked back, and found himself instantly aroused, despite his exhaustion.

Would he ever find out what it would feel like to love her freely? Mikhail was afraid to

hope.

He mounted the stairs slowly, his thighs feeling the stiffness of riding all day. After

undressing, Mikhail lay between the covers, smelling the clean linen, listening to the

wind against the tiles of the roof. Just before sleep claimed him, he heard the rough

and familiar sound of his crow, as if it were bidding him good night. Then He slipped

into deep dreamless sleep.

The following morning, the sky had clouded over; by the time they set out, snow was

falling. The children were restless now, and Liriel was becoming crabbier by the

minute. Mikhail, who had never ridden in an aircar in his life, had a sudden longing for

one, to carry him and the rest of the company back to Thendara in an hour instead of at

least three or four more dreary days.

By midmorning, the snow was coming down steadily, though not very thickly. They

were riding along the river, and the gurgle of the waters which were not yet frozen was

a pleasant sound amidst the soft rustle of the snow. There was only a light breeze

which chilled the cheeks and ruffled his hair, and he was grateful for that. He was

weatherwise enough to be concerned.

The crow, which was still riding atop the carriage, lifted off the baggage suddenly and

flapped through the air. It landed on Mikhail's shoulder with a thump. He felt the sharp

talons dig into the wool of his cloak, and he smelled the slightly fishy odor of the bird.

It shifted from foot to foot, then settled into place.

"Are you going to do this all the time now?" He was becoming less uneasy with the

bird, but he suspected he

would never be entirely comfortable with that beak close by. The sea crow was a

formidable animal at a distance, and more so close up. It gave a rough caw which he

took for a yes.

Mikhail was glad of this diversion, since wondering about the crow kept him from

thinking about the children. He kept trying to think what he should have done

differently, and finding no answer. It was a futile pursuit, and he knew it.

"Do you expect to be presented at court?" he asked the crow quietly, and was answered

by the soft trill, the nearest thing to a musical sound the animal could make. "I am

going to cut quite a figure, if you insist on sitting on my shoulder all the time."

Then he had the feeling of something brushing his thoughts, just a light touch, like a

feather across his brow. There were no words in it, just the sense of some

communication that he had never experienced before. It felt calm, but strong.

Mikhail turned his head slowly to look at the crow, and found red eyes gazing at him

intently. The huge beak was no more than a handspan from his own nose, sharp and

dangerous. But he felt no threat, just a sense of certainty, as if he were being reassured

that everything was all right.

14

They came to the gates of Thendara at dusk on the fifth day, in a wet snow that soaked

the cloaks of the riders and made the horses shine with moisture. It took another hour

and several detours to reach Comyn Castle, since the carriage could not travel on the

narrower streets, but Mikhail sent Daryll and Mathias ahead to prepare for the arrival

of five children, two of them ill.

As they passed taverns and cookshops, smelling of stews and roasted meats, full of the