The River Maid (14 page)

Chapter Fifteen

Lorelei couldn’t sleep. She lay awake i
n bed, staring up at the canopy and waiting for tomorrow to come. She was still wearing her shoes when Hanna came to help her dress the next morning, but the maid didn’t comment on it.

“Can you put my hair up today?”
Lorelei asked.   

“
I thought you didn’t like wearing your hair up,” Hanna said as she picked up the hairbrush and began to work on untangling the knots and snarls from the gleaming mass.

“
I changed my mind.”

She waited while Hanna arranged her hair, trying to resist the urge to pull out the pins. She went down to breakfast, eager to see Christian and show him she could be like all the other girls. It was the first time she had gone down to breakfast to eat with the guests. She expected to find the dining room full, but Christian was there alone.

“Where is everyone?” she asked as she entered.

“
Most of them won’t be up for a few more hours and a lot will have their breakfast brought up to their room. They need to rest before the ball tonight,” Christian replied.

“
Why would they need to rest? They haven’t done anything.”

Christian laughed.
“Don’t let them hear you say that.”

She was glad to have Christian alone to herself, but as soon as she sat down at the table, he got up to leave.

“I have to go and check the final arrangements for the ball. I will see you tonight.” He left the room, quickly striding away before she could protest.  

Feeling as if Christian had just rejected her, she returned to her bedroom without eating. She spent the rest of the day in her bedroom, watching the guests from her window and resting her feet for tonight. After lunch, Hanna and another maid carried in the metal bathtub she had used before. They poured in steaming water and fragrant oils. Outside her room, it was chaos as maids ran back and forth to help their mistresses get ready.

“I can manage by myself,” Lorelei said, after Hanna had undone the buttons at the back of her dress.

“Are you sure?” Hanna asked.

“Yes. I’m sure the other guests need your help.” Lorelei couldn’t let her stay and risk her seeing her feet. 

“I will come back later to help you dress,” Hanna said before she hurried off.

When Hanna had gone, she locked the door. She sat on the edge of the bath and trailed her hand in the water. Closing her eyes, she pretended that she was in the river again with water all around her. She had to do what she had been dreading. She had avoided unwrapping her feet the last few days, afraid of what they would look like. But she couldn’t avoid it any longer.

She had to pull and struggle to get the shoes off. Briefly, she admired her legs, which were long and white and perfect and then she began to unwrap the linen strips. They were stained dark red with blood. The fabric had dried hard and stuck to her feet. A scream tore from her throat as she tried to tear it away. She clamped a hand over her mouth, but no one came. She thought about leaving her feet as they were and trying to force them into the dancing shoes, but she needed to see what was left of them. She cupped water in her hand and let a few drops trickle onto the hard linen to dampen it. Slowly, she managed to ease it away.

A rotting smell made her choke and her eyes water as the linen strips fell to the floor. Her breath caught in her throat as she looked down. What was attached to the end of her legs, no longer looked like feet. Every part was covered in red sores that wept pus and oozed blood. The flesh had festered away and she could see through to the bone beneath. She could no longer distinguish individual toes, just a solid lump of raw flesh. Tentatively, she touched them with her fingertips, but she couldn’t feel them. She closed her eyes. The dancing had done this. She could walk, but to dance had been too much. Perhaps she could say that she was ill and take to her bed and rest her feet. In a few weeks, they might heal. But she knew if she danced tonight, they would be ruined. They would never heal.

She had given up her tail to be with Christian, given up everything that she was, but it hadn
’t been enough. Now, she had to give up her legs for him. For a moment, she wondered if he was worth it, but then she remembered the deep blue of his eyes and the warmth of his smile. Whatever she had to suffer, whatever pain she had to bear, she would endure it. For Christian.

She tore her nightdress into strips to bind her feet, for what she knew would be the last time. She wrapped the bloody mess tight. She didn
’t want blood to seep through and stain her silk slippers. She had to force them into the narrow silk shoes. She closed her eyes at the now familiar pain as she stood and hobbled to the fire and threw the stained linen in. She watched it slowly burn. A knock came at the door, but she ignored it.

“
Lorelei, may I come in.” It was Christian’s mother.

She unlocked the door and Her Highness entered, already dressed for the ball in a cream gown. She wore a long black feather in her hair, from a bird that Lorelei didn’t recognise.

“I wanted to see you before the ball,” Her Highness said. She moved around the room, smoothing the sheets and straightening the blankets. “To make sure there was nothing else that you needed.”

“
There’s nothing,” Lorelei said. “You’ve been so kind to me.”

Her Highness smiled.
“I wanted you to know that there will always be a place for you here. But if you didn’t want to stay, I have friends in Vienna who would take you in. I think you would like it there.”

“
I like it here.”

“Of course
you are always welcome here, but if you wanted to leave, I would help you find somewhere else to go. Gaspard has many connections still in France.”

“
Thank you,” Lorelei said. She didn’t understand why she was telling her this.

“
I will let you get ready. I know how much you must be looking forward to your first ball.”

Her Highness left her. Confused, Lorelei closed the door. She didn
’t understand. Did Her Highness want her to leave?

Hanna came in to help her into her dress for the ball. It was cream with tiny sleeves and long white gloves.
Hanna brushed her hair until it gleamed, then carefully coiled it and arranged it on her head.

“
Would you like me to find you some flowers for your hair?” the maid asked.

Lorelei looked at her reflection. She didn
’t recognise the girl who stared back. She hadn’t recognised herself for a long time. She only realised now that she had given up far more than just her tail when she took Adrianna’s legs.

“
No,” she said. “I don’t want flowers.”

She went over to the little cupboard by her bed and took out the key that Her Highness had given her and unlocked it. Inside, were several wooden drawers. She pulled them out one at a time and emptied the contents onto the bed. Behind her, Hanna gasped as piles of golden rings and bracelets and strings of pearls spilled out across the sheets. She slipped on one ring with a red jewel wider than her thumb. The Count had told her it was a ruby when he had given it to her, although that had meant nothing to her. She had chosen the jewels for the colours and the way the gems caught the light. The weight felt familiar on her hand. She slipped on the others, one for every finger.

She opened the wardrobe and took out the green silk dress that she had worn when she had first come from the river. She fingered the heavy silk. She had chosen it for Christian.

“
Will you help me?” she asked, turning to Hanna.

Hanna helped her out of the cream dress and then lifted the heavy green mass of fabric over her head. She pulled the laces tight while Lorelei pulled the pins from her hair that Hanna had just spent so much time doing and shook out the curls so they fell in a wild tumble down her back. She started slipping on the heavy bracelets. Hanna picked up a string of pearls and began to coil it around Lorelei
’s head.

“
I remember how you looked when you first came from the river,” the maid said. “We thought you must be a princess. They’re all going to stare, but don’t pay them any mind.”

Lorelei put on every piece of jewellery she owned. She had missed the weight of it on her arms and around her neck. She looked in the mirror and recognised herself again.

“Thank you,” she said to Hanna, after the girl had finished arranging her skirts. She made her way slowly down the staircase, holding the dress up to stop herself tripping over the hem. Her feet hurt, but she blocked the pain from her mind. She would suffer for it tomorrow. The great hall was packed full of people. Musicians played in the corner, while couples spun and twirled in the centre of the room, stepping apart and then together, moving seamlessly in an intricate dance. They all turned to look as she entered and the music broke off.

She stood there with every gaze fixed upon her. For a brief moment the entire ballroom was silent and then the whispering began. This had been a mistake. She should never have come. She stepped back, intending to flee, and then Christian appeared, the crowd parting for him as he strode forward. Dressed in a white jacket and waistcoat and black breeches, he bowed and offered her his hand. His eyes held hers and gave her the strength she needed to take his hand and let him lead her through the crowd and out onto the dance floor. He nodded to the large man with a stick who was directing the musicians and the music began. Christian swept her against him and into a dance. For a moment it was just the two of them and then the other couples joined in. She could see them looking at her and whispering behind their fans and shaking their heads.

“Ignore them,” Christian said in a low voice, his lips close to her ear. “What they think doesn’t matter.”

She nodded, unable to reply as all she could think about was how Christian’s head was so close to hers and how his hand was warm and firm where it rested on her waist.

“You look like something out of a story,” he said. “For a moment I didn’t think you were real.” 

“
I’m glad I please you.”

He spun her around and back to him.
“I can’t believe that you didn’t want to dance. You dance so well.”

She smiled back.
“Only if I’m with you.”

His smile suddenly seemed frozen and he looked away over her head. After the music had finished, he escorted her back to the edge of the crowd and bowed.
“I have to dance with the other girls here tonight, but I will dance with you again.”

They crowded in around her, older men and boys, asking her to dance and telling her how beautiful she looked. She could hear the women asking who she was, where did she come from. She started to panic, but Gaspard was suddenly there.

“Give her some space,” he said, ushering them back. “There’s still the rest of the evening. Let the lady catch her breath and then perhaps she will dance with one of you.” They drifted away, but Gaspard stayed by her side as she watched Christian dancing. “You look beautiful tonight, mademoiselle,” he said.

“Thank you,” she replied, her attention fixed on Christian.

“I wish to resolve things between us.” She looked at him blankly. “We’ve become adversaries of a kind and I don’t wish to be. We both care for Christian.”

“I don’t wish to be either
.”

Her shoes were visible below the hem of her dress. At the beginning of the evening they had been snowy white, but now they were dotted with tiny red spots that were slowly getting larger. The blood had seeped through. She positioned her skirts to cover them. She wouldn
’t think about it now. She would worry about it tomorrow. 

She watched Christian as he danced with the other girls, his hand on their waist. He held them just as tightly as he’d held her. Seeing him with them hurt more than her feet. It was an eternity before Christian came to claim her for another dance. He bowed and offered her his hand and she went into his arms. He danced with her a third time that night. She danced with no one else. She waited, her gaze fixed on Christian, Gaspard a silent presence by her side. He tried to encourage her to talk to the other guests, but she refused them all.

The music came to an end and the musicians, instead of beginning the next song, set their instruments down. Some of the guests drifted outside, while others mingled in the centre of the hall. Lorelei looked around, unsure what was happening.

“They’
re having a break for the fireworks,” Gaspard explained. 

Christian made his way over to her. “You should stay here in the warmth. You don
’t have to come outside.”

“I want to come,” Lorelei said.

Most of the other girls stayed inside, but she followed Christian out. Explosions, like cannon fire, tore into the air and exploded in a burst of light. They seemed to hang for a moment suspended in the sky, and then they fell like tiny stars. A shower of jewels rained down on them; red and green, gold and silver. She had seen such explosions before from the river, looking up at the castle. She had always thought that if she was close enough she could catch the jewels. She stretched out her hand, but they fizzled out and vanished before they reached them. She realised they weren’t real. They had never been real. How foolish she had been to think she could catch them.