The Ride Delegate: Memoir of a Walt Disney World VIP Tour Guide (12 page)

For some reason I was always assigned sports figures. Part of me thinks it was because the Office knew I hadn’t the slightest idea about anything regarding sports. If they were to put me with a television personality, I never would have let them out of my sight. But instead I was given a slew of baseball players and I’d ask them, how do you like playing for the Bruins?

You probably know this football player, but his name’s not important. When I was first told of his name I asked, “Who?”

The coordinator told me.

“And who is he?”

They told me.

“And what sport does he play?”

They told me that.

“I don’t know him.”

They told me a current event about him.

I Googled him and I was like
oh [insert explicit not suitable for Disney Parks]
.

This sports player, let’s call him Bob, was staying at one of the off-property hotels and wanted an afternoon tour. I was the only tour guide hanging around the Office, so by default I got the tour. When some of the guys in Office heard who I was going out with, they begged to take the tour instead of me. I begged for them to take the tour instead of me. The coordinator wouldn’t budge: Bob was mine.

I was instructed to meet him at the valet at 1pm.

By 1:30pm I still hadn’t seen Bob, so I called the Office to double check that I was still meeting him. The Office reassured me that Bob would show up. 2pm rolled around. Still no Bob. I was bombarded with so many questions I finally told the front desk to call me when Bob finally came down, because I was going to go sit in my car.

Bob showed up just before 3pm.

I don’t follow sports at all. You can tell me all you want about sports and I won’t understand in the least bit. I will cheer for whatever team you want me to cheer for. Go team. Score the points. I saw Bob exit out of the lobby and scan the valet area for his tour guide.

“You our girl?” he asked.

“Hi, I’m Annie.” I said, sticking my hand out to shake his. For a second, I thought he wasn’t going to bother shaking my hand. Reluctantly, he did.

“We just gotta wait for the wife and kids to come down,” Bob said, sitting down on one of the benches outside. He put ear buds in and pulled out his phone. I awkwardly stood next to him as he watched a basketball game on his phone, every now and then cheering for whoever was making the baskets. A few guests approached him and asked for an autograph. He obliged, almost unwillingly, and never bothered to take the ear buds out to actually talk to his fans.

The wife, Mrs. Bob, came down around 3:30 with two kids in tow. I stuck my hand out to introduce myself to Mrs. Bob, but she didn’t have time for that. The kids shook my hand, though. They were cute. One boy and one girl.

“Where’s your car?” Mom asked, handing me two backpacks to carry. I pointed towards my suburban on the far side of the lot. “Are you going to install the car seats or does someone from the hotel do that?”

I didn’t have cars seats. I wasn’t told to bring car seats. Judging by the age of the children, I also didn’t need car seats for them, and Mom was mad that I hadn’t thought to even bring them for her two children. Mom got one of the valet boys to get the car seats out of their own rental car, and handed them to me. It took me fifteen minutes to install both of them in the back row of the Suburban while Bob continued to watch basketball and occasionally sign an autograph.

The family had been to Disney World before but could not differentiate it from Universal Studios. Bob asked if he could ride The Hulk and I explained that was a different park. He looked confused for a second, and then went back to his basketball game not really caring either way. Mrs. Bob, however, had an itinerary planned out, and told me to drive to Animal Kingdom.

This was considered a PEP tour, because Bob was a highly recognizable person. I wouldn’t necessarily recognize him, but anyone who follows sports most certainly would. With a PEP I had permission to park in otherwise off-limit locations, just to make it easier to maneuver in and out of crowds. I could have parked literally right in Africa to take this family to Safari, but I didn’t today. I didn’t really want to have to fight Safari trucks for parking spaces back there. I pulled in behind Rainforest Café and the family jumped out of the car.

“Do you have a stroller?” Mrs. Bob asked me.

“No, I didn’t realize I needed one,” I told her.

“We need a stroller. Also, don’t you have those little soft toys for the kids?”

“Like… plush toys?”

“Yeah. Those. Like the Mickey and the Minnie ones?”

“No, I don’t have any plush toys.” Mrs. Bob gave me heavy shade. “Was I supposed to bring some?” I really didn’t understand what Mom was getting at. Why was I supposed to bring gifts for the kids?

“The other tour guide always had toys for the kids.” I knew that the family had a tour guide before me, and I guess that tour guide came with gifts of distinction for the kids. No one told me I had to hit a Target before the tour. I assumed the attractions in the park would take care of entertaining the kids. “Whatever. Where’s the ride with all the animals?”

I hijacked a stroller hanging out backstage and had the kids sit in that. I decided I was going to push the stroller through the park, if only because that basically freed me from having to talk to Bob and Mrs. Bob. The only downside was that Bob stood about 6'6" so he was a walking beacon for attention. We barely moved fifteen feet into the park before someone spotted him and wanted a picture. He, still very much into his basketball game, paused for a second, mustered a smile, and we continued on.

As the tour guide, I was supposed to work as the bouncer for Bob. I was supposed to keep all other guests away from him so we could enjoy our stroll through Animal Kingdom. But while Bob stood 6'6", I stood 5'4", so there was no way I was going to fight anyone off who wanted to see him. Instead, Mrs. Bob had to do that. Mrs. Bob must have been used to doing that, because as soon as someone started approaching our group, she held up her hand and shooed them away. Mrs. Bob was fiercely intimidating. I wouldn’t have wanted to mess with her either.

The most trouble we had walking came from the guests who would just yell at Bob, like “YO BOB, YOU SCORED THAT POINT!” or whatever sports fans yell at sports players. Bob honestly didn’t hear most of these yells because there was still a basketball game to watch on his phone. Mrs. Bob led him through the park like a seeing-eye dog so he didn’t trip over any strollers or benches while completely ignoring his surroundings.

There was no way I was about to put Bob into the standard queue line for Safari, or even the FastPass line. I didn’t have to, anyway. I was allowed to head in the exit of this attraction because putting Bob in the close-quarters Safari queue was just a recipe for disaster; it was a disaster anytime someone recognizable went into that line. A disaster for anyone in any line, actually.

I pushed the stroller ahead up the hill and then down the hill and to the Safari unload area. One of the Cast Members there saw me coming. “Did you call ahead?” he asked.

“Was I supposed to call ahead?” I didn’t really know. I wasn’t doing PEP tours every week, so I was constantly forgetting how to do them. I was constantly telling other Cast Members it was my “first day” so I was going to need a little bit of help. In reality it was like my 547th day and I still didn’t have the slightest idea how to enter into anything other than the actual queue line.

“Yeah, it’s fine. I’ll get you on the next truck.” I parked the stroller and the kids jumped out and moved towards the exit area where they were supposed to load. The Safari truck pulled into the dock, and conveniently it happened to be a truck full of fans of Bob’s sports team. Bob looked to Mrs. Bob. Mrs. Bob looked to me. Seriously, how was I supposed to know that the Safari truck was going to be full of college boys wearing Bob’s team shirt?

I pulled the kids forward and brought them to the truck as Mrs. Bob fought her way through the crowd with Bob. He signed two autographs and took one picture, then he jumped into the truck and the Cast Member closed the gate on them.

“You’re not riding?” Mrs. Bob asked me. I shook my head “no”.

“I’ve got to make a phone call!” I lied. I didn’t want to be stuck on Safari with them for twenty minutes. I really should have gone with them. It was probably a bad decision to put Bob on Safari without the proper supervision. I can only imagine what happened when they rolled into the loading dock and the entire queue saw him settled in the front seat. Now that’s something I actually would have liked to witness.

Instead, I bought a banana, a diet Coke, a cream-cheese pretzel, and a cookie from the cart outside of the Safari, then I ducked behind a CAST MEMBERS ONLY fence, sat on the ground, and ate my makeshift lunch.

When they got off Safari I was told it was time to go to Hollywood Studios. Actually, Bob once again asked if he could ride The Hulk, and Mrs. Bob was like, yeah, that’s the park we’re going to next, and I was like, this is awkward guys, but that’s not actually a place I can take you today. And Mrs. Bob was like, what do you mean we can’t ride The Hulk? And I was like, well, technically Disney does own Marvel but…that’s at Universal Studios and we’re going to Hollywood Studios to ride Rock ‘n’ Roller Coaster and Bob looked completely uninterested in this and Mrs. Bob rolled her eyes and asked if the kids could ride it and I looked at the kids who were not 48” and I sighed. We trekked from Africa all the way back up to the front of the park, got in the car, and drove to Hollywood Studios.

I parked behind Tower of Terror like I always did and unloaded everyone from the car.

“Don’t forget the autograph books!” Mrs. Bob yelled at Bob, who turned to look at me.

“Oh, are they in one of the backpacks?” I asked, reaching into the backseat of the car.

“Didn’t you bring us autograph books?” Mrs. Bob asked.

“I didn’t realize I needed to bring autograph books.” Once again, I should have stopped at Target.

“How are the kids going to get autographs if they don’t have autograph books?”

“We can go buy them in the park.”

“So I have to pay for them?” Mrs. Bob was borderline disgusted with this notion. “Our other guide always brought the kids autograph books.” I wanted to know who this other guide was, and why they were showering these kids with gifts when clearly Bob was making more money than I would make in my entire life. I asked the Office if they knew who Bob’s prior guide had been; Mrs. Bob seemed to think the guide was named Doug. Their prior guide was actually a female named Susan so something had gotten lost in translation.

We entered into Studios right next to Rock ‘n’ Roller Coaster. The kids were way too short to ride, and I was not about to suggest a “rider switch” to Bob and Mrs. Bob. Besides, I could go up the exit, anyway.

“Could you tell unload that we’re coming in? Just two riders,” I whispered to the Cast Member standing at the queue entrance. He stared up at Bob; Bob stared down at his phone, still watching the basketball game, probably completely unaware that we had even entered into another park. The Cast Member nodded and we headed for the merchandise shop.

I led the family up the exit, through the shop, and towards the metal gates separating the unloading area of Coaster from the picture viewing area. One of the coordinators was already standing there waiting for me. “Just two?” he asked, staring at up Bob and Mrs. Bob who was busy looking at Aerosmith merchandise.

“Yeah. I’ve got these two,” I said pointing down to the kids. “We’re going to sit right here.” The kids and I made ourselves comfy on the floor of the Coaster shop while Bob and Mrs. Bob rode twice.

“The Hulk was awesome!” Bob told me as he exited off.

Mrs. Bob informed me that it was time for dinner, and I was like, there are dinner reservations? She rolled her eyes and told me that dinner was at the buffet place with the characters, and I wanted to yell YOU COULD LITERALLY BE TALKING ABOUT FIFTEEN DIFFERENT PLACES. But she told me the place was in Studios, so that meant it was Hollywood and Vine. We headed over that way.

“Where can we get those books?” she asked as we walked.

“Autograph books?”

“Yeah, the books that you didn’t have in the car.” I pointed to a merchandise location and they went inside to go buy two autograph books and came out with two bags full of merchandise. Mrs. Bob put them in my arms. “Run these back to the car while we’re eating.”

I checked them into Hollywood and Vine. The seater looked at Bob, looming over all of us, and asked me if they should be seated off to the side of the restaurant. I wanted to tell the seater that they could sit in the middle of Echo Lake for all I cared. They were led inside and brought to a table in the far corner but directly in front of the windows. It wasn’t even an issue, since Bob spent the entire meal staring down at his phone, so no one walking by outside knew it was him.

Meanwhile, I ran back to the car with the two giant bags of merchandise and put them in the back trunk. I stopped on my way back and got a burger, which I ate as I wandered backstage. I made it back to Hollywood and Vine in plenty of time, and they were still busy eating. So I went next door and got a peanut butter and jelly milkshake and chugged it while they finished dinner. They emerged about an hour and a half later.

“The kids didn’t get to meet a lot of characters.” Mrs. Bob said to me.

“We can go meet Lightning McQueen,” I told her, because it was late in the day and by this point all other characters had already gone home for the evening.

“Who’s that?” Mrs. Bob asked.

“He’s a car.”

“We can just go back to the hotel.”

I loaded the family back into the car and drove them back to the hotel. I jumped out of the car, like I always did unloading guests, and ran around to let them out. The kids got out and waved goodbye to me, Mrs. Bob got out and thanked me for driving them, and Bob got out and looked up from his phone long enough to tell me that Michigan had won. Go team.

There was something magical about being paid to push a stroller around World Showcase on a warm spring day with a slight breeze. I was elated every time guests made the independent decision to stop and get something to eat from one of the little outdoor food carts, because that meant I had maybe four minutes to buy all the German pretzels I could manage and shove them into my little black tour bag for later. Sometimes there was a cheese booth set up. I was getting the cheese fondue platter in Germany for free and that was magical enough for me.