The Scoop (7 page)

“Look, let’s get this cleared up now before it goes one step further. We’re all going to be in this together. We’ll pitch in where and when needed, but something you all need to know up front, no matter what the circumstances are, Abby must never associate us with
The Informer.
We’ll all be working behind the scenes, so to speak. I don’t have all the details figured out just now, but I will. I promise.

“We have a lot to get done between now and tomorrow. Mavis, you need a new wardrobe. I’ve arranged for Liz, a friend of mine who happens to own a clothing store in Charleston, to open the doors for you later this evening after they’re closed for the night.”

“Toots! You don’t have to do this. As long as I have a washer and dryer handy, I’m good to go. Really, all I need is water and a place to let my clothes drip dry. Besides, I doubt your friend carries my size,” Mavis said, her words garbled in embarrassment.

“Stop being so negative. Washers and dryers aren’t like cell phones. Hotels don’t have them for guests. Liz’s is a shop exclusively for large-size women. Liz has everything you’ll need right down to your undies. And since you’re starting over in a sense, with your new diet and all, don’t you dare buy any of those old granny panties. I want to see something sleek, sexy, and in color. Black and red. You’re a beautiful woman, Mavis, and it’s high time you acknowledged the fact.” Toots knew for a fact that when you look better, you feel better. The minute she’d shed her mourning clothes, she felt like a breath of fresh air had washed over her. She knew that once Mavis got used to the idea of caring for herself, both inside and out, she wouldn’t need any additional encouragement. Her own would be enough.

Toots turned to Ida without giving Mavis a chance to respond. “We can live with the latex gloves for a while. We can say you have some weird skin disorder like psoriasis or eczema. You have to promise me you’ll take the help I’m offering. Dr. Pauley will be here around midnight to give Mavis a checkup.” Toots watched Mavis to make sure she was okay with this. She nodded, and Toots gave her a thumbs-up.

“He knows a doctor in Los Angeles who specializes in OCD. He’ll contact him first thing tomorrow and schedule an appointment. Are you okay with this, Ida?” Toots asked.

Ida nodded. “Yes, it’s about time I got over this. I won’t make any promises. All I can do is try.”

“That’s all I’m asking,” Toots replied.

“And what about me?” Sophie asked.

Toots shook her head. “You, my friend, are as full of shit as a Sunday outhouse. You need to gain back some of the weight you’ve lost. You also need to prepare yourself for Walter’s funeral. I’ve plenty of experience in that department, so when the time comes, I’ll make sure you’re ready to act as though you’re in mourning. I did donate all of my mourning attire to charity, so you’ll have to buy black clothes for your own mourning debut. It’s not as easy as it sounds.”

“Black? Mourning clothes? Surely you jest. The second they throw the last shovel of dirt in Walter’s grave, I’m celebrating. Mourning is not for me. I don’t give a good rat’s ass what society expects. I will be celebrating the old coot’s demise. I’ll be five million dollars richer, too.”

“Well said, my friend.” Toots clapped her hands. “We’ve got our work cut out for us. Quoting my dear friend Bernice, I say let’s get our wrinkled old asses in gear and get this show on the road. There’s lots to do between now and midnight.”

The four women looked at one another. They knew their lives were about to change. Majorly.

M
oney talks.

On the spur of the moment, Toots hired a private jet for their trip to California since she knew it would be impossible to get reservations on such short notice. Flying alone would give them a chance to make sure they had their stories straight. The clincher, though, was that the pilot promised they could smoke on the five-hour flight.

Toots held up her hand, reminding the others that Abby was no fool. “One slipup, and we’re toast. She’ll never forgive any of us, so keep that in mind, ladies.”

A small part of Toots’s being felt disloyal for going behind her daughter’s back to purchase
The Informer.
Another part of her, the motherly part, felt it was her God-given duty to do what she could to assure her daughter’s happiness and well-being. Spending ten million dollars on a failing tabloid was beyond extreme, but sometimes the only things that worked were extreme measures. Toots might be old, but she wasn’t an
old fool.
With the help of her friends, she was certain she could make this work for her and Abby, and at the same time give her friends a new lease on life. It was just the details she needed to figure out—all ten million of them.

Sophie stood and stretched. “I don’t know about the rest of you, but I’m going to call it a night. All this talk of working and sex has worn me out. I’m going to dream about Brad Pitt.”

“He’s happily married to Angelina something and has six kids. You ought to be ashamed of yourself,” Ida said.

“Nah, it’ll just make the dream more exciting.” Sophie gave Toots a hug, leaned down to kiss Mavis on the cheek, and then, before Ida could stop her, she gave Ida a wet kiss squarely on the lips. “Think about those germs in your dreams. Night, girls.”

Ida yanked a packet of antibacterial Wet Ones from her pants pocket and proceeded to wipe her lips with such force Toots was sure she’d peeled a layer of skin from her mouth.

“I have to go to the bathroom.” Ida raced out of the room so fast Toots thought for sure she’d been beamed up to the
Enterprise
by Scotty.

“She is a quick one,” Mavis said. “I’m glad I’m not her. I’ll take fat over germs any day. I need to shower before my exam. I am slightly intoxicated, in case you haven’t noticed.” Mavis struggled to get out of her chair. Once she was able to stand, she moved unsteadily toward the hallway that led to her room.

“I noticed, Mavis,” Toots called out. “Are you sure you don’t need any help?”

“I’ll be fine once I take a cold shower. I haven’t had an alcoholic beverage in years. I have to admit, Toots, I liked it.”

“Yeah, me, too. Call if you need me. I’m going to put on a pot of coffee before Joe gets here.” The last thing she needed was Joe thinking she and her childhood friends were a bunch of lushes.

With the girls respectively sleeping, disinfecting, and showering, Toots made a fresh pot of coffee, drank two cups, and smoked three cigarettes. She found a bottle of air freshener beneath the sink and sprayed the kitchen and dining room before lighting a scented Yankee candle. Like she was going to fool Joe.

Now all she had to do was wait for him.

A light tapping on the back door jarred Toots into action. Dr. Pauley. Dr. Joseph Pauley.
Joe to
her. She hurried to the door. The night air held a slight chill, which was unusual for this time of year. Toots hoped they weren’t in for a cold summer, then remembered if all went according to plan, she would be in sunny California for the summer and into the fall.

“Toots, I wouldn’t do this for any of my other patients, I hope you know that.”

Toots stood aside as her old friend made his way through the kitchen. “Bullshit. I know of at least a dozen people that you make house calls to, so don’t try and feed me a line of garbage.”

Dr. Pauley had been Toots’s physician since her move to Charleston more than twenty years ago. He was at least seventy-five but could pass for sixty. A full head of snow-white hair, sharp blue eyes that didn’t miss a beat, at least six feet tall without an ounce of fat on him. Toots thought him handsome and debonair. She’d had her eye on him when they first met. Once they became friends, and Toots knew there was no hope of anything more than friendship, she’d treated him like the older brother she’d never had. She liked to think of Joe as “good people.”

“I can at least try, can’t I?” He grinned. Placing his brown leather bag on the kitchen counter, he glanced around. “So where is my new patient?”

“She’ll be down in a minute. Her name is Mavis. We’ve been friends since high school. Anything she needs, just do it. She only has Medicare and lives off a small pension. Make sure you send me the bills. I don’t want her worrying about the cost of this house call, any lab work that is needed, or meds.”

“I can do that. Now, just so you know, there isn’t much I can do without taking her down to the office. I’ll draw her blood for a complete blood count, check her cholesterol. I’ll run a lipids test, check her blood pressure and heart rate. That’s about all I can do. If I think she’s a health risk, I won’t lie to you. I’m not just some old quack, you know.”

“I know a lot of things, Joe. Quack you are not. How long will it take you to run the lab work? I want her to start exercising as soon as possible.”

“I’ll have it first thing in the morning. But she has to have a stress test before she can exercise. I’ll set it up for tomorrow morning. I’ll call you if there’s anything that means she can’t have the test right then. A regular test won’t work for her; she’ll have to have what’s called a chemical stress test. It’s for people who can’t walk very far, and I assume that’s the case.”

Mavis entered the kitchen, smelling like White Diamonds. “Are you talking about me?” she asked.

“Yes, we are. Mavis, this is Joe. He’s my friend and doctor. Are you sure you’re okay with this? If you feel pressured or uncomfortable, now is the time to speak up.” Toots raised her eyebrows.

“I need this, Toots; it couldn’t have happened at a better time. If I get any fatter, I’ll die, and who’s going to look after Coco?” Mavis held her hand out to greet the doctor. “Nice to meet you, Joe.”

They shook hands. “Likewise. Now, young lady.” He searched her face, saw the twinkle in her eyes. “I hope you’re not afraid of needles.”

Half an hour later, after Mavis had been poked and prodded, Dr. Joe Pauley left, promising to call as soon as he had Mavis’s test results and the time for the stress test.

“Now it’s time to go shopping,” Toots said, grabbing her purse from the counter. “I do love to shop.” Bernice had put her foot down and said she wouldn’t be caught dead in a fat-ladies’ store, and she could just take her friend herself, to which Toots had replied, “Up yours, Bernice.”

“You don’t have to do this, Toots. When I lose all this blubber”—Mavis grabbed a large hunk of flab around her waist—“I’ll just need more new clothes anyway.”

“Then we’ll go shopping again. Besides, once we’re in LA, you won’t have time to wash and dry those three outfits every day. We’ll be too busy. Liz loves dogs, so get Coco’s leash. I just love to shop, did I mention that?” Toots exclaimed excitedly.

“I’m glad you do, because I hate it,” Mavis remarked. “When you’re as big as I am, it’s downright embarrassing.”

“Oh, stop it! Get Coco, and let’s get out of here. We’ve tons to do before morning.”

The ride to Liz’s was made in silence, both women lost in their own thoughts. Fifteen minutes later, Toots tucked the Town Car into a narrow alley behind a cluster of small shops, the spot reserved for special customers. “This is it. Come on, I can’t wait to get started.”

Toots hurried around to the passenger door to assist Mavis. “Remember, this is only the beginning. A year from now, you’ll love shopping as much as I do.”

“I doubt that, but I’m open for new experiences, especially when my three best friends and goddaughter are involved. Lord knows I need some excitement in my life. Liz must be a special friend to open her shop this late at night just for us.”

Coco squeaked from her carrier in the backseat.

“Liz is a very special lady. I’ll get Coco,” Toots said.

Toots removed the little Chihuahua from the carrier, snapped her leash to her jeweled collar, placed her on the ground, then took Mavis’s hand. “Let the fun begin!”

Mavis laughed loud and hearty. “I have never been shopping this late. I still can’t believe your friend opened up just for me.”

“That’s what friends do. You’d best get used to it. The life you’ve lived in Maine is a thing of the past.”

Mavis stopped. “I don’t want my life to change that way, Toots. I love Maine. It’s been my home since Herbert died. I couldn’t imagine living anywhere else.”

Toots stopped in her tracks. Was this their first glitch? “Then why did you agree to go to California?”

“It’s not like I’m going to be there forever, right?”

“True, but I’m not sure how long we’re going to be there. Like I said, Mavis, think bicoastal. You have to be okay with this from the get-go.”

“I am, I am. Change is a bit frightening, that’s all. Like I said, I’ve lived in Maine since Herbert died, and that’s been, what, fifteen years? Time passes quickly the older you get.”

“And we’re wasting our time talking about it. Come on, let’s see what Liz has in the way of sexy lingerie.”

Mavis shook her head. Coco scampered alongside her as they entered the dimly lit dress shop.

L
iz’s shop was designed with privacy in mind. There were no price tags on the clothes, no sale tables offering unheard-of discounts, no coupons to receive 50 percent off. Everywhere she looked, Mavis could tell Liz’s customers knew they were in an upscale clothier for overweight women. There were no tiny mannequins wearing clothes that would fit a three-year-old, no racks with sizes 0–2, no pictures with Barbie-size models wearing designer labels. Mavis thought the store resembled some of the celebrity closets she’d seen on the Style Network, only Liz’s was ten times larger.

A small woman barely five feet tall, who didn’t weigh more than a hundred pounds, greeted them. “You must be Mavis. I’m Liz.” The little lady wore a slim black pencil skirt with a crisp white blouse tucked in neatly and a black-and-white-checkered jacket. Her tiny feet were encased in red leather boots that added at least three inches in height.

Mavis glanced at Toots questioningly.

Toots laughed. “I know what you’re thinking.”

Mavis remembered her manners. “It’s very kind of you to do this for me. I just hate that it’s so late. I hope I’m not keeping you from your family,” Mavis said in one long breath.

“It’s my pleasure, and no, you’re not keeping me from anything. When Toots told me you were a friend of hers in need of a clothing makeover, I jumped at the chance,” Liz said. Her voice was light, almost musical, and easy on the ear.

“Liz likes to dress people. She used to work as a dress designer for some of Hollywood’s hottest stars. A few years ago,” Toots added. It had been more than a few years but, at their age, Toots figured twenty was “a few.”

“Oh, you did! Whom, if you don’t mind my asking, did you dress?” Mavis loved anything connected to Hollywood. Almost as much as Toots loved her tabloids.

“Doris Day was one of my favorites. She let me have free rein when it came to her personal wardrobe. She was a dream to work for.”

“I am impressed. Whatever you think I can fit into, I’ll try. I’m so fat, I’m ashamed of how I’ve let myself go.”

Toots left Mavis’s makeover in Liz’s very capable hands. She took a seat on a blue velvet bench outside the dressing room door while the two women bustled in and out of the dressing room.

Three hours later, with a trunkful of bags and boxes, Toots and Mavis returned to the house, exhilarated from shopping. They carried their purchases inside, dropping them in the entryway.

Her voice ringing with tired excitement, Mavis said, “I’ve never had so many clothes in my life.” She plopped down on a comfortable chair, with Coco resting on her ample lap. “I don’t even want to know how much this cost. I’d probably die of a heart attack.”

“I figured that’s why you hurried to the car once Liz started tallying up the clothes. Trust me, it will be worth every penny when you see how much better you look and feel. Once you start dropping the weight, we’ll do this all over again.”

Thrilled to see the effect their midnight excursion had on Mavis, Toots made a silent promise to herself to do this with all the girls, no matter if they could afford it or not. Seeing the huge grin on Mavis’s face as she tried on dozens of outfits was worth every penny Toots had spent that night, and more.

“I don’t know about that. I’m pretty handy with a needle and thread. I’ll just take in whatever I need to as I lose weight.”

“Bullshit! Stop that right now. You’ll do no such thing. I’m rich, Mavis. Hell, I’m disgustingly rich. I won’t live long enough to spend the interest I earn, so forget about ‘taking in’ your clothes. You’re just going to have to get used to the finer things in life. If you don’t like it—”

“Then I can kiss your wrinkled old ass?” Mavis shot back with a smile.

“Exactly!”

“That wouldn’t be my first choice of things to do, so—for now—you can refer to me as your ‘poor relation,’ and I’ll accept your kindness.”

“Good, because the visual I have of you kissing my ass isn’t pretty.”

Both women boomed with laughter at the mental image.

“It’s late, Mavis. Why don’t you go on to bed? You have a stress test this morning, and I’ve got a few loose ends to tie up, then I’m going to call it a night myself.”

“I don’t know when I’ve enjoyed myself as much as today, Toots. Thank you for making me want to live again. I feel like Cinderella at the ball minus the handsome prince.” Mavis wobbled over to give Toots a hug.

“The prince was way overrated as far as I’m concerned.” Toots smiled, surprised at how good she felt.

“He was, wasn’t he? Well, I—for one—am beat. Shopping is much more physical than I thought. Night, Toots.”

“Night, Mavis.”

During the next hour, Toots made three phone calls and ate a huge bowl of Froot Loops with a cup of sugar and half a cup of milk. The first call was to the Beverly Hills Hotel. They would need a place to stay while she decided exactly how she was going to operate her new third-rate rag. She reserved four of the hotel’s famous bungalows, specifically requesting one of the bungalows where Elizabeth Taylor had honeymooned with six of her eight husbands. They would all have their privacy in the lap of luxury. When the time was right, she would purchase a house. If things worked according to plan.

Maybe she’d buy Aaron Spelling’s old digs. When the time came, she’d check the listings on Mansions for Sale online. She loved pretend house hunting there, often imagining how she’d redecorate something she “bought” online.

Oh, she was going to sleep so well tonight.