The Riches of Mercy (36 page)

"Of course. It's Thursday." Meredith felt a pang of regret. Twenty four hours with her children would have been a treasure. She missed them so much it hurt.

Natalie pulled her back into a hug. "If I kiss you again, we're never leaving this parking lot."

"And people are watching us, anyway."

"Don't you hate that?"

Meredith shook her head. "They're my friends. My family, I guess. I don't mind it in there."

Natalie squeezed her shoulder.

"So, we're not going home?"

"No. Wilson."

"What's in Wilson?"

"Do you want to be surprised?"

"No. No, I'm--" Meredith tucked her cheek against Natalie. "I'm so used to routine I don't know how much shock my system can take."

"Patrick's sister's cousin's boyfriend has a house at Silver Lake."

"We know a lot of people with great houses."

Natalie stiffened. "Yeah."

"What is it?"

"Just Jake..."

"Oh yeah, you told me in your letter. And he sent one, too."

"He did?"

"Once a week," Meredith said.

Natalie hugged her closer. "You're unforgettable."

"Take me away from all this."

Natalie actually blushed, stepping back to open the passenger side door. "You don't like it here?"

"I don't want to spend another minute here if I don't have to."

Yet Meredith lingered, standing at the door, glancing back at Conrad. Now she was breathing free air, she felt like a different person. She was scared.

Natalie asked, "What is it?" as she opened her own car door.

"I hate my therapist," Meredith said.

"I know."

"But she was right."

#

Meredith sat with her bare feet on the dashboard, studying Natalie. She'd tried gazing out the window, but Natalie was too distracting. They'd driven in silence for nearly forty-five minutes. No music. No talking beyond directions. Left here. Straight forever. Meredith supposed they should talk. About bills and the kids and their future. Their plans. She didn't want to, though.

She just wanted to stare.

Natalie rolled her neck and let go of the steering wheel with her right hand. She reached for Meredith.

Meredith took her hand. She studied the fingers. She bent the knuckles and made them straighten again. She wanted to feel that hand against her cheek. She settled for squeezing gently.

"Are we supposed to be talking? About the kids, or my case, or whatever?" Natalie asked.

"I may be getting out, soon."

The hand stilled, but Natalie didn't draw away. "I know."

"I don't know what's going to happen. Are we just going to pick up where we left off? Will I have a job? Will you resent me?"

"We've lived together before."

"Kids are cute for a day, but. Come on, Natalie. You don't have to be grateful forever."

Natalie swallowed. Her voice sounded choked when she said, "You're thinking too much, Merry. Whatever's right will just happen. It'll settle into place."

"I don't have any faith."

Natalie glanced at her.

"I thought everything was going to be all right. I got through the trial. I got through the bus ride to prison and then I walked into that place. They took away my clothes. They locked me in a room all by myself."

Natalie squeezed her hand.

Meredith laughed. "Isn't this ironic, or something?"

"It's something. Give and take. I've been reading my way through the library."

Meredith rubbed her knuckles.

"I have a lot of time."

"You're getting adjusted."

"Settling in." Natalie glanced at Meredith again. "Meredith, have faith in me, if no one else. I can do this."

Meredith lifted Natalie's hand to her lips. "You know just what to say."

Natalie chuckled.

"Oh, don't tell me that's in a book, too."

"Made it up myself."

"Fancy lawyah speak, I'm sure."

"Want me to say something in Latin?"

Meredith kissed her hand. "Yes."

"Oh, shoot. Let's see." Natalie hesitated. "Essentiala negotii."

"What does that mean?"

"Basic terms."

Meredith smirked.

Natalie let go of Meredith's hand to point at a sign. "We're almost there."

# #

Chapter Forty-One

They were almost at the cabin before Meredith more closely examined the hand she'd been caresssing. She bent Natalie's arm back at the elbow, until her fingers were at eye-height. Natalie drove slowly with her free hand, glancing at her.

"You got your nails done."

"Took you long enough."

"When?"

The nail polish was chipped in a few places, but Natalie's nails and hands were smooth and seemed well-looked after.

"Friday."

"You can't afford--"

"It was a gift."

"Someone gave you a manicure as a gift?"

"Well, someone paid for it." Natalie didn't want Meredith imagining some woman bent over her, intimately caressing her fingers. The way Meredith was doing now.

"Who? You don't know anyone--like. Women."

"Why don't we have more women friends?"

"Children ruin everything."

"I haven't been to a good happy hour in a year. We've got to go to Wilmington more often."

"I agree. So, who?"

"Oh, Erica."

Meredith's hand tightened on hers.

Natalie raised her eyebrows. "Oops? She interviewed me for the Luis Duarte case."

"You told that woman all that boy's business?"

"Strictly professional."

"Except your hands are like this." Meredith pressed Natalie's palm between hers.

"I promise you, she hasn't seen them."

"No, I understand. I'm in prison. She's gorgeous. She's intelligent. If you want to spend your time with a soulless, amoral--" She hesitated.

"Harlot?" Natalie asked.

"I was going to say strumpet."

Natalie freed her hand to put the car in park. Then she shifted in the seat to see Meredith. "My only thought was of how you'd like it."

"I do. How did you not get snatched up before me?"

"I just didn't date. I didn't bother."

"Why not?"

"Who was out there?"

"You didn't want--"

"Two five year old boys and a girlfriend in prison? I had no idea. Or I would have looked a lot more closely at my case load."

"You just knew what you didn't want."

"I didn't want anyone sharing the life I was living."

Meredith cupped Natalie's chin, cautiously moving her fingers across the skin. "You seem happy."

"I am. When you're not around, I'm not as happy." Meredith dropped her hand but Natalie caught it, and held it. "You're here."

"I'm here. I'm--" Meredith's throat caught. She wanted to say, "I'm all yours." But she wasn't sure. She only knew she wanted to stay right where she was, gazing into Natalie's eyes.

So she did. Natalie gazed back.

Meredith's stomach growled. Her face got hot. "I'm sorry. I'm used to eating at six o'clock every day. Routine."

"Let's see what I brought, then."

"You brought stuff?" Meredith asked as Natalie got out of the car.

"Have I ever."

Meredith came around the car as Natalie opened the trunk. Inside, there were blankets and sheets and a cooler of groceries. Meredith pulled the bag closer. Hamburger meat, buns, eggs, her salt and pepper shakers from home, apples, oranges. She glanced back at Natalie.

"And two presents," Natalie said.

"Presents?"

"Let's get this stuff inside."

Meredith gazed around the area. The water line was past a grove of trees. She didn't see a dock. Just the green lake. The cabin itself was a ranch, small and unexciting, except the side facing the water was all glass. "This is nice."

"I thought it would be better than a hotel."

Meredith blushed.

"Yeah. Exactly." Natalie picked up the cooler and wrapped a plastic bag around her wrist, too.

"Let me."

"Nope. Get the blankets."

Meredith carried them to the door, following Natalie, who put her groceries on the ledge to unlock the door. Meredith took a last glance around. There was the flat wildness of Eastern Carolina all around them, and a few other wooden cabins peeking out from between the vibrant green. She found it hard to believe there was anyone else within fifty miles.

"Nat?" She called, as they went inside.

"Yeah." Natalie settled her groceries onto a kitchen island.

Meredith dumped the blankets on the couch and came toward her. "When this is all over."

Natalie folded her arms, giving her full attention. Meredith grinned and pulled her arms apart to take her hands.

"Yes?"

"I want you to take me somewhere out of state."

"Like where?"

"California, maybe. To see the beach."

"We have a beach."

"To ride the trolley."

Natalie grinned. She let go of Meredith to encircle her waist. "I'll take you to California."

Meredith chuckled.

"And to Paris."

Meredith shivered.

Natalie kissed her cheek. "And to Rome." Her lips brushed the side of Meredith's neck. "Madrid. Shanghai."

Meredith hugged her tightly. "I was thinking Atlanta?"

"Atlanta."

"To the Coca Cola museum."

Natalie chuckled. "I counter with Charleston."

"I've been to Charleston."

"But have you ever gotten on a boat there, and gone to the Bahamas?"

Meredith shook her head, smiling. "My parents and Vincey's tried to send us on a cruise for a honeymoon."

Natalie tried to pull back, but Meredith kept her embrace secure. "We talked them into the downpayment for the house, instead."

"So practical."

"But a real--" She couldn't quite bring herself to say it. A real honeymoon. She and Natalie on the deck of a boat, the wind in their hair, the smell of the sea. She just said, "I'm so lucky."

"Me too."

Meredith let Natalie kiss her, and rubbed her back in return. "I thought," she said, when Natalie's lips moved to her ear.

"Hm?"

"I'd be more worried."

"About what?"

"About going back. About being here. About my routine."

"And you're not?" Natalie's nose nuzzled into her shoulder.

"I'm only thinking about you."

Natalie gave her a squeeze.

"Let's skip--" Meredith said, but her stomach rumbled, vibrating against Natalie's. And she knew her blood sugar was dropping. Without a boost, she'd lose her good humor.

"Cook dinner for me," Natalie said.

"My presents--"

Natalie slapped her hip, and then went to get the blankets. "I'll just be making the bed."

Meredith found herself alone in the kitchen. Free, and completely alone. She could go anywhere. Do anything. She gazed at the ceiling, considered crying as emotion welled up in her chest. She gave into the urge to spin around in a circle, her arms outstretched. "For this I don't even mind going back."

Then she realized she was talking to God and stopped, her heart pounding.

# #

Chapter Forty-Two

Hamburgers sizzled in the frying pan and plates were out when Natalie returned. She sat on a stool at the counter and leaned on one elbow.

Meredith offered Natalie a potato chip dipped in onion dip.

"Thank you." Natalie ate it from her fingers.

"I want to cook for you every night," Meredith said.

Natalie looked her up and down. "I would love that."

"Good." Meredith fed her another potato chip.

"What do I do?"

"You do everything." Meredith put down the chip and gazed at Natalie, who was smiling with a bemused look, perfectly calm. Her dark eyes followed Meredith's face as Meredith took in her cotton shirt, the expanse of throat revealed by the neckline. The hands with their short, perfect, pink nails.

Meredith wanted to see if Natalie's toes matched.

She had known her entire life she wanted to be with a woman, but never expected to be, not something real, beyond a night, or a stolen look. Only Vincent shared her secret.

Now she had this woman right in front of her, radiating such peace Meredith wanted to be still, too. As still as the water outside.

She said, "I owe you--"

"Nothing. You owe me nothing."

"But--"

"No buts."

"Natalie Ivans, you mean to tell me you did all this for me, and you don't want sex?"

Natalie grinned, her eyes bright. She took Meredith's hand. Meredith dipped closer to kiss her.

The microwave timer went off.

"Argh," Natalie said.

"Ain't you hungry?"

"Yes."

"As hungry as I am?"

"More," Natalie said.

"Not possible."

"Let's find out."

Meredith assembled burgers and Natalie poured apple cider and they ate together on the couch, side by side.

"There's dessert," Natalie said.

Meredith brightened.

"But let's go for a walk."

"A walk?"

"By the lake?"

"But I haven't walked anywhere in a really long time."

"Agoraphobic?" Natalie asked, getting to her feet.

"Let's find out, I guess." Meredith glanced past Natalie to the bedroom door, feeling a tug. Natalie took plates to the kitchen. Meredith got up. She was afraid of the strange area, the wide sky, but the fear was exhilarating. Something new. Even if it was a new rock, a new tree.

And Natalie. "Wither thou goest." She shook her head. No. God could not be with her here, if he had not been with her in prison. If that empty space, those cold cement walls, where people needed him most--

"Merry?"

Meredith blinked, and found Natalie peering at her with a concerned expression.

"I'm all right. I was just thinking."

"Okay. Ready?"

Meredith offered her hand. "Ready."

Outside, the lowering sun turned everything gold and orange. Meredith inhaled deeply. The day was warm. They'd sweat if they stayed out too long. She didn't want to sweat. Not yet. Natalie squeezed her fingers.

"Where to?"

Natalie glanced around. "There's a dock." A quarter around their inlet, a dock with a gazebo jutted into the water.