The Secret Diary of a Princess a novel of Marie Antoinette (3 page)

'I suppose so.'
 

Countess Brandeis took Carolina and me downstairs to watch everyone leave from the palace courtyard. It was madly exciting as everything was in chaos as hundreds of courtiers bundled themselves, their little dogs and their belongings into their carriages and then bickered about precedence and who should be the first to leave after the royal family, while liveried servants dashed smartly in between the vehicles with band boxes, dogs and luggage piled high in their arms. It was hard not to feel aggrieved when our elder sisters swept past on their way to their gilt decorated carriage, all looking divinely pretty in matching traveling dresses of dark pink silk, with adorable little feathered hats set at an angle on their powdered ringlets and with their pug dogs tucked under one arm. Christina pretended not to see us (we are too young and insignificant to be worthy of her attention, of course) but the others all smiled and blew us kisses from the windows.

Mama was already in her huge carriage at the front of the procession and she beckoned the Countess to bring us both forward to say our goodbyes. An attendant footman in the Imperial livery let down the wooden steps with a thrilling clatter and opened the door and we both climbed inside and sat on the pale green velvet seats so that we were facing her. She was dressed in a voluminous traveling dress of soft crimson velvet and smelt of lilies and jasmine. Her favourite pale grey pug sat on her knee and closed his eyes sleepily and yawned revealing black speckled gums as she slowly stroked his sleek head. 'I trust that you will both be good girls in our absence,' she said, looking at us both with her bright blue eyes that seemed to see absolutely everything. 'The Countess will be writing to me every day with reports about your progress, so rest assured that I will be kept informed of even the slightest and most insignificant misdemeanors.'
 

'Yes, Mama,' we both chorused, trying not to smirk as we both knew that the Countess does not know about half of the naughty things that we get up to.

'Maria Carolina, I hope that you will pay especial attention to your Italian while we are away,' Mama remarked with a sigh. 'The Countess has informed me that your grasp of grammar is still less than perfect and there is much room for improvement.'

'Yes, Mama.' Carolina dipped her head submissively and gave me a swift, sidelong look. 'I am sorry, Mama.' She did not really sound very sorry at all.

'As for you, Maria Antonia...' Mama gave another great sigh and brushed imaginary crumbs from her crimson skirts, disturbing the little dog on her lap who stared up at her reproachfully. 'I hardly know where to begin. You
must
pay more attention to your teachers.' I chanced a quick glance up at her face and then quickly looked away as I met her disappointed gaze. 'I am told that you are barely able to read and write and that your French is appalling, your Italian barely passable and even your written German is flawed beyond what can be considered excusable.'
 

I felt sick. 'I am sorry, Mama.' What else could I say? I know that I am not very clever but there is no point at all trying to explain this to my mother, who expects, nay demands, excellence in all things and especially in her children. 'I promise to try harder.' Lies, of course, because just the thought of it makes a headache come on and I know that an hour spent playing outside with my friends will push all thoughts of educational self improvement straight out of my head.

'You are not a stupid girl, Maria Antonia,' Mama continued, still in that dreadful disappointed tone of voice that I knew so well. 'If you would only apply yourself more then I am sure that you could be a very fine young woman indeed.'
 

'Yes, Mama.' I looked down at my feet, impatient now to escape. Why must she always be so critical and dwell so much on our failings? Note how she never seems to make any mention of the things that we happen to be good at? I am good at dancing and music, for instance and Carolina's French is superb. If only she would give some praise once in a while – perhaps it would encourage us to try harder at everything else.

She beckoned us forward one after the other to kiss the violet powder scented imperial cheek and then we were summarily dismissed and handed down by the footman into the care of the Countess, who looked flushed and desperately guilty now that we knew that she had betrayed our shortcomings to Mama.
 

'I do not blame you, Countess,' Carolina said, as soon as we were safely out of Mama's annoyingly formidable earshot. 'I know that you have to tell Mama everything or lose your position.'

'I am sorry, Archduchess,' the Countess said miserably, looking like she would like to say even more but hardly dared to do so. 'I know that her censure comes from her great love and concern for you all.'

'Strange then that the only one of us who can do no wrong is Christina,' Carolina muttered grimly, kicking a stray pebble across the cobbles. The Countess sighed but said nothing.

Papa was last to leave and he came over to give us both one last kiss before mounting his white horse. He is a large, active man and hates to feel cooped up inside a carriage and so likes to ride with his friends whenever the court travels anywhere. I am sure that Mama would much rather that he traveled in her carriage with her but she always smiles and allows Papa to do exactly as he pleases.

'I am sure that your Mama has already told you to be a good girl, Antonia,' he said with a deep laugh, as he picked me up easily into his arms and kissed me soundly on both cheeks, the feathers on his black tricorne hat tickling my cheek, 'so I will only make you promise to be a happy one.' He kissed me on the nose and then placed me carefully back on the ground, before digging some lemon bonbons out of his spacious riding coat pockets and cramming them into my hands.

'Thank you, Papa.' I smiled up at him. 'I hope you have a good journey.' We stood back and watched admiringly as he swung up onto his horse and gathered the red leather reins, ready to ride off. Mama calls him the most handsome man in all of her lands and we absolutely believe this to be true. No one could look more splendid or better looking than our Papa when he is astride his white stallion.

The great imperial cavalcade slowly began to rumble out of the huge courtyard and we dutifully stood aside and waved as Mama and our elder brothers and sisters drove past in their splendid carriages and they just as dutifully waved back, looking faintly smug that they were on their way to all the fun of a wedding while we were left behind at Schönbrunn. Max and Ferdinand joined us in the courtyard, both of them looking grumpy and faintly rebellious. I guessed (rightly) that they had both been lectured by Mama as well.

'When I get married, I will not be inviting Leopold to the wedding,' Ferdinand muttered with a scowl. 'I shall not even send him any of the cake.' It is only fair to explain at this point that Ferdinand is exceedingly fond of cake. He has also been engaged for several years, since they were both infants in fact, to the daughter and heiress of the Duke of Modena. We often like to tease him about his '
petite fiancée
' that he has never even seen.

We all laughed at this and even Ferdinand cracked a begrudging smile. 'Alright, he can have some cake but he isn't allowed to come to the ceremony or to any of the parties afterwards.'
 

We watched the carriages for a while but this soon became very boring as they moved so slowly and there were so many of them. 'Oh, it is so unfair!' Carolina ejaculated, turning away impatiently. 'I wish that we could have gone with them!' Countess Brandeis took her by the hand and began to lead her up the steps and back into the palace, with myself and our brothers following close behind. There was nothing else to see after all, now that Mama and Papa had gone.

There was a clattering of horse's hooves and a great shouting and fuss behind us. We turned around in some surprise and there was Papa again, weaving his great, white horse in between the carriages and waving at us to stop.

'I wonder what he has forgotten this time,' the Countess muttered with a sigh. Papa is well known for being scatter brained and somewhat forgetful. Mama laughs and calls it one of his more 'endearing qualities', which is surprising because she would be furious and impatient if it was anyone else and especially one of her children.
 

The horse drew up alongside us and Papa jumped straight off. 'I wanted to kiss my pretty Antonia again,' he said with an almost bashful smile. 'I did not want to go all the way to Innsbruck without one last embrace from my little girl.' He knelt down on the dirty cobbles and opened his arms wide to me and I laughed and ran to him, proud to be singled out for once. I wish that Christina could have seen it.

'Oh, Papa!' I found that I was crying and rubbed my wet cheek against his stubbly one. 'I wish that we could go with you! It is so horrible to be left behind!'
 

He laughed and kissed my cheeks. 'I am afraid that your mother has already given the order and I am not at liberty to countermand it.' He stroked my hair tenderly. 'There, there, do not cry about it. We will be back again soon enough.'
 

'Promise?' I clung to him and wept even more.

He hugged me tightly and I saw that there were also tears in his eyes. 'I promise.'
 

One last kiss on the forehead and then he was gone. 'God knows why, but I could not rest until I had given that child one more kiss,' I heard him to say to one of his friends as they rode away for the second time, their horses' hooves clattering merrily on the cobbles. 'The Empress has blessed me with many children and I love them all dearly but none so much as my little Antonia.'

Saturday, 10
th
August.

It was I who stole a monkey from Papa's menagerie and let it loose in Countess Brandeis' bedchamber. I am very sorry but it was worth it.

Tuesday, 13
th
August, late at night.

Today was Carolina's thirteenth birthday. We had a party in the gardens. There was chocolate cake! Max fell into a fountain and had to be pulled out by one of the Swiss guards. He has made us all promise not to tell Mama.

Wednesday, 14
th
August, after luncheon (stew with dumplings - delicious!).

Carolina slipped past the footmen and guards and came to my rooms last night to sleep in my bed with me. It is usually forbidden for us to wander about the palace in the dark in such a way but we might as well take advantage of Mama's absence. Schönbrunn has almost two thousand rooms and it is very easy to get lost if one does not know precisely where to go and even then there is the risk of turning down the wrong corridor or going up the wrong stairs. Joseph and Leopold like to tease us by telling us stories about unfortunate maids who took a wrong turning and were never to be seen again or who were eventually discovered many years later as a mouldering skeleton in the attics. Mama says that this is all nonsense but even so we are forbidden to leave our rooms at night, just in case we get lost. Our apartments are on the second floor of the left wing of the palace, where all of the archduchesses have their rooms, while our brothers are housed across the cobbled courtyard in the right wing. It is very quiet on our side, without all of our sisters rushing about, chattering with their ladies in waiting and borrowing dresses and shoes from each other. They are young ladies now. I wonder what it is like for Max and Ferdinand without Joseph and Leopold and all their dogs and servants and fuss?
 

We each have five rooms
 
– two antechambers, an audience chamber (which is not used very often as you can imagine), a bedchamber and a drawing room, with a small room hidden behind the panelling, where our maids sleep and keep their possessions. My rooms are very pretty with pale green and pink panelling, simple white painted furniture, paintings of flowers by my older sisters and white and gold ceramic stoves standing in the corners, as in all of the rooms in the palace. My precious harp and pianoforte stand in the drawing room along with a stand holding all of my music, including some pieces specially composed for us by Gluck and Mozart, both of whom are favourites with our parents. Herr Gluck even gives us as all music lessons.

Wolferl Mozart is an old friend of mine of course. Mama is very fond of telling us about the time he came to play for us in the crimson and gold Mirrors Room when he was all of six years old and a tiny little prodigy from Salzburg in a ridiculously over sized wig and tight pale blue silk coat. His sombre Papa had stood over him anxiously as his thin little fingers flew across the harpsichord keys, while we all caught our breath and watched in wonderment, hardly able to believe that such a small boy could produce such heavenly music. It was really quite astonishing (and of course Mama compared us to him for many months afterwards) and we all applauded enthusiastically when he came to a halt and then bowed to us all before running up to Mama and clambering up on to her blue silken lap for a kiss. I would never have taken such a liberty but Mama was delighted and kissed the little imp on both cheeks! Wolferl tripped on the polished parquet floor when she placed him back on to the ground and I rushed forward to help him to his feet.

'I want to marry you!' he cried, clasping my hand to his heart, much to the amusement of all of the court. 'You are the prettiest and kindest girl that I have ever seen!'