The Saving Graces (30 page)

   "I think you should throw all his clothes out in the street." I glanced at Lee as she floored the BMW and merged into two lanes of speeding traffic on Rock Creek Parkway. Maybe letting her drive hadn't been such a good idea. She'd suggested it, Isabel had seconded it, and at the time it had seemed sensible-I was so upset, I had the hiccups. But I'd never seen Lee this angry before, and she was taking chances that had me holding on to the door handle and wishing Curtis's car had a passenger-side airbag. I should've gone with Emma, who was right behind us, trying to keep up in her little red Mazda.
"And definitely call a locksmith," Lee added. "You ought to call one right now, in fact. You need to get every -lock in your house changed, Rudy. I've got my phone, can you get it out of my bag?" I got the phone out, but calling a locksmith was beyond me. I turned around to see what Isabel thought.
"It might not be a bad idea," she said from the backseat. "But you can probably wait till you get there." "Okay," said Lee, in a don't-say-I-didn't-warn-you voice, "but they might not be able to come until tomorrow. Time is of the essence. Another thing-as soon as you get home, you have to start calling your credit card companies. If he gets vindictive, he'll try to cut you off, so you have to make a preemptive strike. You've got the edge right now because you know something he doesn't know, but as soon as he catches up, things could get very dicey. Do you know any good lawyers? I'll call my mother, she knows everybody. Isabel, would you recommend the one you used for Gary? To be frank, I think Rudy needs someone tougher. A piranha, that's what we want." She bared her teeth. Fucking lawyer still echoed in my head. Before tonight I'd never heard Lee say anything stronger than damn. She scared me. I was glad she was on my side. - "Give me the phone," she said, "I have to call Henry." "I'll dial." She was taking corners at fifty miles an hour; I wanted both her hands on the wheel.
"Don't call the house, he's not home, he's at his mother's." She gave me the number. My fingers were shaking, I had to dial twice. I couldn't tell what I felt more of, fear or excitement, dread or anticipation. And underneath it all lay a streak of sickness, nausea almost, over the thing my husband had done to me. My best friend. The person in the world I had trusted most.
"It's busy," I told Lee. "Let me call Eric." I dialed, and listened in dismay to his answering machine message. "Eric? This is Rudy." I hiccuped, then laughed.
"I've got the hiccups. I'm in a speeding car with Lee and Isabel, Emma's behind us, we're going to my house so we can lock Curtis out. Hic." Lee and lsabel snickered-we all sounded hysterical. "This you won't believe. Curtis told me he has leukemia-this is what I haven't been able to tell you-and today I found out it's a lie!" "Tell him about the vasectomy," Lee said, swerving onto Independence Avenue.
"And he had a vasectomy over a year ago. I'm not drunk, I'm not on anything, this really happened! So I'm leaving him. Or I was leaving him, but now I'm throwing him out. I've got all the Saving Graces with me. I wish you were there. If you get home soon, call me at my house. If you get home ever. Anytime tonight. Call me, please, I really, really want to talk to you." "Hang up," Lee said, "I have to call Henry." "Okay,"I said into the phone, "signing off. Wish me luck." I dropped the phone on the floor. "Oh God, I'm a mess! How can I do this? Can I do this?" "Yes." Isabel leaned over the seat and took the phone out of my hand. "Lee, what's your mother-in-law's number, again?" It turned out Henry wasn't there anyway, he'd gotten an emergency call at Jenny's house and taken it himself instead of her. Lee told Jenny the problem in a few simple sentences, and Jenny said she'd try to get the message to Henry. "Yes, do," Lee said, "because it's really important. Where was his emergency? Oh, shit." Isabel and I stared goggle-eyed at each other. Lee was setting all kinds of records tonight. "He's all the way out in Burke," she relayed to us. "Well, tell him, as soon as he possibly can, to go over to Rudy's. Yes, he knows where it is. Yes. Capitol Hill. He knows. Okay, Jenny, thanks. Yeah. Well, we don't know, anything's possible. We will be. Bye." She clicked off. "She says to be careful. Hah. I hope he does try something. No, I don't," she said hastily, getting hold of herself. She turned onto my street. "Should I hide the car?" "Should you hide the car?" "If he sees it, he'll take it. Which do you want him to have, the car or the Jeep?" - "Yikes." I couldn't think. "This is his car. I think they're both his." "Both of your cars are in Curtis's name?" "I think so. I don't know. Maybe the Jeep is in both." Lee mumbled more curse words. "Well, then, the hell with it." She found a place in front of the house and parallel parked. "I hope you like riding Metro." We got out of the car, and that's when I noticed the porch light.
"Oh, no, oh, no, oh, no." Isabel took my arm. "He's here?" I nodded. He was home, so he'd read my note. I saw Dr. Slater, it said. I know everything. I'm leaving you.
Emma hurried over; she'd parked on the other side of the street. "Rudy, did you leave the lights on?" "U h-oh." "He's here," Lee confirmed, -and by the gleam from the streetlight, I saw anticipation in her eyes.
Emma took me by both hands. "You're freezing cold and your hands are clammy." She started chafing them, trying to warm me up. "Now, listen to me, Rudy.
If you want, we'll stay outside." Lee said, "What?" but Emma ignored her. "It's up to you. If you want to talk to him alone, that's your business. Either way, we're with you." "No, I want you to come in with me." They all looked relieved.
"You can do this, you're strong," Emma declared, looking into my eyes. "And think, in a few minutes the hardest part will be over." - "And we're with you," Isabel said. "It won't be so bad if it's all of us." "That's right," Lee said, "it'll only be one-fourth as hard, because we're together." "Okay?" Emma said, and for a minute 1 thought she'd make us do a secret handshake or something, a four-way high five. "Let's go, then. Okay? Let's do it." We marched-up the sidewalk arm in arm, a phalanx of slow-moving soldiers. Slow-moving because of Isabel's cane, plus we had to separate at the steps, which were too narrow for four abreast. But we didn't lose our miiitant spirit, and it was like marching into battle, four of us facing one clever, dangerous enemy, whose reactions were unpredictable and with whom, even now, part of me might still be in love.
I got out my key and unlocked the front door. The light in the foyer was on-Curtis was cOming down the staircase. He stopped in the middle when he saw me. His face, pale and set before, broke into a glad, astonished smile. - I softened, started to melt like snow in the sun. Then I widened the door, and he saw who was behind me. Raw hostility replaced the relief on his face, and I got my resolve back. But that was a close one.
"What's this, a slumber party?" - That's right, I thought, be obnoxious, help me out. Lee, the last one in, closed the door. Somewhere between the car and the house, I'd stopped having hiccups.
"Curtis?" I said, my voice high and flutey. "Curtis, I want you to leave this house." I actually sounded composed. An act, of course; inside I was veering back and forth between panic and a kind of weird, out-of-body detachment. Seeing him looking exactly like himself but also knowing what I knew about him was disorienting, like trying to match the man with his dark shadow, line the two up perfectly to get the true picture.
"Rudy," Curtis said, as if I hadn't said anything at all, "we have to talk." "Oh, no, I'm not talking to you. I want you to go. Stay in a hotel or something, stay with your friend Teeter." "Rudy," he said through his clenched teeth. "Please tell your friends to go. I have a lot to say to you, but I'm not doing it in front of an audience." He put his hand out to me-a subtle capitulation. And he'd said "please." The others looked at me. They'd hate it, but they would go if I asked them to. Well, Lee and Isabel; I wasn't so sure of Emma. But I said, "No," very firmly, "they're not leaving"-and I could tell in the clearing of their faces, the straightening of their postures, that my friends were proud of me. I felt bold. "Nobody's leaving but you." A muscle bulged under his left eye. "You're mistaken. We'll talk later," he said, turned, and marched back up the stairs.
Emma, Lee, and Isabel were all looking at me. "Curtis!" I called. "I want you to go!" - No answer. He disappeared around the landing.
Whatever made me think this would be easy? "Now what?"I looked around in despair.
"You were great," Emma said, shaking my shoulder.
"You were," Isabel agreed.
"I was," I said weakly. "I didn't cave." "But," said Lee, "you still have to get him out of the house." "How?" "You'll have to talk to him." Oh, Isabel, I thought, I didn't expect naïveté from you. "And," she added, "we'll go with you." "You will? You mean-all of us?" They nodded.
How bizarre. But I didn't want to think about it for long. "Okay, let's go." Curtis's face when he saw us was-indescribable. He was bending over in front of his open closet; he'd taken off his tie and was starting on his shoes. "What the hell is this?" He tried a laugh, but his face was stiff with outrage.
I pointed a shaky finger to his overnighter, which he'd thrown on the bed. "It's good you haven't unpacked yet, you can take that with you when you go." He looked at me as if he couldn't recognize me. Then he heaved a heavy, patient sigh; he got that forgiving air that's worked so well for so long. "Rudy, this isn't the time to discuss this." "I agree. I'm not discussing it. I want you out of this house. I know what you did, and you won't even deny it. I shouldn't have to go, you should." Isabel stood on my right, Lee on my left. Emma had taken a seat on the bed-an escalation of the offense, usurping more enemy territory. Possession is nine-tenths of the law.
Curtis tried a humorous look, a sensible man up against irrational females. "Isabel, can't you talk some sense into your friends?" She took two steps toward him, away from us. She had her cane in one hand, purse in the other; she still had her coat on-we all did. "Rudy's only asking for fairness. A little generosity from you now. Do you think you might owe her that? To begin righting the balance a little?" I loved her so much then. She was the best champion, the kindest friend. Surely her simple decency would get through to Curtis, help him to see his deviousness for what it was.
He smiled. Sniffed his breath out through his nose. Didn't even bother to answer her.
Lee cleared her throat. "You don't really think you can get out of this, do you? After what you did, you don't think Rudy's going to forgive you and you can just go back to normal. Do you?" Curtis snarled, "Butt out." She only got more dignified. "No one is butting out. You've brought this on yourself. Rudy wouldn't need us here if you weren't such a bully." "A bully?" - "Yes. An emotional bully." "Curtis," I said. He looked at me hopefully-he'd given up on my friends. "There's nothing to be said, no possible -explanation you can give. I know what you did, I even know why you did it, so there's nothing to talk about. I'm just asking you to go. That's all I'm asking." He brushed past Isabel and loomed in front of me, so close I had to will myself not to back up. "Then we'll talk later," he said softly but firmly, just to me. "I'll go if that's what you want, but I'll come back after your bodyguards leave and we'll discuss this. Rudy, you know we have to talk." Was he asking so much? After five years of living together and six years of marriage? We did have to talk, didn't we? The tight, indecisive silence stretched out. In the mirror on the closet door, I saw Emma look down, her shoulders slump. She knew I was going to give in. And if he got me alone, she knew he'd win.
"No." All around me, I heard a soft gasp. "I'm sorry, Curtis. The next time we talk, it'll be in a lawyer's office ." He kept shaking his head. "You don't mean that. You'll see reason once you've thought about it. On your own. I know you, Rudy-" "I'm seeing reason now. It's very"-! inhaled- "refreshing. Curtis; will you please, please go?" "Listen to me," he said very fast, "I was going to tell you tonight. I couldn't live with myself anymore. I only did it to keep you-I knew it wasn't fair, wasn't right. Tonight I was going to tell you the truth, I honestly was, and suggest we get counseling. With Greenburg if you wanted." "Oh, Curtis." I couldn't help it: I laughed. It started Emma and Lee off, and even Isabel smiled sadly. If he had just left Eric out, I might've believed him.
"Fuck you, then, just flick you," he said, the malice finally revealed in his bared teeth and his hate-filled eyes. "Get out of my way." He blundered out of the room, smacking into Lee as he went, and pounded downstairs.
But we listened, and the front door didn't open or close.
Lee said, "Well?" - "It's up to you," Emma said. "I can keep this up all night." - Isabel nodded. "Room to room to room." I couldn't figure out what I was feeling. "Is this funny?" I asked Emma, squeezing my hands together.
"Not yet, but it will be." "Are you sure?" "Yes." "Okay, then." We trooped out. Emma snatched up Curtis's overnight case on the way.
We found him in the kitchen trying to make coffee. We squeezed in, three around the sides with their backs to the counters, me in the middle. The yellow light sallowed our tense faces. Four hunters and one hunted. Curtis had his self-control back, though, and that's a much deadlier weapon than his anger.
"It's hopeless. Curtis"-I felt the need to remind both of us-"you told me you had leukemia." He finished measuring decaffeinated coffee into the maker and flicked the switch. He turned around. He cupped his hands around the sides of his face, like blinders, trying to cut out of his sight everybody but me. "Don't shame me," he said, and for the very first time, he sounded sincere. "If you would just give me a chance to explain why I did it." Deep down, I felt another treacherous softening.
Thank God for Isabel. She said, "But that's not the only lie you told." How could I have forgotten? It was good to feel the disbelief and the indignation come roaring back, so loud they made my ears ring. And Curtis had the decency, finally, to drop his eyes.
"That alone sounds like grounds for divorce to me," Lee said. "Telling your wife you want a baby right after you have a secret vasectomy." Her face got a baffled, incredulous look. "Did you want to get caught? For God's sake-you and Rudy go to the same doctor." He opened his mouth, closed it. He was changing slowly, before my eyes, into a man I not only didn't love, I didn't even like. At last he thought of something to say to Lee. "This is none of your business." How pathetic. He made me feel like such a fool. "What in the world have I done?" I said. "Why did I love you for so long?" "Because he's good at what he does," Lee answered. "Which is to control and manipulate people. I think," she said to Curtis politely, "you're despicable." "Why don't you go fuck yourself," he repeated. Pitiful! He had two dots of saliva in the corners of his mouth. "Rudy, would you get them out of here?" "No. You leave." He lunged, pushing me back by my shoulders. Not a hard blow, but Emma yelled, "Hey!" and she, Lee, and Isabel crowded up, surrounding us.