The Seeds Of A Daisy: The Lily Lockwood Series: Book One (Women's Fiction) (36 page)

Robbie moves in closer to me and asks, “How are you holding up?”

“I’ve been better.” He nods. I feign a smile and say, “But now that my favorite guys are here—”

“I’d like everyone to please take your seats.” Donna is on stage and the memorial portion of the event is about to begin.

There is controlled chaos as everyone looks for the number on the table that coincides with the number written on their personalized escort card. I take David and Robbie’s hands and walk with them over to the head table. Fernando, Tommie, Theresa, Pete, and Franny are already seated there.

When people takes their seats, Donna begins. “I want to welcome everyone tonight. We all know why we’re here: to honor my oldest and dearest friend, Daisy Lockwood.” She chokes back a tear. “Tonight is not about mourning, although we will all miss her terribly. Tonight is a time for us to remember how wonderful she was, and to celebrate her life. Which is what she would want, wouldn’t she?” Everyone agrees. “I would first like to call up her daughter, Lily, to say a few words.”

I look at Robbie. He smiles encouragingly. My knees are shaking as I head across the floor. I’ve been on stage before, in front of thousands of people. But never have I been this nervous. I want to do the right thing, to honor my mother. Our lives come down to one moment, a moment where you have to encapsulate someone’s whole life. It is of utmost importance that I say the right thing.

I walk up the few steps to the stage, and as clear as day, I hear Daisy’s voice in my head.

“Lily of the Valley, just speak from that sweet heart of yours. The rest will take care of itself.”

“On behalf of my brother David and myself…” A murmur flows through the crowd, which I totally expected, since only a couple of people even know that David exists. I smile down at him, and he smiles back. “…I would like to thank you all so very much for coming tonight.” I look at my notes briefly. “In my life, I’ve been extremely lucky, but I am most fortunate to have had Daisy Lockwood as my mother. I couldn’t have asked for a more supportive, loving Mom. She was everything to me. Life with Daisy was an adventure a minute. She found joy and fun in the simplest things. She taught me, by example, how to achieve what you want in life, while always remembering to be generous and
loving. She also taught me that everyone should be treated with decency and respect. I don’t know what I’m going to do in a world without her in it—I just can’t imagine…”

My hand start to shake and I can’t stop the tears. Donna hands me a tissue and I take a deep breath.

“A year ago, my mother read a poem by Mary Frye at my grandmother’s funeral. I never thought that in such a short time, I would be doing the same.” I start to cry as I read the poem:

Do not stand at my grave and weep
,

I am not there; I do not sleep
.

I am a thousand winds that blow
,

I am the diamond glints on snow
,

I am the sun on ripened grain
,

I am the gentle autumn rain
.

When you awaken in the morning’s hush

I am the swift uplifting rush

Of quiet birds in circling flight
.

I am the soft starlight at night
.

Do not stand at my grave and cry
,

I am not there; I did not die
.

I walk off the stage and look around at all of the people who have gathered to honor my mother. I hope her spirit is here tonight, to see and to hear how much everyone adores her. I cross the room and I can’t believe my eyes! Jamie is sitting at one of the tables toward the back of the tent. We make eye contact; I quickly look away and walk straight to my table. I am shaken. I sit down and listen to my mother’s friends one after another recount heartwarming and funny stories about her. When Fernando gets up to go to the men’s room, I slide into his seat, next to Theresa.

I whisper, “Jamie’s here.”

Theresa does not seem at all surprised. “I thought he might come.”

“Why didn’t you tell me?” I ask, stunned.

“I didn’t know for sure. Since it’s a charity event, Harvey bought the table. He spent a fortune. I wasn’t sure which people he would invite. I really thought
Jamie would have more sense than to show up. Oh my God, did Nasty Natty come?”

As if on cue, we both whip around and crane our necks to look at his table. So much for being discreet. The seats are all taken. Jamie is sitting next to his costar Bobbie. With them are Harvey and Mitzi and four other people I don’t recognize.

“He’s got some nerve,” I whisper.

“Yeah, he does. But he thinks he’s in love. Who knows, maybe he is.”

I feel like my eyes are going to bug out of my head. “How can you say that to me? After everything he put me through.”

“Because it’s true. He’s been speaking to me and even though he’s a little fucking cheat, I believe he’s sorry. It’s a messy life, and a short one.” She nods toward my Mom’s photo on stage. “Give him a chance to speak, don’t give him a chance to speak—it’s up to you. At least he wanted to come.”

“Too little, too late. He ruined us.” I move in closer. “Anyway, I’m with someone.”

Now it’s time for
her
eyes to bug out. I nod discreetly in Robbie’s direction. She nods her head, indicating she understands.

“I should have known. He seems like a good guy. Like I said, Lily Girl, it’s a messy life. The next move is all yours.”

Fernando returns and I move back to my seat. I continue to listen to Mom’s friends talk about her. The Jamie Pain has made a grand comeback and it feels like his unborn child is kicking the very shit out of it. I need to go to the ladies room. I avoid the fancy Porta-Potties that are set up near the tent and head up the hill to the house.

Halfway there, someone touches me on the shoulder. “Wow, someone chasing you? You’re in a big rush.” Jamie laughs apprehensively.

“What do you want, Jamie?” I’m angry. What gall he has to show his face here.

“I just need to talk to you.”

“This is not the time or the place,” I say. “And there is nothing to talk about, Jamie.”

He moves closer to me and says, “Babe, I’m really sorry about your Mom. Truly I am.”

Tears spring to my eye. I am now angry at myself and at the way my heart betrays me.

He senses my hesitation, and like a drowning man who gets thrown a life preserver as he goes under for the last time, grabs it with both hands. “I fucked up, babe. I know that. You gotta give me another chance.” His words are coming out machine-gun fast. “I love you. We had a life together—a good life. Don’t throw it away.” He puts his hands on my shoulder. I can see there are tears in his eyes.

I shrug off his hands. “I didn’t throw it away, Jamie. You did. You threw me away. Now leave, Jamie. I mean it. I don’t want you here.”

With that I walk away, praying to God he doesn’t follow me. He doesn’t. I get to the house and practically run into the bathroom. I lock the door behind me, relieved to be alone. This feels vaguely familiar, and I remember the night of Harvey’s party when I locked myself in the bathroom after Jamie punched a hole in the wall. I take a few breaths to calm myself down. He will not do this to me again. I am not running away and hiding in the bathroom, like some scared girl. I fix my hair and makeup and go back out to the tent.

I return to my seat next to Robbie. He leans in to me. “You okay, honey?”

I tell him I’m fine. I take his hand under the table and turn my attention to the stage. When the speeches are over, Donna invites everyone to enjoy the rest of the evening, just as Daisy would have wanted.

During dinner, we all notice that David is drinking a lot. As soon as he finishes one martini, he literally grabs the waitress by the arm and demands another.

“Hey, slow down there, cowboy,” Robbie says, pointing to the newest martini that the waitress just slammed down in front of David.

“I’m fine, you worry about yourself,” David says, and downs his drink.

While her band is playing onstage, Donna takes her place at our table.

“Can you believe how incredible this is?” she asks, referring to what everyone said about my mother.

We all talk about how amazing the night has been so far. I look around. Some people are dancing, others eating, still others walking around mingling. Exactly what my mother would have wanted. I stand up, raise my glass of sparkling water, and say to everyone at the table, “I just want to thank everyone here for all your love and support. I don’t know what I would do without you. The last weeks—this event—everything. I love you all. Let’s toast to my mother!” Everyone clinks glasses.

Paul asks Theresa to dance and they leave the table. Donna turns to David. “So how about it, feel like giving an old lady a couple of turns on the dance floor?”

“When I see an old lady, I’ll be sure to ask her.” He laughs as he stands up. “Until then, would you like to dance with me, Donna?”

She takes his hand and they walk onto the dance floor. I turn to Robbie. “Jamie is here.” He’s in the middle of cutting his steak; he continues to cut, slowly and deliberately. Without looking up he asks, “Anything I need to worry about?”

“No, nothing,” I reply.

“Okay, then.” He looks up at me. “How does it feel to be the most beautiful woman in the room?”

Before I can respond, Donna and David come back to the table. Donna walks, David stumbles a bit.

“You need to know that Jamie is here. I just ran into him. He’s pushing an older lady with big lips and huge ta tas around the dance floor.”

In unison Tommy, Fernando and I say, “Mitzi!” We all laugh. Donna looks concerned.

“I’m all right, Auntie D. Don’t worry,” I say, and I mean it. For the first time all night, I feel like everything is going to be fine.

“Who’s Jamie?” David asks. He is now slurring his words.

“He’s Lily’s ex,” Tommy answers.

Fernando chimes in, “An uninvited jackass!”

“What a douche, showing up where he’s not wanted.” David looks at me. “You want me to fuck him up, sis?”

“No one needs you to do anything,” Robbie says, “except stop drinking.” He lowers his voice. “You can’t drink with the
Cyclosporine A
you’re taking. It’ll kick the side effects into high gear. Anyway, bro, you don’t want to mess up that brand new kidney.”

David glares at Robbie. “Take care of your own business,
bro
. You’re off duty and I’m not your damn patient. It’s my fucking kidney now, and I’ll do whatever I want to it.”

There is an uncomfortable silence at the table. Robbie’s face turns a deep red, and everyone starts talking at once.

The band is playing a slow song from the forties and Robbie asks me to dance. In his arms, nothing else matters. We spend the next half hour that way, not saying anything, just holding one another and feeling the music.

The evening is coming to an end. I am relieved that it is almost over, and happy that it turned out to be an overwhelming success on so many levels. Everyone shared their stories and love for Daisy and we raised a substantial amount of money for the Brain Injury Association—well over one hundred thousand dollars, Theresa told me earlier.

“Excuse me, everyone.” The chatter in the room stops. Donna is in front of the microphone again.

“We would like to thank everyone for coming. I’d like to sing one last song. It is one of Daisy’s favorites. I wrote it, oh, I guess about twelve years ago. It’s called ‘Parati.’”

The rise and fall of the melody is haunting and heartbreaking. Mom always cried when she listened to it. She said the song sounded mystical and always moved her soul.

Donna’s eyes close and she starts singing:

Parati

How can I have such sad eyes in a Brazilian paradise?

Oh Parati it took so long to get you close to me

The one that I thought I’d be with all my days is here with me

But I am sad and all alone with him in Parati

You took my breath away when I set foot in you

Lovers can be such strangers when a love’s so new

A winding mountain road no vision in your blinding fog

What I thought would move us closer turned my prince into a frog

I had to let you go

At last my broken heart is still

Safe from the man who cut me loose against undying will

Oh Parati Parati

I lost my love to your sea

Oh Parati Parati

I don’t know what I do believe

Oh Parati Parati

Don’t your Gods have mercy, mercy?

Oh Parati

The only memory left of you is me

We sat among the rocks and stared out to an endless sea

He spoke in shades of blue but never spoke his wish to me

What I know now is how his eyes had lost their sparkle then

And what he needed was for me to be his darkest friend

So now I walk alone the sea and sand seem black and gray The rain pours from an angry sky that lights only yesterday

I flash back to a phone call my mother got in the middle of the night, when I was about sixteen years old. The phone woke me up, and I went into my mother’s room and crawled into her bed.

Donna had just started dating a musician at the time and was head over heels crazy in love with him. She was touring with her band in Brazil and she invited him to visit her. They took a side trip to the idyllic city of Parati, which is the southernmost and westernmost part of Rio de Janeiro, known for its stunning waterfall and forests. That was the moment when everything went wrong between them. I didn’t know the details; I only knew that while the musician was sleeping, Donna closed herself inside the bathroom and called my mother. Mom talked to her for over an hour, listening to her, calming her down, and giving her advice. It was hard for me to keep my eyes open, but I remember thinking, before I nodded off, how lucky I was to have such a smart Mom who always knew the right answers.