The Rules of Supervillainy (The Supervillainy Saga Book 1) (23 page)

“Ultragoddess f-ing sucks in this game!” Gabrielle said, tossing the remote to one side. She had her hair tied in bunches and was wearing one of my many
Star Wars
t-shirts, with no pants on. She had a pair of glasses on which were bigger and more obvious than any normal pair I’d seen. “It’s like playing Ultragod except half the power. Which is B.S. because she’s
stronger
than Ultragod.”

I walked over, wearing a pair of boxers and a carrying a plate of plain cheese pizza. I, personally, liked to kill entire forests of woodland creatures for my pizza but then again I’d never exactly been a strict Kosher Jew. I figured if God could forgive me working on Saturdays, he could forgive me enjoying the delicious taste of unclean animal.

“Public perception is a strong thing,” I said, walking back to the refrigerator in our apartment to get myself a Coca-Cola. We’d been sharing it for the better part of the last three months. “When people think of Ultragoddess, they still think of the teenage girl who guest starred on all the cutesy shows in the Nineties. They don’t think of the girl who managed to throw down with Entropicus one-on-one or who was trained by Guinevere and all the other warriors of the Society since damned near-birth.”

Gabrielle looked over at me. “What do you think of her?”

I popped my drink top and took a swig. “Well, she saved my life so I can’t be too hard on her. On the other hand, I sometimes wonder about your obsession with her. Sometimes, it seems like you love her and other times it’s like you hate her.”

Gabrielle looked at the screen. “Gary, what if I told you I was Ultragoddess.”

It was another moment where all of the little clues came together and her still-light light mesmerism fell away. “Wow. I am a
moron
.”

Gabrielle looked down. “Not really. Isis cast some spells on me to make it harder for people to recognize me. I also use a lot of Ultra-mesmerism to make people unable to put the pieces together. It’s almost unconscious now. I also do my best to project an Ultra-light illusion of myself in most public appearances to add a foot to my features as well as change subtle details so people will be less likely to recognize me. Guinevere does something similar to those with evil intent in their hearts so she can be with her family without fear of reprisal.”

“That’s…terrifying.”

“Is it?” Gabrielle looked at me. She pulled off her glasses. “Gary, do you know how many times my mother was kidnapped?”

I stared at her, wondering where this was going. I was surprisingly cool with her revelation of her identity. I think it was like Luke’s revelation to Leia in, again,
Return of the Jedi
. I’d somehow always known, and it wouldn’t be until it was taken away I would get angry over it. “I remember it being a joke in the schoolyard growing up. Whenever a villain wanted to get at Ultragod, they would kidnap Polly Pratchett. So...a lot?”

“A lot,” Gabrielle said, staring. “What people don’t talk about is those weren’t funny situations. In the 1930s, the Hollywood Haunter tied her to a set of train tracks. Which, again, is the most cliché thing a villain can do. But you know what? Being tied to a set of train tracks with a train coming is
fucking terrifying
. My mom bore the scars well, standing up to the worst of the worst, but if not for the fact Ultragod has a lot of friends and alien technology; she would have been killed or disfigured many times.”

I nodded. “The precautions superhero families have to take is like the Witness Protection Program I understand. The Society of Superheroes relocates their families and friends under assumed identities when they choose to go public. As much as mobsters hate snitches, they hate superheroes more and itch for payback.” That was basic Unusual Criminology 101.

“Mobsters are the least of a superhero’s loved one’s problems,” Gabrielle said. “There’re terrorists, supervillains, aliens, and the fact weirdness just seems to follow you wherever you go. Ninety percent of superhero marriages end in either premature death or divorce because of the stress. The remaining ten percent? Most of them are with fellow superheroes.”

I stared at her. “You found the ring.”

Gabrielle looked on the verge of crying. She pulled out the ring from under her shirt. It was tied to a thin silver chain. “Yeah.”

“I’m not afraid,” I said, finishing my drink. “Let me get on one knee—”

“No.” Gabrielle shook her head. “You’re not afraid, but I am.”

“Gabby,” I took a deep breath, suddenly afraid. Afraid I’d lose her and that was the most terrifying feeling I’d ever have. “Before you, I was angry all the time. I hated the world. I hated myself. I hated everyone else for letting the world become like it is. You know what I did to Shoot-Em-Up. You know what happened to my brother. You know...everything. You don’t understand but it was dark before and when I’m with you....when we’re together.” I struggled for the right words. “It doesn’t hurt anymore.”

I was crying now.

So was Gabrielle. The tears were running down her cheek. “Gary,
they know
. I’ve been careless. If a B-Lister like the Cackler can figure it out, then others will and they’ll target you. They’ll target your family. They’ll target everyone around you. I’m going into space on a peacekeeping mission soon and I won’t be here to protect you. I need people to think we’ve broken up and you mean nothing to me.”

I slammed my fist into the back of the refrigerator. “Then let’s fool them. Pretend to break up. I’ll change my name, fake my death, or create a new identity. Hell, I’ll
become
a superhero. Whatever you need. I don’t care how long you’re away as long as you come back to me!”

“I won’t lose you to violence. I’d rather not have you at all than that.” Gabrielle was bawling now. She stared at me. “Look into my eyes.”

I did, instinctively.

And then found myself in an empty apartment, cleaned out of her stuff with hours having passed and a vague sense we’d broken up.

I cried until morning.

Then got angry and made a silent vow to hold onto the anger harder and tighter than ever.

It was easy.

That was when I passed from the mist.

I woke up getting mouth-to-mouth from Gabrielle. Which was an awkward and pleasant enough situation from my perspective to qualify as adultery. Gently pushing her away before she started chest compressions, I coughed.

“I’m not dead,” I said, taking a deep breath. “Yet. No need for cosmic retcons of the universe, necromancy, turning me into a vampire, or revealing that I’m actually a clone of the original Gary Karkofsky.”

Gabrielle looked at me, smiling. She then frowned. “You know, you joke about that, but all of that stuff has actually happened to my friends. None of it was very funny.”

I grimaced. “Yeah, sorry I suppose it wouldn’t be.”

We were on top of a roof in New Avalon, overlooking much of the devastation wrecked by Gog and Magog. None of the other Shadow Seven were present and I was surprised to find myself worried about them.

“How are the others?” I asked, turning back to her.

“Alive,” Gabrielle said, looking up at the barely intact dome. Some of the energy projecting heroes were patching up the damage from stray supervillain blasts or attempts to kill everyone by a nihilistic few. “Everyone took a major banging but, aside from General Venom, no one suffered any serious injuries. He suffered a broken spine and would be paralyzed if not for the fact he’s cybernetic like the Prismatic Commando.”

“A pity, the ex-terrorist could have died a hero.”

“He made a lot of mistakes,” Gabrielle said, looking into my eyes. “That was before he found religion and became a man of peace. I don’t believe anyone is beyond redemption.”

“I do,” I said, staring at her. “But we’re not talking about him, are we?”

“Gary, I know I don’t have any right to ask—”

I sighed and sat up “You’re right, you don’t. You gave up that right when you decided to make up my mind for me.”

Gabrielle blinked. “I suppose I deserve that.”

“And worse,” I said, sighing. “However, I’m not so much of an asshat that I’m going to get anything but hate and self-loathing from being cruel to a person I…” I paused. Using the l-word would open a can of worms, and another for good measure. I wasn’t the sort of guy who cheated on his loved ones. Even when I’d been cheated on, mostly by Cindy, I hadn’t returned the favor.

I hadn’t cared enough to get mad over it, either.

I cared very much how Mandy felt.

“I see,” Gabrielle said, probably getting more from my hesitation than I intended to share. “Are you happy?”

“Being a supervillain or being married to Mandy?”

“Yes.”

I took a deep breath, considering my answer. “As ill-conceived stupid life-choices I might choose to blame on an early-onset mid-life crisis go, becoming a supervillain has proven to have its ups and downs. I’ve been involved in some truly amazing stuff, much more fun than working as a bank teller. It’s also nearly gotten me killed a half-dozen times in as many days. I’m not sure I’m going to be able to keep up with the pace, if this is going to be my life from now on. On the other hand, I don’t feel like I’m sleepwalking through life anymore. I’ve seized control of my destiny even if it’s a destiny which is trying to beat me in the face with a pair of brass knuckles. So, you could say my feelings are mixed.”

I pointedly didn’t answer her question about Mandy and me. I knew the answer, I just didn’t know how to tell her.

Gabrielle smiled. “Supervillain or hero, you’ve saved a lot of lives today.”

“Don’t tell anyone else about that.”

“I’ll let it be known you were leading the Shadow Seven and we formed a temporary alliance to get rid of Gog and Magog only for you to backstab me at the first opportunity. It’ll increase everyone’s street cred considerably.”

I blinked. “You’d do that for me?”

“I have some experience dealing with career criminals, Gary. Remember, people may think of me as a Pollyanna but I lead a covert black ops superhero team which exists for the purposes of doing the jobs. I’m not one to make moral judgements.”

I looked at her. “There’s a difference between your team and the Extreme, Gabrielle. You fought to protect people. They fought to fight.”

“My team also fights for a paycheck, perks, and hopes of eventually getting out of jail. Bronze Medalist is only on the team because he likes to fight and wasn’t getting enough combat time with the Society’s main team. The Silver Lightning’s influence, I suspect. The Human Tank will probably earn her freedom only to be pulling off jewelry store robberies in a few months’ time. This is her third time being incarcerated.”

“Some people never learn, I guess,” I said, shaking my head.

“Your brother was on the original incarnation of the team, back when it was in the service of the Foundation for World Harmony. Before my time.”

I blinked, looking up. “Really?”

Gabrielle nodded. “The stories about your brother you told me made me think not all supervillains were like Tom Terror and his cronies. With the governments all closing ranks and working on becoming more repressive, I figured I’d revive the program and see if we could use it to do some good. A couple of toppled dictatorships, a wrecked Exterminator droid program, six destroyed P.H.A.N.T.O.M bases, and a freed prison camp or two make me think we’re doing a good job.”

“It’s going to take a while to adjust my mental image of you to include badass commando, Ultragoddess, and my geeky ex-girlfriend. You’re like Sarah Connor meets Willow Rosenberg meets a black Michelle Rodriguez who can fly.”

“Thanks...I think.”

“So, how is the prison escape?” I asked, wondering if we were chatting things up as things continued to go to hell.

“Thwarted, so far,” Gabrielle said, frowning. “There’re dozens dead. Maybe as many as a hundred and they were people we knew. Casualties could have been much worse but there’s at least one advantage of being in a place filled with superheroes and that’s people who look after civilians first. More than a few prisoners are missing, though, including Tom Terror. There’s missing equipment, too, though nothing too big. Security systems are down, though.”

I cursed, hating the fact Tom had probably gotten away with his plan. At least he hadn’t gotten the Power Nullifier he’d sent me to fetch. “I’m sorry that bastard got away.”

I regretted ever agreeing to team up with him.

I bet most villains felt the same way after they did.

Why did he have such luck recruiting them again?

“
Because you’re criminals who never learn from your mistakes
,” Cloak said.

“Hush you,” Gabrielle returned. “It’s possible Tom hasn’t gotten away, actually.”

“Oh?”

“Light manipulation is one of the powers granted by the Ultra-Force, Gary,” Gabrielle explained. “Tom Terror could have used it to fly out into space and down to Earth at any time, but that’s not who he is. He thinks he could have conquered the Earth and turned it into the capital of a vast interstellar human-o-centric galactic empire by now, if not for my father.”

“Mostly because it’s true.” I pointed out. Tom Terror was fully capable of toppling alien empires and building his own. He was just too stubborn to realize it would be better to operate on another world than keep trying to hash it out on the one planet which had the brainpower and muscle to stop him.

“I think he’s probably still around,” Gabrielle said, looking around. “Invisible and cloaked from all forms of detection. He won’t try to leave until he’s taken a shot at trying to kill my father again.”

“Or his loved ones,” I said. “He almost killed you while you were fighting Magog.”

“Almost,” Gabrielle said. “Which, with a dollar, will buy him a bag of chips. He’s smart enough not to come at me directly. Unlike my dad, I’d send him on a one-way-ticket to Hell. Something he richly deserves.”

I couldn’t disagree with her there. Ironic. “So, what’s my situation? Am I to go back to my cell?”

“My father would insist,” Gabrielle said. “So would the rest of the Society’s Inner Council. Which is why I’m going to authorize you to go anywhere you want to go in New Avalon, including my father’s room. There, you’ll find a teleporter which will take you straight down to Earth. It’s his private one, separate from all the locked down ones which run off the central power grid.”

She was sending me to the same one Tom Terror had intended to do so. “Thank you, Gabby. That’s not going to stop your father from picking me up tomorrow, though. I’m not sure I know where to hide on Earth that is far enough away from your father.”

“Nowhere,” Gabrielle said, chuckling. “He’s kept an eye on you since we dated. Moses checks in on you once a day. I think he may have had Isis cast a tracking spell on you too.”

I narrowed my eyes. “That son of a... no wonder he found me so quickly!”

Cloak laughed in my head.

I really wished I was back in the mists, so I could punch him in the face.

“
That’s a fair cop
.”

“I’ll talk to the Inner Council about it. You saved a lot of lives here and that’s going to count for a lot. There’s also the fact half of the city just watched you kill a Nephilim. We may be a group composed of heroes but no one here is stupid either. Between those who are grateful for what you did and those who think you’re out of their league, I doubt many superheroes are going to want to come down to capture you personally. You may still be on the books as a criminal but I imagine they’ll leave it to local law enforcement.”

“I can deal with that,” I said, nodding.

“Don’t underestimate them,” Gabrielle said, offering her hand to me. “As much as I hate to say it, there’re superheroes who sympathize with the Extreme, and would call me a hypocrite for believing in lethal force but not their way of unlimited total warfare against supervillains. That’s not even covering the government super-soldier and anti-terrorist teams they’re building. You need to be careful they don’t start raining down black ops against you or your family. Make friends, bribe someone, or learn to lay low.”

I took it and the two of us stood up. I was still a bit winded from my exertions fighting Magog but I’d felt worse even before getting superpowers.

“You’re telling me to be paranoid about the government?” I asked, looking at her.

“Gary, I used to think you were the kookiest conspiracy theorist this side of Fox Mulder,” Gabrielle said, pointing at my chest. “Now? After five more years of being a fully active S.O.S. operative? I don’t think you were paranoid
enough
.”

Okay, that was... terrifying.

“I’ll watch for drones and missile strikes,” I said, crossing my heart. “Also, giant robots who might smash their hands into my bedroom window at night.”

“I hate those things,” Gabrielle said, in all seriousness. “If you’re genuinely happy about being a supervillain, Gary, I support you as your friend and hope you’ll carry it out with the same good heart I know you bring to everything else. I may even have some team-ups for you in the future, if you want.”

“Really? You support me that much?”

“Of course, I think this is a blindingly stupid idea and you’re throwing your life away,” Gabrielle said, crossing her arms. “Seriously, you could do so much more on the other side of the law.”

“See? That’s more the reaction I expected.”

“The sane one?”

I paused. “Perhaps. Still, I’m not quite ready to hang up my Reaper’s Cloak just yet.” Not that I could if I wanted to.

Gabrielle just shook her head. “Do you want me to give you a lift over to the residential quarters?”

I looked from my position there. There weren’t a lot of civilians or superheroes nearby. “Nah, I think I can make it. Besides, I want to avoid being spotted in a too friendly position with one of the world’s most beloved superheroines. They might get the wrong idea.”

“And what idea is that?” Gabrielle joked.

I paused. I couldn’t let that go. I had to answer her other question.

“You asked me if I was happy with my marriage to Mandy. The answer is yes.”

Gabrielle was silent. “I see.”

“It’s not perfect. We’re not perfect. God knows, I’m not perfect. However, we’ve had a good five year run. Which is better than most nowadays. She’s a hero, too, though she hasn’t gone out to get any spandex just yet.”

“You realize superheroes don’t actually wear spandex, right? We wear alien polymers which provide protection against the elements while also capable of being covered in illusion spells that make it look sexy.”

“Really? That’s why everyone looks like they’ve gone to the gym or had plastic surgery?”

“Quite often. No one wants to look unattractive when the eyes of the world’s population are upon you,” Gabrielle said, looking down at her chest. “There’re other methods too. This is mostly a wonder bra.”

“I seem to recall...” I bit my tongue. No, Gary. Bad. “The thing is, though. Yeah, I’m happy.”

“I’m glad,” Gabrielle said.

She was lying.

I understood her feelings.

But they didn’t change anything.