The Same Deep Water (10 page)

Chapter Thirteen

#5 Go Skydiving

Breakfast holds tension. A hungover Jen nurses a steaming cup of coffee when I arrive downstairs, and Guy is in the kitchen buttering toast. Without speaking to Jen, I head into the kitchen to Guy.

“How are you?” I ask. “Ready for today?”

He licks butter from his fingers. “Yep. It’s not too late to join me, you know.”

“I don’t think so! Your bucket list, not mine.”

“You’re staying to watch then?”

“That’s why I came here this weekend.”

“Right.” He takes a bite of toast. “Your friends are leaving. I thought you might want to go with them too.”

My stomach lurches. He hasn’t tried to touch or kiss me since I walked into the room; this was a mistake to him. “Oh. Do you want me to?”

“No, Phe. I don’t want you to.”

As I busy myself making a cup of tea, Guy remains behind me, and I feel his proximity as if we were touching. “Were you very drunk last night?” he asks.

“Fairly. I think we all were.”

“Did you mean to kiss me?”

I turn in surprise. “No, Guy, I tripped and my lips met yours. Why? Didn’t you want to?”

“Last night was a mess,” he says. “I didn’t want you to know those things about me.”

“Well, I do now. And so do they.” I indicate Jen who now has her head on the table, hair splayed around her. “Are you going to explain?”

“Nah. I’ll let her think I’m a fugitive on the run for the murder of his mother.”

I look away. We can’t go back to this. Not murder. I carry the guilt of the day I survived the murder of my mum and brother. I understand his need to tie the past inside, but I also know how this knots around your soul and devours.

“Good morning, Jen.” Guy sits opposite her at the table. He wasn’t joking about pretending nothing happened. She shifts and says something I don’t hear.

“No worries. We all said some things we didn’t want to.” He munches on his toast.

An awkward looking, pale Jen joins me in the kitchen. I don’t often see her without make-up, her naked lips and unpainted eyes soften her features, and she looks years younger than her twenty-four. “We’re leaving this morning.”

“Guy told me you were.”

“Be careful, Phe,” she says in a low voice. “I don’t know if I trust him.”

“I do.” I dump the teabag in the bin and pour milk into my cup. “I trust him more than anybody.”

Jen’s brows shoot up. “Then I think you’re asking for trouble.”

“Yesterday you were all for matchmaking us.”

“Oh, God, don’t start a relationship with him.” She groans at my small smile. “Phe, no. Did you...?”

“No, but you did. Noisily.” Jen wrinkles her nose in response and I sidestep her. “Last night opened my eyes to a few things.”

“I hope you know what you’re doing.”

I look behind her to Guy, who turns his head as if aware of my scrutiny and meets my eyes. I always felt as if Guy saw more of me than anybody else, and now the remaining veil between us is slipping. For the first time in a long time, I know what I want and I’m doing it.

****

The plane drones overhead and I sit on the white sand, shielding my eyes against the sun as I watch. The lucky skydivers experience amazing views of the Bay, though to me the flight would feel like that of a condemned woman. I wouldn’t make it out of the plane unless someone physically pushed me or dragged me screaming through the air.

Guy’s preparations for the jump took some time and when he handed over his medical and waiver form, it occurred to me he may have lied. Again, I sweep a look at his fit and healthy figure, trying to figure out what’s wrong with him. All day I’ve been hyperaware of his proximity, aching for him. Now I’ve let somebody through, my body craves more.

I’m also aware I need to hear more secrets from him before I allow myself to fall any further, but that involves giving up more of mine.

A man with two small children joins me on the beach where we wait for the plane to circle back. The little blond-haired boy and girl chase each other between the water and the beach, while the man stands next to me, arms crossed.

“They don’t understand why their mum wants to jump out of a plane,” he says.

I nod. “I don’t understand why anybody would.”

“She’s doing this for charity, but what if she hurts herself?” He indicates his children. “Or worse.”

“I’m sure she’s very safe,” I say. The concern on the middle-aged man’s face is clear. I never thought to worry about Guy injuring himself.

“I saw you with your boyfriend. Why aren’t you jumping too?” he asks.

“I’m not into extreme sports.” I laugh. “I’m not into extreme anything.”

“Sensible.” The little boy tugs at his sleeve, asking for a drink and the man delves into his black rucksack.

Sensible.

That’s the problem. I thought sensible would control my world and stop tragedy touching my life again but that already failed once. Sensible numbs. Sensible leaves nothing to drive me on, to live a life I can. But can I go to extremes?

“There she is!” cries the little girl.

Two joined figures, as small as a bird in the sky, fall through the air and my heart lurches into my mouth as I watch. Who jumps first? Is this Guy?

The parachute catches the free-falling pair, yanking them upwards until their descent resumes, slower. This is me and Guy, free falling together until something saves us and slows down the plummet to death.

For one of us at least.

Tears prick my eyes, not because I know I’ll lose Guy, but because a man so full of life can have his snatched away when people who barely live are wasting theirs.

Further, along the beach, the skydiver and instructor hit the ground, and then run along the beach. The suited figure is too tall to be the small woman who hugged her children goodbye and whose husband refused to kiss her. The person could be one of the two Dutch backpackers, a couple locked in their excitement before they headed to the waiting plane; but as he approaches, I know this is Guy. A man on the beach helps him out of the parachute and Guy’s excitement is reflected in his body language, arms gesturing wildly as he paces from foot to foot.

Guy charges across the sand toward me, invigorated, red cheeks and shining eyes. He sweeps me off my feet. I catch his shoulders in surprise and look down at him. He kisses me hard on the mouth and laughs breathlessly.

“You need to do that! It’s fucking awesome!” Guy spins me around, the world out of control, as I lock my arms around his neck. “That is the second most amazing thing I’ve done in my life!”

“Second? You’ve led a crazy life if that’s not the first! What tops that?”

He sets me down and cups my face in his cold hands. “Kissing you last night.”

The intensity is back; his words would sound trite, but are spoken with sincerity. I touch his cheek with a small smile. “Correction, a boring life, if that’s number one.”

“Don’t underestimate yourself and the effect you have on people. You sure as hell have an effect on me.” He grabs my ass in both hands and squeezes.

Embarrassed, I glance around at the man and his children; but fortunately, they’re looking the other way. “I still can’t believe you jumped out of a plane! That’s mad!”

“I think everybody should try skydiving!”

Pulled into Guy’s enthusiasm, I wrap my arms around his neck and kiss him. His face is damp, heart thundering against my chest as we embrace. He breaks away and lifts me from the sand again, spinning us around until the world blurs into streaks of colour. Dizzy and breathless, I rest my head on Guy’s and hold on. We’re anchored in our blurred world, out of time and place, and for the first time in my life holding onto somebody else feels right.

****

I wait by the Jeep for Guy to return from changing. The dark grip of last night’s weirdness was blown away by his jump and his brand of happiness is infectious, wrapping around and squeezing life into me. If doing something as challenging as Guy did can bring someone to life in this way, I should conquer my fear and take the step into my challenges.

Guy greets me with a kiss when he arrives at the car and my head spins again at the easy shift from friends to couple. “Right. Back to the house for a shower then surfing lesson number one for you!”

“I was waiting to see if you felt up to teaching me, thought you might be tired after your morning.”

He draws his brows together in mock sternness. “Ophelia. You’re trying to avoid this, aren’t you? I thought we agreed.”

“I didn’t exactly agree.” I offer him a sweet smile. “I’d rather not. Besides, look no waves.”

“Not here but I know where there are plenty of awesome surfing spots.” Guy drops his scrutiny from my eyes to my lips. “I might think of better things to do with our time if you refuse to surf.”

“Is that right?” I moisten mine and straighten. “Such as?”

He bends so his lips almost touch mine. “Wineries to visit.”

His eyes glint in amusement before he hops into the Jeep. I’m laying bets that’s not what he means.

Chapter Fourteen

Guy’s loud exuberance continues for the rest of the day with repeated blow-by-blow accounts of his jump. I tease him and he laughs; but thankfully, Guy drops his insistence I start my surfing lessons. We head to a nearby winery for lunch, sit beneath the metal canopy outside the cafe on wooden benches, and share an afternoon amongst the tall grapevines. Guy relaxes into chatting about the times he’s spent here in the past, and I steer the conversation away from his enthusiasm for the local surf scene in case he jumps back to that topic and attempts to drag me for the lesson I agreed to.

I can’t remember the last time I was this relaxed and happy, and I push away the darker niggling thought about Guy’s future, and follow his mantras instead.
Live for now. Be in the moment.
Sharing these moments with a man who today looks at me as if I’m the most important person in his world both thrills and disquiets me. If only we could stay in this time and place longer – a week, a month. Forever.

The house is cool when we return, the quiet emptiness welcome after the busy afternoon amongst tourists. Guy throws his car keys on the low table near the front door and I head upstairs to change. My pulse rate picks up as I hear his footsteps on the wooden staircase behind. As the afternoon progressed, we moved closer physically and the subtle touches became snatched kisses until only the heat of the day prevented us cuddling together completely.

In the bedroom, I make my way to the open balcony doors. The sea breeze blows into my face and I close my eyes, tuning my senses to the calming sound and scents of nature. The calm ocean laps the beach across the road, with no swell on the water. The afternoon sun heats the bedroom; I pull the curtains across the doors but the sunlight shines through the thin blue material. I’m facing away from the bedroom doorway and my skin goose bumps at the awareness of Guy entering the room.

“Closing out the world?” he asks from behind.

“Taking back the day.”

Gentle fingers push my hair from my neck, and a shiver runs through as Guy places his lips on my skin. “A trip to a winery wasn’t on our bucket list.”

“Why does that matter?”

“Another step away from travelling companions, Phe.”

I pull away and turn to look at him. “I think the kiss last night was a bigger step away.”

In a sudden movement, Guy seizes my head and his mouth crashes on mine. I gasp, ready to push him away, but who am I kidding, I’ve waited for this all afternoon. I slide my hand to the nape of his neck and hold him steady, pressing myself into him. Guy backs me against the wall and pushes his tongue into my mouth. We kiss deeply until , struggling to breathe, I wrench my head away.

Guy holds my face steady with his lips remaining close to mine. He studies me with the mix of desire and affection I’ve seen in his eyes all day, “We don’t have to go back to Perth tonight, we can stay until tomorrow. Spend the night together.”

“I thought you said you were waiting for me to call the shots.”

He arches a brow. “If you don’t, I will. We’re outside life again, Phe. Living for what we want and I want you.”

“Not a travelling companion?” I run my fingertips along his lips.

“I want to carry on this journey with you, yes; but I want us. Don’t you think sex would enhance the experience?”

My eyes widen at his forthright words. “That’s so romantic,” I say sarcastically.

Guy slides his arms around my waist and pulls me into his hips. I stumble and place a hand on his chest. “Unless you don’t want to?”

I refuse to overthink this, I’ll let my body make the decision on this one. The strength of the arms around me, the solid muscle I’m held against are enough of a temptation for me.

Guy misreads my hesitation. “But I understand if you need a man to love you before you take that step.”

“I don’t think I’m able to allow myself close to anybody yet,” I whisper. “Physically is fine, not emotionally.”

He tips my chin. “I promise you’ll have respect from somebody who cares about you and is exclusively yours, but we don’t have to fall in love.”

“Sounds good to me.”

Guy pushes a hand beneath my singlet top and draws a finger along my stomach, triggering vibrations from my belly downward. “So we’re good?”

“I hope we will be,” I say with a giggle. Recklessness, I can do this. What’s wrong with a girl wanting no-strings sex?

I pull Guy closer, push my hands beneath the sleeves of his t-shirt, and dig my nails into the hard muscle. He places his lips on mine, sending a wave of sensation through my body, and the last doubt slips away. I’m lost the moment his mouth touches mine, the inexplicable connection fusing us. Guy runs his tongue along my bottom lip and I part my mouth, allowing him to kiss me deeply. Losing my grasp on anything but the warmth of Guy and the growing heat between us, I grip his hair and return his passion.

Guy moves to kiss my neck, his day’s scruff scraping along the skin firing heat to the centre of me. He pulls me to him by my hips and slides his hand up my back. The way our bodies shape against each other pulls us into our intense world where nobody else exists. Unable to breathe, I pull away
but
his grip around my waist tightens.

Guy places his forehead on mine, his breath heating my skin. “You want to do this?”

“Do you?”

Guy laughs. “I’m male, Phe, that’s a bloody stupid question.” He pulls his t-shirt over his head, confirming the tanned muscles from my fantasies live up to reality. I do the same and Guy’s gaze drops to my lace-covered breasts. For a moment we stand on the edge of the precipice, in denial that this will be a random hook up. The sexual energy existing between us is underpinned by a current of something else, the polarisation of life and death.

I’m alive because of Guy.

He sits on the edge of the bed and watches me through darkening eyes before holding his arms out. “Come here.”

I sit astride Guy, and he reaches behind me to unclasp my bra. I slide my arms from the straps and drop the lacy material to the floor. Continuing to look at me, Guy traces fingers from my side to my breasts, brushing my nipple with his thumb. I hold Guy’s head and nip his bottom lip and he rewards me with another breath-snatching kiss, shifting his hands to my ass and digging his fingers into the cotton of my shorts. His arousal pushes between the barrier of our clothes; the heat gathers between my legs at each touch and kiss.

“It’s hard to keep my self-control around you,” he growls.

“Don’t then.”

“Don’t?” he asks and raises a brow.

Teasingly, I bite the corner of my lip. In a sudden movement, Guy stands and flips me over on the bed, kneeling above. Normally I’d feel exposed and nervous but Guy’s expression holds a promise I crave for him to keep.

“You trust me?” he asks.

“I trust you, or I wouldn’t be lying here half-naked.”

Guy loses the concerned lines on his face and shifts back to a lazy smile. “Sounds good to me.”

He unbuttons my shorts and I shuffle out of them as he pulls the material from my legs. Guy hungrily takes in the sight of my nakedness and for the first time in my life, I don’t feel exposed under a man’s scrutiny.

“You’re beautiful, Phe,” he says, voice hoarse. “But I think I told you that before.”

“Once or twice.” I curl a hand into Guy’s hair and pull him onto me.

He slowly runs a hand along my leg and the soft touch of his fingers on my inner thigh lights the fuse paper on the need for Guy. I drag my fingers across the ridges of muscle in his back and grip him to me.

“Don’t stop kissing me,” I say.

Our mouths meet, teeth clashing with the raw intensity of the kiss. Guy takes my wrists in one broad hand, and holds my arms above my head. I make a breathless sound as Guy’s rough kisses shift toward my breasts, before he closes his mouth around my hardened nipple. He pushes my legs apart with his knee, fingers travelling up my inner thigh until he discovers my wet heat.

Guy strokes, teasingly, gently. As my arousal grows, he slips a finger inside, and I move against him, pushing myself against the palm of his hand. He slides his tongue across my breasts, teasing my nipples into peaks before pulling one into his mouth. I drown in the sensation of his attention to my body; his expert kisses and touch bringing me to the brink and then pausing, until I can’t take the building pressure anymore.

“Guy!” I jerk against his grip on my hands, desperate to touch him too.

Guy hesitates and looks down at me. “You want me to stop?”

“No. Yes. I mean stop doing
that
.”

“Why?” He releases my hands and slides his other under my ass, pulling me closer. My body tingles with arousal as his hot mouth finds mine again. I still his hand. “Tell me.”

I’m partially entwined around Guy but I want to be naked beneath him and be completely surrounded by his warm strength. Now my hands are free, I move them to the waistband of his shorts and slide my fingers inside. “Why do you think?”

“Oh, right.” He lifts himself off me with a smug smile. “Just a sec.” Guy pulls his wallet from his pocket and takes out a condom, then shuffles the shorts down. He sits on the bed and passes me the package. “You’re going to be in control of this, Phe.”

Control. I blink; this is a bigger challenge than choosing which menu to eat from. “What if I say I won’t?”

“Then I put my clothes back on.” He arches a brow, amusement playing at the corner of his lips. I purse mine, already past my personal point of no return, and take the wrapper from him, tearing it open and rolling the condom onto his hard length.

Guy lies back on the bed and pulls me onto him then. The challenge in his expression is unmistakable
. He means really in control
.

“Okay,” I say and settle my hips over his, aware of my slick heat sliding against his firm body. Guy inhales sharply and grips my ass.

As I look down at Guy, my hair falls into his face. He pushes a strand away and his dimpled smile appears. “Hello.”

I nudge his nose. “Hello.”

As we kiss, my nipples brush against Guy’s hard chest, our bodies already slippery with perspiration from the summer heat. Pleasure pulses through as Guy slides against me, but he holds back from pushing inside. I hold his broad shoulders, relaxing into the power Guy’s allowing me over him; his strength outweighs mine and he could do whatever he wanted to me, easily. But this is Guy, the man who pulled me from the edge and who hardly needs to ask me to trust him.

Looking down at him, I reach between us and guide him inside. Guy closes his eyes, mouth parted, as I slowly lower myself onto him. His grip on my hips hardens, and I lean forward again, nipping his ear as I rock my hips. Guy says something, but I don’t hear, lost in the sensation of him filling me as I move. He groans and reaches a hand between us, rubbing his fingers against me in time with the movements.

Our gazes lock, I drag my hair over my shoulders and continue to slide against him, luxuriating in the pleasure rising with each movement. Suddenly, Guy pushes himself up, and holds me in his lap. I dig my nails into his back and he growls, flipping me over onto the bed, before pausing.

“My turn?” he asks.

As I mouth ‘yes’, he thrusts hard into me. Guy moves slowly at first, eyes still fixed on mine, before increasing the urgency. The pressure builds as the movement of our bodies sliding together bumps my clit.

I grip his tense shoulders and move against him, unable to pull back from my urgency. Guy kisses me, the movement of his tongue matching the push of his hips. Everything overwhelms into a world of sensation, as I spiral upward toward the edge, to the place where nothing exists apart from pure pleasure. Stars dance in my eyes as I cry out, the ecstasy sending shockwaves through my body, squeezing my heart. Lost in this world, I’m aware of Guy’s hips tensing before he thrusts hard into me one more time, swearing as he comes.

Guy wraps his arms tightly around me and buries his head in my neck. I relax back with my eyes closed as our hearts beat against each other. Sticky beneath the sheets, I push them down, wrapping the cotton around my waist as I rest my cheek on Guy’s damp chest. I close my eyes and run a finger along his skin. The steady thud of Guy’s heart slows as he strokes my hair, soothing me further. I haven’t felt as close to anybody for years – if ever – and I barely know him. Disconnecting my emotions from a physical relationship and not worrying about where things will lead brings in a freedom I didn’t think I’d enjoy.

“Travelling with you will be a lot more fun now.” Guy kisses my damp hair.

Until we reach his final destination.