The Road to Mercy (7 page)

In his favorite picture, his mother glowed. Her beautiful smile lit up her face as she held him, an infant no more than three months old. He saw that he had a striking resemblance to both his parents. His dark wavy hair and olive skin came from his mother, but the blue eyes reflected in the mirror each morning were like his father’s. Perhaps too much so and that was why Grandfather was so hard on him. He must have hated the man who took his daughter away.

Or, perhaps, Isaac considered, he was walking in his mother’s shoes. Had she endured the same childhood he now lived?

If only she could tell him how well he was doing.

Are you sure you don’t want to go out to eat?” Josh asked.

“No,” Beth growled back at him. “I can do it.” She threw a pan into the sink with a loud clatter.

Josh had watched her moods go up and down during the past three days, but this was the worst he had seen. “Honey, I’m not saying you can’t. I’m just suggesting it would be easier if we go out.”

“I’m sorry my cooking isn’t as good as the gourmet food you eat on the road.” She shot him a disdainful look. “It works just fine for me when you’re gone.”

She turned her back to him and wiped her cheek with a dishtowel. Her shoulders began to twitch and heave, and then he heard muffled sobs.

The moods always played out after the tears came, and then a sense of normalcy returned. Although a tired and melancholy version. He hated to see what the prescription drugs were doing to her. She was up one minute and down the next.

He approached his wife and laid his hand on her shoulder. She turned to embrace him, and he stroked her hair.

“Are you okay?”

She nodded, pulled away, and rubbed her eyes. “Yes. But I’m not sure why I, why we, have to go through this.”

“We’ll make it.” He assured her, while trying to reassure himself.

“I know. Somehow.” She nodded and pulled away to return to her meal preparation.

Josh walked back to the table and took a seat on the bench. He knew the situation was difficult for Beth too. But the responsibility of it all scared him. He had to be strong for both of them.

He had so many questions. So many doubts, about the kind of long-term damage the drugs were inflicting. God had been gracious to give him Beth when he needed her most, just before he lost his mother to a devastating illness and less than a year before his father passed away from grief and exhaustion.

Josh had hoped for a family of his own since losing his parents. But not under these circumstances. Beth interrupted his thoughts as she set two plates on the table, one in front of him.

“It looks great, honey,” he said.

She sat opposite him, and he held her hand across the table while he said grace. The food smelled delicious. Beth had made one of his favorite meals. Meatloaf, mashed potatoes, and corn. He picked up his fork and took a big bite of the meatloaf. He had looked forward to eating Beth’s home cooking the entire time he was away.

The mealy texture of the hamburger shocked him back to reality. His first impulse was to spit it out. But Beth was beaming, proud of her accomplishment. He rolled the soggy mixture around in his mouth. It would have been tasteless except for scorched places on the bottom crust. He took a long drink of iced tea and swallowed.

Beth watched him dig into the mound of mashed potatoes on his plate. He smiled back at her. He could make a meal of mashed potatoes anytime.
But not these potatoes
. They were lumpy, which wasn’t so bad. But Beth must have salted them twice. They were almost intolerably seasoned. How would he make it through the meal without hurting his wife’s feelings?

He took a small bite of the corn.
Sweet and delicious
. Thank God for Del Monte.

“This is great,” he said. “Would you please pass the corn, honey?”

She smiled and handed the bowl back to him. He piled more of the golden kernels onto his plate, practically smothering his potatoes and meatloaf.

“You’re eating a lot of corn,” she said, her expression wavering.

“For some reason I’ve been craving it.” He whispered a silent prayer for forgiveness of his little white lie. “Thanks for cooking for me.”

She smiled. “You’re welcome!”

His wife had gone out of her way to fix supper when she didn’t feel well, and he would fill his stomach with sweet corn. Even though his stomach complained, his heart overflowed with love for her.

“Do you think we’ll get through this?” Josh asked Alex while they stood in the backyard watching Buster running at warp speed.

The little black-and-white terrier scampered like a streaker at a football game, dodging trees and bushes as he ran. The chilly weather always invigorated him.

Josh too. The clear crispness of the air would have made for a perfect football game day. But, instead of watching his favorite sport on television or at Bryant-Denny Stadium in Tuscaloosa, Alabama, he was discussing his wife’s bizarre behavior with their neighbor. Alex had stayed with Beth this morning while he ran errands, and she knew what he was facing.

“God will get you through it.”

“Us. You’re in the midst of this battle too.”

“We can make it a day at a time,” she said.

Alex was one of the most positive Christians he knew, even when circumstances didn’t warrant optimism. “Nights are worse than daytime. She’s had some terrible nightmares. Even getting out of bed and acting . . . strangely.” Josh wasn’t sure how to describe Beth’s manic actions.

“Sleepwalking?”

“Yes, I guess that’s what it is.”

“It’s likely the medication. She’ll grow more tolerant after a while.”

“That’s what I’m afraid of.” Josh shook his head. “I don’t know the long-term effect of those drugs. On her, or the baby. And I worry she could accidentally take an overdose. I have it hidden so she can’t get to it.”

“I’ll keep everything with me in the spare bedroom while you’re away. I’ll spend every night, for as long as I’m needed.”

“Thank you.” Josh heard his voice crack. The thought of Beth being alone in the house terrified him.

“No problem.” Alex picked up a tennis ball lying on the ground in front of her. She studied it. “I’ll move my things in tonight before you leave.”

“I appreciate your help.” He inhaled from deep within his diaphragm, trying to calm his nerves. “I don’t know what we would do without you.”

“I’m glad to do it. I can work on art projects in my room when she’s napping. Besides, you’re paying me, remember?” She threw the tennis ball to Buster. The little terrier tackled it with a kangaroo bounce and then taunted Alex with a wag of his tail. Dancing on his back legs, he twisted his butt and begged for another game of catch. “Besides, how hard is it to help a friend?” She rubbed Buster on the top of his head and threw the ball again, sending him running off into the yard.

“You don’t take compliments well, do you?”

Alex blushed. “I’m just happy to help. It’s no big deal. Beth needs someone with her, and I’ve got extra time on my hands at the moment. God works out the timing in our lives.”

Josh’s stomach growled out loud. His turn to blush.

“Hey, I made a pot of chili this afternoon. Why don’t I bring it over for your and Beth’s supper?”

“I wasn’t hinting, I promise.” He grinned. “But, if it’s not an imposition, that would be great. We’ve been eating my cooking for the last three days.” No need to mention the failed attempt at supper Beth had made the night before. “We won’t accept, however, if you don’t join us.”

“Okay, I’ll be right back.” She turned toward her house and shouted over her shoulder. “Did I mention it was tofu chili?”

Josh frowned.

“You’ll love it. Really.” She laughed.

Alex and her health food
. At least it would be better than a frozen dinner or a bowl of cereal.

Beth lifted a spoonful of chili to her lips but the smell turned her stomach. “Do we have any Doritos?” She looked from Josh to Alex. “The nacho cheese kind?”

“That’s all you’ve been eating for two days,” Josh scolded her.

“I want them. And chocolate milk too. Do we have chocolate milk?”

Alex almost spit out her iced tea. “I hope you don’t eat Doritos and drink chocolate milk together.”

“What’s wrong with that?” Beth growled. She was tired of people telling her what to eat, what to do.

“Withdraw my last statement, your honor. I didn’t mean to offend you.” Alex suppressed a grin.

“I don’t see the humor in any of this. I’m sick of being laughed at—and treated like a child.”

“Don’t be rude to our guest.” Josh glared at her. “Alex is only trying to help.”

“I don’t need help, thank you very much.” Beth tried to stand but her feet became tangled. When she fell back into her seat, the tears began to flow.

Not again. Why did she always have to cry?

Josh frowned and offered his napkin.

Alex offered an apology.

“Beth, I’m sorry. Really. I didn’t mean to upset you. I was just teasing. If you want to eat Doritos every day, it’s up to you. Sometimes I try to mother people I love. I can’t help it. I was raised in a Jewish family, you know.”

Beth dabbed her eyes with the napkin. Alex could almost always make her smile. “I’m the one who should be sorry. I’m not sure what’s happening to me.” She took a deep breath. “There’s too much going on, too many changes. My illness. The baby. Taking a leave from my job. I feel like I’m out of control.”

“We both feel that way, honey.” Josh reached for her hand. The warmth of it calmed her rattled nerves. She leaned back into the wooden banquette.

“You both have a lot on you right now,” Alex said. “Let me do the dishes while the two of you have some together time.” She scrambled out of the booth, picking up utensils, plates, and bowls on her way to the sink.

“No. Let me do it.” Josh grabbed the dirty dishes from her hands. “You and Beth go on into the living room.”

Beth winked at Alex. “Is he a great husband or what?”

“He even eats tofu.” Alex pretended to whisper, but her words were loud enough for Josh to hear.

“Are you sure that was tofu?” Josh asked with a smile on his face. “It was delicious.”

“We girls never share our secrets, do we, Bethany?” Alex laughed.

Beth swallowed hard and fought back the realization that, if she wanted to find complete forgiveness, she must eventually reveal one of her most guarded secrets.

Only then could she let go of the niggling guilt inside her.

Josh heard the girls laughing and talking in the other room as he cleaned the kitchen. An unexplained peace settled over him knowing that Alex would be staying with Beth while he was away. Family couldn’t do it. Alex had been an answer to prayer. Even before those prayers had been prayed.

God had led him and Beth to the house next door to Alexandra Hayes. His perfect plan set in place for the day she would fulfill a special need in their lives.

He ran his fingers through his hair. It would be so easy to become anxious over the circumstances, but he had to stay focused on the knowledge that God would provide.

Luke 12:31, He will give you everything you need
had been his mother’s favorite verse. He wanted to trust the Lord as much
as she had. He wished he could share his concerns with her right now, to seek her guidance. She would tell him to pray and to keep his confidence in God.