The Sacrificial Daughter (39 page)

"He isn't. I can assure you that he..."

Interrupting Jesse, the man in the dark suit cried out, "I don't think the assurances of a seventeen-year-old kid mean all that much to us. Your father has cut the police budget in every town that he has ever managed and he'll do it here as well! He doesn't care about our safety; all he cares about is the almighty dollar!"

"He does care about our safety," Jesse yelled over the confusion the man's words had wrought. "My father wants to add to the..."

Again Jesse was interrupted. "Words are all you have," he said. "Should we judge what will happen based on her words, or on the past deeds of her father?"

'Past behavior is indicative of future action', her fathered had said to her only the other day. Clearly, since James Clarke wanted to add to the police force there were exceptions to the statement.

What about John Osterman? Will he always be judged by his past actions as well?

Not now! Jesse ran her hands through her blonde hair, feeling a growing exasperation. "My father actually wants to increase the police pres..."

"Liar! Liar! Liar!"

Confusion ran among the students who had sided with Jesse, they stood staring around at each other in uncertainty. Then one walked back the way he had come...and then another. Jesse saw right away that she had lost them and with the chanting keeping her from speaking she wasn't going to get them back again. Their fear of the Shadow-man had overcome her logic.

Once again she felt the pull between the two great forces in the town: Harold on one side and James Clarke on the other. She felt alone and defenseless between them.

You are not defenseless. You have Ky.

That's right. Jesse turned to Ky, what she saw surprised her. The boy's handsome apple cheeked face was set in hard lines and his lips were twisted. He was in a rage over how she was being treated and it showed plain through his mask of indifference.

She wasn't alone after all, she had Ky. The thought made her feel much better and before she knew it she smiled at him to show that everything would be ok.

You can't hide love no matter how hard you try. Isn't that what your father told you?

Was her father right? Was it true? It certainly seemed obvious that Ky had feelings for her. He wasn't concealing it very well...and he was supposedly the master at masking his thoughts. What must she look like? She melted every time she looked at him. Did it show on her face? If it did, and she was certain that it did, then she was doomed.

A stab of fear churned her guts. She had lost the town and now she'd lose her life. There'd be no stopping it. She loved Ky too much to deny the feelings within her. Even then, as she was being castigated as a liar, Jesse wanted to run to him. It took everything she had not to. After all, who else could she turn to, to protect her?

Physically she was too mangled to protect herself. Her father was too busy trying to save a doomed town and the police had proven themselves inept. She didn't know what to do, except to curse Harold's name. He would turn Ashton into a ghost town and her into its lead ghost.

He doesn't have to get both.

That's right; there was a way to stay true to her feelings and save the town at the same time. But could she do it? She laughed feeling suddenly wild, what choice did she have?

Jesse waved her arms to the crowd. "You say you want proof that my father won't abandon you to the killer? Then watch!" she demanded.

With deliberate steps, Jesse went straight up to Kyle Mendel—the harbinger of death—and said with a perfect calm in her soul, "Kiss me."

Kyle's eyes bugged, but the rest of him went rigid as if Jesse had the gaze of the medusa.

"I've never been in love before," Jesse whispered. "It's crazy how much feeling is inside me. It's like it's going to burst out any second. Whenever I look at you I can't help smiling...people are going to know...I can't hide it. And neither can you...in fact you are even more obvious than me. If I'm going to die..." The crowd whispered and pointed and exclaimed, but when Jesse reached up and grabbed Ky's jacket they went altogether still. Jesse licked her lips. "...I want to at least have a first kiss. Is that too much to ask? Kiss me right now...and make it good."

With shaking hands she pulled his face down to hers. The kiss was worth it. The heat of his breath, the soft warmth of his lips, the thundering of their hearts. She would die, but she'd never trade that moment for anything. A thousand eyes watched the two of them in a silence that was serene and surreal.

The world fell away and nothing mattered; not the protest or the council, not her father and not even the killer. The only thing that mattered was that kiss—it was heaven.

But she had to come back down to earth—if only for a little while.

"Jesse! What have you done?" Ms. Weldon had broke from the crowd and stood staring with an open mouth.

"I've saved Ashton," Jesse said, feeling the moment. Pulling Ky along by the hand...she never wanted to let go of him again...she stepped past the teacher and addressed the stunned crowd. "Who doubts my word now? My father will do everything he can to protect us. Now step aside and let the council through. They have work to do if they are going to help my father turn this town around."

The crowd seemed to part at her words and the gaggle of astonished adults came forward leaving the teachers behind. All but one teacher.

Ms. Weldon stayed close to Jesse. She stared about with frantic eyes; she was searching for the killer. "You need to get inside," she whispered as if Harold was close enough to hear.

"What's done is done," Jesse replied. Snow began to fall; finally winter came upon them.

"Please, Jesse." Ms Weldon grabbed her. "You won, ok? Now get inside. It's too dangerous out here."

"I'll be right in, but there's something I have to do first," Jesse said. "Can you tell my father what happened?" The teacher nodded, squeezed her arm once, and left.

Even with Ky holding her hand, it took a lot for Jesse to stand there, with her insides all in turmoil. It wasn't fear that she was feeling. It was confusion...uncertainty.

The crowd milled. Their talk was loud. Their eyes flicked to Jesse constantly. However, one among them was still and quiet. He kept his eyes to the ground. Jesse stood in the quickening snow waiting for him. He would come to her, but when he did...she didn't know what would happen. What he would ask of her was too impossible to even contemplate. How could she grant forgiveness to the boy who had whipped her, to the boy who had beaten her, to the boy who had tried to kill her?

The real question is, how could he ask you for forgiveness at all?

Right as always! How could he ask? After everything he had done—the nerve of the boy!

Yes. He has nerve. He has courage. Sometimes it's harder to ask for forgiveness than it is to forgive.

That's crap! Jesse's back seared with pain even then. Every time she turned or took a deep breath she felt it as fresh as when it had first happened. Her voice of reason was clearly becoming the voice of ultimate stupidity if it thought that forgiving was easier.

It is. You have all the power. He has nothing. He has to grovel and beg for scraps of your kindness.

Groveling? What about crawling across broken glass? Shouldn't he do that first? What about being whipped? Shouldn't she get to whip him before she granted her forgiveness? Shouldn't she get to kick his ribs in and tie him to a tree?

Then you would be just as bad as he is.

Damn it! It can't be enough that he only asks for forgiveness. There has to be more. Shouldn't he have to prove how sorry he is? Otherwise how would she know if he was truly sorry enough?

You'll know.

Jesse dropped her eyes and saw the snow settling on her sneakers. Right. She would know. Just like love, true remorse couldn't be hidden. If he was truly sorry it would show through. "But he has to really want it," Jesse whispered to herself. Next to her Ky stiffened. Two approached them—one calm, unaffected by the cold and the snow—one jittering and holding himself, moving slowly as though his feet were bricks.

John Osterman had his arms across his chest. He shook. His eyes were red. His Adam's apple worked up and down as if he were choking on something. He was trying to force up words that would tear out his throat as he said them.

A thought struck Jesse then: how much easier would it be for him to go on hating her? Or to make excuses or blame her for what had happened. How much easier would it be for John to act like so many other people and just pretend like it never happened at all?

"I...I..." John faltered. He shook his head from side to side, looking into the falling snow for answers. "I'm sorry...I...screwed up."

"You screwed up?" Jesse asked, with blazing eyes.

"No. I messed up...bad," John said. "I hurt you. I whi...whipped you." A single tear ran from his red eyes and laid a track through the snow clinging to his face. "I was so drunk I could barely see straight...and now... I can't believe I did those things to you. I was terrible, a lot of us were terrible, but still you did this." He made a small gesture toward Ky.

Next to Ky was his father, the other person who had walked up. "You don't really have time for this," Jerry Mendel said, taking her gently by the elbow. "Let's get you inside where it's warm."

Jesse resisted, both Jerry as well as the feeling growing stronger within her. The feeling was a desire to accept John's apology. But a part of her didn't want that. A part of her wanted to be angry. In fact it wanted to be furious. Jesse deserved to be furious. Torn between two conflicting emotions she turned from the three men.

She faced into the bitter wind and was practically blinded by the driving snow. Yet she could see well enough to note how quickly the protest had broken up. Soon they would be alone...except for maybe Harold. This was perfect weather for him. He could be out there somewhere watching in the swirling white madness. Harold wouldn't want Jesse to forgive John. She was sure of that. He'd want her to be as alone as possible.

Jesse didn't want to be alone. She wanted friends, she wanted...

Jerry Mendel interrupted her thoughts. "Really you don't have time for..."

"This may be my only time for this," Jesse said, cutting across him. She turned to John. "I don't know everything there is to know about forgiveness. I don't know how it works; I just know that it does. Your remorse is too obvious for me to ignore and if I don't forgive you it'll eat me up inside. I'm tired of hating and being hated. I'm done with that."

Jesse stepped up closer to the boy. He seemed so emotionally fragile that he looked like he wanted to run away from her. She put a hand out to touch his arm and as she did her shirt stretched along the wounds across her back. It made her grimace.

"I forgive you, John," she said despite the pain. "Just don't ever do that again. Not to me...not to anyone."

"No. No not ever. I promise." He seemed desperate to please and gave her an eager smile. She wanted to smile as well. Just as Tricia had mentioned the day before, Jesse felt lighter, as though a burden had been lifted. It made her wonder what sort of burden she had been carrying. After all she had been the victim. Jesse had done nothing wrong.

Hate is a burden.

Right.

"Are you done yet?" Jerry Mendel asked. His demeanor was less calm, as if he thought that Jesse was just wasting time. "We need to get inside."

After a last look at John, Jesse grabbed Ky's hand and went to see her father. He stood outside his office door wearing a smile so tight that it seemed to hurt the rest of his face.

"There's no stopping you is there," he asked her. "The one person in this town I don't want you showing affection to, you end up kissing him in front of everybody."

"It had to be done."

James pulled his daughter aside. "No, it didn't," he said. "We would have found another way." His tight smile warred against the fear in his eyes that he had for her.

"There was no other way," Jesse replied.

He shook his head in disagreement. "We would have convinced them eventually. We had logic on our side."

"When I was out there, I realized that logic was never going to be enough," Jesse said with a sad smile. "Those people knew that I was right, yet they had no faith in me, no faith in my words. People without faith always need a sacrifice. They are afraid to act, afraid to change, until they see someone go first. Until they see someone willing to risk everything for an idea."

"But...this?"

"You said yourself that Ky and I wouldn't be able to hide our feelings. As always you were right. Until I kissed Ky, it felt like my skin was glass and everyone could see into my heart." Jesse looked back, Ky was closer than she thought. It still sent a thrill through her to have him so near. "I've had life without love. Now I have love...I'm willing to sacrifice my life to have it.

"But I don't think I am!" James cried in anguish. "It's more than I can bear."

"I want you to answer a question: what would you sacrifice for me?" Jesse asked.

He didn't hesitate. "Everything."

"And what would you sacrifice me for?"

Turning those two words around changed the question completely. James took much longer to answer. "Everything." Same word, different answer.

"Exactly," Jesse agreed. "If I'm going to die, it had better be for a worthy cause. To the people of Ashton this town is everything to them. All of it would have withered away to nothing if I hadn't acted the way that I did."

James stared a long while at his daughter before saying: "I'm proud of you, Jesse. You did great out there." These simple words almost had her crying again. She actually felt her eyes well up a bit, but then her dad surprised her by taking her by the arm and pulling her into his office. It was crowded with people.

"Dewey! How many men do you have available?" James asked.

A man shaped as a rounded pyramid shook his jowls in consternation. "Because of this protest they all had to work a double shift. I've only got one patrolman on until tonight, that's it. And the CID guys are all out after Harold. He was last seen in the Tanner sub-division. They're going through it house by house. With all the vacant buildings they'll take all day."

James went grey. "I want one of your men with my daughter at all times...whatever it takes."

Dewey shrugged. "The officer was going to patrol...but with this snow, he wasn't going to see much anyways. I'll have him come by and take her to your house."

James rubbed his temples, looking like he had a headache coming on. "I should be done here around six. Her mom won't be back till later..."

"She can stay with us until you get done," Jerry Mendel offered. Both Jesse and her father jumped at the suggestion but likely for different reasons. Despite the peril of the shadow-man, Jesse couldn't get over the idea of seeing Ky's bedroom. It seemed like the most foolish thing in the world to be thinking about, yet still the thought made her stomach go light.