The Return of Black Douglas (29 page)

She needed to think about the future and the child she carried, so she slipped away to the stables. No one saw her as she took one of the horses and rode down the beach toward the cave. She always felt happy there among the relics of the past, along and a feeling of being connected to her family because she hoped that one day they would learn of the work she had done here and the treasures she left behind.

She was almost there, when part of the embankment gave way and the horse reared as it tried to gain its footing. Isobella was thrown and fell over the edge. She hit the bottom with such force that she was knocked unconscious.

***

Alysandir missed seeing Isobella at breakfast and assumed she was sleeping late. Later, when she did not appear, he checked her room. Afterward he made a few inquiries of the guards and servants, but no one had seen her. He went to see Bradan, partly to see his son and partly because he thought Isobella might be there fawning over the lad. He was surprised to find she was not there either.

“Perhaps she is in the solar with Sybilla and Barbara,” Marion said.

Alysandir shook his head. “I checked there.”

“What aboot the garden? She likes to sit there,” Colin said.

“I just came through the garden,” Gavin said. “I did not see her.”

Elisabeth asked, “Did you check her room?”

“Aye, she wasna there,” he said. A muscle in his jaw worked. “I will have the castle searched, and I will find her if I have to take it apart stone by stone.”

Elisabeth frowned. “It is not like Isobella to just disappear this way.”

“I will find her,” he said, and left. Colin and Gavin ran after him. They had barely caught up with him when they were met by one of the guards. He told the brothers that the horse Isobella had ridden earlier had returned without a rider.

Alysandir rushed downstairs and had Gallagher saddled before his brothers could catch up with him. He rode at a gallop down the beach, retracing a fresh set of hoofprints in the sand. He could never remember being scared before, and he prayed that she had not gone to the cave. The tide was almost in now. She could be trapped inside before he could reach her.

He found her lying on the other side of the embankment, unconscious and crumpled and limp. He was off Gallagher before the horse stopped. He had Isobella in his arms by the time his brothers arrived. For a moment, he stood there, whispering her name softly. He handed her to Ronan, and then he saw the blood. He mounted quickly and took her in his arms. Cradling her against him, he whispered desperate words, pleading with her to not give up as he rode back to the castle.

While Ronan was helping Alysandir with Isobella, Gavin had ridden back to the castle to alert everyone. By the time Alysandir arrived, Mistress MacMorran was waiting at the entrance. “Take her to her room. Elisabeth is waiting for her there.”

Alysandir took the stairs two at a time, whispering words of encouragement as he searched her ashen face for some sign that she might have heard, but she was silent as stone. He carried her into the room, with Mistress MacMorran huffing and puffing behind him.

Elisabeth had a basin of water and several towels ready. A fire blazed in the grate, and the bed coverings were turned down. She seemed to know something he did not. Several servants came into the room carrying more supplies, followed by Alysandir’s brothers and sisters.

“Put her on the bed. Then I need you to leave,” Elisabeth said.

Alysandir was puzzled. “But I…”

“No. Please, Alysandir. Give us some privacy.” She gave him a sympathetic look. “I need you to wait with your family while I examine her. Mistress MacMorran will stay to assist me. She will give you a report once I have finished.”

Outside the room, Alysandir spoke with his family and then they all went down to the Great Hall to wait. Everyone was seated at the table, talking quietly, while Alysandir sat in a chair by the hearth, his hand absently stroking the head of one of the dogs, who watched him with mournful eyes.

It seemed like forever before Mistress MacMorran came down. She looked at Alysandir with a sympathetic expression, and fear gripped his heart.

“Elisabeth said ye may come up now.” He was almost to the door when she said, “But the rest of ye will have to wait.”

The walk to Isobella’s room seemed longer than it ever had. When he reached her door, he hesitated for a moment, suddenly frightened at what he might find. Why had Mistress MacMorran only sent him? Did that mean something was seriously wrong with Isobella?

With dread mounting, he opened the door. Elisabeth was bathing Isobella’s face in the darkened room, lit by only a few candles, but even then, he could tell that Isobella’s face was terribly pale. When she saw him, Elisabeth turned and walked to the end of the bed. He stopped to gaze upon Isobella’s still form, so tiny in the big bed.

“How is she?”

“She has a nasty cut on her head, which I sutured.” She placed her hand on Alysandir’s sleeve. “I regret having to be the one who has to tell you this.” Her voice caught, and she had to pause for a deep breath. “Isobella was with child. I am sorry, but she has lost the baby.”

Alysandir reeled from the shock of Elisabeth’s words. He closed his eyes and threw his head back. A child? His child?

“Did she know?”

Elisabeth nodded.

Why? Why couldna ye tell me?
He recalled the previous night. Dear God, now he understood why she had reacted as she did.
If you had only told me of the bairn.
Remorse ate at him. While she carried his bairn, he had offered her the role of mistress, shiny baubles and all. He had humiliated her in the worst way.

“I had no way of knowing. Why did she keep it to herself? Why could she not tell me? I wouldna have turned against her. ’Tis no’ her fault but mine.”

Elisabeth nodded. “Yes, it is your fault, in that you should have had a care not to get her with child, but it isn’t your fault that she was foolish enough to ride a horse when she knew of her condition. However, none of that really matters now.”

“Is she going to recover?”

“Yes.”

“Is the blow to her head severe enough that she might not wake up?”

“No, she was awake shortly before the baby… before the bleeding stopped. She is simply exhausted now but doing fine. She is distraught and blames herself. She is strong of body and mind. Right now, she needs rest. And even if she denies it, she needs you, Alysandir. You are the only one who can truly console her, for you have lost a child as well.”

Elisabeth’s words cut into the heart of him. “Did ye have knowledge of the bairn before the accident?”

“Yes, I recognized her symptoms while we were at Duart.”

“That is why she agreed to return to Màrrach with me,” he said. “She did it for the bairn.”

“That is only partly true, Alysandir. She considered the child, yes, but she loves you. I know because she told me. She did not want to tell you of her love or the child because she knew you did not want marriage or children. I’m her twin. I know her better than anyone.

“It won’t be easy now. She will tell you she wants nothing to do with you, perhaps she will even ask to leave, but you must remember it is her pain speaking and not her heart. Whatever you do, don’t take her rejection seriously. Hang in there and be there for her, even if she tries to drive you away. She loves you and will tell you that, but she will need time.”

Alysandir felt as if something deep inside him had been ripped out. He wished he could go back, to undo the wrong that had been done. Guilt ate at him. And he was wounded to the quick that Isobella had not told him about the bairn. “I had a right to know.”

“Yes, you did and I told her that, but she thought you might offer her marriage if she told you.”

“Aye, ’tis true! I would have taken her to wife, had I known.”

“She did not want you that way, Alysandir. She wanted you to want her because you loved her as much as she loved you. She told me of your marriage—how your wife had the marriage annulled and then sent Bradan to you after he was born.”

“My fault. ’Tis all my doing. Did it… that is, will she… can she…”

“Have other children? Is that what you want to know?”

“Aye.”

She nodded. “There was no damage that I can see. She is fine and should be able to have a house full of children if that is what she wants.”

“What can I do?”

“Nothing. All we need is time.”

“I will wait here with ye.”

Elisabeth put her hand on his arm. “Let me talk to her first. I will try to get her to see you, but if she does not want to, it would be best if you stayed away, at least until she is ready. I am so sorry, Alysandir. Truly I am.”

Alysandir gave her face a caress. “I ken ye speak from yer heart,” he said. “I thank ye for it and yer understanding and no’ blaming me.”

She watched him go, hating the fact that she had had to be the one to tell him. She turned back to the bed where her sister lay, unable to forget the anguish she saw on Alysandir’s face and the pain she heard in his voice.

“Oh, Izzy, why didn’t you tell him? He had a right to know. He seems so broken. No one deserves to go through this sort of thing. He does love you, you know.”

Isobella slept almost two hours, and after she awoke, Elisabeth told her about the baby.

“No! Oh please, no! Oh, God, what have I done? I wanted this baby with all my heart. It was our baby, a part of Alysandir no one could ever take away.”

Elisabeth ran a cool cloth over her sister’s face. “Now, now, don’t take on so. It isn’t good for you to be upset. You need to rest and let your body heal.”

Tears ran down Isobella’s cheeks. “I shouldn’t have gone off like that. It is my fault. I killed my baby. I killed my own child.”

“It was an accident. Things like this happen all the time.” She smiled. “If you will remember, you were always having accidents when we were growing up.”

“When will I ever learn? What was I thinking?”

“I don’t think you were thinking when you left. You were obviously upset and did not consider the consequences. It is called being human, Izzy. We have all done things we regret.”

“Have you told anyone… Alysandir?”

“Mistress MacMorran knows because she helped me. Otherwise, I told only Alysandir. I felt he had a right to know. I hope you are not angry.”

“No, I’m not. I should have told him. I doubt he will forgive me for doing something so stupid.”

“You are wrong, Izzy. He is brokenhearted that you lost the baby and that you did not tell him, but he is more broken over his own guilt in all of this. He blames no one but himself.”

“He told you that?”

“Yes, he took full blame. He is so broken over this. He wanted to see you.”

Isobella turned her head toward the wall. “I have ruined everything by my foolishness. I want to go home. There’s nothing for me here. The Black Douglas ignores me when I seek him.”

“Izzy, you know you cannot leave Alysandir. You love him, and he needs you.”

“Alysandir needs no one.”

Elisabeth put her hand on Isobella’s arm. “You are wrong, but try to rest now. He wants to see you. Let him.”

“No.”

“Don’t be that way, Izzy. Let him comfort you, and you can do the same for him.”

Isobella turned her head to the wall and closed her eyes.

Chapter 31

Alas, regardless of their doom,

The little victims play!

—“Ode on a Distant Prospect of Eton College,” 1742
Thomas Gray (1716–1771)
English poet

A month later, a dark, thunderous cloud hung heavily from the sky, bringing ominous rumblings of discontent, while the wind blew and battered the castle walls like wings of an ill-omened bird. It had been raining for days.

Alysandir had a feeling something bad was about to happen. Still recovering from Isobella’s rejection, he did not need more problems. It bothered him that all of his family was not safely ensconced within the walls of Màrrach Castle. The two youngest siblings, Artair and Margaret, were visiting their maternal grandparents in Argyll. Alysandir wanted them home and asked Gavin and Grim to fetch them.

“Are they in danger?” Gavin asked.

“I have a feeling they are, but I have no proof. Have a care, lads. I sense there is mischief aboot. Twenty men will accompany ye.”

When a week had passed and they had not returned, he decided to send Drust and Ronan with a full company of soldiers to find them. Before they could leave, Colin found him in the stable examining the injured leg on one of the horses.

“Ye may not need to send Drust and Ronan. There is a courier from Angus Maclean with a letter for ye.”

Alysandir gave the gelding a pat and turned away. “Bring him here,” he said, knowing Maclean had his brothers and sister in his cold clutches, but he read the missive anyway. It was obvious the courier feared for his life, but Alysandir put him at ease.

“No harm will come to ye on Mackinnon land.”

He turned to Colin. “Tell Duncan to see that this man is given something to eat and send him on his way.”

After they departed, Drust inquired after the contents of the letter.

“It was to be expected,” Alysandir said. “Angus Maclean has the four of them and our soldiers, which he will exchange for Elisabeth.”

“And if we do not comply?” asked Ronan.

“He will execute the male captives and return Margaret to us.”

“The bastard!” Drust said.

Ronan turned to Alysandir. “What is our plan?”

“I havena a plan as yet, but I will inform ye the moment I do.”

The next morning, Alysandir showed the letter to Elisabeth. “I’m sorry to cause you more complications. I will gather my things while you decide who will escort me to Duart.”

“No.” Alysandir looked at her, his eyes quiet and sad, for he knew what this would do to Isobella.

Elisabeth sighed. “You have no choice. You know that. I hope Angus wouldn’t harm them, but you can’t risk it. Isobella is well. She no longer needs me. I will tell her I am leaving.”

“I will go with ye,” he said.

They found her in the garden, sitting on a stone bench beside a basket of flowers she had gathered. She must have sensed something was wrong, for her expression was both suspicious and guarded.

“I am the bearer of bad news.” Alysandir handed her the letter from Angus. She read it and handed it back to him.

“So, you are sending her back.”

“Izzy, you can’t expect him to keep me here,” Elisabeth said.

“I don’t.” Isobella looked at Alysandir. “But I do expect you to let me go with her. You have no right to keep me here.”

“Izzy, you are not well enough to travel that far on horseback,” Elisabeth said.

“Ye will remain here. You have my promise that I will bring Elisabeth back if I have to exchange myself for her.”

Eyes downcast, Isobella walked away, turning over the basket of flowers on her way.

“I am sorry we have brought so much angst into your life,” Elisabeth said. “I feared this would happen, but I was hoping for more time.”

“Are ye fearful of what might happen when ye return?” Alysandir asked.

“Yes. Fergus was grieving over Barbara, but before long he began to transfer his amorous intentions to me. Angus intervened with a threat that I would never see Izzy again if I rejected Fergus.”

Alysandir nodded. “I will put an end to this, but I need time.”

“I have precious little of that. Before I came here, I was measured for a gown for my marriage.”

“Try to delay things as long as ye can. I will bring ye back.”

“I will be ready to go in the morning.”

Alysandir found Isobella in the solar alone. “I understand why you are letting her go, but I cannot make myself like it,” she said. She looked at her hands folded in her lap as she spoke. “I know you and I have made a royal mess of things. Neither of us is blameless, just as neither of us is right. I should have told you. I should not have held it against you when I lost the baby. There has been enough blame and pain. Enough to last a lifetime. We have both suffered.”

“Isobella…”

She looked at him. “I don’t hate you, Alysandir. I don’t want to hurt you. You were honest with me. You never promised me anything more than passion. How can I fault you for that? I allowed it to happen because I was in love with you and I read more into it than was there. Like too many women, I thought it would be different for me. The romantic in me believed in stories that ended with happily ever after.”

She heard his mournful cry. She saw the anguish in his eyes when he threw his head back and closed his eyes tightly against the pain. She loved him. That was her fault, her crime and her punishment. She had never felt so alone. She could not stop the tears that rushed to the surface, and she wiped them away.

She did not want his pity. She stared at his broad shoulders, slim hips, and long, well-formed legs and wondered with what demons he wrestled now.
Strange, though it is, I know you would give your life for me, and yet you cannot give me your heart.

He was watching her now, waiting, but she had no words for him. “I ken Elisabeth told you Fergus wants to marry her,” he said, his eyes softening. “I promise ye that I will rescue her before that happens. I want to ease yer torment. I will…”

She rose to her feet. He was close enough to reach out and touch, but he had never been further away. She placed her hand against his cheek. “I know you will try to bring her back. I am not angry at you. I don’t hate you. I will probably never stop loving you.” She sighed deeply and realized how very tired she was. “I just want to go home.”

“I would give all I own if I could make it up to you, if I could change what happened.”

“I know you would, but we are at a stalemate. I don’t want you without marriage, and you don’t want me with it. Sometimes love just isn’t enough. That is why I want to go with my sister. I don’t belong here anymore.”

“It will never be over.” She heard the anguished break in his voice and saw the despair in his eyes. But she was not moved. She had lost him and the baby, and now she felt nothing. She was empty inside. She rose on her toes and placed a kiss upon his warm mouth. When he started to speak, she placed two fingers over his lips.

“Don’t say anything. I know your heart, Alysandir. You are a good man. I couldn’t love you if you were not.”

Without another word, she turned and left him standing in a shaft of sunlight that suddenly broke through the clouds.

***

Isobella went to see how Bradan fared.

“I am fair to sick o’ this room,” he said, “and I long to walk in the sand along the sea barefoot.”

“How about we go down to the stables to see Cahir Mor?”

“Cahir Mor!” Bradan said, “’Tis the name I gave him!”

“Yes, it is. Come along now.”

Bradan still walked with a limp, but he assured her his leg was just sore and not painful. She looked at him, seeing his trusting innocence. He had no idea what his future would be or the challenges he would face as chief of his clan, if that was his future. His Scotland would be conquered, as the Picts and the Celts had been before them.

She knew his proud world of tribes and feuds would someday be remembered only through the words of bards, historians, and poets, and their way of life learned through writings and artifacts unearthed by romantic academics like herself, who were devoted to bringing to life the vestiges of the Scotland that was.

She couldn’t stop the inevitable, but she could teach Bradan about preserving artifacts and even recording some historical documents. Thinking about devoting herself to her work, Isobella was more optimistic about her future. Perhaps there might be a silver lining to this time-travel business after all.