The Rules Regarding Gray (34 page)

Seth snorted for a moment, clearly assuming it was a joke. “What?”

“I’m not kidding. I’ll call a broker to set it up if you’re interested. I’ll sell it to you for what I paid for it.”

“Uh… then you’ll lose money. It’s worth more than that now.”

“I’ve made a small fortune off it. I promise I can handle the loss.”

“You’re serious?”

Jasper could hear the excitement setting in. “Yeah.”

“Oh, wow.”

Jasper listened to Seth for a good five minutes as he rambled on excitedly about his renovation plans for Graystone. He entertained his manager’s dreams and let him talk on for a while, feeling none of that same excitement in his own life anymore. And once Seth stopped talking, Jasper was relieved. Seth’s excitement wasn’t contagious. It was just a reminder of how far away from that chapter in his life he was.

“Hey, boss?

“Yeah?”

“Why? I mean, why are you giving it up?” Seth sounded baffled.

Jasper studied the horizon, and he nodded slowly. “I just need out.”

Chapter Thirty-Four

Anna listened to the message again as Gray poured the last of their bottle of wine into her glass. Anna’s face was scrunched up, and her lips pursed. When the message ended, she set the phone between them. It was Monday night, and Gray had listened to the damn message more than a few times since she’d stepped out of the shower to see she’d missed a call from Jasper on Saturday afternoon.

It was only her pride and absolute confusion that had kept her from calling him back. She fully expected she’d call him at some point, and she also fully expected it to happen after a bottle of wine. But she had her back-up with her on this night. Anna wouldn’t let her go down that path.

“I am calling that dick weed and talking some sense into his dense fucking brain.” Anna picked Gray’s phone up from the table between them.

“Wow,” Gray muttered as she snatched her phone back. “I’m counting on you being my voice of reason, and this is not Reasonable Anna I’m seeing right not. This is V for Vendetta Anna, and she scares me a little.”

Anna slumped in her seat. “I just don’t understand. That man is…”

“Damaged,” she offered.

“Crazy,” Anna finished. “I mean. I just thought he was stronger than this. You know?” Anna smiled at her sympathetically. “I get that he was distraught after his grandmother passed. I get that he was humiliated after the run in with Daddy. I even get that he pushed you away thinking he was shit and would hurt you. But this?” She held the phone up. “
This
I don’t get. He wouldn’t abandon you. He would fight past the bullshit. This is a man who endured and suffered growing up. He’s a survivor. And he’s addicted to you! He can’t stay away from you, so why is he running now?”

Gray shrugged. “You warned me,” she admitted. “I walked into this thinking I could handle it. What was I thinking?” She shook her head.

“Someone gave you the chance to experience something new. You took it. You chose adventure over monotony. We make these decisions sometimes.”

Gray nodded slowly. “I could tell it was bad when I left San Diego. I can’t say I expected
this
, but…” She shrugged again. “I just hate that he’s there alone. His father is a nightmare, and if Jasper has to deal with that on an ongoing basis, it’s going to destroy him. It would destroy anyone. Honestly, Anna, how do children survive this kind of emotional destruction?”

Anna watched her sadly. “You’ve had your heart broken, and you’re still more concerned about his emotional wellbeing… You’re a good girl, you know that?” Anna smiled at her kindly.

Gray’s eyes glossed over, but she smiled. “Maybe I’m just using my concern for him to mask my own hurt.”

Anna nodded. “That’s okay. You’re right, what you said. He’s endured a lot. I was wrong to judge him so harshly when I first met him.”

“You were just worried about me.”

She nodded. “Yes. It’s weird. I almost saw him as this thing back then. Not human, not emotional, but a…”

“Prop,” Gray offered.

Anna nodded sadly. “I thought he was using you. I thought he was taking advantage of you. It turns out, Ian was the one doing that.”

Gray nodded.

“And I think Jasper was actually just falling in love with you.”

Gray shook her head. “No,” she said assertively. “No.”

“Why is that so hard for you to admit?” Anna studied her calmly.

Gray’s eyes filled with tears again, and she shook her head even as her lips pulled up in a deranged smile. “I can’t let myself think that’s true.” Her voice broke, and Anna reached for her hand. “Because that just makes this all the more sad.” She brushed a tear from her cheek. “For both of us.”

“Maybe he’ll come around,” Anna suggested.

Gray shrugged. “Maybe.” One could hope.

* * * *

Gray started trying to call Jasper once a day on the very next day. But he didn’t come around. Not that week, and not the week after. She never left a message when she called, because she was afraid of what she’d say. She was afraid she’d beg. She was afraid she’d cry. She was afraid she’d lash out in anger. She was even just afraid to hear his voice on his voice mail message.

But she called. He’d see her number at least. After a week she gave up hope he’d be answering any of her calls, and she stopped making them. She pretended to move on with her life. She went to the season opener with her new walking boot on her foot, and Daniel held the seat next to him for her. She cried as the curtain fell after the last curtain call, and he reached over taking her hand. He was a kind man, but she suspected they both knew she wouldn’t be up on that stage again.

But she trusted she’d have a place with the company if she wanted it. Daniel had already offered her a teaching position in the academy, and she was mulling it over. It would be a while before she could even manage that. Physical therapy was quite a long process for this injury after all, and while she could now walk without her crutches, she was sore. She met with the therapist three days a week, and every step pulled and ached. She’d started swimming and doing yoga to keep her strength up. Both were modified to reduce the strain on her ankle and required a strong compression wrap to stabilize her tendon, but it gave her a way to release some endorphins.

Anna and she had decided to trade Sunday step aerobics with Sunday lap swimming—Gray primarily using only her upper body to breast stroke through the water, and Anna splashing around like an idiot. Gray even started laughing again—kind of. But after two weeks, her life fell apart again with one fated knock on her door.

“What are you doing here?” She sneered at Ian.

He held a cardboard box out in front on him.

“Your stuff, love.” He smiled almost kindly. “I’m guessing you don’t want me to keep it.” He stepped in, looking around casually as she stumbled to take a step back awkwardly.

“This isn’t a great time for me,” she said.

He looked at her smiling. “Listen, I’m sorry things didn’t work out for us. I’m also sorry I was so cruel when you ended things. I was hurt. But I also don’t want us on bad terms, Gray.”

She took a deep breath and nodded slightly. She hardly thought any of it mattered at this point.

“Dating anyone yet?”

“That’s none of your business.” She watched him calmly.

“Don’t be upset with me.” He held his hands up in placation. “
You
broke the rules, Gray. It’s not like it’s my fault. But even though you hurt me deeply,” he said with mock sadness. “I still want to know you’re happy.” The sincerity lacked a little something, but then … it was Ian; sincerity wasn’t really his thing. “Jas too for that matter. But he seems well. Dating the estate agent handling his dead grandma’s junk from what I hear.”

Her heart stilled in her chest, and she held her breath.

“Of course, in Jasper terms that means he’s fucking her. As you well know, he’s just not the relationship type.” He smiled at her, cocking his head to the side.

Her lips trembled, and she looked down at the ground to hide it.

“You aren’t still hung up on this are you?” He said concernedly.

She shook her head, refusing to look up.

“I’m sorry if he did anything to hurt you, Gray. I really am.”

“I really do have to go—” She glanced up quickly.

“Well, good to see you as always.” He winked, and then he smiled broadly as he left.

She closed the door, and as she leaned against it gasping, her chest started shuddering and her breaths lurched. It hurt. Every piece of her soul felt like it was being torn apart, and she groaned with gritted teeth as she sank to the floor.

Chapter Thirty-Five

“It’s not what I’d call a date, Ian,” Jasper muttered.

Ian had been goading him about this chick for nearly ten minutes, and it was wearing on him. He hated talking to Ian at this point, but oddly, he was compelled to pick up whenever he saw Ian’s name on the screen of his phone. It was as if he was this link to something he couldn’t have, and he was afraid to give up that link. He felt strangely close to Gray when he heard Ian’s voice.

It made no sense of course. He could call Gray anytime he wanted. She’d called him nearly every day the first week they were apart. She’d clearly wanted to talk to him, and he knew he could reach out to her now. He’d not seen her for nearly two weeks, and it felt like an eternity, but however much he missed her, he couldn’t do it.

He was being completely honest when he’d told her he didn’t know how to be around her anymore. He didn’t. He didn’t know how to hear her voice, how to see her, how to even think about her without slipping into despair. She’d never been his. Never. And even the thought of hearing her voice was torturous. He’d fall apart if he did, and so he abstained. He refused to torture himself with her out of self-preservation and nothing more.

But he couldn’t resist this. Ian’s voice. He could slip in a question about her. Off the cuff, casual, nothing more than a random comment. But it was enough. Actually, it wasn’t nearly enough, but it satisfied him in the same way a drop of water satisfied a man dying of thirst. It wasn’t enough, but he’d take it.

“How’s Gray doing? Her physical therapy going okay?” He held his breath, wanting to sound casual.

Ian was silent for a moment. “Yeah, sure. She’s fine,” he said aloofly. “Tell me more about the agent.”

And that was his drop. He closed his eyes, clasping his forehead in his hands and squeezing his temples. He forced himself to breathe silently as his head swam with images of her.

“You listening?” Ian sounded annoyed. “The agent?”

Jas shook his head to clear it. “She’s a friend. She’s interested, and I’m… I don’t know.”

“You don’t know? Since when do you need to
know
in order to stick your cock in something?”

Jasper gnashed his teeth together. “Fine. We hang out a lot. I wouldn’t call it dating at this point. I’m sure we’ll go out sometime. But I’m busy. This sale is happening in two weeks, and it’s… I’d rather not fuck the woman and risk screwing something up before this sale happens.”

Ian laughed. “Now that’s the Jasper I know, though you’re dragging your feet if you haven’t fucked her yet.”

“Listen, I gotta go. She’s going to be here with some art broker to price the cocks, and then we’re going out to dinner.”

“Price the what?” Ian cried.

Jasper finally smiled a little. “That’s what I call all the weird cocker spaniel paintings my grandmother collected. Apparently, some of them are actually worth a good chunk of money.”

Ian laughed. “Later.”

He hopped in the shower quickly, and when he’d just gotten himself dressed and back downstairs, there was a knock on his front door. He opened it to an always radiant and smiling Jane. He’d only known her for two weeks, and he’d been on an emotional roller coaster that entire time, but she at least brought a smile into his life—nearly every day thanks to all the work that went into the estate business.

“Hey.” He smiled at her.

She leaned to him, planting a kiss on his cheek and squeezing his hand. “Jasper, this is Gerald from the Leach and Caffrey Art Gallery in La Jolla. He’s going to help us price some of your grandmother’s more unique pieces.”

He held his hand out to Gerald. “Pleasure to meet you.”

“Likewise. I’ve worked with Jane for a few years now. She speaks highly of you, and I’m very sorry for your recent loss.”

He still got confused when people mentioned his
recent loss
. His mind never quite knew if it should go to his G or to his other G of the Gray persuasion. He almost felt guilty about the confusion, except he knew his grandmother would understand his conflict perfectly. She was, after all, the only person he’d really and truly spoken to about Gray, and he also knew his complete and utter infatuation with Gray had been apparent to his grandmother.

“Thank you.” He stepped back from the door, allowing them both to enter, and he followed them around as they toured the house.

Jane knew this house damn near better than he did, and she’d glance back at him often as they strolled.