The Secret Place (51 page)

Julia takes a swig of water and wipes drops off her chin. She’d love to bounce Joanne around for a while and then leave – Joanne is almost too easy to play with, once you notice that you’re not afraid of her – but if she doesn’t squash this before it takes off, they’ll be stuck with the Daleks going after them for weeks, maybe months, maybe years, needling on and on like a cloud of mosquitoes till Julia’s head blows off from the overload of stupid. ‘Chill,’ she says. ‘You need better quality tattletales. Selena wouldn’t go near that wanker if you paid her.’

Joanne snaps – she’s getting shrill – ‘OhmyGod, you are
such
a liar. Do you think we’re stupid?’

Julia raises her eyes to the thickening sky. ‘What, you think I’m saying it to make you happy? Newsflash: I don’t give a fuck if you’re happy or not. I’m just telling you. Selena doesn’t even like Chris. She’s hardly even talked to him. Whatever you heard, it’s crap.’

‘Em, Gemma actually
saw
them? Totally wrapped around each other? So unless you want to try and convince me that Gemma’s actually
blind
—’

Then Joanne sees something in Julia’s face.

Joanne could taste one drop of power in an ocean. She eases back. ‘Oh. My. God,’ she says, drawing it out long and sweet and sticky, letting it drip all over Julia. ‘You actually didn’t
know
?’

Julia has her face back to blank, but she knows it’s too late. Coming from any of the other Daleks, this would have been just yak yak noise, it would never even have occurred to her to believe it. But Gemma; back in first year, when they were just kids, Julia and Gemma used to be friends.

A wide smirk is creeping over Joanne’s face. ‘Oopsie,’ she says. ‘Em
barr
assing.’ Orla sniggers.

Julia looks at Gemma. Gemma says, ‘Last night. I snuck out.’ Little smile that hints things. The other Daleks giggle. ‘I was heading down the path to the back wall, and the two of them were in that creepy place with the big trees where you guys hang out. I almost had a heart attack, I thought it was nuns or ghosts or something, but then I saw who it was. And they weren’t there to talk about the weather, either; they were all over each other. I’d say if I’d watched for another few minutes
.
.
.’

A scattering of snickers, falling like small grimy rain.

Gemma has perfect eyesight, and no one in school has hair like Selena’s. On the other hand – Julia grabs for the other hand – Gemma lies like a rug. Julia scans her for bullshit, scans and scans. She can’t tell. She can barely see Gemma, the solid dry-witted kid she used to share crisps and pens with, never mind read her.

Julia’s heart is running crazy. She says coolly, ‘Whatever you and your little stud were smoking, can I have some too?’

Gemma shrugs. ‘Whatever. I was there. You weren’t.’

Joanne says, ‘Sort it out.’ Now that she knows she’s in charge, all the twisted bits of her have gone back where they belong; she’s smoothed to angelic, except for that curled lip. ‘We only bothered to warn you this once because we’re being nice. We’re not going to do it again.’

She whisks around – she doesn’t actually snap her fingers at the rest of the Daleks, but somehow it looks like she does – and struts off, out of the tennis courts and up the path towards the school. The others scuttle to keep up.

Julia turns the tap back on and moves her hand up and down between the water and her mouth, in case they look back, but she can’t drink. Her heartbeat is jamming her throat. Her T-shirt sticks to her skin like some clammy sucker-footed thing, dragging. The sky presses down on her head.

Selena is in their room, alone; the others must still be in the showers. She’s cross-legged on her bed, brushing out her wet hair and humming. When Julia comes in she glances up and smiles.

She looks the same. Just seeing her gentles Julia’s heartbeat; one breath, and the layer of grime the Daleks left behind starts to blow away. So suddenly and overwhelmingly it nearly knocks her breath out, Julia wants to be touching Selena, pressing up hard against the familiar curve of her shoulder, the solid warmth of her arm.

Selena says, ‘You could text Finn to meet you.’

It takes Julia’s mind a minute to pull out what she’s talking about. ‘Yeah,’ she says. ‘Maybe.’

‘Have you got his number?’

‘Yeah. It doesn’t matter. I’ll see him whenever.’

Julia sits on the floor, starts undoing her runners and fights with her mind. If Selena was with Chris, she’d have found a way to get to the social on Saturday, in case he hooked up with some other girl. If Selena had gone out last night, the rest of them would have woken up. If Selena had been with Chris, she wouldn’t be first back from the showers; she’d want extra time to wash off the smell of him, of night grass, of guilt. If Selena had been with a guy, it would show, clear as suck marks blotched across her neck. If Selena had done that, she’d be staticky with it, she’d need to talk, need to tell, she’d need to somehow make it all—

‘Lenie.’

‘Mmm?’

Selena looks up. Clear blue eyes, untroubled.

‘Nothing.’

Selena nods peacefully and goes back to brushing.

The whole vow thing was Selena’s idea to begin with. If she hadn’t wanted to do it, all she’d have had to do was keep her mouth shut. But getting the key, finding a way to get out at night, that was Selena’s idea too—

There’s a knot in Julia’s shoelace. She digs her nails into it.

She feels Selena’s eyes on the top of her head, hears her stop humming. She hears the quick indrawn breath as Selena braces herself to say something.

Julia doesn’t look up. She tugs at the knot till a nail splits.

Silence. Then the long swish of the brush again, and Selena humming.

It has to be bullshit. If the Colm’s guys had a way to get out of school, everyone would know. But if they don’t, then who was Gemma meeting, unless Gemma was making up the whole thing—

‘That song!’ Holly yells, bouncing in smelling of strawberries, with her armful of PE gear flying everywhere and her hair turbaned up into a stripy ice-cream swirl. ‘What’s that song? The one you’re humming?’ But neither of them can remember.

Julia gets a text from Finn during first study period.
See you sat eve? Got a surprise for you.

‘Phones off,’ says the prefect supervising them, without looking up. The common room feels dim and dirty, light bulbs struggling against the murk outside and losing.

‘Sorry, forgot.’ Julia slides the phone under her maths book and texts blind:
Not going sat.
After a moment she adds,
2moro after school? Got sthing for you too.

She sets her phone on silent, sticks it in her pocket and goes back to pretending to care about maths. It’s less than a minute before she feels the buzz against her leg.
The field, like 4.15?

The thought of Finn hanging out in the Field gives Julia a twinge that’s too stupid even to think about.
See you there
, she texts back, and switches her phone off. Across the table, Selena works quadratic equations in a steady, tranquil rhythm. When she feels Julia’s eyes on her, she glances up.

Before she can help herself, Julia nods upwards, at the overhead bulb. Selena’s eyebrows pull together:
Why?
Julia mouths,
Go on.

Selena’s hand tightens around her pencil. The light bulb flares; the common room leaps alive, instantly huge and rippling with colours. Around the tables people glance up, startled and golden, but it’s already over; the air has turned muddy again, and their faces are sinking back into dimness.

Selena smiles across at Julia, like she’s handed her a tiny sweet present. Julia smiles back. She knows she should feel better, and she does, but somehow not as much as she hoped.

When they slide past the wire fencing the next afternoon, the Daleks are already perched on their pile of breeze blocks, making squealy noises to get the attention of a handful of Colm’s guys who are on the rusty machine, shoving each other to get the attention of the Daleks. Finn is sitting on another breeze-block heap, drawing on the side of his runner. It’s a grey day, damp and chilly; against the solid skyful of cloud his hair looks like you could warm your hands at it. Seeing him feels even better than Julia expected.

‘Back in a sec,’ she says to the others, and starts to speed up. It feels all wrong, wanting to get away from them snagging at her, to Finn where it’s safe and easy.

Holly says after her, ‘Careful.’ Julia rolls her eyes and doesn’t look back. She can feel Holly watching her all the way across the Field.

‘Hey,’ she says, pulling herself up onto the breeze blocks next to Finn.

His face lights up. He stops drawing and straightens. ‘Hi,’ he says. ‘How come you’re not going Saturday?’

‘Family shit.’ The Daleks have exploded into a flappy little whirlwind of sniggers and glances. Julia waves and blows them a kiss.

‘Man,’ Finn says, putting his pen away in a jeans pocket. ‘They don’t like you, do they?’

‘No shit,’ Julia says. ‘And I don’t like them, so it’s all good. What’ve you got for me?’

‘You first.’

Julia has been looking forward to this for weeks. ‘Ta-da,’ she says, holding out her phone. She can’t keep the grin off her face.

The photo shows her on the back lawn, which was dumb because any of the nuns could have looked out of their bedroom windows, but Julia was feeling daring. Duckface, hand on cocked hip, other hand flourished over her head pointing up at the clock. Midnight, bang on.

(‘Are you positive?’ Holly asked, Julia’s phone in her hand.

‘Hell yes,’ Julia said, glancing up at the clock to make sure it would fit in the shot. ‘Why not?’

‘Because he’s going to know we sneak out, is why not.’ Behind Holly’s head, Selena and Becca watched from under the trees, pale bobbing faces, waiting.

‘We never said anything about not trusting guys,’ Julia said. ‘Just not touching them.’

‘Yeah, and we never said anything about, like, skipping around telling anyone who’s a good laugh.’

‘Finn’s not going to rat on us,’ Julia said. ‘I swear. OK?’

Holly shrugged. Julia struck a pose and pointed over her head at the clock. ‘Go,’ she said.

The flash blazed white lines of trees across their eyes like lightning and Holly and Julia ran for cover, ducking low, gasping with laughter.)

‘I’ll take my tenner now,’ Julia says. ‘And an apology. I like them with extra grovelling.’

‘Fair enough,’ Finn says. ‘You want me to get down on my knees?’

‘Tempting, but nah. Just make it good.’

Finn puts one hand on his heart. ‘I apologise for saying you would be scared of anything in the universe. You’re a fearless superhero who could kick my arse, or Wolverine’s arse, or a mad gorilla’s arse.’

‘Yeah, I am,’ Julia says. ‘You’re forgiven. That was beautiful.’

‘Good pic,’ Finn says, having another look. ‘Who took it? One of your mates, yeah?’

‘The ghost nun. Told you I was badass.’ Julia takes her phone back. ‘Tenner.’

‘Hold your horses,’ Finn says, pulling out his phone. ‘I’ve got a surprise for you, remember?’

If this is a photo of his dick,
Julia thinks,
I will kill the fucker.
‘Make my day,’ she says.

Finn hands her the phone and grins, that same straight-on wicked kid-grin, and Julia feels a rush of relief and guilt and warmth. She wants to touch him, hip-bump him off the breeze blocks or hook her elbow around his neck or something, to apologise for underestimating him all over again.

‘Great minds,’ Finn says, and nods at the phone.

Him, on the back lawn, in almost exactly the same spot. Black hoodie pulled up over the red hair – he played it smarter than she did – and one hand above his head, just like her, pointing up at the clock. Midnight.

The first thing Julia feels is outrage:
Our place, at night that’s our place, can’t we even have—
Then she realises.

‘Still want your tenner?’ Finn says. He’s grinning away, like a Labrador bringing home something rotten, looking for pats and praise. ‘Or will we call it evens?’

Julia says, ‘How’d you get out of school?’

Finn doesn’t notice the change in her voice; he’s too pleased with his big surprise. ‘Trade secret.’

Julia pulls it together. ‘Wow,’ she says. Big admiring eyes, sway in towards Finn. ‘I didn’t know you guys could do that.’

And this time she’s not underestimating. He’s delighted with himself, with how smart he is, dying to impress her even more. ‘I hotwired the fire-door alarm. Got the instructions online. It took me like five minutes. I can’t open it from outside, obviously, but I stuck a piece of wood in to keep it open while I was out.’