The Same Side (University Park #2) (30 page)

Delaney’s face turned three shades lighter. She grabbed the edge of the piano and I prayed she wasn’t about to barf. “Delaney, are you—”

“Lexi, it’s almost eleven. Are you ready?” Mom motioned for everyone to gather near the piano and Delaney quickly darted through the crowd toward Luke. I figured that maybe the alcohol had hit and she wasn’t feeling well. I just hoped Luke would be the one taking care of her, because I really didn’t want to.

I sighed and positioned my fingers on the keyboard. Taking a deep breath, I began playing the notes to the song. It took me a few bars before my fingers finally loosened up and I convinced myself that I would be okay. The piano was something I loved and I wouldn’t allow Raven to take that from me. He’d already stolen enough of my life in the short time we had been together.

The waiters finished dispersing the champagne and the crowd began the countdown. Each number struck a chord deep within me and I hated being alone. Just days ago, I was loving life and now I had no idea where my life was going. I caught Collin staring at me and it made my cheeks flush, but I managed to keep my focus. Never had I seen him stare so intently at me and I couldn’t help but wonder what was on his mind. Why didn’t he ever look at me like that before?

Guys! Ugh! Impossible!

“Three. Two. One! Happy New Year!” The crowd erupted and I began playing the song louder so everyone could hear it. Even though I knew it wasn’t midnight yet, my mind continuously ventured over to Raven. Wondering where he was and what he was doing. I could only hope he wasn’t doing anything stupid.

My parents gathered around the piano, hugging each other tightly as they sang the lyrics to the song. Instead of feeling euphoric, I began to feel sad and lonely. Nothing had turned out the way I had hoped or intended. Everything was so screwed up and I didn’t know how it would get better. Tears welled in my eyes and dripped down my cheeks. I continued playing, not caring if anyone saw how messed up my life was.

“Lexi,” my eldest uncle yelled, “play
For He’s a Jolly Good Fellow
.”

I laughed at his request and it relieved a little of my sadness. Repositioning my fingers to the appropriate keys, I played the song for him. At his age, I knew it could be his last celebration. The least I could do was give him that request.

My uncle sang loudly and everyone joined in, swaying back and forth with arms laced around each other. Thoughts of Raven and me flooded my mind and I recalled the first time I played for him and we sang. I felt my lower lip quiver and the tears reappear.

“Lexi, play
Lean on Me
,” one of my dad’s friends announced and my fingers crashed against the keys.

The memories collided inside of my head and everywhere I turned, I saw Raven and me together. I heard his voice, his laughter, and felt his touch against my skin. I embraced myself and began rocking rapidly back and forth. His presence surrounded me and there was no escaping it. The Raven’s trap had consumed me again and I was its victim for the umpteenth time.

“No! No! No.” I pushed away from the piano and ran toward my room.

“Lexi!” I heard Collin yell as I darted up the stairs. “Wait.”

I didn’t stop, just kept running until I threw the door to my room open and flung myself across the bed. The tears gushed and sobs escaped from my mouth. I missed Raven and I needed to see him. Being without him was like living without air. It hurt to breathe and it hurt to exist. The pain was unbearable and I couldn’t take it any longer.

“Lexi, what’s wrong?” I heard Collin enter my room. He’d never bothered to step foot in it before and I couldn’t help but wonder, why now? I wanted him out.

“Just go, please.” I covered my face with my pillow and motioned for him to leave me alone.

The bed sank and I felt his warmth next to me. Why was he there? Didn’t he see that I needed to be alone?

“I’m not going anywhere until you tell me what’s wrong.” He placed his hand on my arm and I flinched.

“Please, Collin. Go,” I whined louder, feeling the frustration ripple through me.

He kept his hand on me. “Lexi, I know you’ve been through a lot, and I’m not sure where things went so wrong,” he stalled and I slowed my crying.

His hand eased down my arm and his fingers wrapped around my hand. With a gentle motion, he tried to pull the pillow away, but I held on to it. I didn’t want him to see me crying. Especially since I wasn’t grieving for him. He continued to tug and I resisted, hugging the pillow tighter. Why was he acting like he cared when I knew he didn’t? Finally, I allowed him to remove the pillow from my face. Collin sat next to me, staring at me attentively. His eyes were filled with unshed tears and his lip quivered.

Why the hell was he about to cry?

“I know this might not be the ideal time to tell you this, but I love you, Lexi.” His hands cupped my face and he stared deep into my eyes. “I love you more than anything and… and I’m sorry that I was so stupid and I didn’t tell you when I had the opportunity.”

My breath hitched and my heart stopped for a moment. Was he freakin’ serious?

“Please forgive me for being such an ass. I… was just doing what I was brought up to do.” His eyes lowered and his chest heaved up and down in slow, paced movements. “I thought you needed some space so that’s what I gave you. I never thought you’d run off with some guy and throw everything we had away.”

He pressed his lips to mine, but I didn’t respond. I was in total shock. Why did he wait so long to tell me? Nearly three months had passed since we had broken up and he waited until I wasn’t with Raven to finally express how he truly felt about me? He wasn’t making things any easier for me.

“Lexi, please, say something,” he spoke against my lips and then pulled away.

“Oh, God, Collin,” I moaned as I sunk deeper into the mattress. My heart was longing for Raven, not for him. But how did I tell him that? The pain clawed at me, tearing a new hole that I knew would leave a permanent scar. I was certain I didn’t love Collin. The lack of yearning and need for him wasn’t there, it was practically non-existent. There was no fire, no flame, and no excitement inside of me. Collin wasn’t the one that held my heart, it was Raven.

“I’m…” I heaved a huge sigh, still trying to control the sobs. “I’m sorry, Collin, but I don’t feel the same. Not anymore.”

The tears released from his eyes and rolled down his clean-shaven face. In the six years I had known him, I’d never seen him cry. I felt terrible, but I had to be honest with him and myself. I wasn’t going back to something that I knew wasn’t real. It would be the worst decision of my life.

“Please, Lexi,” he latched onto my hands, “give me one more chance to prove my love to you.”

I closed my eyes, searching deep within me for something — anything — that hinted there might be a chance for us, but there was nothing. “Collin… Collin…” I wiped his tears with the pads of my fingers. “I wish I could—”

“Lexi!” Delaney darted into my room, screaming a frantic cry that made my hairs stand on end.

“What? What is it?” I darted upright, feeling my heart drop to my stomach.

“It’s Raven. He’s been in an accident.” Her eyes were wide and she looked distraught. She paced the floor as she held her head.

“What? When?” I jumped off the bed, totally abandoning Collin’s plea for my love. “Is he okay?” My insides tightened, forming a thick knot threatening to slice me in half. If anything had happened to Raven and I wasn’t there to save him, I’d die.

“I don’t know.” Delaney scrolled through her phone and then started dialing a number. “I don’t know.” Tears filled her eyes and she lowered her phone. “It’s happening again. It can’t be.” She covered her mouth with her hand and sobbed quietly.

Why was she so upset? Did she know something I didn’t?

“Calm down, Laney.” Luke pulled her against his chest. “You’re freaking out Lexi and everyone else.”

I raced to her side, unable to catch my breath. “How did you find out?”

“Shelby sent me a text.” She showed me her phone and my eyes blurred as I tried to focus on the words. The letters jumbled together and my left eye twitched, making it nearly impossible to read the message. My ears rang loudly, blocking everyone’s voice in the room.

Raven had been in an accident. What kind of accident? Was he alive? Was he dead?

Shelby: Raven’s been in an accident. OTW to the hospital. Call u when I know more.

My hands shook uncontrollably as atrocious thoughts ripped my mind in two. “Call her, ask what hospital.” I handed her back the phone and held my breath.

Delaney quickly dialed Shelby’s number and held the phone to her ear. My heart bashed against my chest, threating to tear through me.

“She’s not answering.”

“Shit!” I clenched my head between my hands, trying to think of what to do.

Her phone chimed and I grabbed it from her hand.

Shelby: He’s at Harris Hospital downtown FW.

“We’re going.” I ran toward my dresser and grabbed my purse.

“What’s going on?” My mom entered my room, looking at me, then at Collin, and finally at Luke and Delaney. “Why’s everyone yelling?”

“Um, there’s been an accident. I have to leave.” I pushed by her and she grabbed my arm.

“Who’s been in an accident?” Her fingers dug into my skin and I twisted my arm, trying to break free.

“A friend.”

“Raven?” Her voice raised a few octaves. “Is that who you’re talking about?”

“Why does it matter to you?” I yanked my arm from her grip and pushed past her.

“Lexi, if you walk out that door, don’t you dare come back.”

“Fine.” I pivoted on my heels, feeling the rise of anger within me. I was tired of being a prisoner in my own house and I was sick and tired of them ruling over my life.

I was done.

“If that’s how you want to treat your daughter, then it’s your loss, not mine.”

“Lexi Ann Thompson, how dare you talk to me that way? I’m your mother, for crying out loud.”

“Then act like it!” I threw my hands up in the air. “And you’re taking me.” I grabbed Luke’s hand.

“What?” Luke stalled.

I started to drag him out of my room when my dad stopped us, blocking the doorway.

“And where do you think you’re going?”

“We’re leaving and no one’s stopping us.” I stood toe to toe with him, feeling the rise of determination overcome me. Not my mom, nor my dad, would control me any longer. I was calling the shots now.

He braced himself against the doorframe, spreading his arms wide. “It’s too dangerous and people will be drinking and driving.”

Luke looked at me and then at my dad. My dad shot him a warning look and Luke shuffled his feet while he rubbed the scruff on his chin as though contemplating what to do. Listen to my father or help me.

Errantly, I stepped forward. “That’s a chance I’ll have to take.”

My dad dropped his arms and stepped aside. “Be careful. Both of you.”

“What? You can’t allow them to leave,” Mom snapped at Dad and they began arguing.

“Lexi, you really want to go after this guy?” Collin voice startled me and I spun around.

“What?”

“I’m telling you…I’ll do anything for you, anything to prove my love, and you’re not going to even give me a chance?” Disbelief laced his voice and his body flanked on the edge of falling down to his knees. Was he ready to beg me?

Please don’t!

“Lexi, listen to Collin,” my mom pleaded and I grimaced. “He’s the one that loves you, not that loser.”

I gritted my teeth together, trying to keep calm amongst the opposing forces preventing me from doing what I wanted.

What my heart wanted.

Raven.

It was Raven that I loved, not Collin. I pressed my lips together, finally coming to realization that all the feelings I had amounted to one thing.

Love.

I was madly and irrevocably in love with Raven and nothing was ever going to change that. Ever.

Turning toward Collin, I took several steps in his direction until I stood in front of him. Our gazes met and I gave him a heartfelt apology. “I’m sorry, Collin. But I don’t love you.”

“This is what you want to go running to?” He held up his phone, showing me pictures of Raven with several girls. I immediately took his phone from his grip and scrolled through them. For the past several days, Raven had been posting pictures of himself on Facebook with several girls. I cringed when I saw Macy and Reece. His eyes were small and he looked seriously messed up. The pain reappeared in the center of my chest, cutting off all oxygen. My body heaved forward, but I told myself it was only because he was drunk or high. I wasn’t there to stop him and he had reverted to the deadly lifestyle that was waiting to destroy his life.

“I don’t care.” I shoved the phone in his hand. “He needs me.”

“You’re making the biggest mistake of your life.” Collin shook his head. “I can’t promise that I’ll be around when he breaks your heart again.”

I sighed. “I know and I don’t expect you to.”

“So, I guess this is it?” Collin shoved his hands in his pocket. His shoulders slumped and his entire body deflated with one breath.

“I’m sorry, Collin, I really am, but…I have to go.”

“I wish you the best. I really do.” Collin leaned forward and kissed me on the cheek. “Bye, Lexi.”

I pressed my lips together, fighting back the tears. I may not have loved him, but I did care about him and I wanted him to be happy. I wanted both of us to be happy and we didn’t equal that. Our equation was better split in two. “Bye, Collin.”

I sucked in a silent breath and turned toward my brother and Delaney. “Let’s go.”

My mom stepped in front of me. “If you leave, you’re not welcome back.”

Adjusting my purse, I said, “Good. I don’t want to come back to this prison.”

I walked to my closet and grabbed the bag that I had packed when I was planning on running away from home. I quickly stuffed a few of my personal items inside and zipped it closed. My dad kissed me on the forehead. His eyes glazed over as though he felt sorry for me. If he did, he didn’t say anything. I figured I’d never know unless he was waiting to tell me in private.