The Return of Brody McBride (18 page)

With a nervous laugh, she answered him honestly. “Don’t get me wrong. I’ve got a lot of pent-up anger for you and what happened. I’ve also had a long time to look at the situation for what it is . . . in my more rational moments,” she added with a smile. “Plenty of times I wanted to rage at you, call you every dirty name in the book, and I resented the hell out of you for going off and living your life without a care for me, or what you’d left behind.”

“That’s not exactly true, Rain. I thought about you all the time.”

“Let’s not have a fight right now.”

“What’s that supposed to mean,” he said defensively.

“You say you thought about me, would have come back here if you knew about the girls. I tried to find you. You left as fast as you could and never looked back. Every report I got back from the investigator always told me the same thing. You held some random job to get cash and there was always some woman you left behind. You were living with someone before you shipped out overseas,” she accused. “So don’t give me the ‘It was always you, Rain’ crap. For all I know, she’s back there waiting for you to come home.”

Brody took in everything Rain said, felt her anger and the bitterness she dished out with her words and the accusation behind them. Everything she’d said was true. Well, almost.

“You’re right. I ran away from you and what I’d done. I tried to erase your memory and what we’d shared by sleeping with other women and hoping they’d make me feel . . . something. Anything that wasn’t the hatred I felt for myself and what I’d done to you. If I could just find that feeling you gave to me when I was with you, I could let you go for good. You were better off without me. Nothing left here for me but a whole lot of bad memories. All the good ones, I’d already tarnished and destroyed.

“As for the woman living at my place . . . Well, I don’t really know what to say about her. She wanted things I couldn’t give her.”

“Not at the time maybe,” Rain said. “Now, you’ve got money coming out your ears and you’re out of the military. You two could have the big house . . .”

“Damnit, Rain. She was nothing more than a distraction and a convenience. Callous, I know. I’m a sonofabitch. Always have been. Except with you, up until my monumental fuck-up. It would have never worked out with her . . . or anyone . . . because I couldn’t give her my heart. You already have it. I gave it to you when I was thirteen and we kissed for the first time at the lake.”

“You kissed me.” She remembered the occasion fondly because that had been a simpler time.

“Hell yes, I did. Ever since then, it’s always been you.”

“Not always,” she said sarcastically. “I may have been your first kiss, but I wasn’t the last.”

“I’m a guy. I sowed some wild oats after that.”

“We could plant a whole field with the number of oats you sowed.”

“Doesn’t matter. When you turned eighteen and I kissed you again, I wasn’t experimenting with my best friend, but kissing the woman I wanted.”

“Until you didn’t.”

“It’s always been you.”

“It hasn’t been me for a long time. Face it, Brody, you moved on with your life. It’s a good life you’ve made for yourself. Which makes me wonder why you’re back now.”

“And you accused me of making things hard.”

“I believe you accused me of the same already,” she said with a smile. “Come on, Brody, you show up out of the blue, announce to your brother you’re moving back home, and you want me back. Is that about right?”

“Sure. That’s the watered-down version. Interested in the muddy version?”

“Hit me.” Her chin propped on her hand, elbow on the table. Her attention focused on him, his on her and the creepy-crawly nerves dancing up his spine with every loud noise coming from the people and video games. In the last ten minutes, three more families and a bunch of guys getting off work arrived. His mind tracked them and everything else in the place, making him lose focus on Rain while sharping in on the noise and nuance in the room.

“Have you ever felt like you were out of place?” he asked, hoping she would understand. “I don’t mean just feeling uncomfortable until you had a minute to settle in, but really out of place and needing to go somewhere familiar again.”

“Sure. I guess so. Being in the war, a foreign country, the sounds and sights so completely different, I guess you’d want to be back here around the things you know.”

The tightness in his chest eased a bit with her understanding a small part of what he was trying to tell her. “That’s part of it, but I’m talking about even before I joined the military and went overseas. I’m talking about feeling that way in my own skin.”

“Brody, I have a hard time believing you ever felt out of place. You’ve always been so confident.”

“I made people believe I am, and for the most part it’s true. It’s those times when it’s just me, alone with my thoughts. When I was a kid, well, the things that happened with my old man . . . I always felt like I wasn’t good enough. We’ve been friends since we were little kids. When I was with you, something inside me shifted and changed and I could leave all the bad behind, block out all the suffocating thoughts in my head, and I could breathe. I never felt out of place, or like I had to be something I wasn’t . . . or couldn’t live up to. Not with you.”

“Brody, are you okay? You’re sweating.” Rain placed her hand over his. He slapped it away and pulled back from her, a learned response he wished he could forget he ever needed to be that protective of his personal space. Lately, he needed the space and distance, like he needed air to breathe. He didn’t want to be this way with Rain. He wanted to pull her close and keep her there.

“Brody, what’s wrong?”

The room and noise closed in on him. He wanted to hang on to Rain before he lost her and himself.

Rain gasped when Brody’s hand clamped on to her arm just above her wrist. She tried to pull free of his punishing grip, but he only held tighter and his eyes went blank. Her only thought was she’d lost him and she needed to bring him back. She couldn’t leave him lost in his own mind. Struggling against the pain, trying to look calm as Dawn and Autumn made their way through the tables toward the booth, Rain thought fast.

Wrapping her arm around Brody’s shoulders, she leaned in close to his ear and whispered, “Brody, come back to me. Come on, honey. It’s Rain. Come back to me. Let me go,” she added, hoping he’d understand he was hurting her. Instead, he must have thought she wanted him to let her go for good, because he only held on tighter. Tears stung the back of her eyes and she had to swallow the yelp she wanted to let loose from the back of her throat.

“Brody, baby, please listen to me. Hear me. It’s Rain. You are safe and home and with me and Dawn and Autumn. You’re safe, Brody. You’re home.”

“Mom?” Dawn’s voice was tentative, her eyes scared as Rain leaned against the side of Brody. He stared off into space, seeing something she could only imagine. His whole body vibrated against hers. Sweat beaded his brow; his skin went pale beneath the sheen.

“Autumn, go up to the counter and ask the girl to box up our pizzas. Ask her for a few paper cups for our drinks. We’ll have a picnic,” Rain said, trying desperately to sound normal and not frighten the girls any more than they already appeared.

Dawn moved closer after Autumn left to do as she was told. She approached her father, hesitating more than once before she reached his other side. “Dad, let go of Mom. Please, Daddy. You’re hurting her.”

Rain’s heart broke. “I’m okay, sweetheart.”

Dawn grabbed Brody’s hand where it clamped over her arm. She tried to pry his fingers away, but Brody held firm. Rain was desperate to get them out of this situation before the others in the restaurant took notice.

“Brody, honey, come back to me. You’re home, safe and sound with us.” She let her voice sound slow and soothing. Rubbing his back softly in small circles up to his neck where she squeezed the rock-hard muscles. She kissed his cheek and along his jaw to his ear and whispered, “I love you. Come back to me. Please come back.”

Just like that, Brody snapped out of whatever trance he’d been in, shaking his head and looking around like he couldn’t remember where he was or what he’d been doing. Dawn struggled with his hand, still gripping her arm.

“Let her go, Daddy,” Dawn pleaded.

“Rain,” Brody spoke for the first time, his eyes shifting to focus on them.

“I’m right here.” She hugged him to her and he turned his face and pressed his cheek to hers. “Let go of my arm now, Brody.” Just like that, he let go and wrapped his arms around her.

“I’m sorry. The noise . . .”

“It’s okay. You don’t need to explain. We’ll walk out of here as a family. The park is only a block up.”

Autumn slid the pizzas onto the table and Rain backed away from Brody. Still pale, he took a deep breath and pressed the heels of his shaking hands into his eyes. She slipped her sweatshirt on, covering her arm, and zipped it up. Dawn, ever the observant one, watched her with eagle eyes. Rain gave her a smile to reassure her everything was okay.

“Slide out, Brody. Let’s go, girls.”

Brody stood just outside the booth. When she stood up in front of him, she went up on tiptoe, wrapped her arms around his neck, and held him close. With her cheek pressed to his and his arms wrapped around her, she whispered, “I’m here. You feel me with you.”

Brody held her tighter, burying his face in her neck and inhaling deeply. “I feel you.”

“Stay with me.” She hoped he’d hear more than the words and the meaning of the moment, but her heart’s desire.

When he didn’t say anything, she leaned back. Such raw emotion filled his eyes. Placing her hand on his cheek, she gave him a smile to let him know she understood. He’d been a lost child, living in a tumultuous house with a drunk. His teenage years had been wild and unruly, lacking direction for a young man who had a lot of potential and no outlet. After leaving his home, he’d found a career, excelled in the military, earning him medals and honors, but he was paying a price for his service. Laced through all the times of his life, she’d been the only thing he’d held on to of home.

Rain gave up the fight to keep him at arm’s length. She loved him, had always loved him, and was ready to concede the fight.

His hand locked on hers, she walked out of the pizzeria with him beside her, the girls trailing behind. She grabbed a blanket out of the back of her car, and they all walked down the street toward the park. Brody remained quiet, turned into himself. When she leaned into him, he wrapped his arm around her and pulled her closer. She wrapped her arm around his waist and held on. His body relaxed in her arms. Nothing was said. Words weren’t necessary or needed when you were where you belonged and everything was right. For now. Tomorrow, she’d tell him about Roxy and Autumn. As much as she wanted to hold on to this bond they’d just forged, it was tenuous and malleable. Their talk would either strengthen their bond, harden it into something lasting, or break it, leaving them both adrift in their separate lives again.

Chapter Fourteen

R
AIN STOOD IN
the kitchen, staring out the window at the fading light of day. Shadows moved across the yard, masking the vibrant colors of the blooming flowers. Much like the darkness enveloping Brody’s mind at times. She’d been concerned about his car accident, knowing he’d had some sort of episode while driving. Unreal, but not so serious or dangerous at the time. Especially since he’d only received minor injuries. But seeing him last night, up close and personal, concerned her even more. What if one of the girls had been in the truck with him? What if he’d grabbed on to one of them? She glanced down at her bruised arm and flexed her fingers, working the sore muscles.

“Hey, sweetheart.” Owen walked into the kitchen behind her. As always, he came to her and kissed her on the head. “You look a million miles away.”

“Just thinking.”

“What’s wrong with the girls? I thought they’d be all riled up and rowdy, ready for dinner and a movie. Instead, they look like someone died.”

“They’re worried about me seeing Brody tonight.”

“Is Autumn worried about what he’ll say about Roxy and what she did?”

“Yes,” she said absently.

“Why won’t you look at me?” Owen put his hand on her shoulder. She leaned her cheek on it for a second, gathering her thoughts. “Come on, Rain. Tell me what’s going on,” he coaxed.

“We went out for dinner last night,” she began.

“Yes, I know. What happened?” he asked, his voice tight. “Did you two get into a fight in front of the girls?”

“No. Nothing like that. In fact, we had a really good talk. A little heated, but we were getting someplace.”

“I thought once you guys spent some time together, maybe the old spark would flare to life again. So, what happened last night? Did you decide you don’t want to be with Brody?”

“Not exactly,” she stalled, trying to sort out her thoughts.

“Rain, if you want me to go lawyer on you and ask a lot of probing questions, fine. Otherwise, spit it out.”

“I lost him,” she blurted out.

“Lost him? He loves you. He came back for you.”

“Yes. I believe he did. I just didn’t understand how necessary I am to him.”

Owen took her by the shoulders, turned her, and made her face him. “What are you talking about, sweetheart?”

“I’m not explaining this very well.”

“You haven’t explained a damn thing.” Owen’s frustration with her evasive answers came out with his words.

“We were sitting in the booth talking. He’s different. Not confrontational, but controlled. Even when I told him the cold hard truth, things he didn’t want to hear, he didn’t lash out at me, didn’t fight back.”

“He took a breath and said something to defuse the situation.”

“Much more disturbing,” she said, only half teasing. “He opened up to me, told me how he’s felt all these years. Since he was a kid really,” she added.

“Okay,” Owen said, tentative about making any further assumptions. “After that?”

“I lost him. He was talking to me one minute and just gone the next.”

“He blacked out.” Owen ran his hands down her arms to her hands. Unfortunately, he didn’t miss her wince in pain when his fingers brushed over her forearm and wrist. “What the hell?” He took her hand and pulled the sleeve of her sweater up. “What the . . . Did he do this to you?”