The Secret of Happy Ever After (59 page)
When she opened the door to the flat, it was dark. And then someone flicked a switch and the room was lit up with hundreds of tiny lights, pearl-sized glow-worms around the mirror and the walls. Anna could smell pine and realised that there was a Christmas tree in the corner of the flat, decorated rather haphazardly with crimson glass baubles. She could see presents under the tree, and tinsel all over the furniture, and in the soft glow of the candles burning on the shelves were Becca, Lily, Chloe, Owen and Phil.
And Pongo – now happily licking Lily’s hand as she tried to keep him quiet.
‘Happy Christmas,’ said Becca. ‘It wasn’t Christmas without you.’
‘Becca!’ Chloe looked furious. ‘I was going to do my song.’
‘Let her do her song,’ said Phil. ‘Let’s get it out of the way.’
Chloe glared at him, then coughed, and closed her eyes in the approved talent show style, holding out her right hand as if she was pinching an invisible balloon.
‘Anna McQueen,’ she began, to the tune of ‘Silent Night’. ‘
Anna McQuueeeeen
, You are there when my sisters are mean, You’re the one who cooks meals that I’ll eat, You care that I’m allergic to dairy and wheat . . .’
‘So you say,’ muttered Becca, as Chloe gave the line some extra soul diva vibrato and joggled the invisible balloon up and down.
‘You’re not my mother, that’s true-ooo . . .’ Chloe tried to hold the note, but it dropped off with a wobble she couldn’t help. She opened one eye and finished, ‘But we love you ’cos you are you.’
Anna’s eyes filled up.
‘Don’t let her do another verse,’ said Phil. ‘We’ll all go deaf.’
Becca was watching her reaction, her face wreathed with concern as she rested one hand unthinkingly on her bump.
‘I don’t know what to say,’ she managed, trying to smile. ‘That’s a yes from me. You’re going to boot camp!’
Chloe looked very pleased with herself.
‘Yay!’ said Lily. ‘Do you like what we did? Michelle gave us the keys to the shop and said we could have what we liked! It’s like an extra Christmas picnic!’
‘It’s beautiful,’ said Anna. ‘Thank you!’
‘Why don’t you go through to the kitchen and put some of that food onto plates,’ said Phil. ‘I want a word with Anna.’
‘Come on,’ said Becca, hustling them through. She closed the door behind them with a nervous backwards glance at her dad.
Phil and Anna stood in the fairy lights, each waiting for the other to speak.
He’s got to go first, Anna willed herself. He’s got to make the first move.
After what felt like an hour, Phil took a deep breath and said, ‘I’m sorry.’
‘Sorry for what?’
‘For not being the husband you thought you were marrying. For not being able to give you your big happy ever after.’ He looked desolate.
Anna’s heart plunged. ‘That sounds like a goodbye, not an apology.’
He reached out and took her hands, and she could feel him trembling. ‘You are the most articulate person I’ve ever met. You always have the right words on the tip of your tongue and I don’t. I’ve spent the last few months trying to find the right way to express how I feel, and hating myself that I can’t. I still don’t think I’ve got it.’
‘Try.’ Her voice sounded thick.
‘OK. I love you,’ said Phil simply. ‘I love you so much I don’t have the right words to tell you. I feel like I waited my whole life to meet you, and when I did, I couldn’t believe my luck. You’re not my second chance, you’re my first real love, Anna. My life is a complicated mess but you make it seem straightforward, just as long as you’re there with me. Please come home. I need you.’
‘For the girls?’
‘For all of us.’ He looked her straight in the eyes. ‘I know I’ve messed you about this year, about having our own baby. I’m sorry. It’s not that I don’t want to have one, I just . . . I have a crap track record as a dad. I didn’t have a father. I had no idea what dads were meant to do, just my mother going on and on about what they
shouldn’t
be like. And then suddenly when I was twenty I
was
one. And again, at twenty-two. You’re a much more natural parent than me, and I’ve got three kids.’
‘You’re a
great
father.’ Anna couldn’t believe he was saying this. ‘Look at your girls.’
‘Do you realise how much of that is down to you?’ He held her gaze. ‘If it hadn’t been for you, putting yourself last for the past couple of years, just so they’d feel they were always coming first, who knows how much worse it could have been? I don’t think I realised. And you know who told me?’
‘Michelle?’
‘No. My mother.’
‘Evelyn?’ Anna just stopped herself adding, ‘That old bag?’, as was her mental habit.
Phil rubbed his chin, like a guilty boy. ‘I went up to see her on Boxing Day and she told me she’d said something mean to you the day Becca . . . the day Becca told us about the baby. She said she felt bad about it, because you’d done a much better job with them than Sarah was doing.’ He raised his eyebrows. ‘Well, she
actually
said if they’d been with Sarah, Chloe would probably have been pregnant too, and Lily would have an imaginary friend. But still . . .’
‘Is that a compliment? I’m only a semi-negligent stepmother?’
‘No,’ said Phil. ‘You are the
best
stepmother any child could have hoped for. Ask the girls. You make Mary Poppins look like . . . like . . . Oh God, I don’t know enough children’s books.’
‘Try
The Witches
,’ said Anna. She could feel something melting inside her, warming her like mulled wine. ‘Or Cruella de Vil. You should do more reading with Lily.’
‘I should.’ He held out his arms and slowly she stepped into them, thinking she could be dignified about it. But then Phil’s strong arms were round her, and his nose was pressed into her neck, and she was clinging to him as if she could somehow merge her body with his. He smelled so familiar and safe, and it scared her how close she’d come to losing everything she loved most.
‘I love you, Anna,’ he said, his breath hot against her skin, whispering so they wouldn’t be overheard. ‘All I care about is giving you the happy ever after you want. In our own messy, complicated way.’
‘You’re doing that. And I don’t think we’re quite at the end yet,’ she said.
Out of the corner of her eye, she saw the kitchen door was open, a tiny wedge of yellow light against the darkness of the sitting room. Some of the light was blotted out by bodies, but at the bottom was a black-and-white spotted nose.
‘Let’s go home,’ said Anna, feeling a sudden need to hold her whole family tightly around her and cover them with the love bursting out of her. ‘I want to have Christmas all over again.’
Anna McQueen’s childhood favourites for recommended bedtime reading
*
Charlie and the Chocolate Factory
, Roald Dahl
James and the Giant Peach
, Roald Dahl
Ballet Shoes
, Noel Streatfeild
One Hundred and One Dalmations
and
The Starlight
Barking
, Dodie Smith
What Katy Did
, Susan Coolidge
Charlotte’s Web
, E. B. White
