The Secrets of Attraction (20 page)

“I think we need to try,” I said.

“Why not just save it for now, Elvis,” Tanner said. He'd been as merciless as I thought about my hair, karma for all the hat guff I gave him. “We've got until the battle to perfect it.”

“Actually we don't,” I admitted, looking between them. Just rip off the fucking Band-Aid. “I gave it to Duncan.”

“What?”

“We agreed, we could use it for our show and they could use it for the battle.”

“And who's
we
? Did he talk to you?” Tanner looked at Grayson, who shook his head.

“So just keep at it. We got this,” I said, playing the first chord in the song. Neither of them joined in.

“No, we don't,” Tanner said.

“What did you want me to do? I'm sick of him asking for it.”

“How 'bout grow a pair and tell him he can't have it. Didn't he write, like, three lines in it?”

“More than you did,” I said.

Tanner flinched, his face turning red. I regretted it instantly. The words cut him where it hurt. I was so sick of being hassled about the song, though. I'd made the decision and was sticking to it.

“That's it, then.” Tanner unplugged his bass.

“C'mon, Tanner, I didn't mean—”

“Sure you did, man. It's always been about you and Duncan. I'm just the idiot with the bass and the stupid hat.” He opened his case and pulled the strap over his head.

“You're overreacting.”

“No I'm not, Jess,” he said. “I thought we were finally coming together and then you go and do something like this, without even running it by me or Gray. This is
your
band, isn't it? Who was the one who got the word out that we were looking for a new drummer when you were too busy crying over Hannah? Who signed us up for the battle? Who found a deal on T-shirts? But why should I have a say in something so big?” He closed his case, locking the clasps on the side violently, then grabbed his coat.

“Tanner, c'mon, dude, stay,” Grayson said.

He stopped a moment, looked at me, then back to Grayson.

“I have to get out of here before I say something stupid.”

He swung open the door and left, not even bothering to close it behind him.

Gray got up from the drums and shut the door, folding his arms across his chest before walking toward me.

“Guess that's it for today,” he said.

In all our years of friendship, Tanner and I had never as much raised our voices to each other. He was the easy one, the go-with-the-flow guy. Not that we didn't have disagreements now and then, and he certainly knew when to kick my ass about something, but I'd never seen him react this way.

“What do you think?”

“I'm the new guy—what do I know? I don't know the whole story.”

“You must have something to say.”

He sighed. “He has a point.”

I unplugged my guitar. “Really.”

“You could have run it by us first. Or at least Tanner. Honest, Jess, I can't stand the song. It doesn't fit in with the rest of the set, and you don't sing it with . . . It sounds like you're just going through the motions.”

I was about to defend it, but then I realized Grayson was right. I'd been holding on to the song out of some sense of . . . what? Pride? Revenge? Hannah and Duncan together still hurt me, but it was really less about them and more about what a chump I felt like that it had happened right under my nose. The song had been the only leverage I had, the final
fuck you both for doing this to me
. But really? It was a card in a game I didn't even want to play anymore.

“So you don't think we need it?”

“No, but we need Tanner. Maybe we should go get him. We could grab a pizza or something. Chill. All work and no play . . .”

“Sounds good.”

“Hey, sexy, get in the car!” Grayson yelled. Tanner kept walking, oblivious or out of spite, I wasn't sure. Then I realized he had headphones in. I beeped the horn. Grayson hung out the small VW window and waved his arms. T finally stopped and scowled as he pulled out his ear buds.

“Dude, get in, we're blocking traffic.”

A horn beeped behind us. Tanner stood still on the sidewalk. I finally had to pull up into a bus stop at the corner. Grayson got out of the car and walked over to him. He grabbed T's case from his hand and they both walked back. Grayson slid into the backseat with the bass, and Tanner flopped up front. Still not looking at me, but at least he was in the car. A few cars went by until I was able to pull out into traffic.

“Feel like getting some grub?”

“No,” he said.

“C'mon, you're always up for something.”

He shook his head. We drove a few blocks in silence.

“Maybe pizza,” T finally said.

“Leaning Tower?”

“Anywhere but there,” Grayson chimed in from the back.

“Palermo's, then?”

We finally agreed on something. Palermo's was open 24/7 and it looked it. The place had a layer of grease over everything and the jukebox only had songs from the eighties, but it had the best damn pizza this side of the Hudson. We ordered at the counter and sat at a table near the back. Tanner ripped off the paper from the end of his straw, then blew the rest of it directly into my face for a bull's-eye hit.

“Okay, I deserve that. You're right, the song's not ready for the Whiskey. And I'm sorry I gave it to Duncan without asking—I should have run it by you.”

“Why? I didn't do anything for it.” Tanner pulled the hat off his head and shoved it in his coat pocket.

“T—”

“No, look, I'm not saying I didn't want to punch you for saying that, but you're right. Sometimes I wonder why I'm even playing anymore—it's not like it's gonna get me anywhere.”

“Who says you need to go anywhere with it?” Grayson asked.

“Why do it at all?”

The order-up bell rang.

“I'll get it.” Gray went up to the counter and came back with the pizza. Tanner's question still unanswered on the table.

“What if we suck next Saturday?” Tanner pulled apart the paper plates and handed me one.

“Is that what this is about?” I asked.

“We're not gonna suck,” Gray said.

“How do you know?”

“Because we just worked our asses off for the past three weeks and I think we sound pretty damn good—are we the next Nirvana? No, but who is? And what's the big deal if we suck anyway? At least we're playing somewhere—you know why you'd never heard of me before? Stickey Wicket couldn't even get out of the basement. So this? For me? I may as well be playing the Beacon. It's gonna be fine.” Gray wolfed half his slice, and looked from me to Tanner, waiting for a reaction.

“If we're gonna blow it, blow it big,” I said.

Tanner laughed. “What?”

“Something I saw in Deck's office—you know, just go for it and if it sucks, so be it.”

“Exactly—you know, when I auditioned for you guys I had no clue if I could handle this. Sometimes you just have to throw yourself into something. I didn't worry about why you would or wouldn't pick me.”

“That goofy-ass Muppet shirt did not help,” I said.

“My Animal shirt? Dude—it's old-school, what's not to like?”

“Just don't wear it Saturday.” I bit into my pizza.

“If we're really confessing—he picked you because you know Madison.”

“T.”

Grayson cocked an eyebrow. “Really?”

“No,” I said, taking a sip of soda. “Okay, maybe. Did you see the logo she designed?”

“You were my first choice,” Tanner said.

“Who was my competition?”

“
No one
, we're just messing with you,” I said.

“Some dude who played Tom Sawyer.”

“Damn, Neil Peart? I wouldn't have picked me,” Grayson said.

“He was a show-off,” I said.

“And he didn't know Madison,” Tanner added.

“Tanner, quit it.”

“Any girl you let make you look like that you must have a boner for.”

Grayson had to cover his mouth when he laughed.

“I like it,” I said.

“I've seen more stylin' merkins, Jess, come on.”

“Says the dude with the ancient toboggan hat.”

“What's with that, anyway?” Grayson asked.

Tanner shrugged. “My lucky hat. That's all.”

“So, Madison? She's cool. You should go for it,” Gray said.

“We're just friends. I'm focusing on the Whiskey. After that we'll see.”

UNCORRECTED E-PROOF—NOT FOR SALE

HarperCollins Publishers

..................................................................

MOM HAD LEFT ME A MESSAGE TO MEET HER AT
the yoga studio. Wren bailed because she needed to study for a monster chem test. I planned on getting to class before everyone else so I could grab some prime space up front. The eight-block walk to yoga helped clear my head, got my blood pumping. I stole a quick peek through the Mugshot window to see if Jesse was working. He was behind the counter with Tanner. A smile stretched across my face. Chai or Mexican hot chocolate tonight?

I fully expected to be the first one in the studio for class but was surprised to see my mother in scorpion pose, being assisted by Leif. His hand supported the small of her back, lips moving with words that sounded like humming from where I stood. I waited in the doorway until she finally came out of the pose, one foot and then the other. They turned to see me, and my first instinct was to bolt—it felt like I'd walked in on something private, but both of them smiled.

“Mads, you're here early.” Mom's face was flushed pink, her hair held back with a tribal-print headband. She looked radiant. Ten years younger. Leif smiled at me.

“Ready for some heart openers?”

“I, um, guess so.”

Leif padded out to the front desk. My mother wiped down her face with a towel. I unfolded my sticky mat next to her. “When you said to meet you I just assumed you were stuck at work.”

“Oh, no—there's an advanced class before this one; I wanted to see if I could handle it.”

“Oh.” For some reason, her taking a class without me bothered me. When she first started, she'd practically bribed me to come with her. It was cool she'd found something to throw herself into, but at the same time it felt like she was moving on from me. Why hadn't she asked me to come?

“You're taking our usual class too?”

“Leif told me this is going to be more of a slow stretch tonight. Will you catch me if I topple over?”

I remembered what Wren said—how my mother rocked mermaid pose. I hadn't really noticed, until now. Yoga wasn't a competition; you weren't supposed to compare yourself to anyone else, but Mom excelled at it.

“You made scorpion look easy.”

“Did I? My arms were shaking, I thought I was going to flop on my head.”

“Couldn't see that from where I was standing.”

She tossed the towel onto her mat, grabbed her water bottle. “So if I was leading a class, I wouldn't look out of place?”

I shook my head. Friendly chatter filled the studio as people arrived for class. I walked over to the prop station and grabbed a strap and block, then sat down cross-legged on my mat.

“Teacher training starts next week.”

“Wow, already? I thought you were just thinking about it.”

“Why don't we go next door after class, hang out instead of getting our drinks to go. Catch up, sound good?”

“Sure.”

Seeing Jesse, his dark hair sticking out of his baseball cap, made a grin that started somewhere in my toes break out across my face. It could have been wishful thinking, but I swear his smile widened ever so slightly too when he saw me.

“Hey, I have something for you.” Tanner pointed at me and disappeared into the back room. I furrowed my brow at Jesse while he rang us up. Tanner came back holding a light yellow T-shirt. He fanned it out over the counter.

“The logo, wow.” I couldn't say anything else—my work right there on the shirt. It was such an odd feeling to see something that had existed in my brain on a T-shirt for the rest of the world to see. I knew Jess said they were going to use it for promotional stuff, but I didn't think he meant this. It was pretty cool.

“That looks great.” My mother ran a hand across the logo. “Are you selling these?”

“Not sure yet, we might just give them out—get our name out there,” Jesse said. “You can take a few if you want.”

“Really?”

“Consider it an early birthday present,” Tanner said.

“Not too far off.” My mother picked up the shirt and hummed with approval.

“It's your birthday?” Jesse asked.

I flinched at the question. “No—”

“Maddie's, in two weeks,” my mother said. “Do you have an extra small? I'll buy one.”