The School of Flirting (2 page)

Chapter 3

First Class

…

At 9 pm on Thursday we were running across campus.

“I cannot believe you made me late!”

“I had to do my makeup! What is the point of flirting if you look like dog meat??”

I wanted to argue the point that nobody cared and she looked fine, but I let it go. We were too out of breath to debate the issue anyway. Reaching the Coleman building we paused outside to smooth down our hair and catch our breath. I hate being late but an extra 30 seconds wouldn’t change anything. There is no point in crashing into a class all red in the face without even enough air to apologize.

“Ready?”

“Ready as I’ll ever be.”

Hearts still pounding from the exertion and nerves, we walked through the lobby and took a sharp left and found the stairs to the basement. Our footsteps echoed loudly as we descended.

“This is creepy. Why did they have to hold the meeting down here? It’s way too quiet.” Leann complained.

“It is one of the only buildings that is unlocked all day on each day of the week.”

“That sounds weird. Just say ‘twenty four seven’.”

“It is unlocked twenty four seven?”

“Much easier, right?”

“Yes!”

Opening the stairwell door we came to a short hallway with doors on either side. We could hear women talking animatedly, but Leann pulled the wrinkled flyer from her pocket and double checked the room number anyway. We nodded to each other and walked in to flirt school.

The class was smallish with folding chairs arranged in a half circle facing the whiteboard. No one was sitting down though. Eight or nine women were all pressed around a small side table which was piled high with muffins, mugs, and thermal pitchers. The whole room smelled like coffee and banana bread.  As the door clicked shut behind us, all the women turned to look.

It was very intimidating, also a little exciting. I felt a shiver run down my spine. The blonde in the blue sweater, was she looking at me in a sexy way or just in a ‘hey who let the cold draft in?’ kind of way? I certainly hoped they would teach us how to figure that out. And soon.

A tall black woman in the back raised her hand in greeting, “Hi! Welcome to Flirt School! You look shell shocked… which means you are probably in the right place. Come on in! I’m Melanie.” We edged in closer and then Leann couldn’t resist the smell of baked goods anymore. She dove right into the middle and snagged a blueberry muffin. I, of course, am a little more obsessed with manners. “Hi, I am Mina Kitamura. I am an exchange student and Leann Day is my host roommate. We are pleased to meet you.” I elbowed Leann, hoping she would hold off eating long enough to be polite. “Hi.” She said and bit in to the muffin. Melanie took it in stride and introduced us around. Our fellow students were: Pauline, Susie, Yaz, Gemma, Bridget, Tamika, Jane and her roommate who was sick today but hopefully would make it back for next week’s class. Melanie clapped her hands, “Alright ladies, finish doctoring your coffees, let’s take a seat and get started.” We took our seats and I pulled a notebook and pen out of my bag. Leann silently shook her head at me and gestured at everyone else. Yes, I realized that no one else was taking notes. But I shook my head back at her fiercely. I don’t mind Leann correcting my conversational English but you don’t mess with a double major’s study habits.

Melanie began with, “Since we have two new students with us today. I’m going to quickly go over our rules. They are pretty basic. This is an eight week program. Show up or you aren’t learning anything! And the biggie, that everyone complains about: No dating other Flirt School students!” There was a chorus of playful boo hisses and Leann almost choked on her blueberry muffin. She shot me an evil glare but I pretended I didn’t see it. Melanie held up her hand for quiet. “I know. I know. But it’s for your own good! Make it through the eight weeks, pass your final exam and then you can date whoever you like. In the meantime, we can’t concentrate or learn anything if we treat Flirt School like a meat market. Got it girls?” Everyone nodded agreement. “Great! Moving on. This is week two, so we are continuing our lesson on body positioning. Mina, Leann, you are a week behind but we’ll catch you up to speed as we go along.”

Chapter 4

Practice

…

“So what did you think?”

“I thought I was going to kill you when Melanie said no dating Flirt school students.”

I laughed, “I thought you were going to spit out your muffin.”

“I knew you were looking at me!”

“Well, I was beginning to think I should have come alone….”

“You’re just saying that because Melanie made you put down your notebook. I told you that wasn’t going to fly. Admit it!”

Sticking my tongue out at Leann, I started walking a little faster. It’s true I was a bit annoyed by that, but Melanie had a point. I couldn’t watch everyone practicing subtle body positions while I had my eyes on my notes. Still, I planned on writing everything down as soon as we got back to the dorms. I turned back to face Leann. “Actually, I am really glad you came with me. I am also grateful you decided to stay. There was a lot of slang tonight and I needed your help.

“Oh thanks, I’m your walking dictionary.”

“Also I like your company.” I didn’t have to say that. I knew from the tone of her voice that she wasn’t serious about the dictionary comment. Still… sometimes I just wanted to tell her how I felt about her, all joking aside. But Leann wasn’t up for a serious conversation and she quickly bounced back,

“I’m only staying for that redhead. What was her name?”

“Jane.”

“Gorgeous. Her roommate was the one out sick, right? What if her roommate is just as hot?”

I shrugged, “You change your bad intentions?”

“No, no, same bad intentions. Different target.”

Laughing, I called her a home wrecker in Japanese. When we got back to the dorms, I started writing out my notes while Leann tried to talk me into going back down to the common room. She wanted to practice her new moves, but I wanted to sleep.

“It’s late. And you do not need practice. You chase girls too much already. You can help me practice in the morning.”

“In the morning? Who flirts in the morning?”

“I don’t know. Is that not a normal time?

“Half the dorms won’t get up until noon! How can they flirt if they are asleep? And it’s not late. It’s not even eleven o’clock!”

Sighing, I had to agree she had a point. Coming home across campus, every path had been chock full of people and odds were that the common room would be bursting with students. I was beginning to think I was the only morning person in the whole student body. But my grades were important to me and I had an early Friday morning lecture to attend. I told Leann to go out without me. We would just have to practice our flirting on the weekend.

Chapter 5

Week Three

…

Thursday: Week 3 of Flirt School.  Leann and I were both excited to get back to class. We had been observing people’s body positioning all week. Morning or night, students never seemed to stop flirting! I stuck my left hip out and imitated a sorority girl we had seen a few minutes earlier. Leann straightened her spine and whistled at me. “Message received!” she called playfully.

Flipping open my notebook, I scanned the syllabus as we walked along. Tonight’s lesson would be eye contact. This was a lesson I was both desperate for, and absolutely sure I was going to be awful at. I’d spent my whole life up to this point being a good Japanese girl and dropping my gaze to the floor. This was a knee-jerk habit that was going to take a ton of work to break. Still, form what I’d seen in the last week, it looked like eye contact was an absolute must.

Once again we made our way to the Coleman building basement. This time we were on time and not nervous at all. Everyone was there already, except Jane and her roommate, and there was a general feeling of excitement in the air. I talked to Melanie briefly about Women’s Studies while we waited for the last two students, but eventually Melanie decided we had to get class started without them. Leann looked slightly crestfallen but grabbed two muffins to mollify herself and settled into one of the folding chairs.

“Okay girls! Today’s lesson is on eye contact. If you did your homework, you’ve observed students all over campus using body position to flirt and you might have noticed that eye contact is involved. In fact, it is crucial. Last week we talked about how we can have a nonverbal conversation using body positioning.  Think of eye contact as the phone ringing. Yes, Pauline?”

“But don’t we use eye contact the whole time we are flirting?”

“Yes absolutely. But we’re going to break it down into specific intentions:  Connection, Suggestion, Invitation.  We’ll cover that later in the course. Right now, we are starting at the beginning: Eye contact as the call that gets the conversation started. Have you ever felt someone looking at you? It is a call to attention. You look over and bam! The call is picked up and the nonverbal communication begins.  But this isn’t a one way conversation. It’s a call and response. Message sent and message received.”

Leann and I looked at each other gleefully. That was exactly what we thought! Maybe this wasn’t going to be as hard of a lesson as I had thought. Only, just then the door opened. It was Jane and…

I jumped out of my seat, shocked to the core. “Sachiko Mimura!?!”

Chapter 6

Sachi

…

Leann gasped and for half a second Sachiko looked shocked too, but then she smoothed down her sleek black hair and addressed the class.

“I’m sorry we are late and for the interruption.” Her sharp glance shot to me as if to say
you. You are the interruption.”
I sat down immediately. My mind reeled with this crazy situation.

Melanie looked momentarily confused and looked back and forth between the four of us. I dropped my gaze to floor and prayed she wouldn’t ask. Apparently it worked. “Uh, no problem. Sachi, Jane, take a seat. We just got started.”

I couldn’t concentrate during the rest of the lesson. My mind was absolutely reeling. What was Sachiko –‘Sachi’ doing here?? This girl had been a pain in my butt only my entire life. One of the major perks of starting college was that Sachi was finally out of my daily life. And now that I was on the other side of the globe? I found myself sitting right next to her again? Ugh!

Sachi is a classic Japanese beauty; willowy and graceful, with porcelain fair skin and long pin straight hair that is so black it shines blue in the sun.  She also seems to wield an iron fisted control over the world. Yes, of course I’m exaggerating but if you’d spent as many years with her as I have, you’d start to feel the same way.  Her clothes are never wrinkled. The wind only blows her hair in a flattering direction. It wouldn’t dare rain on her birthday or any other event she cares about.  Maybe it’s just luck… but I think nature is afraid of her.  I know I am.

I tuned back in to class just in time to hear Melanie call my name. “Mina and…Sachi. Let’s get you two up here!”

What?? NO!
My brain screamed.
I’m not prepared. I don’t want to be unprepared in front of Sachi!

“Psst!” I whispered frantically at Leann as I bent to put my coffee cup at the foot of our folding chairs. “What are we doing??”

“Flirting!”

“Yes but how??”

“Make eyes at each other!” Leann was grinning from ear to ear. I turned to find Melanie waving me over. “Quick quick, Mina. You stand here and face away from Sachi. Great. Now on the count of three, turn, face each other and begin. One…two…three!”  I turned slowly to face Sachi and sighed deeply. She was glaring at me. I looked down and away quickly, but then forced myself to return her stare. This was an exercise in eye contact and I was not failing flirt school because of her!

“Umm,” Melanie interrupted. “let’s try to add a bit of body positioning… remember we are trying to send and receive a
flirty
message. Sachi, maybe uncross your arms? And Mina…” Melanie gently pushed my spine straighter and tipped my chin up, but again I found myself looking at the floor.

“Ok. Um. Well, I can tell you are both putting a lot of energy into this and that’s great! But it is coming off a little bit too intense... It almost seems like you’re ready to get a divorce before your first date!” The class giggled and Sachi gave an exasperated huff. As for me, I was wishing the floor would swallow me up. “Don’t worry girls! It just takes practice. I understand you are both from Japan so maybe there are some cultural hurdles too. Okay. Have a seat for now and let’s get the next pair up here!”

Class continued on and we moved from eye contact to initial conversations. Melanie playfully reminded us that once we had started that initial contact we were going to have to follow through! There were sample conversations and more partner practice. I was paired up with the incredibly shy Pauline and we practically read the examples from the whiteboard at each other. All the while I was thinking:
should I quit
? I wanted to flirt but…did I want to avoid Sachi more than I wanted to flirt? I wanted a girlfriend or maybe just a hot fling for my semester abroad. Would it be worth it, knowing Sachi was the price?

Clapping her hands, Melanie got our attention. “Alright my girls! This week you have another field assignment. You’ll be going out in pairs and putting your new found skills to the test! Each of you will use your nonverbal communication to get the attention of an attractive stranger, then follow up with an opening conversation.” All the students began to gasp and talk amongst themselves. Melanie held up her hand, “Yes. Yes. I know it sounds scary. But you can do this! You have all the tools you need. And your partner will be there to support you! We are not alone in this, ladies!” Smiling half-heartedly I looked over at Leann. At least we could have fun on this assignment together. Or at least that was what I was thinking until Melanie started assigning pairs.

“…Mina and…Sachi. Let’s keep you two together. Lastly, Jane with Leann. Okay! Those are our partner pairs. I’ve left a few minutes in class so that you can swap phone numbers and start your planning. Good luck everyone!”

Frozen in my seat, Melanie’s voice rang in my mind.
Mina and Sachi.
We were stuck together.
Let’s keep you two together.
It was like some sort of nightmare. Now I couldn’t even quit flirt school because Sachi would hunt me down and drag me back so that she would have a minion to do her bidding.

“Hisashiburi, Yamadasan.”

I bowed automatically and returned the greeting.