The Secret Life of Daydreams (10 page)

“No, please don’t trouble yourself.” She looked behind her, down the street. “I parked over there.” She stepped back. “Okay, I’ll see you around.”

Josh said goodbye and stood on the sidewalk watching her until she entered her car and drove away.

He rubbed his hand through his hair. What a coward he was, treating her in that manner. For the first time in the six years since he’d made the conscious decision to walk away from everything he’d known in his life, the regret gnawed at him, raw and unmistakable. The pain he’d pushed into a corner of his old self leaked without permission even as he tried to make sense of why he felt that way. There would be no mercy and no forgiveness, nor should there be any.

Now if he could just survive the rest of this trip, he’d go back to the safety of his well-guarded life and delete Sofia from his thoughts.

Simple as that.

Sofia sat in Amélia’s bedroom, having put the baby to sleep in her crib. The nightlight cast revolving shadows of zoo animals on the walls around them, shrinking and growing as they ran around each other, spinning to a gentle melody. Outside, the patting of a rain shower against the
blinds
softened the end-of-day traffic sounds. The baby slept, unencumbered by problems and worries.

Was there anything simple in Sofia’s life anymore? Back in her university days, life had been straightforward and Sofia had been too busy to appreciate it. She craved the plainness of only having to worry about her schedule and her classes and the books she needed to read. Nowadays she had so much going on, she lived on a constant state of running behind. The school work load didn’t leave her much time for herself. Add to that a mother with declining mental health, the responsibilities with her church calling, and the planning for her doctorate’s admission proposal paper, and Sofia wished she could run away.

While that was something out of the question, going to Margarida’s for dinner once a week usually helped her break up her routine and ease it through the rest of the week with a lighter mind and happier heart. Thank goodness for good friends to help share the load with a listening ear. And doting on a sweet baby did wonders to her cuddle-starved self.

Sofia seldom let herself indulge in such thoughts, but sometimes she missed the days she’d had a boyfriend with whom to snuggle. Not that she’d voice those thoughts to anyone, and kissing and cuddling were as far as she ever went in the demonstration of affection. Which had been part of the problem for him.

But such thinking led nowhere and she was best to brush it all away. The plan was to enjoy her night off in good company, knowing Mother had someone watching her while Sofia was out.

When she entered the kitchen, Margarida stood at the sink, washing a stock pot. “Is she sleeping?”

Sofia leaned against the counter. “Yes.”

“The poor sweetie had a hard day, with all the teething going on in her little mouth.” Margarida rinsed the pot and set it on the drying rack. She turned on the oven light and peeked through the glass, checking the progress of the dish in the glass pan. “This should be done soon. Let’s get the salad going.”

Sofia eyed the head of lettuce sitting on the counter. “Do you need any help?”

Margarida grabbed a carrot from the refrigerator. “No, I’m fine. Why don’t you have a seat?”

“Good idea.” Sofia dragged a chair from the table and sat with a heaving sigh.

“Long day?”

Sofia nodded. “The last class of the day was challenging.”

“And it’s not even Friday.” Margarida washed a tomato.

“Don’t remind me.” Sofia slipped off her shoes and pushed them under the table. “What did you do this week?”

Margarida kept a running commentary while she finished preparing dinner. Sofia sat back and joined in when needed, appreciating the diversion from her worries and problems. The fatigue was not new but the weariness had been accumulating uninvited.

When the oven beeped, Margarida reached for the pot holders, took out the glass pan, and carried it to the dining room. Sofia followed with the salad bowl and she stopped at the door to the living room.

Paulo and Josh sat on the sofa, chuckling as they shared a story in animated conversation. Paulo stood and cleared a spot on the table. “Obrigada, querida.”

Margarida leaned over him and let him brush a kiss on her cheek. “Careful, it’s fresh out of the oven.”

Sofia placed the bowl of salad on the table. When had Josh arrived? She’d been so tired and distracted, she hadn’t even heard him come in. His presence didn’t surprise her, since he and Paulo were such good friends. Just like she and Margarida were. She glanced at him. She hadn’t seen him since the school tour, and wasn’t sure how he’d behave towards her.

“Olá, Sofia.” He smiled at her and then approached to pull out her chair.

Sofia smiled back. “Olá, Josh.” If that’s how it was going to be, she was not the one to hold a grudge.

After the prayer for the blessing on the food, they busied themselves plating and passing the bread and salad around the table.

“Is this what I think it is?” Josh blew on a forkful and then took a bite. He closed his eyes and let out a sound of appreciation. “It is.
Bacalhau com natas.
Man, I missed this.”

Paulo finished chewing. “What’s not to like?”

“I know, right? This is what I call a true Portuguese casserole. The potatoes and the onions, the codfish, the cream.” Josh’s enthusiasm was contagious. “And that spice, what is it?”

“Nutmeg,” Sofia and Margarida replied at the same time.

Josh smiled. “That’s it.”

His expression was one of utter delight and Sofia couldn’t hold back her own smile. It was one of her favorite dishes as well but she was not about to tell him that.

Paulo and Josh looked at each other and chuckled.

“Are you thinking what I’m thinking?” Josh asked, his fork poised between the plate and his mouth.

Across the table, Paulo smirked. “You know I am.” At that, they both openly laughed.

Margarida looked between them. “Are you two going to let us in on your little joke?”

“This was the time we served near Aveiro,” Paulo started.

“We had the best times there,” Josh added, still smiling.

“This guy here”—Paulo pointed at Josh—“decided he wanted to visit a real fish market on preparation day.”

“Only neither of us knew where it was exactly.” Josh took a drink.

“I was driving and he took on the role of navigator.” Paulo put down his fork. “He had the map.”

“It was
o mapa
, remember?” Josh spread his hands apart to convey the size.

Watching Paulo and Josh as they retold this story, Sofia’s heart warmed at the relationship they shared. That was the kind of friendship she had with Margarida, and they supported and helped each other through the good times as well as the bad. Maybe if Josh had the chance to be around Paulo and Margarida more, he could change his mind about being away from the church. That was worth hoping for, wasn’t it?

“I kept driving where he told me to, and we still couldn’t find the fish market,” Paulo continued. “After driving for hours and hours—”

“It was maybe two at the most,” Josh interrupted.

“Like I said, hours. We finally arrived at this beach.”

“And he gets out to ask for directions.” Josh threw his hands in the air.

Paulo laughed. “You bet I did. I was tired and hungry and wanted to go back.”

Josh shook his head. “No sense of adventure.”

“So we’re talking to these old guys, and all of a sudden I’m whacked in the head from behind,” Paulo said.

Margarida gasped.

“One minute my companion was there next to me, and the next he was down on the sidewalk.” Josh moved his forearm swiftly to mimic the movement of falling down.

Paulo chuckled. “These kids were playing futebol and kicked the ball too hard, and I was the unintended, unlucky target.”

Josh continued. “So everyone swarms around him, I’m trying to figure out how badly injured he his, and before I know it, he starts talking about the church, and telling them we’re missionaries.”

Josh and Paulo started laughing in earnest.

“Even lying down and injured, and he still taught the first discussion to a group of people.” Josh shook his head, apparently reproachful of the situation, but the amusement and the obvious respect for his old friend contradicting his words.

“You bet I did.” Paulo held up his fingers in quotation marks and Josh joined in. “
‘No time like the present.’
” Paulo turned to Margarida. “Our mission president always said that.”

Josh pointed at Paulo. “And he never trusted me as the navigator ever again.”

Paulo held up a finger back at Josh. “Still don’t.”

The rest of the meal followed the same comfortable pattern, with easy-going conversation, a lot of reminiscing, and honest laughing. It was the perfect evening among friends, and Sofia relaxed in their company, grateful for the distraction and reprieve before going back to her responsibilities.

Sofia excused herself to call Mother’s sitter. Despite Mother’s behavior of late, or maybe because of it, Sofia still wanted to make sure everything was well at home. Mother couldn’t afford a repeat of her last disappearance, and Sofia didn’t want to let that happen.

As she passed by the kitchen on her way to the living room, Sofia heard her name and stopped by the side of the door.

Thanks to the reflection of the inlaid glass panels on the open kitchen door, Paulo and Josh were visible, standing at the sink, one washing the dishes and the other drying. They spoke in English, Paulo’s speech less confident and slower than Josh’s. They didn’t notice her.

“She and Margarida have been friends for some time, even before I started dating Margarida.” Paulo handed Josh a plate.

“So what’s her story? Why doesn’t she date or have a boyfriend?” Josh held the plate and wiped it with a kitchen towel, then placed it in the cupboard. He looked right at home. Here was a guy who didn’t shirk housework. Another point in his favor, much to her reluctance.

“Não, she hasn’t had a boyfriend for some time. Once in a while, Margarida will set her up with some guy.” Paulo rinsed a stemmed glass and set it down on the drying rack. “Sofia hates it, and Margarida knows, but they still do it.” He held his hands up. “Don’t ask me why; I’ve stopped trying to understand it. You know how girls are.” He reached for another glass. “She’s gone on a few first dates, but she never goes out with the same guy more than once. Not since her broken engagement.”

Sofia leaned farther against the wall. Of its own accord, her hand flew to the pendant around her neck, and she squeezed it with her fingers. It was surreal, hearing about what had happened through the eyes of someone else.

Josh stopped the wiping, a small frying pan in his hand. His voice carried over the obvious interest. “Broken engagement? How close was she to getting married?”

“Really close. She had already started looking for dresses with Margarida.”

“How did she meet the guy?”

“At the school where she worked at the time.” Paulo paused.

And here it came. Sofia pressed a hand against her stomach. One side of her brain told her to leave, and the other side told her to stay and listen.

Paulo stuck his hands back in the sink. “He was not a member of the church. From what I’ve heard, he was persistent. Obviously, Sofia is a good catch. She’s intelligent, attractive, has a steady job. They went out for quite some time.”

For a little while, only the sound of water and splashing came to her. She breathed out, and her hands stopped shaking. How many times had she told herself she was over this? Repressing memories didn’t make them any less painful when they came back.

Josh’s voice interrupted. “What made her break the engagement?”

That was it. She couldn’t handle listening to it anymore. With clenched fists, she spun to the kitchen door and walked through. Josh and Paulo turned around, surprise in their faces.

Sofia stopped a few inches from Josh, and looked up at him. Up close, he was even taller. She grasped the pendant between her fingers and held it out in the distance between them. She spoke slow and measured, trying to hold back all the conflicting feelings flowing through her.