The River's Edge (17 page)

Reds and I came in right behind the black-haired girl and her
partner, and we fell in the grass, legs still tied together, laughing. We were
sweating on each other and I was acutely aware of his leg against mine.

“We won,” Julie said with her hands up in the air. She chose a
stuffed bear as her prize and she walked around with that thing like she was a
queen.

I looked at her with a sideways glance. “Cheater,” I said, but no
one heard me but Reds, who gave me a knowing smile. 

“We’ll get them next time,” Reds said. “And we won’t have to cheat
to win.”

Wendy walked up to us. “Let’s go back to the cottage before the
fireworks. I have to use the bathroom.”

Julie overheard and took over as usual. “Yeah, me too. Let’s take
a break and meet back here around seven to watch the fireworks.” She looked
around at everyone. “Sound good?”

As her loyal subjects, we all nodded silently.

Back at the cottage Uncle Butch was sulking in his chair. It was a
little after four.

Paige was sitting on the couch, playing with Wendy’s Barbie doll.

Aunt Lori came out to greet us. “Having fun, girls?”

“Having a great time,” I said, sitting next to Paige, placing her
between me and Uncle Butch. Wendy sat on the other side so that now I had them
both as a buffer.

“You’re missing everything, Daddy,” Paige said.

Uncle Butch nodded at Paige, but he didn’t smile. His eyes washed
over me in a way that made me feel like I needed a shower. I was ashamed of
myself when he looked at me, his eyes exploring every inch of my body. I had
long given up wearing the dresses that Wendy had lent me in exchange for my own
tomboy clothes, but that didn’t matter to him.

He was quiet. Then, as if trying to figure something out, he
asked, “How do you suppose a snake got into the cottage?” His tone was
accusatory. He was staring at me, even though Wendy and Paige were sitting
right next to me.

His face seemed to be caving in on itself, like a pug dog. He
paused after every few words. His question sounded like: “How . . . do you
suppose . . . a snake . . . got into the cottage?”

I guess he had all afternoon alone to think about it. He was a
regular mathematician, putting two and two together like that. Or as Lisa would
say, a “math-magician.” Yeah, he was a regular Sherlock Holmes. I knew I would
pay if he ever found out I was the master mind behind the snake prank. And I
didn’t want to know what he’d do if he found out.

Wendy gave me a worried look. I thought about it for a minute. How
were we going to get out of this one? But my anger matched his.

“I don’t know . . . Uncle Butch. Maybe the way all snakes get
anywhere. It crawled in.”

“You better watch yourself, young lady.”

“Yeah, that’s what I’m trying to do.” I walked into the kitchen,
feeling victorious and scared at the same time. I knew I had just poked the
bear.

Chapter Twenty One

Fireworks

I WAS ANXIOUS THE rest of the afternoon, waiting for it to get
late enough to go to the fireworks. To put some distance between me and The
Monster.

Finally, the time arrived and at seven, Wendy and I left the
cottage to meet up with the gang. Everyone was there except Julie, but I didn’t
care. I felt anxious when she was around. We all jockeyed for the best position
on the grass in front of the pavilion. Tommy saved a seat next to him for Julie
and I felt sorry for him again. But maybe he shouldn’t have felt Julie up and
then pressured her to do more. I had the urge to tell Reds a couple of times
but every time I started to tell him, I got interrupted.

Over a hundred people scattered across the lawn waiting for the
fireworks. I felt the excitement rise up inside me. I was fully aware that
Reds’ leg was touching mine as we sat crossed-legged beside each other. I
didn’t know whether to move my leg away from his or not. It was one of the few
times I had seen him without his baseball cap and his loose curls outlined his
face. I thought he looked cute.

He smiled and put his arm around my waist, but it wasn’t enough
for him. He leaned over and kissed me. I panicked. Would it ever be enough for
him? What if he wanted what Uncle Butch wanted? More than just a kiss. Don’t
guys always want more? Like Tommy with Julie. I knew what the “more” was and I
wanted no part of it.

But I liked Reds. And he was gentle. And I liked his kiss.

He reached for me, but not in the urgent way of Uncle Butch. He
took my hand into his own, interlocking them like a puzzle piece. It was as if
he was trying to put me back together again.

A few minutes later Julie showed up. “Hey you guys,” she greeted
everyone, then looked at Reds and me and smiled. “Don’t you two look cute
together.” She plopped down next to Tommy, waiting for the night to turn dark.

After fifteen minutes as the sky darkened, Alice and Aunt Lori
walked up to our circle with the kids in tow.

We stood up to greet them. Cody, Callie, and Paige were bathed in
the light of their sparklers. I smelled the burning and heard the sizzle of the
sparklers, and when they sparked out, Aunt Lori lit six more for them. They had
one in each hand and were circling them around in front of them, lighting up
our faces in the growing darkness. The fire was fascinating, a spectacular
show, sparking and flaming in the darkness like an actress mesmerizing her
audience.

Off in the distance, firecrackers exploded and it sounded like
gunfire. Everywhere I looked, groups of people were waiting. Most of them had
sparklers or firecrackers. In the darkness and surrounded by people, I felt a
sense of peace, standing next to Reds. He leaned into me and squeezed my hand.
In that moment, I saw my reflection in his eyes. I wasn’t the girl I saw
reflected in the darkness of Uncle Butch’s eyes. He looked at me as if I had
angel wings, like I was someone to be adored.

The fireworks started, and my sense of peace gave way to
excitement. Dozens of sparkling circles appeared in many different colors, and
a loud boom followed that echoed in my heart. The sky lit up with dozens of
flowering dandelions. No sooner had they started to disappear, another batch of
blooms shot up into the sky.

The fireworks were like a spectacular flashlight shining down on
my heart. A memory rushed into my head. A memory I didn’t want and couldn’t
shake. The fireworks looked just like the dandelion puffs I blew at my dad when
I was little. The thought of me never saying goodbye to him stung me. I tried
to push the memory out of my mind but I couldn’t. I’m too old to blow dandelion
puffs now, but if I ever saw him again, I would tell him how much I loved that
memory. How much I loved him. And even though I was still mad at him for
leaving, he was a way better father than Wendy’s. And if Wendy ever found out
what her father did to me, we would both be fatherless. That made me sad. Made
me worry that I was becoming like my mother.

“Look, Mom,” Paige said, pointing up.

“Isn’t it beautiful, honey?” Aunt Lori said.

After twenty minutes, explosions boomed one after the other as the
whole sky lit up before us. I felt a quick thrill as the finale enveloped me,
the booms bursting in my heart. The booms echoed in my chest so strong it felt
like a revolution was forming inside of me. It was as if the noise bouncing
around in my chest had restarted my heart, a charge coursing through my veins.

Red’s face was glowing from the bright lights, and he never looked
more beautiful. In that moment, I was just a girl with a crush on a boy. I
thought of nothing else but him. Not the look on Uncle Butch’s face when he was
sweating above me. Not the sound of Aunt Lori singing her song of denial, nor
the shadows that haunted my mother.

I wasn’t going to let Uncle Butch define me anymore.

I was going to Be Brave and declare my independence.

Chapter Twenty Two

A Man and
His Castle

TUESDAY ARRIVED, AND Uncle Butch’s knee was better and he could
drive to work again. He still limped around a little but he was walking on it
all the same.

After work, Uncle Butch came into the porch. The first thing he
said was, “I’m going to take Chris to the house so she can call her mother.” It
was like he had been thinking about this moment all day.

The bear wanted revenge.

“Only if Wendy comes with me,” I said. There was an edge to my
voice, which made Aunt Lori stop what she was doing.

Before Uncle Butch could object, Aunt Lori said, “That’s a good
idea. As a matter of fact, we’ll all go and we can stop at White Castle for
dinner.”

“Yay!” Paige said. “I love White Castle.”

“What? I don’t think that’s a good idea,” Uncle Butch said, his
smile gone.

“Yes, we’re all going. I don’t feel like cooking and I’m dying to
get out of this cottage. There are a few things I need at the house too.” She
looked at Paige. “Get your shoes on, honey.”

The three of us girls crowded into the back seat and Aunt Lori got
in on the passenger side. It took longer than the usual fifteen minutes because
of traffic and I was glad when we finally got to the house. I stretched my legs
out a few seconds before going inside.

Aunt Lori and Uncle Butch were in the kitchen. I didn’t see Wendy
or Paige, but the TV was on. I picked up the phone and called my mom.

“Chris!” she exclaimed. “Why didn’t you call me on Saturday? I’ve
been so worried.”

“Yeah, well, that makes two of us.” I was getting a smart mouth
and I wasn’t the only one who noticed. Aunt Lori and Uncle Butch noticed too.
They stopped what they were doing and looked at me. Especially Uncle Butch. I
was glad he was noticing. I wanted to put a scare into him.

“Is everything all right?” Her words were hurried, her breaths were
quick.

“Mom. Calm down. Everything is fine. I couldn’t call on Saturday
because Uncle Butch hurt his knee and couldn’t drive me to the house.”

“Is he okay?”

“Yeah, he’s fine. But he couldn’t drive until today.” I paused. I
knew they were listening but I just didn’t care anymore. “Mom, I want to come
home. I mean it. I’m not pussy-footing around anymore.”

“Chris? This doesn’t sound like you.”

Aunt Lori busied herself by collecting food from the kitchen
cabinets while Uncle Butch popped open a beer. He leaned against the kitchen
counter, watching me with The Evil Eye. I know they were both still listening.

I needed to proceed with caution or else I would get the sausage
finger across the neck too.

“Yeah, Mom. It does sound like me. I’ve been telling you all
summer I want to come home, but you’re not listening. You need to listen to me
now. Got it?” I knew I sounded terse but I didn’t know how else to get through
to her.

“What has gotten in to you?”

I backed down a little. I still felt bad for her after all. “Nothing,
Mom. I’m just really worried about you. And Dad.”

“What makes you bring up your dad, sweetie? He’ll be home soon.”

God. I didn’t know which was worse with their denial. My mom or my
aunt.

“I know about the divorce, Mom. Uncle Butch told me.”

Aunt Lori cut a look at Uncle Butch. He glared at me. I was what
my mom called, “walking a thin line.”

“He did, did he? Don’t believe everything you hear. I’m still
working on it.”

Well, I hope she was working on getting rid of that secretary that
he always seemed to be taking his business trips with. That would be a start.
She also needed to work on finding him a new job that would keep him home more.
Then she needed to work on not being so depressed all the time so he would want
to stay home in the first place. But that would take miracles. I didn’t see it
happening.

“Okay. Just work on coming to get me, too. Okay?”

“Okay, honey. I will. I love you.”

After I hung up the phone, Wendy yelled from the family room,
“Chris, come here.”

No way. I didn’t want to feel the fabric of the couch as it
scratched my bare skin and I didn’t want to see that damned photograph that
burned my eyes out.

“No, Wendy. It’s time to go eat dinner,” Aunt Lori said. Then she
turned to me. “Sweetie, I didn’t know you wanted to go home so badly. We’ll
have a talk soon, okay?”

I nodded and I knew it shook Uncle Butch to death when he heard it
because it shook me too.

Chapter Twenty Three

The River
Runs Red

WE GOT BACK as the sun was setting. Aunt Lori didn’t bring up The
Talk, so we went to the game room to meet up with our friends like we did most
nights.

We played pinball while the guys played pool. The radio was on,
but I wasn’t in the mood for music. It just seemed to break my heart now.

I had the right flipper and Wendy had the left as we tried to get
that crazy silver ball back up to the top of the game to score more points.
Lights were flashing and bells were ringing. I leaned into the game and moved
my body in the direction I wanted that ball to go, but we still lost.

Julie was going to meet us after her job of life-guarding. She
pushed through the screen door in a hurry. She was still in her red one piece
bathing suit. “I guess you’re not worried about your uncle,” Julie said,
panting.

“What do you mean? He’s at the cottage,” I said.

“Really? I just saw him walking toward the river. He had your
kitten in his arms,” she said.

“Wait . . . What?” I asked. It took me a second to process.

“He was carrying Oreo.” 

“But why was he going toward the river?” I asked. Oh God, he was
going to get his revenge after all.

There was a short silence between us before reality hit me. I
panicked. What if he was really going to drown Oreo? “I have to save him,” I
yelled.

I raced to the river without waiting to see if the others
followed. I ran like my mother, I ran like I was running a marathon. I would
never forgive myself if I let Uncle Butch drown Oreo—just as I knew I would
never forgive him for stealing
home
from me.

By the time I reached the top of the path that led to the river,
Uncle Butch was returning. I ran directly toward him. The brush closed in
around us and we were barely visible from the cottages. The sky was
blood-stained and his face was pinned to the fireball hanging above us.

I broke into a thousand pieces, each fragment screaming.
Okay,
I say it. I give in. I say Uncle! Are you happy now?

“What did you do with him?” I asked, pounding my fists on his
chest.

“Aren’t you a feisty one,” Uncle Butch said, grabbing my hands. He
forced my hands behind my back. His hands were like chains against my skin,
pulling me down. Then he kissed me on the mouth. His lips were wet, and his
teeth scraped against mine.

I struggled, trying to release myself from his grasp, but he overpowered
me. I leaned away from him, trying to pull him off balance. When that didn’t
work, I was enraged. I squirmed and screamed, “No!”

He laughed at me, and I fought harder, but my strength was no
match for his. I continued to squirm, determined not to let him have his way
with me anymore. My anger was blinding me.

Suddenly, I fell back and my hands were free. Reds was standing
behind Uncle Butch, holding a big tree limb. Evidently he had hit him with it.

I regained my balance and kicked Uncle Butch between his legs.
“I’m going to tell everyone what you did to me!”

Then I saw it. The realization in Reds’ eyes. It only took a
second, but I knew he had figured it out. I could see all his emotions: the
hurt, the fear, the pain. He looked at me, and I was no longer the angel he saw
during the fireworks. I knew right then that I would never fit into his perfect
penny world. I would always be the flattened penny that my mom gave me,
something different than what I used to be.

Reds held the tree limb like he was ready to
swing a baseball bat. His face was the color of ripe tomatoes and his knuckles
were white from holding the branch so tight. He swung the branch at Uncle Butch
and I heard a whack as part of it splintered off and flew past me, just missing
my head. He didn’t even notice the near collision because he was so focused on
beating my uncle repeatedly across the back with the branch.

Every time Reds took a swing at him, Uncle Butch screamed, “No!
Stop!”

The same words I had said to him.

A few minutes later, the rest of the gang appeared. Wendy saw me
crying and her Dad bent over and beat up, I could tell her loyalties seemed
divided.

Tommy took the branch away from Reds and pushed him back a little
while the rest of the gang surrounded him, blocking him from Uncle Butch.

Oreo popped into my head. I ran as fast as I could toward the
river, toward the horizon, leaving everyone behind in confusion.  

I walked to the river’s edge and searched for Oreo.

I yelled for all I was worth. “Oreo! Or-ree-oh!”

I followed the line of the bank in case he washed up. It was
empty. The water tempted me. Muddy and maddening, it had its own way of
speaking to me.

The water lapped at the edge of the shoreline, pulsing in and out
as regular as a beating heart. The waning sun painted the sky red and bled into
the water. I heard the crickets hum in the warm summer air. It was quickly
turning dark. My anxiety got worse as I searched for my kitten. I wasn’t a good
mama any more.

I saw Oreo floating by, but as my vision became clearer, Oreo
turned into a log. I was relieved, but still uncertain of his safety.

I walked to the river’s edge where I stripped my shoes and socks
off. I put my feet in the cold water and my feet disappeared into the muddy
bottom.

Tears filled my eyes and dropped into the river. The water
absorbed my fear and carried it away, and the recent events washed from my
mind. I turned, travelling with the current, letting it take me as I searched
for Oreo.

I swam further out, and I reached down with my foot to see if I
could touch bottom. A shooting pain entered me and crawled up my leg, burning.
I stepped on something. I couldn’t get it out of my foot, whatever it was. I
had to get to Slippery Rock if I was going to release it. I swam hard, fighting
to get a grip on the moss-covered rock. Finally, I found a crevice to hold on
to and I pulled myself out of the water.

I brought my foot up and pulled the thing from my heel. I had to
pull hard because a shard of glass had lodged deep in my flesh. As I pulled it
out, blood flowed from the cut and washed away in the current of the river. It
felt good, this cut on my foot. I examined the glass, watching the dimming
light reflect through it. If even a drop of his poisonous blood was inside of
me, then I didn’t want it.

Before I could stop myself, I took the jagged edge of glass and
put it against my arm. I heard Uncle Butch’s voice, “This never happened.”

I pulled down quickly, creating a deep cut. I watched the blood
swirl in the current and then disappear. 

It would have been enough for this to end the pain, but I cut
repeatedly. It finally felt good to release the pain that was locked up inside
of me.

I let go of the rock and let the water take me on its serpentine
journey.

I remembered the morning I was baptized. Christianity came from
the water, cleansing my soul. Now, in the river, I finally felt cleansed again
as I floated first face up, then the current rolled me over and buried my face
in the water. I surrendered to the river.

Then everything went black. There was no standing ovation, no
applause. Just the curtain closing, and the fading into darkness.