The Secret Catamite Bk 1, The Book of Daniel (33 page)

"Simon, trust me, you'll feel
differently when you're older."

Simon nodded again against
Daniel's shirt, damp with his tears, wiping his eyes. "I do trust
you, you know that. I'll never have a better friend than you,
Daniel."

"Same here, Simon, same
here."

Back home, Mum simply said over
tea that Dad would not be home for a while. This came as no real
surprise to either Simon or Frances. They just accepted it and
resumed life in as normal a way as possible.

A few days later, Simon was in
bed late at night but not asleep. He heard the front door open and
voices in the hallway. Mum and Dad! He got out of bed and went onto
the landing, to find Frances arriving there too.

"Dad?" she said.

Mum and Dad looked up to see the
faces of their two children peering over the banister rail.

"It's all right," said Mum. "Dad
and I have some talking to do."

"I'll come up and see you soon,"
said Dad. To Simon, Dad seemed sad and drawn. The brother and
sister exchanged glances as Mum and Dad went into the sitting
room.

"Is Dad coming home again?"
asked Simon.

"No," said Frances. "I don't
want you to get upset, Simon, but I think they're talking about
getting a divorce. It's not been right between them for years, has
it?"

Simon shook his head. "What will
happen?"

"I don't know. We'll have to
wait and see. But we'll be together, won't we?"

Simon looked at his big sister.
Frances had always been there, taken for granted perhaps. The age
and gender difference combined meant that they had not been
playmates. But Simon knew that he could count on her.

She in turn looked at her
younger brother. She knew so much more than she could tell him, yet
anyway. She had tried to protect him from so much. She knew of
Mum's wartime misery, of her younger baby sister that died
(accounting in part for the big age gap between herself and Simon),
of how Mum had gone to the church, the Mothers Union, for help and
been rejected because she had married a divorced man. Mum had been
left to bear that grief alone with a young daughter to care for in
the dark days in the middle of the war. And later of Simon's own
harrowing birth just after the war, how Mum had nearly died in
childbirth and Simon, born blue, had been labelled subnormal,
retarded, mentally deficient, and of Dad's deep disappointment that
his first and only son was not what he had hoped for. The rift had
opened then and had simply got wider. But she could not tell him
these things. Not now. If ever.

"I'm going back to bed," said
Simon.

He lay in bed, his room being
over the sitting room, he could hear the low voices of Mum and Dad
talking. They weren't arguing, that was one thing. But the tones
weren't happy ones either. There was no laughter or joking, as
there sometimes once had been. Then the sitting room door opened
and Dad's footsteps were coming up the stairs. Simon looked at his
watch. Ten past midnight. Dad went along the landing to see
Frances. Simon heard them talking for a while, Dad and his now
grown up princess. Once or twice he thought he heard his name. Her
bedroom door opened.

"Good night, darling," Dad
said.

"Night, Dad," said Frances.

Then a knock on Simon's half
open door. A knock!

"Dad?" said Simon, sitting up in
bed.

Dad came in. He sat on the end
of the bed. Simon waited. Dad seemed so quiet, miserable even.

"I've just come to say, Simon,
how much you mean to me, son. I want you to know that whatever
happens, it's not your fault, or Mummy's. Everything that might
happen now is my fault, old son. Do you understand that?"

Simon simply nodded, wondering
what all this meant. He looked at this man almost apologising to
his son, a man who should have been a tower of strength to him, a
model to emulate but who instead had been inconsistent, capricious,
feared. Simon felt anger and resentment amid his uncertainty, and
yet this was his Dad. He didn't want to lose him.

"Are you and Mum getting
divorced?"

"Yes, I think so," said Dad.
"But you must remember that as far as you and Frances are
concerned, we will always be your father and mother. Mummy and I
are completely agreed about that. We both want the best for the
pair of you. Of course Frances is a lot older, almost grown up, but
we still need to take care of you, Simon."

Simon said nothing, unsure,
confused, frightened by the now uncertain future. He was aware that
his world was changing. The stability of his life was breaking
apart.

Dad said, "I'm sorry, Simon. I
may not be with you, but Mummy and I will always love you and take
care of you."

Simon nodded, not knowing what
to say. He felt a leaden weight in his heart.

"I have to go now, son. It's
very late." Dad leaned and kissed Simon on his forehead, and then
got up and went to the door.

"Dad."

"Yes, Simon?"

"I love you, Dad."

"I love you too, son. Remember
that." And then he was gone. There were voices in the hall and the
front door. Simon heard the Austin start up, and leave the quiet
road. It was nearly one o'clock.

"They're getting a divorce."
Simon was in Daniel's bedroom after school recounting the nocturnal
visit and voicing his fears for the future.

"So your Dad's left for good
then?" asked Daniel.

"I think so. I don't know. I
hope we don't move. That would wreck everything."

"Would you have to leave
Henrys?"

"I don't know. That would mean
losing Atherstone for athletics, but more, it would mean moving
away from you. I can't do that. I just can't do that."

"I hope not, Simon, I really
do."

"What can we do?"

"Just wait and see, I suppose.
They never ask kids what they want or need."

"I can't bear it if we can't be
close again. I don't know what I would do."

"Well it might not happen, so
let's make the most of the present."

Simon found solace and comfort
from his fears with Daniel.

It was a few days later that Mum
said she was going away for a couple of days.

"I've got to go up north to sort
some things out," said Mum over tea.

"What sort of things?" asked
Frances.

"Work. I need to find a job,
loves," replied Mum.

"Where are you going?" asked
Simon, worried.

"Bilthaven."

"That's miles away!" exclaimed
Frances.

"Look, it's just to see. Things
have changed. I'm sorry but I have to find a proper job. The part
time work isn't steady enough and it doesn't pay enough. It's only
for a night or two."

"Why there?" asked Simon.

"I know people there. You
remember Ken Thompson, used to be on the paper here? Well, he's in
Bilthaven and he thinks there is work I can do there."

Simon remembered the tall, fair
journalist who had visited the house a couple of times. "Is Dad
coming back to look after us?" he asked.

"No. Frances is old enough not
to need it. She can look after you, Simon. Or maybe I could ask
Daniel's parents if you could stay a night or two."

"Daniel won't mind," said Simon,
hastily.

"It's up to his mother, Simon,
not Daniel. I'll have a word. Would you stay here or with Jennifer,
Frances?"

"I'll ask Jennifer, if Simon's
staying at Daniel's. Yes, I suppose so."

"That's settled then," said Mum
with an air of finality.

Later the two talked about this
development.

"Looks like we might be moving,
bro," said Frances.

"I don't want to move," said
Simon. "I'm happy here. What about school?"

"Don't worry," said his big
sister, "These things take ages to sort out. Nothing will happen in
a hurry."

Simon knew he was approaching
his GCEs and this would be his trump card. He just could not move
now, and certainly not next year when he would be fifth year. He
felt reassured, and relayed this to Daniel.

Mrs Gray said she would be happy
to have Simon to stay. She could put a camp bed in Daniel's room,
if that was all right. Of course it was. Frances went to stay with
Jennifer. So when the day came, Simon and Frances said good bye to
Mum that morning, knowing she would soon be setting off on the long
train journey north.

"You'll be OK, both of you,
won't you?"

"Yes, of course Mum," said
Frances.

"Be on your best behaviour
Simon, won't you," said Mum.

"Of course I will," said Simon
indignantly.

"And you've both got keys in
case you need anything, but make sure you lock up again
afterwards."

"Yes, Mum," replied both
together.

Simon was used to going straight
to Daniel's after school to spend time with him and do homework.
But this night it had a special sweetness. They would be together
all night! Daniel let them both in, and as usual his first job was
to check the Aga, and then they went up to Daniel's room. There was
a camp bed made up next to Daniel's big bed. They hung up their
school uniforms together, two green blazers, two pairs of grey
trousers.

"Do you want it now, or shall we
wait until tonight?" asked Simon.

"Do you want to wait?"

"No," said Simon. "I just
thought … I'm not sure what I thought, what with me staying
here."

"Both then," said Daniel, and he
kissed Simon, they hugged and rolled over on to the bed, each
pulling the remaining clothes off the other and making love, lost
in their union, enveloped in mutual ecstacy.

Simon had already left some more
casual clothes to change into so they got dressed, and started the
homework. Later Mrs Gray came home, and they were called down for
tea.

"I remembered you don't eat
cheese, Simon, so I hope this is all right."

"It's fine, thank you. It's very
good of you to remember things like that," said Simon with genuine
feeling.

"It's no trouble at all, Simon,"
she said, thinking what nice manners he had.

After tea, Daniel announced,
"We've both got rather a lot of homework, so as soon as I've done
piano, we'll just go back up if that's OK."

"Of course, love," said Mrs
Gray. "I'll clear away, Dad and Louise will be back later
anyway."

Daniel motioned Simon to follow
and led the way to the back room and the piano.

"Rachmaninoff prelude?"
suggested Simon.

"Something more cheerful
tonight, I think," said Daniel smiling. "Chopin maybe, but first
some exercises."

Daniel played a series of
scales, each more complex than the last, encompassing almost the
whole keyboard with both hands. He then moved on to play a series
of pieces with Simon turning for him, some Chopin, but of course
some Rachmaninoff after all, but not the dark
Prelude in C sharp minor
. Instead his
Prelude in G minor, Op 23 No.
5 and
unusually for Daniel, Mozart, the
Piano
Sonata no, 15 in C Major
. Simon knew this because he
was turning the pages and it was helpfully printed at the top of
the first page.

Simon watched as Daniel's hands,
those strong yet sensitive hands, swept across the keyboard, at
times so fast Simon found it hard to see individual fingering,
especially in the G minor. He had watched Daniel's skill grow over
the years to the point where he could now tackle even the most
demanding of pieces.

After the Mozart, Daniel stopped
and turned to Simon.

"You see how different the
Mozart is from the Rachmaninoff?" he said.

"Yes, there seems somehow less
of it. Less full in a way."

"Pianos in Mozart's day were
much lighter than modern pianos, so I suppose that's why the music
has a lighter feel. Good though."

"But you like Rachmaninoff
better?"

"Yes, he's my favourite. I've
got something to tell you."

"What?"

"I've passed my grade 8 piano
exam." Daniel sat looking for Simon's reaction. Simon had heard of
these grades before, and so assumed that this was good news.

"That's good, is it?" he asked
cautiously.

"It's more than good, Simon. Not
many kids my age get grade 8!"

"For once, he's not
boasting," said Mrs Gray passing the door with pride in her voice.
"I was in my twenties before I reached that kind of standard.
It
is
very good,
Simon."

Daniel beamed with pleasure.
Simon wanted to reach out and hug him, but contented himself with a
pat on the shoulder.

"Well done, Daniel. I've always
said you were good."

"Thanks, Simon," said
Daniel, pleased. Then to Simon's astonishment he suddenly launched
into a piano version of "
Only the
Lonely
", Roy Orbison's number one hit. Laughing, Simon
joined in with Daniel's left hand.

"Dum-dum-dum-dumdy-doo-wah"

"There. What did you think of
that?" asked Daniel, amused by Simon's surprise.

"Brilliant, as always. I wish I
could play the piano, properly, I mean."

"You do OK," said Daniel. "Come
on, homework."

They went back up to Daniel's
room and worked together on Daniel's desk as so many times before.
His father put his head round the door to say hello.

"Are you two all right?"

"Hello, Dad," responded Daniel,
eagerly, and got up from his chair to give his Dad a hug, genuinely
pleased to see him. Simon watched this, the contrast not lost on
him.

"OK, I'll leave you two to your
homework then," said Mr Gray, and left.

When they finished, Daniel said,
"Do you want to go downstairs and watch TV, or just stay up
here?"

"Up to you," said Simon, but
really wanting to stay so he had Daniel's company to himself.