The Secret Life of Daydreams (28 page)

Sirens. At last.

As the paramedics and police arrived at the building’s entrance, Josh looked down at Sofia’s pale face. The knot in his chest squeezed tighter and his heart filled with the regret of a thousand lives.

She needed a blessing right now and he couldn’t give her one. If something happened to Sofia, he would never forgive himself.

* * *

Josh paced just outside the waiting room. The hospital was new, built right after he left the area when he was a missionary. It was located on the northeast part of the city, overlooking the valley. The first light of day peeked over the hills, not yet reaching the ground floor and the ER entrance. A few people waited on the chairs but it was otherwise quiet.

They hadn’t let him in to see Sofia, of course. He was no relation to her, and friendship didn’t count when someone was in the emergency room. Josh called Paulo, who’d said he’d be right over with another priesthood holder so they could administer a blessing to Sofia.

Never before in his life had he felt the weight of his choices as he had tonight at her apartment. Josh had wanted to place his hands on her head and use the power of the priesthood to bless her to wellness. His hands clenched at the memory.

But his choice to leave the church behind him six years ago came with the heavy consequence of losing the right to administer any kind of priesthood ordinances. He was no longer worthy, and he had no one to blame for that but himself.

“Josh.” Paulo approached from the parking lot, an older man with him, someone Josh remembered seeing in the ward. “Tell me what happened.”

“I’m not sure.” Josh followed Paulo inside the hospital. “When I arrived, Sofia was unconscious on the floor. I think she might have hit the wall.”

Paulo went straight to the check-in and explained the situation. After a few minutes, they waved him in.

He turned to Josh. “They’re letting us in to give her a blessing.” He settled a hand on his shoulder. “Hang in there, okay?”

“Can you find out what happened to her mother? She was taken in a different ambulance and Sofia will want to know what happened to her.”

Paulo nodded. “Of course.”

After Paulo left, Josh found an empty chair in the far corner and pulled his phone from his jeans pocket. His work schedule was flexible and his email inbox held nothing that required his immediate attention. He yawned, feeling the effects of missed sleep. His body wanted to relax but his mind was still wound up from the earlier events. With his legs stretched out and his arms crossed over his chest, he leaned his head against the wall behind him.

He’d failed Sofia. If he’d been worthy to bless her, he’d be with her right now. How could he even think of a relationship with her, knowing how much she wanted to marry in the temple? Not to mention the lack of priesthood blessings. Someone else would be doing those, just like now.

And when had he started thinking of marrying her?

He loved her. He could admit that to himself now. He loved her and he’d marry her tomorrow if she’d take him. But love wasn’t enough, was it? Even the kind of love that burned so brightly at his core. Not when eternity was at stake. He’d played that game before, with disastrous consequences. So much so that he was still paying for them.

No, there would be no confessions of love and no proposals of marriage. Sofia needed someone who could give her the
fairytale
dream and everything else she wanted and all that she deserved. Someone worthy, and who could take her to the temple. Someone who was not him.

A hand fell on his shoulder and Josh startled.

“It’s me, man. Relax.” Paulo said. He took a seat next to him.

Josh straightened and rubbed his face, trying to wipe the tiredness. “How is she? Did you give her a blessing?” He glanced at the clock on the wall. Paulo had been gone for almost forty-five minutes.

“She’s going to be okay and yes, we gave her a blessing. She regained consciousness in the ambulance but was disoriented. They did an MRI and she’s got a concussion.”

“How serious?” Josh rolled his head from side to side, sore from his earlier position.

“They want to keep her for a few hours for observation and she has to rest for a week. But the good news is there’s no internal damage. Just a massive headache.”

Josh closed his eyes and let out a sigh. Thank the Lord she was all right. The emotion of the previous hours got to him at last. He leaned his elbows on his knees and held his head in his hands, gratitude and relief and a heavy dose of shame swirling in his chest.

“Josh, did you hear what I just said?” Paulo asked. “Sofia’s going to be all right.” He cleared his throat. “What were you doing at Sofia’s apartment, if you don’t mind my asking?”

Josh closed his eyes. He had that coming, didn’t he? Paulo was her bishop after all. “I woke up with a feeling she needed me.” More like a slap from the Spirit than a feeling. He knew that well enough.

“Some powerful feeling,” Paulo said. “Good thing you got there so quickly and called the ambulance.”

“I didn’t do anything,” Josh replied in a low voice.

“What?”

“The neighbor called the ambulance. I didn’t do a thing,” Josh repeated. “I busted the door open and held her hand, and that’s all I did.” He paused. “I couldn’t even give her a blessing.” He raised his head. “For all I knew when I got there, she could’ve been dying and I wasn’t able to give her a blessing.”

Paulo settled a hand on Josh’s shoulder. “Well, only you can change that.”

How? How could he start to change that? The words wedged in his throat.

Paulo stood and looked at this watch. “I have to be at work in an hour. I better go.”

Josh walked with him to the parking lot. “Thanks so much for coming. I mean it.” He shook Paulo’s hand and they hugged briefly.

“Of course. Don’t even mention it.” Paulo reached into his pocket and handed a business card to Josh. “Almost forgot. This is the name of the social worker who’s in charge of her mother’s case.”

Josh took it and stepped away from the car as Paulo backed out of the parking spot.

He braked suddenly and leaned out the window. “I forgot to tell you. They were moving her upstairs to the second floor when I left. You can go see her when the nurses get her settled.”

Josh’s heart rose in his throat. “You mean that?”

Paulo laughed. “You really got it bad for her, don’t you? Yes, I mean it. I told them you’re the one who found her on the floor. You’re the hero of the hour.” He put the car back in gear and left with a wink.

Josh jogged back to the ER entrance, all signs of fatigue and sleepiness gone. He wasn’t a hero or anything close, but he didn’t care what the nurses believed as long as he could see Sofia.

He really did have it bad for her, no use denying that.

Every time she tried to sit up in bed, a wave of dizziness overtook Sofia. Her head still hurt and she had a knot the size of a golf ball and almost as hard. A severe concussion, they had told her. The nurses and doctors said she had to rest but then kept interrupting her sleep with coordination tests and questions to evaluate her memory and concentration. Yes, she knew her name, the date, and who the president was. No, she couldn’t remember all the details of her injury. But that was normal, wasn’t it? She’d had a traumatic brain injury, as they told her repeatedly.

Sofia remembered getting out of bed to find out about the loud noise. And she had a memory of finding Mother in the foyer, trying to open the front door. They told her she had regained consciousness in the ambulance but she only had some vague images of that. It wasn’t until Paulo and Irmão da Costa gave her a blessing when she was still in the ER that her awareness fully returned. She was anxious to go home and find out where they’d taken Mother.

A visitor had come to see her when she was sleeping, the shift nurse said. A tall, dark-haired, blue-eyed guy with a cute accent. Josh. Sofia was sorry she’d missed his visit and hoped he’d come back later. Paulo had told her that Josh had been there in the apartment, had waited until the ambulance came and been at the hospital until she was transferred to his room, but she didn’t remember any of it.

“Sofia.” Paulo entered the room and approached the bed, then dropped a backpack on the nearby chair.

“Please, sit down.” Sofia closed her eyes momentarily. “I’m still too dizzy to follow you around with my eyes.”

Paulo scooted the chair closer to Sofia’s bed. “And a headache?”

“A really bad one.” Sofia smiled a little. “But they gave me some good meds.”

“I’m sorry Margarida couldn’t come.” He reached in his pocket and set Sofia’s phone on the bedside tray. “She’ll tell you why when you call her. When are they letting you leave?”

“The doctor said later this afternoon.” Sofia reached for the bed controls and raised the bed. “I need to find out where they took Mother.” She gestured at the bedside table. “Josh was here earlier and left that card, but I was sleeping.”

Paulo picked it up. “They gave me this earlier and I passed it on to Josh. It’s the name of the social worker. They didn’t tell you anything yet?”

Sofia shook her head slowly. That was not a good idea.

“Do you want me to call her?”

“You will have to do that outside. No phones allowed in here.” The shift nurse entered the room.

If it didn’t hurt so much, Sofia would have rolled her eyes. More of those silly questions to see if she was coherent.

“I’ll be right back.” Paulo put the chair back against the wall.

Sofia must have dozed off after the nurse left. It was hard to keep track of time. Someone was in the room, asking her questions again. “What?” She struggled to open her eyes.

“I asked if you’re still feeling tired, but I can tell you are,” Paulo said, sitting down next to the bed.

“They wake me every hour. I might actually feel better if they let me sleep straight.” Sofia reached for the water cup and sipped. “Did you find anything?”

Paulo set down a paper. “They took your mother to the psychiatric hospital for an evaluation, and she’ll have to be there for some time. This has all the information.”

Mother in the psychiatric ward. That was not good. She hated doctors and hospitals. But there was nothing Sofia could do about it until the headache subsided and the dizziness went away. A few more days, the doctor had said.

He stood up. “Did you talk to Margarida yet?”

“As soon as you leave.”

Paulo gestured at the backpack. “I brought some things from your apartment, and Josh will be over to take you home later.”

Sofia’s forehead wrinkled and she winced. “Josh?”

“Talk to Margarida. She’ll explain.”

After Paulo left, Sofia reached for her phone and dialed Margarida’s number. Hopefully the nurse wouldn’t come in for a while.

“Sofia!” Margarida started crying. “I’m such a bad friend.”

“What happened, Margarida?” Sofia took a breath. She didn’t want to set off the alarms and have the nurse catch her on the phone. “Is everything all right?”

Margarida sniffled and sighed. “I really wanted to come see you and bring you home with us, but I can’t.” Her voice broke. “I’m so sick.”

“You’re freaking me out, Margarida.”

“Não, não.” She said quickly. “It’s nothing to worry about. I’m sorry I didn’t tell you sooner.” She paused. “I’m pregnant.”

Sofia’s eyes went wide and she smiled. “You are? How far along?”

“About nine weeks.”

“Are you okay with it?” Sofia asked, not being able to gauge Margarida’s feelings.

“Sim, I’m okay. Oh you thought I was crying because I was upset over the pregnancy.” Her voice quivered for a moment and she breathed in. “It’s the stupid hormones.”

Sofia chuckled. “I’m so happy for you, Margarida.”

“I know; I am too.” She hiccupped. “But I’ve been so sick the past few days. The queasy stage hit me without any warning and I can barely do anything for Amélia.”

“I’ll come help.”

Margarida made a sound between a hiccup and a chuckle. “Aren’t you so sweet. And I’ll take your offer when you’re better, but you need to rest for a while until you recover from your concussion.” She sniffled again. “I wish you could come stay with us, but I’m no use.”