The Saddest Girl in the World (25 page)

E
ight years have gone by since Donna moved, and we are still in contact with her. She is nineteen now, a very attractive girl who braids her hair and wears a little makeup and likes fashionable clothes. When I first phoned her, after the two weeks, she was pleased to hear from me and sounded settled, and she had lots of news about her home and family. Paula and Adrian spoke to her too, mainly about school and their respective cats — Toscha and Harris. I also talked to Marlene, who confirmed that Donna was doing well, and that there had been no major problems. We said goodbye and Marlene and Donna promised to keep in touch.

It was six months before we heard from them again; Marlene made the call and spoke to me first before she passed the phone to Donna. Marlene apologised for not phoning sooner but said that they'd had a bit of a ‘rocky time’. She explained that Donna had been in therapy for four months and it had unleashed a lot of painful memories, which had resulted in her becoming unsettled and angry — she had twice trashed her bedroom. Marlene said that although Donna was still in therapy (and would be for some years) she was a lot calmer now, and was slowly coming to terms with the hurt and rejection from her past.
Marlene felt that the worst was behind them. I said that I understood, and I was pleased to hear from her now, as we had often talked about Donna and wondered how she was doing. I could hear the warmth in Marlene's voice as she spoke of Donna, and also the concern about what had been a very worrying period.

When Donna came to the phone it was so lovely to hear her voice again. She sounded older, more mature and also very positive. She told me all about her home life, school and the holiday she was going on with Marlene in August to Barbados. As she spoke she referred quite naturally to Marlene as ‘Mum’, and her extended family as aunts, uncles and cousins. She talked a lot about Kerry, Marlene's niece who was the same age as Donna, and said Kerry had become her ‘second best friend’ after Emily. When we had finished speaking I passed the phone to Adrian and Paula, and between us we were on the phone for nearly two hours, catching up with all Donna's news.

After that phone call Donna (and Marlene) continued to phone us every couple of months, and we began seeing them twice a year. We took it in turns to visit each other's houses, and one Christmas we all went to a pantomime together. Now Donna is nineteen she visits us alone, although she still lives with Marlene, who always sends her warmest wishes.

Donna is a lovely girl who has now managed to let go of a lot of her anger, and much of her negative self-image, helped by therapy and Marlene. She smiles a lot, looks you in the eyes when she speaks and only occasionally hunches her shoulders forwards — when something really bothers her. Her self-effacing and placid nature has continued, though, but this has become a positive attribute. It's like a
breath of fresh air to be with Donna. She is a warm, gentle and caring person who speaks slowly and takes life in her stride. Nothing seems to faze her, for as she says, ‘I've seen the worst of life and now it just gets better and better.’ And I think some of that is to do with her new boyfriend, Robert, whom she brought with her last time she visited. He is a tall and good-looking lad whom she met at college, where Donna is studying to be a nurse and Robert a mechanic. I liked Robert, and was touched that Donna had wanted us to meet him. He treats her with much respect and they clearly think a lot of each other. How much of her past she has told him I don't know.

And what of Donna's family — the family who were responsible for so much of her unhappiness? I know only what Donna has told me. The supervised contact three times a year was stopped when Donna was fourteen, at her request, although Donna now visits her mother, whom she refers to as Rita, once a year. Rita's baby stayed in foster care until the court process was complete, and then she was adopted by a childless couple in their thirties. Donna has never seen the child, although the adoption order stipulates that the child should be made aware of her natural family when she is of a suitable age. Chelsea's baby, Cindy, despite all the support and help, both in the mother and baby unit, and when Chelsea moved into her flat, was eventually taken into care. Chelsea couldn't parent the child alone and moved back in with her mother, where Cindy quickly became badly neglected. When the social worker went with the police to remove the baby, Cindy was nowhere to be seen. Eventually, after searching the house and garden a second time, they found Cindy hidden under a pile of filthy rags in a crumbling shed at the bottom of the garden.

A year later Chelsea was pregnant again, and then she suffered a miscarriage after being beaten up by the person she claimed was the father of the baby. She moved out from her mother's house and hasn't been seen or heard of since. Rita is still drink and drug dependent, and Donna says the house is filthy and there is never any food there because Rita drinks and doesn't eat. Donna said the last time she visited, Rita looked like an old woman. From what Donna had learnt in her nursing studies, she thought that Rita would be dead in a year if she didn't stop drinking. Donna has never taken Robert to meet Rita and has no plans to.

Donna sees her brothers once a year, around Christmas time. They were found adoptive parents together and are doing very well, both at home and at school. Donna doesn't say much about them; I think her visits are more to stay in touch rather than prompted by any deep sibling bond. Whether Warren and Jason have suffered any remorse or guilt for the way they treated Donna when they were little, I don't know, but they were old enough at the time to remember that dreadful period. It would be nice to think that at some point in their lives they apologise to Donna, although Donna doesn't bear them any grudge. She wouldn't: it would never enter her head to bear anyone a grudge, such is her gentle and forgiving disposition.

When the supervised contact stopped, Donna began visiting her dad at his flat, first accompanied by Marlene and then for the last three years going alone. Edna found Mr Bajan a council flat before she retired, and he lives by himself and has no contact with Rita. Donna visits him every two weeks, on a Sunday, and cleans and tidies his flat and cooks him dinner. He knows exactly where his tablets
are in the kitchen cupboard, and remembers to take them each morning and night. He has had only two relapses in the last eight years, and he joined his mother on a trip to Barbados for one winter. Donna also visits her gran, Mrs Bajan, who is not in the best of health. Donna takes three buses every month to spend a day with her. She cleans and tidies her flat and makes sure she has enough food in the fridge. Donna loves her gran and dad; together with Marlene they are her family, and the most important people in her life.

Therapy and having Marlene as her mother have helped Donna along the path to becoming a well-adjusted and successful adult. Donna tells me that just occasionally, if she is frustrated by something or someone, she goes to her bedroom and quietly tears up a magazine, and then clears it up. She and Marlene laugh about it, and if tearing up paper helps then there is no reason for her to stop it. We all need some release from life's little downers, and on the scale of things, shredding paper is no great problem; I might try it some time.

Donna will qualify as a nurse in two years' time and is looking forward to starting work and earning a wage. She officially came out of care when she reached the age of eighteen and therefore no longer has a social worker. She still sees a therapist every so often, at her request, when she feels she needs to talk to someone outside the family. Although she has made new friends at college, she is still in contact with Emily whom, together with Kerry, she regards as her ‘best buddy’. Emily left school at sixteen and works as a sales assistance in a department store. Donna, Emily and Kerry go out together in the evening and also on extended shopping expeditions; being the age
they are, they love to shop. They have also discussed the idea of renting a flat together when Donna and Kerry finish their education and start earning.

Despite the years that have passed, Donna vividly remembers the time when she lived with us, and has many fond memories. She also remembers the hurt and trauma she was going through inside at that time, and how I continually encouraged her to let it go by talking. She has thanked me more than once for being so patient and understanding, and has also apologised to Paula and Adrian for being so ‘horrible’, as she puts it. I have reassured her that there is no need either to thank me or to apologise, and that she wasn't horrible, just a child in crisis. Paula and Adrian have only good memories of her time with us, especially of Christmas and our holiday together. We still look at the photographs, and remember — Donna, who was once the saddest girl in the world, but blossomed into a wonderful young woman. Well done, love.

This book is a work of non-fiction based on the recollections of Cathy Glass. The names of people, places, dates and details of events have been changed to protect the privacy of others.

HarperElement
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First published by HarperElement 2009

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© Cathy Glass 2007

Cathy Glass asserts the moral right to be identified as the author of this work

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