The Seafront Tea Rooms (28 page)

Of course I want to meet you. I’m so excited about you coming home that I’ve barely been able to think of anything else. Apart from making brioches for us.

I don’t want us to hide who we are any more, though. I don’t want to live a lie when we have nothing to be ashamed of.

Cx

Dear C,

You’re right. I’ve been doing a lot of thinking about it while I’ve been away. When I get home I’m going to tell my parents about us, about you. And I’m going to tell them how happy I am.

Sx

46

Tuesday 28 October

Kat looked through the photos on her phone, of the day she’d spent in London with Charlie and Séraphine. Raising cups of tea in a toast, the elegant high ceilings of the Fortnum and Mason tea room in the background.

Ten days on, it seemed like a dream. She’d been in touch with
Indulge
about writing more for them, and Charlie had promised there would be work in the new year, but payments for her heating couldn’t wait until then. That morning she’d accepted a job at a call centre on the outskirts of town – it would give her enough to cover the bills that were due.

‘Mummy, I can’t sleep,’ Leo said, standing in the living-room doorway in his pyjamas.

‘It’s late, darling,’ she said, walking over to him. ‘Back to bed.’

She led Leo quietly to his room, and tucked him in under the covers. Then she gave him his stegosaurus to hold and kissed him on the cheek. ‘Go to sleep now.’

‘I can’t. I’m not sleepy.’ He looked up at her. ‘When will I see Daddy again?’

Kat took a deep breath. She’d known the question would come. ‘We’ll call him tomorrow and you can talk to him then.’

‘OK,’ Leo said, turning on his side and playing with the cuddly toy. ‘It’s not the same though, as seeing him.’

‘I know.’ She felt a stab of guilt. ‘We’ll work something out, I promise.’

He nodded and pulled his duvet up under his chin.

‘Sleep tight, darling, sweet dreams.’

She went back into the living room, and dialled Jake’s number on her mobile.

‘Hi, Kat,’ he said. ‘How are you?’

‘All right. I got a job today.’ She tried to sound excited, even though the prospect of starting work at the characterless concrete offices left her feeling numb with dread.

‘Really? That’s good news.’

‘Thanks. I start on Monday. I got your payment this month, by the way.’

‘Glad it came through. Listen, I know I’ve got some catching up to do. I’ll send the money when I can. Work’s coming in more regularly now.’

‘I understand.’

‘I’ve started the counselling,’ he said. ‘And it’s going OK.’

‘I’m glad to hear that,’ Kat said.

She wavered. She thought of how it had seemed, for a brief moment, as if she could have a life aside from all of this. Adam had called her to arrange to go out, but she kept putting him off. In her heart she knew what mattered most was getting Leo and his dad’s relationship back.

‘Leo’s been asking about you,’ she said at last.

‘He has?’ Jake’s voice lifted.

‘I said we’d call you tomorrow, have a chat.’

‘Sure.’

‘But what he really wants is to see you. So I was wondering, would you like to come and visit us?’

‘Are you serious? You wouldn’t have a problem with that?’

‘It’s fine. But I’d want to be there. The whole time – and I’m not sure when that’ll change, when I’ll be happy to let go again. We’ll have to see how things go.’

‘I know. I understand.’

‘I don’t want to cut you out of his life, Jake. No matter what’s happened or what happens between us. You’re Leo’s dad, nothing can change that.’

‘I won’t mess up again, Kat. I won’t hurt you. Either of you. Promise.’

47

Tuesday 28 October

Charlie turned off the taps and climbed into her bath. She let the warm water soothe her tired body. It was after midnight, she’d got home after a long evening in the office and had almost fallen asleep listening to music on the tube. As she sank down into the foam, a memory drifted into her mind. An early morning by the sea, the fresh air, the exhilaration of running. Of laughing.

Was any job worth missing out on life for?

Kat and Séraphine’s words echoed in her head, and what she had feared losing didn’t seem so important any more. Maybe it was time to be open again, even if that meant the risk of falling flat on her face. Ben’s betrayal might have tripped her up, but what she did with that experience was in her hands. Her past was written in stone. But her future wasn’t. She was in charge of that.

The next day, Charlie called in sick.

It’s been a few weeks, I know. So I hope nothing’s changed
…
Charlie tapped out on her phone to Euan.
Because I’m coming up to see you. Cx

It seemed as if she’d held her breath for a full half-hour, until Euan’s reply came through.
Nothing’s changed. I can’t wait to see you x

‘Hey,’ Euan said, when she arrived on his doorstep later that same day. ‘You’re here.’

‘I’m here.’

He closed the front door behind her and they stood for a moment in his hallway, close but not touching. ‘I missed you.’

‘Me too,’ Charlie said. A smile spread across her face. Euan’s expression mirrored hers and he put his arms around her, drawing her in towards him. He pulled back slightly, so that he could see her face. ‘It’s been quiet without you.’

He kissed her on the mouth, one hand tracing the sensitive nape of her neck. With the touch of his lips she felt grounded, more sure than she’d ever been that she was finally in the right place.

‘So what happened?’ Euan asked, handing her a glass of wine. ‘When you didn’t reply to my email I thought maybe I was making an idiot of myself.’

‘You weren’t,’ she said, quickly. ‘You were braver than me, that’s all.’

She took a sip of wine while she composed herself. She’d tried all the other ways out: the only one left was the truth.

‘Euan, you’re a nice guy…’

‘Oh no, I’ve heard this one —’ he said, shaking his head.

‘I don’t mean
nice
nice… I mean gorgeous. Hot. A bit of everything I like.’

He smiled. ‘Better.’

‘But I don’t find this easy. It wasn’t long ago I was planning to get married to someone else.’

‘Really? God. Well, I’m glad you’re not still doing that.’

‘So am I,’ she said, ‘It would have been a huge mistake. But what I’m trying to say is that, while I thought I was over it, perhaps I’m not yet. I’m a little…’

‘Emotionally backward?’ Euan said.

‘Not quite how I would have put it, but yes…’

‘Well, you’re not the only one.’

‘You seem so chilled out.’

‘I’m not. I find it hard to trust, to commit, all of those things. I’m rubbish at relationships.’

‘So, what… what are you saying?’

‘When I met you I realised I wanted to change, to try and find a way to be better at this stuff. And it was so obvious I couldn’t ignore it. When you care about someone enough, your whole outlook on life gets turned upside down.’

‘And now you want us to blunder together into the unknown, as clueless as each other?’

‘That’s exactly what I want.’ His eyes crinkled at the edges as he smiled.

She reached across and touched his cheek, ran her hand over his stubble. He tilted his jaw towards her hand and kissed it gently. She moved closer and kissed him on the mouth.

‘OK,’ she said, pulling back. ‘We can do that.’

He stroked her hair and brought her close to him, kissing her again.

‘Stay with me here tonight?’ he said.

‘You’re back!’ Flo said, clambering on to Charlie’s lap the next day. She put her arms around her aunt’s neck and nuzzled her head into the crook of her neck.

‘I missed you too, sweetie,’ Charlie said. ‘It’s good to see you all again.’

Charlie looked across the room to where Pippa was sitting on the playmat with Gracie and Jacob, who was dangling a toy over his baby sister’s face.

‘Mum told me you’ve landed a brilliant promotion,’ Flo said. ‘She’s so proud of you.’

Charlie’s eyes met Pippa’s. ‘That’s nice of her. Yes, I’m very excited about it.’

‘We’ve got something new too,’ Flo said. ‘Shall I show you?’

‘Don’t say it,’ Pippa said. ‘I know I must be mad.’

Intrigued, Charlie followed Flo, who pulled her by the hand into the kitchen.

In the corner of the kitchen, prowling by the door, was a scruffy black cat with hair sticking up and a chunk missing from his right ear. Venus, the Prussian blue, was cowering in her plush cat basket.

‘His name is Roger,’ Flo announced proudly. ‘Roger the Punk Cat.’

Luke came into the kitchen dressed in jeans and a polo shirt. ‘It’s all Adam’s fault,’ he said, smiling. ‘Last thing we need, as you can see – the other cat’s petrified.’

‘You love him really,’ Pippa said, snaking an arm around her husband’s waist. ‘I caught him chatting to Roger the other night.’

‘This is what working less has driven me to,’ Luke said. ‘Instead of yakking in a boardroom all hours, I’m in here talking to an ex-street cat.’

‘I’ve made the bed up for you in the spare room.’ Pippa turned back to her sister. ‘Do you want a hand taking your things up? Is your bag still in the car?’

‘No, thanks. It’s fine. I’m staying somewhere else tonight.’

Pippa raised an eyebrow.

‘OK, OK. Put the kettle on and I’ll tell you all about it.’

‘Here you go,’ Euan said, passing Charlie a cup of tea in bed.

‘Thanks,’ she pulled the duvet up around her and kissed him. His lips were warm and soft. She felt content and secure there – as if the two of them existed in a bubble where nothing could touch them.

‘Are you sure you have to go to work today?’

‘Afraid so,’ he said, sitting down next to her on the bed. ‘As much as I’d love to stay in bed with you all day, I have a feeling the buyers won’t accept that as a reason for not meeting their deadline.’

‘Good luck,’ she said, running a hand over his arm, feeling the warmth of his skin. ‘Do you think you’ll have time for lunch?’

‘Of course. I’ll call you. What are you going to do today?’

‘I have a few things to return to your mum at the tea rooms, then I’ll give Kat a ring and see what she’s up to.’

‘Cool. I’m sure you guys will have a lot to catch up on.’

‘I hope you’re not suggesting we’ll be gossiping.’

‘Never. Listen, I’d better run.’ He kissed her and stroked her hair gently. ‘See you later.’

Charlie showered and dressed, then got the folders Letty had given her out of her bag to make sure she had everything.

The past two nights with Euan had left her feeling calm, complete. Even the dozen missed calls on her mobile from work couldn’t take that away. Charlie had no idea how she was going to explain her three days off when she got back.

With Euan she didn’t have to try and be anyone else but herself, it had been natural and easy. She felt at home in his flat, as if waking up in his bed was where she was always meant to be.

Bagel barged into the room and bounded up to her, jumping and licking her face. He knocked the stack of folders off the bedside table, and a card fell out of one of them on to her carpet.
Thank You
– the words were in silver script, and there was an image of a bouquet of flowers on the front. She opened it and saw a handwritten note.

‘Shh, Bagel, sit,’ she said, pushing him down and away from her.

She read the note.

August 1988

Dear Leticia,
 

I can’t thank you enough for what you did for us. You have made our lives complete. I know it wasn’t easy for you – but we will always be grateful for the sacrifice you made. I have always dreamed of being a mother…
 

Charlie read the card to the end. Then she sat back down on Euan’s bed, steadying herself, the card still clutched in her hand and her head spinning.

48

Friday 31 October

Séraphine stepped off the plane and out on to the tarmac at Bordeaux airport. She put on sunglasses to shade her eyes from the bright winter sun. Her parents and the twins were waiting for her at Arrivals holding a sign with her name on; she smiled when she saw it.

‘Séraphine!’ Mathilde called out. She and Benjamin ran up and encircled her waist, nearly knocking her off balance as they did so. She kissed her mother and father hello on the cheeks.

‘We have the car just outside,’ Patrick said. ‘Here, let me get your suitcases.’ He took them from her and led the way across the car park.

Hélène hung back with her daughter, and looped her arm through hers.

‘So, your English must be fantastic by now,’ she said playfully.

‘I suppose it is better,’ Séraphine said.

‘And you taught them how to bake, I hope? You hear such terrible things about English food…’

‘I taught them a few things, but I think they taught me more.’

‘Everyone in,’ Patrick called out. The twins piled into the car and Séraphine squeezed in with them.

They drove back towards the village and parked up under the apple tree beside their home. Séraphine got out and inhaled the fresh air and sweet scents of their garden. It was as if time had stood still here. Apart from the seasonal changes to the landscape, as predictable as the sun rising and setting, the house seemed the same as ever. She could almost pretend that nothing had changed within her – but not quite.

That evening they sat down to a meal of steak and vegetables prepared by Hélène. Séraphine chewed without tasting, too preoccupied to join in with the conversation going on around her. She was desperate to tell her parents what she needed to say, what she’d been building up to saying, but the prospect terrified her. It had to be done, though – she owed it to herself, and she owed it to Carla.