The Saint (18 page)

Muriel was right. Every since she’d mentioned Ross’s offer to help her enter the Physicians Guild in Inverness, made after he’d seen her skill following the Battle of Barra, Helen had been encouraging her to try—despite the certain resistance because of her being a woman. “Aye, but you said you didn’t need the approval of a group of old men to make you a better healer. What changed your mind?”

“My mind was never made up.” Muriel sat on a bench near the largest window in the cottage and drew Helen down beside her. Sun streamed through the open shutter, catching her blond hair in a bright halo of light. “When we were talking the other day, I realized I was allowing my fear of what might happen prevent me from taking a chance. But I shall never know whether they will accept me until I try.”

Helen bit her lip, seeing the determination on her friend’s
face and imagining some of the difficulties she would face. “They would be fools not to welcome you with open arms.” Her eyes shimmered with unshed tears. “I’ve admired you for years, Muriel, but never more so than right now.”

With a tremulous smile and misty eyes, Muriel took her hand. “You have been a good friend to me, Helen. I—I shall miss you.” She stood, brushing aside the wave of emotion with an overly bright smile. “But if I do not finish my packing, I shall miss my cart.”

Helen glanced at the two leather bags on the bare mattress and the large wooden trunk packed almost to the rim with the rest of Muriel’s household belongings. “Must you leave so soon?”

“Aye, if I don’t want to carry all this myself. It was my good fortune that old Tom could squeeze me in amongst the woolen cloth that he is taking to market.”

“I’m sure Will could find some guardsmen to accompany you at a later—”

“Nay!” Muriel cried. Realizing she’d overreacted, she said, “I am eager to begin. Besides, long farewells have never been one of my fortes. It will be better this way, trust me.”

Helen frowned, seeing how upset her friend looked. There was something wrong. Something going on beyond Muriel’s desire to attempt to enter a guild. She was eager to leave, Helen realized, but why?

Helen watched Muriel finish her packing, still stunned by the sudden turn of events. She was torn: proud of her friend but selfishly not wanting her to go. “What will we do without you?”

Muriel shook her head, her smile no longer strained. “You don’t need me anymore, Helen. You haven’t for a long time. You are more than capable of taking care of your clansmen on your own.”

A wave of trepidation rolled over her. “Do you think so?”

“I know so.”

Despite her friend’s confidence, Helen wasn’t so sure. The role and responsibility seemed daunting. But it was also, she had to admit, exciting. Something about it felt right. Almost. “Will won’t be happy. He thought I was spending too much time tending to the clansmen as it was. What did he say when you told him?”

Muriel had her back to her. When she spoke, her voice had an odd tightness to it. “I … I haven’t told him. The earl has been busy with the king, and I did not wish to interfere. I hoped that you might tell him for me?”

Helen couldn’t blame her. There’d been something bothering Will for the past few days—since she’d seen him in the corridor during the feast. Had she not been seeking any opportunity to see Magnus, Helen would have been attempting to avoid her irritable brother as well. Not that she’d had much luck in that regard. It seemed that except for meals—where Magnus took care to avoid her—the men had been locked in her brother’s solar for the past two days. Focused on Magnus, and her quickly disappearing time, she hadn’t given much thought to her brother’s poor humor. But she suspected it was a result of their discussions.

“Will has been distracted with all the talk of his marriage,” Helen said.

Muriel appeared to flinch. Her narrow shoulders trembled as she paused in her packing. “It has been decided, then?”

Helen shook her head, watching her closely. “Not formally. But according to Kenneth, the king has offered his twice-widowed sister Christina as a bride once she is released from the convent in England. An alliance my brother would be hard pressed to refuse even should he wish to.”

“And why would he wish to.”

It wasn’t a question but a statement. There was something vaguely unsettling about Muriel’s dull voice. For a moment, Helen wondered—

No
. It wasn’t possible.

She frowned, the idea refusing to let go. “I’m sure he would wish to know of your leaving. Will owes you so much for what you have done—we all do. But I will tell him, if that is what you wish.”

Muriel turned around to face her, and the calm evenness of her expression relieved some of Helen’s fears. “Thank you. I’ve been happy here, Helen. After my father died, you and your family made a place for me. I owe you much for that. I will never forget it.”

“You will always have a place here,” Helen said. “Promise me you will come back if Inverness is not to your liking.”

Muriel smiled, knowing what she meant. “I promise, but I am not easily intimidated. Especially by a group of cantankerous old men. But you must promise me something as well.”

Curious, Helen nodded.

“Don’t let anyone force you down a path you do not wish to take. If you have a chance at happiness, take it. No matter what anyone says.”

The intensity of her words made Helen wonder how much of the truth her friend had guessed.

A wry smile curved her lips. “You do realize what you are advocating is tantamount to heresy. As a woman—a noblewoman in particular—I have no path other than that which is chosen for me. Duty has very little concern for my happiness.”

“But you don’t really believe in that, do you?”

Helen shook her head. Perhaps that was her tragedy. She sought a life of happiness in a world that did not value such emotion.

“I almost forgot.” Muriel crossed the short distance from the bed to the kitchen. The stone cottage was warm and cozy, but small—perhaps ten feet by twenty. The bed was built into the far wall. In the middle there was a table, bench, and chair set out before the brazier. At the other end was the small kitchen. Muriel reached up on one of the open shelves and pulled down a small pot. “Take this,” she said.

Helen pulled off the lid and sniffed, smelling the strong scent of camphor. Though it was usually used for sweets, Muriel’s father had learned from an old crusader that the Infidels used it to relieve aches. “A muscle salve?”

Muriel nodded. “It might help. MacGregor mentioned that MacKay’s arm was still giving him some pain. I was going to bring it to him, but I thought perhaps you would like to instead?”

Helen stared at her, knowing Muriel had guessed quite a lot. Including how desperately she’d been trying to find a way to see him. “What if he doesn’t want it?”

What if he doesn’t want
me
?

Muriel gave her a solemn look. “Then you’ll have to convince him he does.”

Helen nodded. If only it were so simple.

After two long days of being locked in a room with three men it had been Magnus’s duty to despise since the day he was born—who made that duty bloody easy on him—it felt damned good to be outside with a sword in his hands again.

Two days of listening to the earl find countless ways to avoid committing to an alliance by diversion, excuse, or condition, of enduring the endless questions by the surprisingly tenacious Kenneth Sutherland about the circumstances of Gordon’s death, and of pretending he didn’t hear Munro’s barely concealed slurs had taken its toll. Magnus
was ready to take off someone’s head. As the truce made that impossible, he settled for a good, hard sword practice in the yard.

With MacGregor standing watch by the king, who had uncharacteristically retired to his chamber to rest rather than join Sir William and his men falconing, it was left to Sir Neil Campbell—Ranger’s eldest brother—to help Magnus get the lead out of his muscles and exorcise the demons from his blood.

Exorcising one particular demon had proved harder than he’d anticipated. Being near Helen, seeing her every day, even if only from across the dais, stirred painful memories, reminding him of feelings he wanted to forget and proving far more of a temptation than it should.

He’d loved her once with his entire soul. Though that love had been crushed, vestiges of it still remained. A laugh would remind him of an afternoon spent sitting in the grass, watching as she plucked flowers for a chain—he could almost feel the warmth of her hair on his shoulder; a mischievous smile would remind him of how she’d used to try to hide from him, making it a game to find her; an absent tuck of an errant strand of hair behind her ear would remind him of the day she’d showed up with her hair chopped around her face so it wouldn’t get in her eyes.

Style and fashion were irrelevant when it came to practicalities. If her skirts dragged in the mud or got in the way of her climbing, she tied them up without thought or artifice. How could he not have been enchanted?

There had been only a dozen or so meetings between them, but every minute had been firmly imprinted on his mind. No matter how many times he told himself she’d changed, that even if he thought he’d known the girl he did not know the woman, he couldn’t force himself to believe it. The things he’d fallen in love with—her openness, her
verve for life and thirst for happiness, her strength and passion—were still there.

But she was no longer his to love.

He drove the venerable knight back in a relentless attack, putting all his anger and frustration behind every swing of the sword.

Though Sir Neil was one of Bruce’s greatest knights, he had trouble keeping up with Magnus today.

When one particularly violent swing landed a little too firmly, the other man put down his sword. “Damn, MacKay. Take it easy. I’m on your side.”

Magnus lowered his sword, the heaviness of his breath and pain in his shoulder telling him exactly how hard he’d been going.

God’s bones, it felt good!

He smiled. “All this peace has made you soft, old man. Perhaps I can find a nice Englishman for you to practice with?”

“Bloody hell, I’ll show you soft.” The knight attacked, coming damn close to taking Magnus’s mind off his problems.

Until the source of those problems appeared out of the corner of his eye, distracting him just enough to suffer a blow to his arm—his bad arm.

He swore as the flat of the steel landed with full force on his exposed shoulder, causing his sword to fall from his hand.

Campbell looked stunned. It wasn’t often Magnus gave an opponent an opening like that, and to be the recipient of such a lapse surprised him. “Christ! Sorry about that. Did I hurt your shoulder?”

As Magnus was grabbing the offending shoulder he could hardly deny it. “Just give me a moment,” he said, furious at himself.

But it only got worse. Helen rushed up to him, putting her hand on his arm and setting off every nerve-ending he’d
fought so hard to contain. “Oh Magnus, are you all right? Your arm—”

“My arm is fine,” he lied, his arm stinging as sharply as his pride. “What do you want?”

Campbell had moved away, but Magnus could feel him watching with unabashed interest.

“I didn’t mean to disturb you.”

Her cheeks heated when he didn’t say anything, but just continued to scowl at her. Summer was less than two weeks away, but she looked as fresh and sunny as a warm summer day. With her fair skin, blue eyes, and dark red hair, yellow shouldn’t look so good on her. But the buttery shade brought out the warmth of her complexion, and made him think of bread fresh from the oven that he couldn’t wait to sink his teeth into.

Damn
.

He apparently growled.

She took a step back, eyeing him uncertainly. “Muriel gave me some salve for your arm. She said it might be giving you some pain.”

It sure as hell was now. For a man who was known for his even-keeled temperment, he sure was having trouble keeping a grip on it right now. “Please thank Lady Muriel for her thoughtfulness, but—”

“If you like,” she interrupted, “I could rub some on you when you are finished. Or if you’d prefer, after you bathe?”

Agony
. That’s what the images were. If she only knew how her innocent words wreaked havoc on his body! But she didn’t. Nor could he ever let her know.

He gritted his teeth together. “That won’t be necessary. My arm is fine. I’m fine. I don’t need—”

“What’s going on here?”

Perfect
. Magnus looked over his shoulder to see that the Sutherlands and Munro had chosen this exact minute to
return from falconing. Sir William was glaring daggers at his younger sister.

Surprisingly, Helen was glaring them back. “If it’s any of your business, Muriel gave me some salve for Magnus’s arm.”

Magnus’s brows lifted in surprise. He’d never heard her challenge one of her brothers like that before. Nonetheless, he added, “And I was just telling Lady Helen that the salve was unnecessary.”

Magnus tried not to grimace as Munro hopped off his horse and sauntered toward them.

“How thoughtful of you, Helen. As a matter of fact, I took a blow to the side yesterday from your brother. Every now and then he manages to land one.” Kenneth Sutherland pricked at the slur. “Perhaps you could try the salve on me?”

Magnus met the gaze of his enemy over her head. He knew he wasn’t imagining the amusement there.

The slight tightening of Helen’s mouth—probably noticed only by Magnus—was the only sign that she didn’t necessarily welcome the change of patients.

Magnus suspected the lines around his own mouth were much deeper.

Helen glanced at Magnus as if begging him to intercede, but he clenched his jaw, forcing it not to open. He pretended not to see the dejection on her face, but his chest pinched nonetheless.

“Of course,” she said brightly. “Come with me into the Hall, and I shall take a look at it.” She glanced at her brother. “Will, if you have a moment, I need to speak with you.” The earl looked about to argue, but Helen cut him off. “It’s about Muriel.”

The sudden flash of alarm in the earl’s expression betrayed him. “Is she all right?”