The Revenge of Dr Von Burpinburger (6 page)

‘Of course. Why didn't I think of that before?'

Dr von Burpinburger paced back and forth in the cramped prison cell, muttering to himself and pounding a fist into the palm of his other hand.

‘Yes. That could work very well indeed.'

‘You really should take it easy, Master.' Tikazza Brique lay on his bunk, hands under his head, smiling. He was enjoying the rest. He'd just woken from a little nap. ‘Think of this as a kind of holiday. That's how I look at it.'

‘You would,' the doctor sneered, annoyed at having his thoughts interrupted. ‘Fool!'

‘It's not too bad,' Brique continued. ‘Nice and cosy, in fact. Like a small hotel room, really. You should make the most of it.'

‘What do you
think
I'm doing?' the doctor scowled.

Brique watched the doctor pacing back and forth for a moment. ‘I know. You're exercising.'

‘No, you moron! I'm
thinking
. That's what I've been doing for the last few days.'

Brique's smile widened. ‘Me too, Master. I'm thinking of home.'

‘What?'

‘Home. I can't wait until we get home.'

The doctor stopped and glared. ‘Who said we're going home?'

Brique's smile shrank a little. ‘Well, the police said they'd let us out soon, and I just thought we'd go back to Bulgonia and try to forget about all this.'

‘Forget?' the doctor shouted. ‘What are you talking about?'

‘It's all been such a disaster, Master. I thought you might give up.'

‘I never give up!' the doctor said.

‘But we've tried everything.'

‘Rubbish.' The doctor tapped his head. ‘There are more ideas in here, Brique, than you've had Bulgonian breakfasts.'

‘Really?' The assistant thought hard, even using his fingers to add up. His eyes widened. ‘That's a lot of ideas, Master.'

‘Exactly.' The doctor grinned. ‘And I believe my latest is the best yet.'

‘Oh dear.' This time Brique's smile vanished completely. ‘I'm not sure I like the sound of that.'

‘Don't you worry, Brique,' the doctor continued. ‘There's an old saying: If you can't beat them, join them.'

‘Sorry, Master. I don't understand.'

‘School. You and I are going back to school.'

‘Wonderful!' Suddenly Brique was smiling again. ‘I've always wanted to go to school. Will I get my own satchel and a pencil case with lots of different pens and pencils?'

Dr von Burpinburger buried his face his hands. ‘Oh, go back to sleep.'

‘No way.' Brique gave a little squeal. ‘I'm far too excited now! School!'

‘Something's wrong,' Eric said when he arrived at school a couple of days later.

Einstein picked what it was at once. ‘He's not here,' the mouse said as they approached the ornate gates of Templeton Grammar. ‘Old Growly. He's
always
here.'

‘That's right.' How strange, Eric thought. He asked one of the gardeners if everything was okay.

‘Haven't you heard?' The gardener stopped work and leant on his shovel. ‘A famous film-maker has come to the school. He's talking to Mr Growlworthy right now. Got his cameraman with him too; ugly big brute, he is. They're making a movie about the school.'

‘How exciting,' Einstein squeaked as they walked off. ‘I've always wanted to be a movie star.'

‘What makes you think you'll be in any movie?' asked Eric.

‘Mice and movies go together,' Einstein said. ‘Like fish and chips, cowboys and Indians, pies and peas. Everyone knows that. Why, from Mighty Mouse to Stuart Little, mice have been among the world's most famous film stars.' Einstein slicked back the fur on his head. ‘This could be my big break.'

‘Bruno Spoolburg, at your service, Headmaster.'

Mr Growlworthy wasn't quite sure what to say. The two strange men who had interrupted his normal nabbing of latecomers were sitting in his office. They both wore long coats and dark glasses, and had loads of spiky black hair.

The one who seemed to be in charge was small, but had a large head. The other was large of body but small of head, and carried a huge movie camera. The little man didn't bother to introduce him.

‘Welcome to Templeton Grammar, Mr Spoolburg.'

‘And what a wonderful school it is. I felt it the moment I walked through the gates.'

‘Why, thank you. We do our best.'

‘It shows. And that is why I would like to make a film about you.'

‘Wonderful!' The idea thrilled Mr Growlworthy. ‘Tell me more.'

‘I'm making a documentary, you see. About some of the best schools in the world.'

‘And you think that Templeton Grammar is one of them?'

‘Of course. Templeton Grammar is famous!' Mr Spoolburg edged closer to the headmaster. ‘But the film will also be about some of the best
headmasters
in the world.' He lowered his dark glasses and winked at Mr Growlworthy.

‘You mean … ?' Mr Growlworthy pointed at himself.

‘Who else? After all, you have made this school what it is.'

‘Oh no. I'm only one cog in a big machine,' said the headmaster, trying not to smile too broadly.

‘Nonsense, Headmaster. Your reputation is worldwide.'

Mr Growlworthy's chest puffed up. ‘Well, I had no idea.'

‘We would also like to do a small piece on one of your best teachers, if you wouldn't mind.'

‘Not a problem. Miss Graymouth will be only too pleased.'

‘And finally, of course, there are the students. If possible, Headmaster, we'd love to do an in-depth interview with one of your top students. I assume you have a suitable candidate.'

‘I do, Mr Spoolburg; I do, indeed.'

‘We would need to work alone with this particular student, if that is possible. Get to know him very well, if you know what I mean.'

‘I understand entirely. I'll seek his parents' permission at once.'

‘And we'd like to get a more personal picture of this pupil. Perhaps, for example, he could bring along, let's say, a pet of some sort. You know, like a mouse. That is, if he had a mouse …'

‘Say no more. I have the perfect pupil for you,' Mr Growlworthy assured him. He was so excited that he leapt from his seat and shook the film-maker's hand vigorously. ‘I'm so glad you've come to our school, Mr Spoolburg.'

‘Me too,' the director agreed. He was also excited. In fact, he was so excited that he burped.

In the playground at morning tea, everyone was talking about the two movie men who had come to the school. Templeton Grammar was going to be famous, and the students wanted to be a part of it.

The men were already filming around the school grounds.

‘Just a few opening shots,' Mr Spoolburg explained to the headmaster. ‘To capture the feel of the school, you understand.'

Whenever the camera appeared, a buzz of excitement ran through the students. Some of the older girls made sure they were standing in just the right place at just the right time, striking just the right pose. Older boys suddenly became top footballers, running and kicking and passing like champions. And the teachers had never smiled so much in their entire lives.

Eric sat alone under a tree, away from all the commotion, happy that the attention was on
other people for a change. ‘At least we won't have to answer any questions for a while.' But Einstein stood on his shoulder, watching everything with interest.

‘I think we should get closer, though,' he said. ‘Much closer.'

‘Why?'

‘So that we can see more of the action.'

‘We can see plenty from here. You just want to be a film star.'

‘And what's wrong with that, pray tell?'

‘Those two look strange to me,' Eric said.

‘Film people
are
really strange.' Einstein flung his arms about. ‘Creative. Different. Exciting.'

For a moment Eric thought Einstein was about to scamper over and stand in front of the film-makers. But then Mr Growlworthy appeared.

‘There you are, Wimpleby. I've been searching everywhere for you.' The headmaster was grinning from ear to ear. ‘What a wonderful day. This is the start of something big for our school.'

‘Do you think so, sir?'

‘Oh yes, mark my words. Soon parents will be begging to enrol their brats – er, children – here. And you, my boy, have your part to play as well.'

‘What do you mean, sir?'

‘Mr Spoolburg wants you in the film, too, as a fine example of our educational excellence. I've already sent a note to your parents. I'm sure they'll agree.'

‘Me? But –'

‘Now, now, Wimpleby. This is no time for modesty. Let's show the world what we're made of, lad.' Mr Growlworthy clapped Eric on the back. ‘Together we'll put Templeton Grammar on everyone's lips.'

The headmaster strode off, chuckling to himself.

‘What did I tell you?' Einstein rubbed his paws together. ‘We're going to be film stars. I can't
wait.' He placed one paw on his hip and held the other one under his chin, tilting his head sideways and trying to appear thoughtful. ‘How do I look?'

Perhaps Nathan Sharp wanted to be a film star, too. He followed the movie men everywhere, watching them closely. He even skipped class after morning tea and trailed the film-makers around to the back of the school, where he hung in the shadows, spying.

That's when he heard something very interesting.

‘I can't take it, Master,' the cameraman groaned. ‘I'm sweating like a pig in this coat.' He tore it off.

‘I told you before,' the film director growled. ‘Don't call me Master.'

‘Sorry, Master. This wig's making my head itch something awful, too.' He ripped that off as well.

‘Don't worry, Brique,' the small man grinned. ‘Our little trick is working well. That fool of a headmaster has fallen for it hook, line and sinker. Soon we will have Wimplebottom to ourselves. Then all we have to do is snatch the mouse. Too easy!
Burp!
'

‘Not really.' Nathan Sharp stepped from the shadows. ‘It won't be as easy as you think.'

‘Who are you?' asked the small man.

‘Someone who can help,' Nathan said.

‘What makes you think we need help?'

‘Wimpleby won't give up that mouse without a fight. I know. But if you had me and a few mates, we could hold him while you grabbed the mouse. Then it really would be
too easy
.'

The film director was still not convinced, so Nathan added some further persuasion. ‘I'm sure you wouldn't want the headmaster to know about your little plan, would you?' The boy winked and held out his hand. ‘Deal?'

The movie man eyed Nathan suspiciously. ‘What's in it for you?'

‘I can't stand that smart alec Eric. I'd just like to see the look on his face when you take that stupid mouse of his away.'

‘Stupid mouse, eh?' The director smiled. ‘Is that what you think? Very well, then.' He reached out and shook Nathan's hand. ‘It's a deal.'