The Ride of Her Life (40 page)

“I didn’t tell you the worst of what he said.”

“Oh?”

“He called me a coward.”

Marguerite’s eyebrows peaked. “I hope he ducked when he said it.”

Lilly almost smiled.

“Now, do you promise not to hit me?” Marguerite pushed a branch out of the way.

“Yes.”

“Is he right?”

Lilly stopped. “You think I’m a coward too?”

“I think you’re afraid, and I don’t blame you, but I worry you’re letting your fear control your choices. Building all these walls isn’t going to keep you from getting hurt. It’s only going to keep you from being loved.”

They started walking again. “Can I hit you now?”

Marguerite shrugged. “If you have to.”

“I’ll forfeit.” Lilly looked at her dearest friend. That hadn’t been easy for Marguerite to say. But was she right? Was fear controlling Lilly?

Marguerite shielded her eyes from the sun. “If that’s the house, then you may be living at Emily’s a while longer.”

Lilly saw a crude “For Sale” sign nailed to a tree in the front yard. Shoving an overgrown bush out of the way, she walked to the front porch, making sure to skip over the second step, which was rotted through. “Levi, you stay out here with Aunt Marguerite until I see what the inside looks like.”

“Are you sure it’s safe?” Marguerite asked. “I can have Trip come check it out.”

“Now who’s the coward?” She laughed and nudged the front door open. Nothing scurried out. That was a good sign.

Clearly the house had lain empty for quite some time. Cobwebs filled the corners, and only broken pieces of furniture remained. The threadbare rug on the floor spoke of some rodent visitors. She shuddered. Wouldn’t Levi be happy to know the house came with pets?

“Lilly?” Marguerite stuck her head inside the doorway. “Are you okay?”

“Yes, come on in. It’s dirty, but it’s not in horrible shape. There’s a nice fireplace.” Lilly blew on the mantel and dust filled the air. She coughed. “It will need a little elbow grease.”

Marguerite surveyed the room while Levi began opening every door and cupboard. “This place would need an army of elbows. Why can’t you stay at Emily’s cottage?”

“I know you can’t understand this.” Tears sprang to Lilly’s eyes. “But it’s time for Levi to have a home. I have to at least give him that.”

“I still can’t believe the lassie bought a house. Has she gone ape on ya?”

Nick chuckled at Sean’s surprise, which mirrored his own a few hours ago. He snapped the reins, and the horse picked up speed on the dirt road. The wagon bounced in the ruts. If Lilly’s new house was only a half mile from the lake on this road, they should have no trouble finding it—especially given the description Marguerite had provided.

When Marguerite had come to the roller coaster this afternoon and told him Lilly had purchased a house, he’d been shocked. If he were to admit it, the news hurt too. Was it so easy for her to move on without him? Still, he couldn’t bear the thought of her living in a house Marguerite claimed was better fit for Levi’s critters than for mankind.

“Marguerite says it’s not in the best shape, and I want to see for myself.”

“See it? Then why did ya borrow this wagon and fill it with supplies for fixin’ things up?”

“I don’t want Levi living somewhere with rotten steps. He could get hurt. That’s all.”

“Is that a fact?”

Nick spotted what must be the house and drew the wagon to a halt. It was worse than he thought. Had she even looked at the roof?

Sean whistled. “This place is in need of a wee bit of repairs, eh?”

“I’ll say.” Nick hopped down. “How much do you think we can get done before Lilly returns?”

Eyeing the heavy rain clouds in the sky, Sean shrugged. “If we’re lucky, we can patch those holes on the roof before nary a raindrop falls.”

Nick clapped Sean’s shoulder. “Sounds like a plan.”

They worked side by side for two hours. Even though this wasn’t a roller coaster, Nick enjoyed working with Sean. He found that the years of building they’d done together meant few words needed to pass between them.

Nick took a swig from the canteen and handed it to Sean. “I’m glad they won’t get wet. Thanks for helping me, Sean. I only wish I could do more.”

Sean eyed him. “Boyo, ya can’t be fixin’ everything.”

“I wouldn’t fix it all, but I’d repair those porch steps, maybe make a couple of beds, and see to the cracked plaster in the parlor.”

“And the hole in Lilly’s heart?”

Nick quirked his eyebrows in question. “I can’t fix that.”

“Ah, but ya have to admit ya sure have been tryin’.”

Crossing his arms over his knees, Nick sighed. “All right. You’ve got something on your mind. Out with it.”

“It’s a wee thought that’s been nigglin’ around in me head.” Sean tapped his temple. “Yer a man who likes to fix things, right?”

“Yes.”

“And maybe ya been trying to fix Lilly’s life.” Nick started to protest, but Sean held up his hand. “I don’t mean it in a bad way, laddie.”

“She’s afraid, but she’s too stubborn to admit it. When Ben died, I think she realized bad things do happen to God’s children.” Nick sighed again. “Doesn’t the Bible say perfect love casts out fear? I love her. She can trust me. Why didn’t it work?”

“That’s an easy one. Yer not perfect.”

The words stung. Another reminder of his pride. Did he believe he was the answer to all of Lilly’s problems? Sometimes the Lord’s lessons seemed to come one on top of the other.

Nick rose to his feet, careful to keep his balance on the roof. “So you’re saying I’m trying to fix all the hurts in her life, but I can’t do it. Only He can.”

Sean chuckled. “And here I thought I’d have to use a hammer to get that through yer thick head.”

Lilly’s arms ached from scrubbing. She’d sent Emily and Marguerite home hours ago. Emily had taken Levi with her too. And now, with the solitary lamp casting shadows on the walls of the house, Lilly wished she’d gone with them.

Instead, her stubbornness had taken over and she’d insisted on staying the night here in her own home.

She ran her hand along the now dust-free mantel. It was hers. All hers. But this place didn’t seem like a home yet. It had four walls, windows, and doors, but it wasn’t filled with love. Tonight it felt eerie and empty.

At least the freshly mopped floors were dry and the place aired out. She spread a quilt out on her would-be parlor floor and piled another heavy blanket on top of it. Too tired to worry about undressing, she tossed the pillow on the pallet, then plopped down beside it. Her skirts flew up. She laughed, glad no one was there to see it. After removing her shoes and stockings, she fell onto the downy pillow.

Her head struck something.
Ow!
With a sigh, she reached inside the embroidered pillowcase and felt for the offending object. Her fingers wrapped around the leather of a book. She pulled the volume free and held it toward the lamp.

Her Bible. The one that once belonged to her mother. She’d given it to Lilly on the day she married Ben. Emily must have packed it.

She set it aside and drew the last blanket over herself. The lamp flickered, but she didn’t extinguish it. Tonight she’d leave it burning.

Above her, thunder rumbled and the clouds released their burden in a downpour. She glanced at the ceiling. She was dry. Thanks to Nick.

She’d been shocked—and a little angry—that he’d fixed the roof. But now the gesture overwhelmed her with a bittersweetness that wouldn’t wash away with the rain. Tears filled her eyes, casting a watery globe around the solitary lamp. She blinked and the tears escaped.

Rolling onto her side, she bunched the pillow beneath her head.
No, I will not cry tonight. Not again. I have a new home. I’m starting over. I’ll be fine.

Her heart didn’t listen, and soon the corner of the pillow lay soaked. Lightning flashed outside, and she rolled onto her stomach. The heavy stomping of thunder only made the little house seem more empty, and the solitude engulfed her.

But she was safe.

Dry.

Thanks to Nick.

After wiping her eyes, she propped herself on her elbows before pulling the Bible closer. She didn’t want to open it. God had let too many storms occur in her life, and He hadn’t exactly been stilling them.

Trust Me.

She felt the words press again on her heart. But why should she? She flipped the Bible open to the book of Luke and the story of Jesus stilling the storm. What had Brother Hamilton said? That Jesus doesn’t still every storm, but He’s in the boat with you?

But where were You in my storm? Were You sleeping? Didn’t You care?

She wanted to pull the words back. Who was she to question the Lord? Her eyes dropped to the Bible splayed in front of her. She read the story again. The apostles questioned Jesus, but He questioned their faith. They missed the greatness of the One in the boat with them.

But it was the words written in the margin in her mother’s hand that caught her eye.
Faith entrusts oneself and one’s children to God in the midst of danger.

Her mother had told her she was leaning on her own wisdom and not the power of God. Had her own mother struggled with the same things when Lilly’s father died?

Lilly’s heart throbbed.
Lord, I see what I’ve been doing. When the storms came, I had the same choice the apostles had, the same choice my mother had. I could’ve responded with fear or faith. And I chose fear. I stopped trusting You and started trusting only myself. Please, Lord, please forgive me.

Though the thunder continued to rumble, a quiet surrounded her heart. She chose to believe in the greatness of the One who calmed the storms.

She traced her fingers over her mother’s words again, saying them aloud. “Faith entrusts oneself and one’s children to God in the midst of danger.”

Mama, I hope I never have to find out if I have your kind of faith.

38

If rain healed, then the whole lake had undergone a miracle. Nick inhaled the refreshing scent of everything washed clean. Last night’s churning lake now lay placid, and the whole Midway—signs, awnings, buildings—sported vibrant colors, free of dust and still damp from the rain.

Despite the renewed morning, heaviness pressed against Nick’s chest. He needed to let Lilly go. It had been a week now, and she’d bought a house. She was moving on fine without him.

As he approached the lunch counter, Nick squinted against the too-bright sun. He spotted Sean and Forest entering. He knew those two had left the boardinghouse before him, but where was Percy? Probably still sulking. The boy remained sore with Nick even after he’d apologized yesterday for yelling at him. He didn’t blame Percy, but how long would the young man hold a grudge?

Levi galloped toward him. “Morning, Mr. Nick. Come see who’s riding on my roller coaster.” His chubby fingers wrapped around Nick’s calloused hand and pulled him forward.

“Whoa, Chipmunk. I haven’t even had any coffee yet.”

“Mama’s fruster-ated. Coffee burned.”

“Did Eugenia do it?”

Levi stopped in front of his toy, looked up, and shook his head. “Nope. Mama did. Then she told me to go outside and play.” He pointed to the roller coaster. “See?”

Nick squatted down to get a good look at Levi’s passengers. “Night crawlers?”

Levi nodded. “And they like it!”

“How can you tell?”

“They get all wiggly and excited like I do.”

A chuckle erupted from Nick’s chest as he stood. “You be sure to give them a good ride, and then put them back so they can go home.”

Percy finally arrived and slipped in the diner’s front door, but Nick didn’t feel like addressing the surly young man right now.

“I have a home.” Levi dug his toe in the ground. “But Mama says it’s for us. Not for you.”

Nick cleared his throat, but the lump lodged there refused to budge. “I’m glad you and your mama have your own place. I want you both to be happy.”

“The house doesn’t make her happy. It makes her sad.”

“Why do you say that, Levi?”

“All she does is cry. Clean and cry. Clean and cry. I didn’t even get to stay there with her last night. I had to go back with baby Katie.” Levi scrunched his forehead and crossed his arms over his chest. “And all she does is cry too.”