The Reunion Mission (35 page)

Jonah had been surrounded by violence all his life, been its victim, learned to use it as his tool for catharsis. A hot stab of pain lanced her heart, understanding all too well the kind of pain he’d endured.

But Jonah, despite his inauspicious start in life, despite the odds against him, had turned his life around, joined the police force, become a defender, a protector rather than succumbing to the violence that had marred his life. With Jonah on her side, how could she not overcome the obstacles her own life had thrown at her. A burning determination fired in her gut, a conviction that a better life was within her grasp if she had the courage to seize it, to fight for it. And Jonah was a huge part of the life she wanted for herself and her children.

Tears clogged her throat as she gazed up at him. She captured his lips with hers and poured everything that was in her heart into her kiss. Drawing her closer, he pressed her into the mattress with his weight, and she wrapped her legs around him. Jonah explored her body with tender roaming caresses and sultry kisses until she quaked with longing and burned with need. She reveled in the freedom to enjoy his taut muscles and masculine angles with equal leisure and passion. When he settled between her legs, she arched toward him, her body aching to feel the heat and weight of him inside her.

In short order, Jonah sheathed himself with a condom and rolled her on top of him. “You’re in control, Annie. You set the pace.”

A blissful contentment and trust, a sense of rightness and fulfillment swelled inside her until she couldn’t breathe. She held Jonah’s gaze, savoring the moment as he entered her. Somehow she sensed her whole life had been leading to this moment, this man. Everything she’d suffered, all she’d sacrificed and lost only made this moment that much sweeter. She belonged with Jonah. They bore the same scars, yet together they were stronger, better. Whole.

Tears of joy stung her eyes as her body stroked his, and the heat and need pounding through her blood coiled tighter, burned brighter—until she shattered in his arms.

She clung to him as he sighed her name and shuddered with his release. Then, in the still darkness of her bedroom, they held each other. Silent. Still. Complete.

Safe in Jonah’s embrace, Annie drifted into the first truly peaceful sleep she’d had in years.

* * *

Jonah folded an arm behind his head and stared into the inky blackness of Annie’s bedroom. With his free hand, he stroked Annie’s silky hair and listened to her deep, even breathing as she slept.

He’d been unprepared for the way making love to Annie would rock him to his marrow. Beyond powerfully satisfying sex, joining his body with hers had felt so fundamentally right, like a homecoming, that something had shifted in his soul and grabbed him by the heart. He’d known sleeping with her was a mistake, that it would make giving her up harder and would hurt her more deeply when he had to leave. But when she’d looked at him with her heart in her eyes and asked him to make love to her, denying her request, when every fiber of his body ached for her, had been impossible. He’d thought he could give her the pleasure and comfort she deserved and keep his heart out of the mix, keep the emotional distance that would allow him to walk away when it was over.

He’d been wrong. So wrong.

He blinked hard when the sting of tears burned his eyes and brutally shoved down the bout of self-pity. He had to think of Annie, not his own bleeding heart.

Because if he’d learned nothing else tonight, he’d seen the truth of his feelings for her. He’d fallen in love.

His chest throbbed as bitter regret and frustration raked his chest with sharp talons. No matter how it hurt him, he had to do the right thing for Annie. He couldn’t give her the family, the future, the happiness she deserved, and he had to stand aside so that another man could.

Jonah gritted his teeth until his jaw throbbed. Thinking of Annie in another man’s arms, building a life with her, burned in his gut like acid.

But she needed better than the patchwork attempt at a real family that was all he had to offer. For him, failure was unthinkable, inexcusable. Annie had survived one bitter marriage, one damaged attempt at family without burdening her with his tarnished history. He couldn’t risk her happiness should he bomb as a husband and father.

But in the short hours until morning, he could soak up as many precious memories as possible. Then, when daylight came, he had to do what was best for Annie.

He had to let her go.

Chapter 18

J
onah was gone.

Annie blinked and groped sleepily on the bed beside her when her alarm clock beeped the next morning. His pillow still bore the dent from his head, and his scent clung to the sheets, but he’d already risen and disappeared from her room.

Disappointment stabbed her. She’d wanted his face to be the first thing she saw that morning, had hoped for a few stolen kisses before she stumbled to the shower.

But perhaps his discretion was for the best. Maybe it was better that Haley and Ben didn’t find a man in their mother’s bed when they tiptoed in for their morning snuggles.

Even though she didn’t have to be at work until that afternoon for the late shift, Annie dragged herself out of bed and into the kitchen to start a pot of coffee. She checked the living-room couch for Jonah, then glanced out her window toward his truck. Not only was Jonah in neither place, but his truck was gone, as well.

The first niggling doubts squirmed restlessly inside her as she returned to pour a cup of the fresh coffee. Where could he have gone? And why hadn’t he told her he was leaving?

A tousle-headed Haley staggered into the kitchen and dropped into a chair with her stuffed cat tucked under her arm.

“Morning, sunshine.” Annie pushed aside her nagging questions and disappointment over Jonah’s absence to concentrate on her daughter. Mornings like this, when they could share breakfast together and have time to play before she left for work, were rare, and she didn’t want to waste a minute.

Haley yawned and scratched her ear. “Can we make pancakes, Mommy?”

Annie took out a frying pan and smiled at her daughter. “Absolutely.”

* * *

Tar Heels Win Nailbiter, the front page of the sports section read. Jonah sat in his truck and sipped the convenience-store coffee he’d bought when he got the newspaper and scanned the game summary. While he’d been making love to Annie, his team had pulled out a narrow victory. He should be happy. Instead, he felt rotten. After the most amazing night of his life, he’d woken to the reality that Annie could never be his and the day had gone downhill from there.

Well...except that his team had won. Unable to muster the appropriate satisfaction for his winning bet, he tossed the newspaper aside and took another throat-scorching gulp of his coffee. Pulling out his cell phone, he dialed Farrout’s number. When the bookie answered, Jonah forced a note of satisfaction to his tone and gloated, “UNC by three. I believe you owe me some winnings, Farrout.”

A moment of silence followed during which Jonah pictured Farrout’s narrow-eyed glare and glowering countenance. Then, “Tonight at Pop’s. At eleven. I don’t like a crowd around for transactions.”

Jonah inhaled deeply. Annie worked the late shift.

He really didn’t want Annie anywhere around when he did his business with Farrout, but he didn’t feel he had the luxury of contradicting the bookie. “I’ll be there.”

Farrout disconnected without comment, and Jonah returned his phone to the clip on his belt.

Things were beginning to fall into place. He had Hardin’s files, and if he wore a wire tonight, maybe a camera in a lapel pin, he could get proof of the gambling transactions Farrout ran. Perhaps it was time to bring his investigation to a head. He wanted the business finished, wanted the people involved behind bars so Annie would be safe, so Michael could rest in peace and so he could move on with his own life.

His gut roiled.

A life without Annie.

He imagined her disappointment upon waking alone, and he clenched his teeth. When he’d dressed in the predawn hours, she’d looked so peaceful, he hadn’t had the heart to tell her he was leaving. Acid bubbled and seared inside him, and he groaned. In truth, he hadn’t had the guts to look into her wide, vulnerable eyes and break her heart.

He needed to go by her apartment before she left for work, explain himself. Or maybe he could drive her to the diner that afternoon, and he could use the time alone to tell her the decisions he’d made. Jonah sighed miserably and pinched the bridge of his nose where a headache was starting. How did he look the woman he loved in the eye and...rip her heart to shreds?

His cell phone trilled, and he checked the caller ID. It was the call he’d been waiting for. “Devereaux.”

“I got your message,” his caller said.

Jonah cranked the engine of his truck. “We need to meet.”

* * *

Annie waited all day for Jonah to show up at her apartment. Or call. Something. Anything. But she heard nothing.

The dinner hour came and went at the diner without any sign of him, as well, and Annie’s dread, the certainty that something had gone horribly wrong last night that she hadn’t realized, continued to grow. Was Jonah gone for good? Had he been conning her all along, looking for a vulnerable woman to get in the sack? Had she fallen for pretty lies and smooth talk, and now that he’d slept with her, he’d moved on?

She swallowed hard, forcing down the knot of hurt and disappointment that choked her. Around ten o’clock, she cleared a table for an elderly couple who’d come in for a late-night dessert.

“Two apple pies, one à la mode, one plain,” the old man said.

“I’m lactose intolerant,” his wife volunteered as the elderly gentleman patted her wrinkled hand.

The loving gesture brought a fresh sting of tears to Annie’s eyes. Was it so wrong to want the kind of love this couple shared? A lover, a partner, a companion for her retirement years? The kind of happiness that Riley and Ginny had? She’d thought Jonah might be the one she could spend her life with, grow old with. But the later it got without word from Jonah, the dimmer that hope looked. As badly as Walt had hurt her physically, the pain of losing Jonah when she’d just begun believing she could be happy with him stung far worse.

Clearing her throat and forcing a smile for the elderly couple, Annie said, “One plain, one à la mode pie coming up.”

As she shuffled behind the counter to begin serving the pie, Susan moved up beside Annie. “Aren’t they sweet? Look at him holding her hand.” Susan sighed. “So romantic.”

“Mmm-hmm,” she hummed, and gave a jerky nod, not trusting her voice.

“Hey, are you all right?” Susan asked. “You look...upset.”

Annie shook her head. “I’ll be fine. I just—” The rest of her sentence hung in her throat as Jonah strolled in the front door and took a seat at a booth instead of his usual place at the counter.

His eyes met hers and held for a moment before he glanced away. Annie’s heart thrashed in her chest and rocks settled in her gut.

“Oh. I see.” Susan’s voice pulled Annie’s attention back from Jonah. The other waitress gave her a smug grin and hitched her head toward Jonah’s booth. “Man trouble. Am I right?”

Annie released a shuddering breath. “No. I... Don’t be silly. Jonah’s just...a friend.”

“Riiight.” Susan sauntered away, tossing a knowing grin over her shoulder.

Annie finished scooping up two slices of apple pie for the elderly couple and carried their desserts out to them before approaching Jonah. She squared her shoulders and pasted a smile on her face, determined not to let him see how his disappearing act and silence had hurt her. “Hi, you. I missed you today.”

He flattened his hands on the table and gave her a brief grin. “Sorry about ducking out this morning without saying anything. You were sleeping so peacefully, I hated to wake you.”

She shrugged. “I wouldn’t have minded.”

He looked away guiltily. “And I had some things to take care of today. I got busy—”

“Jonah, it’s okay. You don’t...owe me any explanations.” Hating the wobble in her voice, she squeezed the pen in her hand until her fingers blanched.

“No, it’s not okay.” Jonah grabbed her hand and pulled her down on the seat beside him. “I should have called or stopped by or something. I’m sorry, Annie. Truly. You deserve so much better than to be treated like a one-night stand.” His tone rang with passion, conviction...and regret.

Her spirits lifted a little, dared to hope.

“The thing is,” he said, his voice more hollow-sounding now, “I messed up last night, Annie. I shouldn’t have slept with you, shouldn’t have misled you, and I’m sorry.”

Her heart plummeted to her toes. “Misled me? What do you mean?”

He sighed heavily and scraped a hand over the bristles of his unshaven jaw. “I never wanted to hurt you, honey. Please believe that.”

“Jonah?” Her throat closed, and the dread she’d been feeling all day settled on her chest like a lead weight. “What are you saying?”

He stared down at the table, wouldn’t meet her eyes, and his evasion told her what he couldn’t.

“You’re dumping me.”

“Annie...”

“No,
dumping
isn’t the right word. That implies we had something to start with, something you were ending.” Anger and hurt sharpened her tone as she struggled to keep her tears at bay. She would not cry over him, would not show him her pain. “But I guess we never really had any kind of relationship for you to dump me from...other than the pity sex, of course.” She shoved out of the booth, and he seized her arm.

“Annie, wait! You’ve got it all wrong. I care about you. I...I love you, but...”

Her pulse jumped. Freezing, she gaped at him as he fumbled, clearly as shocked by his confession as she was.

After a moment to catch her breath, she shook her head. “You can’t say ‘but’ after ‘I love you.’ Love has to be unconditional, or it’s not really love.”

He raised his eyes to hers, and the anguish and pleading in his green gaze wrenched her heart. “I’m sorry, Annie. I want to be with you, to give you everything you deserve. But I don’t know how.”

She sank slowly down on the booth seat again, feeling numb, confused, cold. “I don’t understand. If you really love me, then...” She caught her bottom lip with her teeth, her chest tightening until she couldn’t breathe.

A muscle worked in his jaw, and he chafed her frozen fingers with his thumb. “I tried to warn you the other night not to fall for me, not to put your hope and faith in me. I could tell your deepest desire and dream was to have someone who could promise you a happily ever after. But that someone isn’t me.”

She glanced toward the table where the elderly couple fed each other apple pie, and she couldn’t deny Jonah’s assertion. She did want happily ever after. But didn’t everyone? Was that wrong?

“Why do you think we wouldn’t be happy?”

“Maybe we would be...for a while. But I don’t know how to be a husband, how to be a father, how to be a family. When I think about my dad, the awkward, painful way our family operated, the lies and deceit, the distance, the anger, the isolation...” His voice cracked, and he swiped a hand down his face. “I don’t ever want to go through that again. I don’t want you to have to deal with my ghosts, and I can’t promise you a future when I can’t be sure if I’ll get it right. I want you to be happy—for always—but I don’t know if I can be what you need.”

“So you won’t even try?”

“You deserve better than just an attempt—”

She jerked her hand away from his and lurched to her feet. “Why don’t you let me decide what I deserve?” She drew a shaky breath and blinked back the burn of tears. “I have work to do.” She took two steps toward the kitchen before turning back. “Do you want to order anything?”

He met her glare with a sad, apologetic gaze that burrowed deep into her breaking heart. “Your forgiveness?”

His image blurred, and she swiped angrily at the moisture clouding her eyes. “I’m sorry, sir, but we’re fresh out of forgiveness tonight.”

With that, she hurried to the ladies’ room for the privacy to fall apart.

* * *

As the hour grew later, the diner emptied of customers, and as Jonah watched Annie studiously avoid him, he felt increasingly empty inside, as well. He couldn’t leave things so raw and unsettled between them. He needed to talk with her again, make her understand his decision.

“I’m sorry, sir, but we’re fresh out of forgiveness tonight.”

Annie’s parting shot replayed in his head, and as always, her words kicked him in the gut. She had reason to be angry, to hate him. Despite his best intentions, he’d hurt her. Deeply. He wasn’t sure he could forgive himself for that.

A few minutes before eleven o’clock, Farrout and Pulliam came in the front door of the diner, and Jonah braced himself. Farrout said a few words to Susan and swept an encompassing gaze around the empty diner before joining Jonah at his booth.

Annie stopped what she was doing and watched the men with wide, frightened eyes. Jonah longed to wrap her in his arms, keep her safe.

When Pulliam flipped the lock on the front door and headed into the kitchen, a chill of suspicion washed down Jonah’s neck. He met Farrout’s narrowed gaze with one of his own. “You have my payout?”

Farrout lifted a shoulder. “We’ll get to that. First, you have something I want.”

Jonah didn’t show the other man any reaction, but a cold spike of apprehension drilled his chest. If something was about to happen, if Farrout had caught on to his investigation, Jonah wanted Annie safe, wanted her out of the diner.

He took a moment to appraise Farrout, then answered coolly, “I don’t know what you mean.”

“I thought you’d say that.” Farrout leaned forward and pitched his voice to a low growl. “I want Hardin’s files. I want whatever you took out of the locker at the bus depot, and I want whatever your girlfriend stole from my office.”

Inside, Jonah’s nerves were jumping, but he kept his gaze steady, his body still. “For starters, I don’t have anything of Hardin’s. All I got at the bus depot was a bag of my gym clothes I’d stashed there before a trip.”

Jonah leaned across the table now, matching Farrout’s aggressive cant. “But clearly you’ve been following me, which I resent and which begs the question,
why?
What do you have to hide?” He paused, but Farrout only glared. “And I don’t have a girlfriend, so I have no idea what is missing from your office. Maybe you should be asking your lackeys these questions, ’cause I sure as hell have no answers for you.”

Farrout sent a dark glance and a nod toward the counter where Pulliam propped, chewing a toothpick. In a heartbeat, Pulliam circled the counter and grabbed Annie’s arm. Snaking an arm around her waist, he hauled her close, and Jonah tensed, alarm streaking through him.